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📱 💬  »  TAYLOR.

Nick: Tay!

Nick: Just checking in since we haven't spoken since Dubai. How are you? How are the cats?

tay: nicholas! well well

tay: has it really been that long? damn. and here i thought it was just yesterday you were able to read my alc preferences like a book. i'm good! did some graduating, been exerting my authority over the cats as the big man on campus now. they're not taking it well. think they might be staging a coup. how's your little one doing??

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TAYLOR SWIFT delivers New York University 2022 Commencement Address | May 18, 2022

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hwkelso​:

is there anyone else like me and have the most random of thoughts in the shower – and then you end up staying in there for longer than planned, just thinking about those thoughts? like how tinder is the opposite of porn site advertisements. there actually are a ton of hot singles in my area – but none of them are interested in me. or how the spiders that live in buckingham palace now are probably the descendants of the spiders that lived there during victorian times – it’s a whole parallel royal family, but with spiders. or what if we passed a serial killer and he weighed us and thought – “i don’t want this.” those are just three of the thoughts that popped into my head while i was showering earlier – all of which caused me to take the longest shower ever. but hi there, i’m kelli, and like patrick star, the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma. and when i’m not being a heavy random thinker, i’m off being a tiny blonde rage. and one random thought for the road – if you hit yourself and it hurts, are you strong or weak? | @hollyweirdstarters​

it’s the shower thoughts that consume me most. especially when they come in the form of a song — one time i had a whole ass bridge come to me while i was in the shower and i was so focused on trying to retain it in my head that i hit my head on one of those little shower walls that hold your soap. i’m about ninety percent sure i blacked out for about point-three seconds, too? oh well. regardless, i survived, and my water bill wasn’t much higher than it usually is, but all that’s to say that i get it. i get you. i never even thought about the royal spider thing, you’ve opened an entire black hole inside of my mind. if i get lost and never return, i’m not saying you’re to blame, but...well...you did start this. it’s nice to meet you, kelli, i’m taylor. what spongebob character would you assign to me and my personality? it’s for science. as far as your random thought, i think it’s gotta be weak. like, if i’m hitting myself, why am i aiming to hurt myself? wouldn’t i hold back to some degree? my mind’s officially fucked now, thank you so much.

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dylanro​:

yes, really! have i ever once fucked with your feelings? because i’m pretty sure i haven’t – you’re one of the few people i’ve always been pretty straight with when it comes to most things! i know you’ve worked hard on that shrine – but since i’m around, you don’t need it anymore, i think me being there in the flesh is pretty damn worth it, right? thank you though, i’m happy to be here and when she’s older, i have a feeling asmara will be happy too! you, your wine and your most civilized cat are welcome over anytime – i hope you know that? plus, have i ever given you the impression that i wanted to be rid of you? because i don’t think i have! honestly, after the breakup with adam – and the mess that followed because i couldn’t keep it in my pants, i just realized how miserable i was in la. i get in less trouble when i’m here in new york, plus i’m just happier here and my family is close. see, i don’t need to chant it either – it all appears when it want it as well, and since i swing both ways, got to love the options.

no, you haven’t — i know, i know, it’s just one of those shit habits i gotta break out of at some point. for what it’s worth, you’re one of the few people that i know wouldn’t fuck with me in the malicious way. it is worth it, of course, especially since you come with asmara, but now i gotta relocate the shrine. that was a lot of hours, a lot of stilinski merch that took quite the bit of deep diving to go find. well thanks, i’ll be crashing your place every waking moment from now on. and i hope you know you’re always welcome to return the favor; you and your girl are always welcome at casa de swift. you never know! appearances being deceiving and all that. you? couldn’t keep it in your pants? i’m shocked, truly. la’s miserable, though, whether you’re sticking your dick in all the wrong places or not. literally my least favorite place i’ve ever been and is why i will never do more than get a hotel room when i’m there. newport beach is where i prefer to stay, away from all the bullshit. i’m glad you’re here in new york, i really am. i hope it’s everything you need and then some, so much so that you feel compelled to write a song and steal the honorary keys to the city from me. good for you! swinging both ways is the best damn decision one could ever make. options are nice. plus, the thought of not limiting ourselves and experiencing everything that’s out there? it’s like doing a dessert sampler instead of just picking one thing off the menu.    

