siberianoverture

[siberianoverture]

Dont't You Know - 12

Sorry it took so long! I'm struggling a bit with writer block, still taking requests to help with that. Enjoy and let me know what you think 😊

previous: CHAPTER 11

Loki is annoying and you're very close to punching him when the handcuffed man stirs. It's not what he says, because while he asked quite a lot of questions in the beginning, when you didn't answer, he shut up. It's the way he's looking at you like he knows about you more than you know about yourself while still regarding you like a weird, unseemly animal.

You're relieved when the man stirs and impossibly annoyed again when he starts screaming.

"we're in the middle of nowhere, dipshit,' you kick at his shins, and, surprisingly, he shuts up.

"Tell me about the sale that ended with you in prison," he just blinks at you, and you kick him again, "I know you speak English, so start talking."

He indeed starts talking but only curses in a mix of Russian and Ukrainian. You sigh and turn to Loki.

"Would you like to try?"

He just grins, and for a moment you regret asking him. But then, the men's going to die anyway, might as well be Loki to kill him.

You leave them and walk further into the forest. It's reckless, Loki could just take the man and disappear, but you can't bring yourself to care. You're tired. The stay in prison, however short it was, leaves you with a foul taste in your mouth, reminding you of missions Hydra sent you on.

There's also churning in your gut when you think of replacing your Soldier with another partner. They are so different, where Soldier was big and wide, Loki is lean, but you are sure their strength is comparable.

You wonder for a brief moment where he is, what he's doing, but banish the thought when you hear leaves crunching. Turning to the sound, you see him walking with a smug look on his face. You're sure he has all the info and probably won't share unless he has to. It's a little bit disconcerting, but you're confident enough of your abilities to persuade the information from him should the need arise.

Turns out you don't need to persuade him to do anything. He shares the plan later when you enter the small village to find transport and maybe a place to spend the night in.

It's not a very detailed plan; he just tells you where and when you need to be and who to ask about what, but you smile appreciatively, and he seems to be proud of himself.

You don't talk much, and when you finally find some dingy motel that seems to double for a whorehouse you hesitate a bit before taking a double room instead of two. It's not like you can't afford it, but his presence is somehow calming.

He seems surprised and sends you a smug smirk that you scoff at and pass him by to enter the bathroom. The relief that warm water brings you is almost enough to override the disgust at the state of the shower.

Although it's not like it's a first for you.

Hydra sure wanted you to look spotless and perfect, but the facilities you were given were usually in shambles. That doesn't mean that the whole compound looked like this. The higher-ups always had service and rooms not much different than those you could find in five stars hotels. These sides of compounds were bright and clean, and those doors were the ones new members passed through first. The further you went, the worse it got.

The soap smells like artificial strawberries, and you hate it, but there's literally nothing else there to choose from.

The memory comes suddenly and with force enough to punch the air out of your lungs. A boy, not much older than you at the time, bringing you a bowl of strawberries and pouting when you tell him you're allergic.

Later this summer, you learn that milk-strawberry flavored ice cream doesn't give you a reaction, and you beg him almost every day to take you to the small shop near his house. Unfortunately, he usually is too busy, and you spend most afternoons looking over his shoulder at whatever he's tinkering with. Finally, when he grows tired of your eyes on him, he digs up his old math textbooks and gives you homework. It's difficult at first; the math not only more complicated than you were used to, but also in a different language, but you manage.

Then the summer ends, and you're sent to school, and the language problem is showing more and more. It's okay though; where you fail at English, you excel at Math, even though you use different methods than the teacher shows on the blackboard. But it's math, if it's right, it's right, and the boy smiles proudly at every good mark you show him.

And even though he didn't read his assigned reading, he sits with you almost every day and makes you read to him.

Your heart aches for him, the kind boy who gave you so much love even though he felt so unloved sometimes. A year later, you excelled at your studies, joined cheer even, and no matter where he was or what he was doing, he always made time to talk to you.

The knock pulls you out of your thoughts, and you quickly step out of the shower and dry yourself with a scratchy towel, rubbing a bit too roughly.

Neither of you says anything when you step out of the bathroom.

