shyfoxsky

[shyfoxsky]

Even as someone who's been a fox their entire time awakened, whether knowingly or not during times of questioning and different life situations, and even as someone who's always known themselves to be one, singular species, never more, I still have times where I wonder if I'm wrong. Certain things simply stir in me these questions of "Am I really a fox, or am I a wolf?". College made me feel like this for (sort of) half a decade (as I struggled to navigate such a social world as a fox, so my brain morphed itself into a wolf as much as it could). Nowadays, I've been logging what I feel like on what days and journaling when I feel like it, and outside of a couple of days here and there for outlier reasons, I've been purely fox for over six months straight.

Those outliers though, they're always triggered by something. I'll watch a documentary, watch a movie, play a video game, or interact with a species in person that will take the part of my mind that longs for the fun and excitement of questioning and kinsidering and make me feel like I am that species for a day. Most often right now, it's wolves; gray, Arctic, Eurasian, red, etc. I'll watch Wolf Battlefield or Alpha and Omega or some old YouTube nostalgic animation and feel like one for a day, like the teenage me that was unabashedly cringe and fun (not to say I'm not that anymore, but I do hide it and assimilate better now so I can fly under the radar, not out myself, and keep my job). It's weird, recognizing that my day as a wolf is caused by something specific, that I know exactly why my mind is a wolf and not a fox today. What's even weirder is how easy it is to return to fox, though. After five-ish years as a wolf with bits and pieces of fox, having a few minutes as a wolf to then look at a photo of a fox in a snowy woodland and immediately have it overtake my personal perception of my own species is so jarring. I'm not mad about it, though. There is a certain soundness and comfort in security like that, the security of knowing that I can bring myself back to center so easily.

It all happens a lot less than it did half a year ago when I was questioning between wolf and fox still, but when it does, it's almost nice, this subconscious reminder that I am fox no matter what media I consume or what fantasy I allow myself for a day, that I am so concretely fox that I can even look back at my college days and recognize the fox signs that I ignored for years.

Anyway, I just wanted to add that Alpha and Omega is an excellent film and I plan on watching it again in full on my day off tomorrow while I scroll DeviantArt for wolf art and think and write about my old wolfsona.

Photo Credits: Eric Bégin

[shyfoxsky]

Photo Credits: Chris MacDonald, FoxSky (me)

Sorry I haven't been posting a lot lately, I've been taking a step back from the community to do personal journaling, but also, I got a cat! A coworker of mine traps and rehomes them in her area, and one was the runt of her litter, so she needed extra care, which led to her being brought into the office a couple of times. That ended in me being offered her. If you remember, the last pet in the house passed away back on Easter, and I've been especially lonely without another animal in the home, so this has been a very good turn of events for my mental health (even with all of the stress that comes with a new kitten).

I figure I'd introduce her in this post, since I'm already talking about her. Peppermint, Pepper for short, is about six weeks old right now. She's solid black with green eyes and I'm sure will either have short or medium length fur when she's grown. She's starting to get comfortable with me and the room, which means she's also finding every way possible to annoy me and get into trouble, but I'd rather that over her being afraid of her own home. She loves nothing more than pets and attention and cuddling, and she really likes toys she can bat around or hunt.

I'm not sure if we'll make her a member of the Northern Steel Pack or not, but for now, I consider her my kit. She makes me excited to wake up every morning and get home from work. I've honestly been feeling a lot like a fox with her around, as I get to interact with her as one without judgement and care for her like a vixen would her pup and keep a den with chambers and hiding places and bring her food and water and things to play with. Kittens even cuddle like fox kits, constantly nuzzling the face and being underfoot. Hopefully she'll grow into the best cat she can be and go outside with me on hikes and trips once she's an adult.

[shyfoxsky]

Photo Credits: Martin Miřejovský

Happy Wet Beast Wednesday!