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niallhhq​:

That what all business and this is about pleasure, Ms. Swift. That’s definitely the difference. Cartoon villain’s are the coolest. No clue what you’re on about. I won’t be changing my name though. Not yet. Stay tuned.

business, huh? could’ve had me fooled, but i guess even business can be enjoyable sometimes. makes me wonder what your idea of pleasure looks like, then, suppose i’ll be finding out at some point. you would be the cartoon villain type. all i’m saying is if you’re changing your name, i better be among the first to know, or i’ll be severely disappointed and left to question whether our friendship was even real in the first place.

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hcizstcinfcld​:

you know, i wouldn’t hold it past you if that was the case because marvel just loves to hide us away. especially with possibilities of spoilers. thank god there’s nothing to spoil right now. unless they’re hiding it from me. but please join me, bitch! honestly, i’ve been working on my music. it turned me into a hermit. you can come snuggle with them when we come back from dubai. i promise!

marvel does love to stash you guys away —— where do they keep you? is it like some underground bunker without internet access? or can you even spoil that without possibly getting sniped? i gotta say, i loved seeing you do your thing in hawkeye. i am in need of the kate and yelena series, even if i have to film it in my backyard. please tell me there’s something in the works there? i’ll keep your secret, promise. fuck yeah, i love hearing that? i saw those coast teasers, thought i’d find more at the bottom of a core water bottle and was severely disappointed in what i found...c’mon, give us some more crumbs! we’re starving out here. by we, i mostly mean me, but still. i’m ready to take you up on that snuggle offer, so long as you are included. i miss your face, haiz. it’s kind of a problem. 

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dcveycamrns​:

I absolutely did. It fueled my soul, honestly. Oh please, I will even give you the address. As long as you bring the cats for Cheesecake and Peanut Butter. I think they need a pick me up too.

i’m happy to hear your soul was fueled. best way to be. score — i’ll be outside your window in my traveling cat caravan in no time flat. the pretty kitty committee’s therapy services have a one hundred percent success rate. and, speaking of success, does it make me like your weird obsessed fan to say that i’ve had your cover of montero on repeat for the last two weeks? because it will not leave my head. i’m this close to walking around with a t-shirt with your face on it.

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niallhhq​:

There’s a lot to unpack here, honestly. First of all, I know it’s been awhile, but I wonder how peeved Hazza would be if he saw me spending some time with his ex? Second, what’s wrong with the name Sylvester Macintosh? It sounds pretty brilliant to me.

it has been awhile — i mean, i guess that depends on your intentions and your friendship with him, if it’d be easily threatened by us hanging out? we’ve done it before when we did our slow hands duet, not much different. just less of an audience. i don’t know, it just sounds like some kind of cartoon villain. and not a good one, either. but, if that’s your go to, i’ll support it and pretend that i love it. 

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dylanro​:

i hope you’re fully prepared for what’s about to happen – asmara and i are finally moving to new york permanently, which means i’m going to be just down the street from you always now. always. which means i’m likely going to drop by – got to win over meredith, olivia and benjamin, so they won’t claw at my face like the last time, the fucking heathens. are you excited? also, that means you have to take down your creepy shrine that’s dedicated to me as well – now that i’ll be around more you don’t need to keep doing your rituals to try and manifest me. you know that tik tok sound that’s “i can get dick anytime i want” – is that what you chant? i feel like that’s what you chant. | @taliswifts​

wait —— really? you wouldn’t just fuck with my feelings like that, would you? ‘cause listen, i put a lot into that shrine, and if i’m going to have to dismantle it, it better be damn well worth it. but seriously, welcome to the neighborhood! let me know when the two of you are settled in. i’ll bring over wine and the most civilized cat as housewarming presents, but also so you can go ahead and get a taste of what it’s like to have me around all the time. because you’re not getting rid of me, especially now that you’re in my backyard. why the move all of a sudden? and i don’t have to chant that, it happens for me with or without manifestation. 

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jcntlejcnnie​:

i gotta say.. since dying my hair orange, i feel like a whole brand new woman. can’t tell if i look cooler or not. honestly, i feel like a baddie. it’s so weird considering i rarely dye my hair. it’s usually lisa, rosé, and jisoo. so this is a first. please tell me i look cool and not like a pumpkin. // @hollyweirdstarters​

hair dye does that to a person. i’m jealous, honestly — the last time i dyed my hair, i looked kind of like coconut head from ned’s declassified if coconut head went to coachella and got his hands on some bleach? what i’m trying to say is i applaud it. i’m too much of a chicken to do anything that won’t wash out in the shower. you look badass though. not pumpkin-y at all.  