He's lying on one of the beds, and you can feel his eyes on you and wonder for a moment if he is, was, reading your mind again with whatever magic he has. But, even if he was, he probably saw this memory earlier already.

You try the bed, and it's so hard and stiff it reminds you of the bed you had in the compound, and it's the first bed you sleep in since Shuri cleaned up your mind.

It's pathetic, feeling safe in a bed because it's uncomfortable.

The anger rises in you, and Loki snaps his head to look at you, alarmed.

"What?" you utter, and he just looks away.

"You're not pathetic," he whispers after a moment, and you think he must've felt or heard, or whatever, your thoughts. It's just words, but you feel the tiniest bit better when you fall asleep.

taglist: @lozzybowe

[siberianoverture]

Don’t You Know - 11

A/N: Let me know if you spot any mistakes!

previous: CHAPTER 10

You enter the bar Fury has been frequenting for the past three days only with some spare change and pocket knife on you. He looks the same he did when you met him last time, and you wonder if it's just his genes or if something else is at play. You should probably order something, but you pass by the counter and sit in front of him.

"Sergeant Barnes is looking for you," is the thing he says in place of greetings, and it surprises you the tiniest bit. Not James looking for you, that you know, you've seen his face a few times over the last fourteen days, but the fact that he let himself be seen by anybody else than you. If Fury knows, somebody else will find out, and it makes you worry, but you file this problem to be solved another day. You focus on the man in front of you.

He slides a manila folder your way, and you take it. You don't bother opening it; just lay your hand over it. It's not like you can refuse whatever the mission is. He nods to you and leaves, and you look down at your hand. You catch the blue shimmer again, as it's a visual representation of your anxiety.

*

You let yourself be found by him the next day in the apartment you've been using. You'll be moving in the evening, so it doesn't matter. He sits in the living room when you exit your bedroom after packing everything up, and he looks tired. You feel the tiniest prick of guilt at that.

"Please stop looking. I'm not who you want me to be," you begin, and he scoffs as he gets up from the couch.

"And who exactly do you think I want you to be?" he asks, and you blanch. You didn't really think about what you were saying; you just want him off your back. But the truth is you can't be anything to him. Not now.

"Look, I have to disappear, and Winter Soldier on my back is not exactly subtle."

He's confused, you can see that, and something breaks in you.

"I have a debt to pay off. I made a deal that allowed me to go back to them, to you," he doesn't seem to believe you. Maybe he doesn't get why you would go back to Hydra. You decide to give him a little bit more, "I was planning an escape. Here," you walk to the kitchen and take out four German passports. You open each and hand him the second and the fourth, "Do with that what you want." He opens them to see a cropped picture he's seen of himself in some Hydra file and a complete set of false personal information. One is already expired, but the second is still valid. They look real. He looks up to see you walk to the different drawer and take out two small keys. You inspect them and hand him the shinier one.

"There's a locker for that name on Alexanderstasse. Inside is a percentage of what I brought to Hydra on one of my missions. I slipped out of the conditioning by the end of it. Take it, sell it, donate it. I don't care." He has a million questions.

"Why don't you want to remember who you were?" he could slap himself. Of all the critical questions, this is the one?

It surprises you too, and he can see you thinking if you want to tell him. Of course, he shouldn't have asked. You told him so much already.

"The world is smaller than you'd like to think," you respond, and he furries his brows in confusion. You place a small disc on the table between you and press something, and a holo-screen pops up. You scroll through files that have just numbers for names and stop at file three thousand. Something in his mind tells him that he knows the number is somehow significant, but then you open the file, and it's a photo, and all air seems to leave his lungs. It's a picture of you and Tony Stark. A little bit younger-looking you and significantly younger-looking Tony Stark.

He is stunned.

It's a photo that belongs in a family album, not being displayed on holo-screen between two Hydra assassins. Bucky's head begins to ache as he analyses the picture. You are standing in front of an ice cream place, with your own cone of some pink ice cream melting down your hand, trying to make a grab for Stark's chocolate cone while he tries to keep you away. You're both laughing.

He looks past the screen at you, and you meet his eyes for the first time since you acknowledged his presence.

"I'm not ready. I can't remember because then I'd want to go back," you take the device back and close your fist around it. Then, you walk out of the apartment and leave him standing there.