I'm also going to use this post to share how much I've been loving fruits and veggies lately. Blackberries, strawberries, grapes, apples, lettuce. Very delicious treats for a fox, especially fruit with a little whipped cream on the side. I get to have some for lunch today and then have a bunch of shrimp for dinner so I'm a very happy vixen.

[shyfoxsky]

Allegheny Cemetery 13114-18

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Five Below I didn't know you were real like that. I need a fox version yesterday please and thank you.

[shyfoxsky]

Hi! Wolf nonhuman here! I had a few questions if you don’t mind!

What was your awakening process like? How’d you find what you look like as a fox/your subspecies?

Hello! My awakening process was pretty quick and a little over nine years ago. It all happened very quickly, within a week at most and a few hours at least. I came across some YouTube videos I was recommended about teen werewolves, specifically the news reports about that one guy with the long two-toned hair. The recommended videos under that led to videos about therianthropy, which led to a very quick "oh, yeah, that's me".

My subspecies feels obvious but did take awhile. I live around Appalachia, so I live near my natural habitat, but figuring out that over any other nearby region really came down to gradual research. I never really looked into it super specifically until recently, but when I did, I looked into comparisons between different subspecies and what resonated with me.

My appearance specifically has always been instinctual. My human body is ginger, and for me, I consider my animal self to be the same. Differentiating between a paler red and darker red really was just a matter of over time figuring out what features do and don't feel like me. There's a number of photographs that have the right legs or fur length or tail, and those things just kinda piqued a certain part of my brain, like seeing a picture of myself I forgot about.

If you're looking for advice on how to find these things yourself, I recommend going with your gut and researching. Thanks for the ask!

[shyfoxsky]

Photo Credits: URURU TV on YouTube

This might be a weird question, but is it normal to feel super connected to your neighbor species in your hearthome? I swear, most mammal and megafauna species found in Appalachia I've questioned as a kintype at least once before. Coyotes, Eastern wolves, red wolves, black bears, raccoons, red, gray, and fox squirrels, white-tailed deer, moose, swamp rabbits, red-tailed hawks, turkey vultures, mountain lions, bobcats, opossums, American porcupines, various bats, spotted skunks, river otters, etc., and that's not including questioned heartedtypes. It's a long list, and it's all creatures you think of when it comes to my natural habitat, and I doubt that's a coincidence.

Do any other therians experience this? It's probably just spillover from when I was first questioning, as I always knew my hearthome, even when I was trying out other species just to be sure, so it could possibly be my brain just mostly staying in that ecological community, but I'm not sure. If you did or didn't experience this, did you know your kintype or habitat first?

[shyfoxsky]

Red fox kits By: Edward R. Degginger From: Nature's Unlovables 1990

[shyfoxsky]

Me and the flash drive that holds all of my saved theriotype and hearthome photographs and alterhuman art and memes against the world.

[shyfoxsky]

Photo Credits: Tony DeSanto

Been thinking about cross foxes lately.

As many of you probably know by now, my human body is ginger and I always dress it in all black. Being super pale, it makes my human coloration and the average red fox's coloration pretty much the same, which I love, but recently, I've been feeling like only the ears and legs being black just isn't me. I don't necessarily feel I'm completely melanistic like a silver fox (though I do have days where I feel like one anyway), but the partial melanism with red peeking out of cross foxes has really caught my eye these last few days. I have no idea if this is a new side to my theriotype, just me seeing myself in the wild color morphs of the species, or what. I feel it's important to note, though, that I still don't like this coat with a lot of silvering. It's something I don't see as "me" on literally all of the morphs. Red foxes without any gray on their flanks, silver foxes that are solid jet black, and cross foxes with a deep, saturated coat are where it's at, which is such an odd but interesting thing to have in common with my self-image across all three variations.

I'm still looking into it, even though I feel like this is more just me unintentionally exploring my identity encompassing all wild North American red foxes than my identity actually having some kind of shift from red to cross.

[shyfoxsky]

Just in, local office fox has decided to make it way too obvious that she is, in fact, not human like her coworkers.

