shxnixxv

[shxnixxv]

2025:

delete instagram (& keep it deleted!!)

any movement is better than no movement. take (short) walks do 10 minutes of yoga etc

say no when you want to

write more things down

eat fruit

its ok. its ok. its really all ok I promise that it is and will be ok

[shxnixxv]

It sucks that my roommate is a horrible person bc he has a cold and id so take care of him rn. But no, im in my room feeling bad, resisting, and trying to stand on business

[shxnixxv]

Ive noticed and witnessed that men are fucking liars. They’ll say “oh i want a natural woman. I don’t like when women wear too much makeup, fake eyelashes, bbls, etc. blah blah blah” but who are they predominantly following? Who do their eyes gravitate to? Who do they fantasize about? Ask then who’s the baddest or most beautiful women they can think of off the top first answer only and if you’re in relationship they cant say you. Like be fucking fr. “Oh well we look but we don’t wife” so you settle?? Know that sis. THEY SETTLE. you’re available and you like them so they’re like well okay sure why not. Every day on this earth i grow to hate men more and more

[shxnixxv]

Its been 365 days and I’m still in love with someone who is horrible for me

Ig I’m mostly hurt he doesn’t feel as upset as I do not being in each others life. I was love bombed and fell for it when he deep down, had no feelings at all, just wanted the attention ig. He still crosses my mind. I wonder what new music he’s heard lately, how his days are and if he’s okay, or just what’s on his mind in general. I wish he possessed the ability to communicate his thoughts and feelings and own up to his part in wrongdoings.

I admit I liked him more than he liked me and that led me to taking things more sensitively than he maybe meant them. I genuinely cared about the bond so much that I overstepped. I don’t like having enemies so I want to reach out. But then again, the other half of me wants to call him and cuss him out for leading me on. I saw a post that said “was he playing hard to get or am i playing hard to get rid of” and lmfaooo i felt that. Maybe I was.

I’m scarred now and refuse to like someone more than they like me ever again. That was the first time and the last time. I’m usually not this obsessive off rip so feeling this way in the first place is wild. I’m usually the nonchalant one. But he out-nonchalanted me lmfaooo.

I kinda get falling for someone nonchalant bc it’s like a mystery to crack. You know after time, they’ll open up to you and that can be really beautiful. But the down side is that they shut down almost instantly and are quick to drop you if anything goes wrong. Now i know.

[shxnixxv]

It’s time to decide if you want what’s familiar or what’s better.

[shxnixxv]

Me and chat gpt just had a healing therapy session. I learned that right now im not choosing me. I’m constantly choosing them over myself and my own needs. I need to do the tasks and hobbies im neglecting because of my anxious attachment. And most importantly, and sadly, i shouldn’t think “i wish i had different qualities so they will choose me”. Its “they are not a person who can give me what i want, while i remain myself”. Chat went off with that one

[shxnixxv]

Im back

[shxnixxv]

I haven’t uploaded in over a month. But all y’all need to know is, I’m in love with my situationship :/

[shxnixxv]

I wish i could go with you

[shxnixxv]

I would have gotten matching tattoos with you

[shxnixxv]

Ig I’m mostly hurt he doesn’t feel as upset as I do not being in each others life. I was love bombed and fell for it when he deep down, had no feelings at all, just wanted the attention ig. He still crosses my mind. I wonder what new music he’s heard lately, how his days are and if he’s okay, or just what’s on his mind in general. I wish he possessed the ability to communicate his thoughts and feelings and own up to his part in wrongdoings.

I admit I liked him more than he liked me and that led me to taking things more sensitively than he maybe meant them. I genuinely cared about the bond so much that I overstepped. I don’t like having enemies so I want to reach out. But then again, the other half of me wants to call him and cuss him out for leading me on. I saw a post that said “was he playing hard to get or am i playing hard to get rid of” and lmfaooo i felt that. Maybe I was.