*

When he comes back to the compound three days later, he tells Sam and Peter he lost your trail. Somewhere along the way he realized you thought you may not be coming back, but by then, you truly disappeared.

You were in Russia, getting locked up in the officially decommissioned building of Kresty prison. There was someone there that had information you needed, and you escaped the building before. It's your second day there when there's disruption during the recreational time, and you run for the person you were after and pull the man in the opposite direction. Your plan wasn't ready yet; you planned for escaping in the few next days but decided to seize the chance and wing it.

You're almost out when you run into a tall man who appeared out of nowhere.

"I'll be taking that," he says and grabs for a man you dragged all the way here.

"No, you won't," you snap, and he looks at you like you told him a great joke. You take him in, and he doesn't look familiar, but something in you knows him, whispers his name. He seems to observe you too, but your stare off is interrupted by the arrival of a guard. You duck, pull the knife from the stranger's boot and throw it at the guard, not looking at the results, confident in your aim. Unfortunately, you don't have time to disarm the last door before more guards arrive, so you grab for the fellow prisoner, close your eyes, and hope it works. Sure enough, when you open your eyes again, you're in a forest near the Estonian border, slumped again a tree, the man you brought with you next to you.

You slide down to sit, fighting with nausea, and look around you. Your bag should be hidden next to the rock you can see on your right.

You curse and walk over and start digging. Your fingers begin to bleed when they finally hit a plastic bag, and you happily pull it out. You change your clothes and put the weapons in their assigned places. When you turn back to check on your prisoner, you see the stranger from earlier kicking him lightly with the toe of his boot.

"Is he dead?" he looks with fake amusement to you, and you scrunch your brows.

The stranger is tall with tan skin and light chestnut hair, outfitted in weird leather armor, and he's closing the space between you. The feeling of knowing him intensifies with each step, and you trace his weather-beaten features.

You give in to the voice whispering his name, but he talks before you can open your mouth.

"What are you?" you suppose he's talking about your magic trick, and you wonder why he doesn't assume you're the same something he is since he pulled the same disappearing act.

"Loki?" you answer with your own question.

"You're a Loki?" he asks, and you scrunch your face in confusion.

"No, you are Loki.". you answer, but you're not sure anymore. Stars, your head hurts.

He is surprised and morphs into a different man you're sure is Loki. You've seen photos of him invading New York. The thing inside you gives a happy murmur. Did it know him?

"If you're not a Loki, how do you know I'm Loki?" He asks, and you're on the verge of crying. What is this nonsense? Is Loki a name or a species?

"What do you want with him?" you ask, pointing to the stirring man.

"Information," he answers.

"Great, me first, and then you can have him." you march past him and sit the almost conscious man against a tree and handcuff his hands behind.

Loki looks at you, and then he's next to you, and before you can react, he has his hand on your forehead, and you feel him inside your head looking through your memories.

When he lets go you're on him in an instant, and you both land in the dirt, you on top with a knife to his throat. In a moment of your hesitation, he grabs your hand and puts it to his forehead. You see his life like you're the one who lived it. Everything he felt is there for you to see, and when you're back in your own body, your head falls to rest on his chest. What in your memories made him show you his own? He lets you gather yourself, too much magic having you on the verge of passing out.

Two strangers who knew each other intimately, there's a connection of understanding you don't really want to let go. Yet, at the same time, you feel violated. All the drawers you put things you didn't want to think about are open, and you're forced to think about them. Finally, when you feel stable enough to stand, you push yourself up, making sure to push your hands and knees onto his body, but he barely winces.

You reluctantly offer a hand to pick him up, and the smile he gives you is blinding.

next: CHAPTER 12

taglist: @lozzybowe

[siberianoverture]

oh god, I just saw this! Thank you! I feel so honoured to be mentioned with all those talented writers ❤

BUCKY BARNES FIC RECS

SERIES (PART 7 )

Without me - @buckyownsmylife

𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨 ≠ 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 - @ambrosiase