I got to go out today with my first big paycheck and get all of the craft supplies I've been eyeing for ages! I went to get some stuff to make myself more earrings, because I have mostly studs that I can't wear with gauges until I get a second set of lobe piercings, but I also, of course, got some pony beads to make myself some therian gear. Since I wear only black, I had a bunch of orange and white beads left over, so I also made a silver fox, cross fox, and Arctic fox for my mate. Feel free to copy mine if you want to make the same for yourself. I missed a row on the silver's tail and I could've moved the four orange body beads down a row on the cross, but overall I'm pretty happy with how these turned out.

Tail keychains are a must. It's so so cute and matches my work bag! I plan on making another to match the Arctic fox for my mate, I just have to get around to it.

[shyfoxsky]

Oh to be an exotic pet in the 2010s who gets to play all day and nap in a pile of blankets while being recorded on a little shitty camcorder for early YouTube, surrounded by toys and trinkets and bedding with your species all over them because they remind your owner of you...

[shyfoxsky]

Red fox kit By: Zig Leszczynski From: Nature's Unlovables 1990

[shyfoxsky]

Photo Credits: Matthew Studebaker

CW: Pet Loss/Animal Death

The Northern Steel Skulk wasn't made from nothing. It came from the Ocmulgee Pack, which was formed out of the dissolvement of the Flowering Aurora Constellation, which was founded in 2017. The Flowering Aurora was my true first pack, created with myself, an irl therian friend, and my two pet dogs. The friend moved away in 2018, spurring the rebranding into Ocmulgee. The first of the two dogs, Cinnamon, died in 2022, leading eventually to another rebranding into the Northern Steel. As of today, the second dog, Buddy, has passed.

I feel strange about it. I'm mourning, grieving, as one does, but there's this hollowness and emptiness about this death that has left me feeling more numb than usual. I was closer with Cinnamon, that was my heart dog, but with Buddy, there's a new finality. There are no other animals in the home now, which hasn't been the case in nearly two decades. I cannot remember my home ever being without another creature. The last founding member of my pack is now gone. I feel like an era of my life is over.

I awakened with dogs in the home. In the first weeks and months after I awakened, I shifted and played with my family's dogs. I compared my behaviors to theirs, noticed the similarities and differences in how we communicated and interacted with our world. I found my natural height as an animal by testing different eye levels with them. I learned about rank order with them, established myself, went outside with them and hiked and explored the woods. When I had no other therians in my life, when I was fully closeted, they were my pack. They have been my pack for longer than I knew that I had one, and now they're all gone. I will never again be with my original pack. There will never again be the Flowering Aurora, except in my memories.

I know this will pass, that I will grieve and heal and move on and carry them with me, but right now, I just need to get it off my chest that I feel so incredibly lost, that I don't know how life will be without them, how my identity will be without them, and that it scares me. I'm going to have to learn how to function and exist while knowing that they're not home, waiting for me. I'm going to have to nap on the floor and vocalize and explore nature alone now. I have never before been a solitary fox. I thankfully never will be completely, as I have my mate, but I am alone in my animality now. For likely the next few years, I will be the only animal in my circle. It hasn't even been a day, but it's already so lonely. I miss my packmates. I miss having someone to wrestle and nap with. I miss those who inherently understood my nonhumanity without a single word, and I think I will for a long time. Until then, I will find ways to cope. I'll find joy in my mate, in my shifts and art, in the media I consume, in my job, in my adult freedom. They deserve for their legacy to be one of growth and happiness, of their own packmate keeping the pack alive and continuing, and I plan to do just that as soon as I'm ready.

[shyfoxsky]

Almost forgot what day it is... It's super late but...

Happy Wet Beast Wednesday!

Photo Credits: Harry Cook

[shyfoxsky]

Red fox By: Oscar Schmid From: Life Nature Library: Eurasia 1964

[shyfoxsky]

Photo Credits: Martin Miřejovský

Me at the office job I'm starting next week.