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dcveycamrns​:

Oof, caffeine and carbs sound so nice right now. I’m gonna eat so much pasta and drink so much coffee. And then sit outside. I would be so down for that anyway, no matter if it helps or not.

i hope you ate all the fuckin’ pasta your heart desires — the food was to die for, truly. i may have missed the boat on standing outside your suite door just because i couldn’t figure out which room was yours, but have no fear, i’m getting my karaoke machine and traveling until i find your place. gotta check the serenade off the list.

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jgylcn​:

your apologise has been duly noted. i’ll revert with a formal acceptance as soon as my team checks the nature of your intention. out of all my films which had come out in the last years you bothered coming ‘round to tell me ambulance was good? great one sure, but please revisit your tastes. thanks though for having spent money for it, it doesn’t sound like it but i do appreciate it heaps. no way i’m dethroning you on this one, keep your crown. you deserve it more. however, if you wanted to give my stories a score we could talk about it, another thing the world wouldn’t handle. why? are you looking forward to seeing me? i’ve made it to dubai safely and yes, i accept your invitation to go for a drink. been too long, swift. 

stellar — does your team do the whole skulking around in black cars thing to figure out if my intentions are pure? if so, i’ll be sure to step outside some in the next few week sans suitcase. can’t have them knowing where i live and all that. hey, i said it was the best michael bay film in a while. not jake gyllenhaal. i’ve seen exactly three of your movies in full. guess that secret’s out now. i mean, i don’t have much else to do in between re-recordings, so, sure, i’ll do your score since you asked so nicely. what sort of vibes are you looking for? mr. music or less chaotic? maybe i am. is this your way of saying you were secretly hoping i’d ask? it’s okay, you don’t have to repeat yourself. drinks it is. that it has, jacob. that it has.  

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hcizstcinfcld​:

no matter how many times i have traveled, it always feels like the first time. i may have arrived late, but the fact it’s dune buggying day? bitch, i say arrived just in time! would anyone like to be my buddy or watch my chaotic clumsy ass fall everywhere? there is a spot open. i do miss my babies at home though. so i might cry a little bit. / @hollyweirdstarters​

uh, me bitch! i’ll keep you from falling if it comes down to it — i’m just glad you finally showed your face. i was beginning to worry that we’d lost you to the marvel gatekeepers hiding you away until your next big screen debut. i’ve missed you terribly, love. where’ve you been hiding out at? how’re things going? and, most importantly, when do i get to come snuggle with your puppies? 

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dcveycamrns​:

When I tell you guys I am so fucking exhausted. I thought I was used to jet lag and time zones after flipping between New York and LA for a year now, but after flying to England and then back to LA and then to Dubai I am absolutely wrecked. Please tell me someone has a good recommendation for recovering from jet lag so I can get to relaxing as soon as I possibly can.

@hollyweirdstarters​

sunshine, carbs, and caffeine. it’s my patented method — helps if you can knock them all out at the same time, too. get yourself a latte and a bagel and lox to sit by the pool with, and just relax. if those don’t do the trick, then i could always stand outside your suite’s door and sing boyfriend on repeat in order to help stave off sleep? anything for you, babes.

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gigi: taylor!! omg! i can't believe we're both going on this trip to dubai. we deserve this time off

gigi: khai's not with me this time though. she's with the one who shall not be name lol just kidding, she's spending some days with her father and his family

gigi: baywatch style? including red swimsuit? hot alert, wow. can't wait to see this scene

taylor: hell yes we do. we also deserve time off where we are actually able to see each other? nothing like a nice little joint vacay. what all have you been getting up to on the trip??

taylor: aw, sad. 😭 i need to shower that little nugget in all the snuggles and auntie tay gifts, but i suppose it'll do, giving all of that love to her super fabulous mama. wink. how's she doing? growing like a little weed? i need more pictures of her!

taylor: you know it, babes. keep an eye out for me — jury's out on whether or not i'll trip and bust my ass in the process. if i do, know that it was TOTALLY part of the plan.