Sweet Alternatives - @historygeekfics

Best Friend’s Brother Masterlist - @buckysbabygorl

Lollipop - @buttercup-babydoll

Memories of the Hiraeth - @foxlock

Ever after - @onceuponastory

Don’t You Know - @siberianoverture

Summer of 1983 - @cumonmebucky

You left your mark in my heart - @buckystevelove

Be Like That - @gimmesomebucky

You Betrayed Me - @smoothy-ve

BARNES’ ANATOMY (smau) - @housepartyprotocol

Speak Now (smau) - @imaginationintowords

As Time Goes By... - @caffeineforbucky

Red Swan - @dangerdolns

To build a home - @buckyjamess-archive

Baby daddy - @agent-grey-fics

PR Stunt - @imsebastiansta-n

Long short story - @tapiocaromanoff

Disappear - @sebbys-girl

Three Moons Ranch - @slothspaghettiwrites

Just A Business Deal - @writer-of-daydreams

𝒫𝓇𝑒𝒸𝒾𝑜𝓊𝓈 - @agentofbarnes

Obey - @waiting4inspiration

Angel… - @instafic-for-readers

Baby, she’s mine, and I’m yours - @mypassionsarenysins

Colors, Crayons, and Mischief - @mypassionsarenysins

Flowers, Bakers, and Heartbreakers - @mypassionsarenysins

Old Love, New Love - @mypassionsarenysins

Honey, I’ve Tried - @daffodilsbucky

The Fault in our Fires - @daffodilsbucky

[siberianoverture]

Don't You Know - 10

A/N: All mistakes are my own, if you happen to find them please let me know! If you want to be added to taglist let me know! Enjoy!

previous: CHAPTER 9

You feel like the sun should be rising when you open your eyes with how long you've been tossing and turning. Still, the clock on the wall on your left shows it's only been an hour since Shuri showed you to your room for the night. You were shown the bathroom, but you couldn't work out the shower. It wasn't like anything you had seen. Too tired to check every knob and button you just laid down, but sleep didn't come, the tiredness leaving your body when you closed your eyes.

Everything is wrong.

It's too quiet.

The bed's too soft.

You're alone.

There were two instances when you slept at Hydra. Before serum: you slept with all other prisoners, and after serum: only on more extended missions. And there was always Soldier with you.

Finally, you stand up, pull a blanket off the bed, and leave the room. James' was on the left to yours; you spend and moment collecting your thoughts and knock.

He opens the door after a while, and you can see he was sleeping, but he doesn't look surprised to see you. He invites you in without question, and you wonder if he had the same troubles when he got out. The room looks exactly like your own, and he stands still in the doorframe giving you space to do whatever you want, so you lay your blanket between the wall and his bed and lie down. He's not asleep when you drift off.

He's not asleep when you wake up either, which makes your planned leave more difficult. He's sitting on the bed with his back leaning on the headboard, legs crossed in ankles, book in his hand, but it's dark in the room. He's pretending to read.

"Did you sleep well?" he asks when you stand.

You nod, but he's tracing the lines with his eyes. You wonder if the farce is for your or his sake.

"Yes, thank you. Thank you for letting me sleep here," the words feel stiff and weird, but you don't know what else to say.

He finally sets the book down and looks at you.

You feel seen, like he knows all your thoughts and struggles from the moment you gained your humanity back hours ago till now. Maybe he does. He really is probably the only person to whom you can relate. And you're running away.

"Would you like to take a shower? I got some new clothes for you," he asks, and you want to say yes to shower, no to clothes, but you say yes to both. Even though your gear was given to you by Hydra, it was still familiar, and you needed something to hold on to before you went crazy from the nerves.

He leads you to his bathroom and shows you every knob and button. The sick feeling in your gut makes you almost dizzy. He's so good, and you're running away.

"This is so much more complicated than it has to," you say when he steps back after setting the water temperature, and he laughs, and the world seems to stop for a while. It was the most exhilarating feeling, making someone, scratch that, making him laugh, and you can't help but feel proud of yourself. Then you're sick again because you're running away, he's so lovely, so kind, and so warm, and you're running away. It really makes you even worse of a person than Hydra made you be.

His goodness makes your resolve falter; you want to stay and make him laugh again and again.

He leaves you with water running, clothes and towels on the counter next to the sink, and you finally strip and step under the water. You wash the dirt, sweat, and dried tears away, and it isn't after you step out and wrap yourself in a soft towel you realize how dirty you were. It's no wonder James put you immediately in the bathroom.