I’m scarred now and refuse to like someone more than they like me ever again. That was the first time and the last time. I’m usually not this obsessive off rip so feeling this way in the first place is wild. I’m usually the nonchalant one. But he out-nonchalanted me lmfaooo.

I kinda get falling for someone nonchalant bc it’s like a mystery to crack. You know after time, they’ll open up to you and that can be really beautiful. But the down side is that they shut down almost instantly and are quick to drop you if anything goes wrong. Now i know.

[shxnixxv]

Trying to get over someone you weren’t even with is wild. I went from catching feelings, being so excited I finally found someone JUST like me (real life twins) and being so excited to see where it goes, to blocking him on everything.

[shxnixxv]

Fuck that guy for life for intentionally playing with my feelings for no reason other than his own sociopathic enjoyment but FUCCCKKKKKKKKKKK it was sooooo sexy hearing him speak Spanish with his Dominican accent. And sometimes we’d dance and he’d do the fucking bachata and seeing his hips move oh so smoothly… 😫😫😫!!!!! GIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL. Made my coochie THROB okay? and still does thinking about it.

I HATE not being comfortable with casual sex bc when I tell you I wanted to fuck him so bad!…. Actually no, I wanted HIM to literally fuck the shit outta ME! I had verrry vivid thoughts of him literally choking me, pounding into me as he stares in my eyes.

lol anywho..

[shxnixxv]

I finally saw the clue I needed to move on and not care anymore. Dude literally retweeted the below picture. So obvious he agrees?? I cannot believe I let myself get sucked into this trickery. WHY DO MEN ACT LIKE THEY WANT YOU BY TAKING YOU ON REAL DATES, GIVING YOU THOUGHTFUL GIFTS. AND EVEN KISSING YOU IF THEY DONT WANT ANYTHING WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. I ALREADY TOLD HIM IM NOT A CASUAL SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SO WHY KEEP TRYING. WE COULD HAVE STAYED FRIENDS AND I WOULDNT BE FEELING THIS WAY. THEN HE GOT DISTANT ASF OUT OF NO WHERE AND NEVER GAVE ME A REASON WHY. BUT THIS POST IS ALL I NEEDED TO SEE TO FINALLY BREAK FREE FROM THE “well what ifs”. He doesn’t fucking want you bitch. Deal with it. Spend your energy being reciprocal of someone who WILL WITHOUT FAIL show up for you, flaunt you, and proudly exclaim their love for you to the world. WHATS MEANT FOR YOU IS NOT CONFUSING. ITS CLEAR.

UPDATE: I JUST NOTICED HE COMMENTED “Real”

LIKE BROOOOO YOU ARE FUCKING SICCCCKKKKKKK. YOU’RE BLOCKED FOREVER. YOU GOT ME FUCKED UP THINKING ITS OKAY TO SIT HERE AND PLAY WITH MY REAL FUCKING FEELINGS. YOURE DISGUSTINGGGGGGGG. BLOCKEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD FOR FUCKING EVER BITCH FUCK YOU. I FEEL SO EMBARRASSED I SHED REAL TEARS OVER YOU. GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSS LIKE EWWWWW YOURE JUST A FUCK BOY GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Yesterday was the last day you will see or feel my presence, irl or through social media. I PROMISE YOU THAT.

[shxnixxv]

You cannot sub him into replying. Stop posting shit only pertaining to him in hopes he sees it. ITS DONE.

Do NOT entertain no man who’s not chasing you.

Stop leaving the door open. Close it tight.

If he wanted to, he would.

Stop reaching out. You did nothing wrong. There’s nothing to mend on your end.

He’s not thinking about you as much as you’re thinking about him. He’s okay.

[shxnixxv]

WHENNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

domestic sweetness!!!! getting groceries together, buying home decor together??? making traditions??? cooking dinner while badly singing along to the radio??? making each other breakfast in bed??? leaving notes around the house for each other??? i’m so soft,,,,

[shxnixxv]

“you’re so sensitive” i was born with a poet’s soul. bitch