Loose blue t-shirt with small blue school logo must be Peter's, but you forgo black sweats pants that must belong to James or Sam with how long they are, and dress back in Hydra's gear.

You stand in front of the mirror for long enough that you start seeing blue shimmer under your skin.

It's time to go.

James is not in the room when you leave the bathroom, and you don't have time to thank your stars for that; you leave the room and run.

There's no one to stop you.

Instead of outside, you find yourself back at the lab. It's early, before dawn, just like you promised yourself. Peter and Shuri are there, pulling an all-nighter.

You know they know you're leaving, and there's a twitch of disappointment in Peter's face that hurts more than it has business to. He's just a kid you met.

Shuri tries to give you some kind of weapon, but you can see the vibranium and shake your head.

"It's too traceable," you begin, and the princess scoffs.

"It would take another me to hack it."

"That's the point. There's only one genius with this much vibranium available." She nods reluctantly to that.

You switch your gaze to look at Peter and take him in. You wish you could stay and maybe find a place between them for yourself. Bask in their presence.

"Come back," Peter says, and you want to reassure him you will, but you can't be sure.

"I'll be seeing you," you say instead because you're sure you will. Even if it's watching from the shadows.

You hear James earlier than they do, and, for the tiniest moment, you want to stall, let him find you, but it's not worth seeing him realize you're leaving. Although he probably knows already.

You slip away through a small door in the back of the lab and start running as soon as the door closes behind you. You don't hear him enter the lab and the panic in his voice when he questions the kids.

For the next two weeks, you look for a man who you owe a favor after he let you go back to Hydra even though he should've put a bullet between your eyes. It's not easy, and more than once you get yourself shot for asking too many questions, but it doesn't really slow you.

Peter seems okay; you monitor his online presence and track him few times on CCTV when he's out as Spiderman. You worry about him a lot, he's just a kid, and his self-preservation is almost nonexistent. You wonder if he spoke to his mentor about you, but if he did, he didn't say enough for Stark to look for you. That's for the best; Anthony probably thinks you're dead.

You find Nick Fury in Berlin.

next: CHAPTER 11

taglist: @lozzybowe

[siberianoverture]

Don't You Know - 9

A/N: All mistakes are my own, if you happen to find them please let me know! If you want to be added to taglist let me know! Enjoy!

previous: CHAPTER 8

Bucky is angry when Sam drags him outside but knows it's for the best. The sun is hot on his skin and distracts him for a while before his mind is back to you, back to questioning what exactly your relationship was.

He's angry at himself, for snapping as he did, and he can feel Sam's disappointed gaze at him. He's eager to go back, apologize and talk with you, but knows he's the last person you need to see right now. At least you seem to trust Peter.

"Let's check on your goats," Sam beckons without usual humor in his voice and Bucky leads the way.

*

Peter holds you until you calm down and leads you to a couch in the back of the lab. Shuri appears with a glass of water you accept gratefully and down in one go.

"More?" Peter asks but you shake your head, "Do you want to talk about it?"

He looks really kind and really worried and a wave of gratefulness rushes over you. It's been decades since someone looked at you with such kindness.

"No, not yet," you finally answer and he stands up.

"We'll be right over there," he points to a table with various equipment in front of you and both of them walk over there. They start discussing something on holoscreen, but you pay them no mind, focused on your memories.

It's new, remembering and being allowed to actually think about your past, but the weight of all lives taken dampens your enthusiasm, even though you didn't do it of your own will. Or maybe you did, you kept coming back to Hydra, to the soldier with steel-blue eyes. You had so many chances to slip away from Hydra, to expose them and stop their violent rule but you kept coming back for The Soldier, the sliver of a chance of running away together keeping you tethered to him.

But you're free now, no one can take control of your actions, and you know you should be happy.

But you are not. You built a life for you and your Soldier behind Hydra’s backs, hid forged documents with new identities in different places, even bought a house on the hill over ocean blue as his eyes. All you had to do was run away.

Your only good memories are of your past you can’t go back to and those of long missions with The Soldier, having a clear idea of the directive, feeling safe by his side. You hated Hydra, but you didn't hate him. He was your rock there, even when he said those words, taking control from you. Now you're left with no Soldier and all those feelings. And he doesn't remember you.

This hurts too much, and you try to find comfort in the familiar feel of your gear, how the texture feels on your skin, but the anxiety floods you and every stitch seems to painfully dig into your flesh. You will yourself to calm down, it’s not the place nor the time to feel sorry for yourself.

Your mind goes back to you Soldier. They threw you to his feet after they gave you the serum and told him to train you. He did just that, but he didn't make you himself, he didn't make you into a killer machine, he taught you how to survive. All his lessons didn't feel like the ones you've been given by others. They made you into Hydra's weapon, he made sure you survived being one. He taught you how to be indispensable but his number one rule for you was to comply. He conditioned you to compliance not because he wanted you to serve Hydra, but because he didn't want you killed. They wanted him to make you a weapon, but he trained you to survive long enough so you could break out. He told you time and time again that he would get you out of there and when he was free, he left you there. You knew you couldn't blame him, but it didn't change that it hurt.

You stand up and move to sit on an empty chair on Peter's left side, even if you don't know what they're talking about, you still want to be close to them.

You were always close to The Soldier. The Soldier and The Spy. And now you were left with all your memories, of all your training, of all your missions, especially the longer ones where both your conditioning started to wear off and you would see the shadow of a man he was before, and you would talk to him about how maybe next time there would be a chance to escape.

Shuri looks at you for a while and from the look in her eyes you know she knows that soon you’ll be in the wind.

“You could stay,” she begins and Peter stops talking, but you interrupt her before she has the chance to offer you Wakanda’s protection.

“I could, and I promise I’ll be back if you’ll have me, but I don’t want to.” Peter looks confused and you’re sure he’ll be asking Shuri how you know each other, and you wonder what Shuri’s response will be, “I’m free of Hydra but if I don’t go and return the favor they’re owed, the S.H.I.E.L.D will be on my ass and it’s not wise to make enemies of the good guys.” Shuri doesn’t look convinced, “I’ve seen enough movies to know they always win.”

She smiles and turns back to the screen and Peter immediately begins his rant where he left off.

You look at Peter and Shuri, talking and laughing and you can almost feel the warmth of their friendship on your skin. At this moment you decide this is what you want. A friendship so deep others can feel its warmth.

*

Bucky and Sam come back to the lab when the sun starts to set and find Shuri and Peter tinkering with something and you sitting next to them with knees tucked under your chin, holding a small box of tools. Bucky thinks that if it wasn’t for your unruly hair and dirty uniform you'd look like their peer, not looking a day over eighteen.

You look up when the doors close with a click, put away the box, and walk to them. You approach Sam first.

"Sam Wilson. Hope you feel better," you shake his hand and nod.

"Thank you for getting me out of there." He doesn't answer, just gives you a nod as he moves to meet Peter behind you. You're left with who used to be your Soldier. You step closer to him and look up. Even his eyes changed, the steel-blue you're so used to now brighter, even bluer and they are eyes of a human, with habits, friends, and memories, not just mindless killing machine. He doesn't look away, lets you stare and take him in while he does the same. You wonder what he sees.

"I'm sorry. I'm really glad you got away, that you're free," you start, "I should've asked your name before blaming you," you bow your head slightly, "I'm sorry."

He's surprised but holds out his hand for you to shake.

"James Buchanan Barnes."

"James," you try it on your tongue, "I like it."

He wanted to tell you that his friends call him Bucky but the way you say his name renders him speechless.

"You look different than I remember."

"Good different or bad different?" He asks quietly and you raise your hand to reach to his hair. He stills and you take your hand back.

"Sorry, I used to tie your hair on missions," you look for any sign he remembers but you find none, "Good different. Happy. Alive."

You feel him watching you when you take his metal hand in yours. It feels so familiar but looks so different.

"This one protects people."

"The silver one protected me," you respond letting his hand fall by his side.

"I don't know who I was to you, and you'll tell me if you want," his flesh hand cups your face pulling it up so you're met with those blue eyes again. Is it worth telling him? Maybe you should just take the chance you've been given and start new, "But I will protect you. We've clearly been through different things and you're honestly handling it better than I did, but if you let me, I'll be by your side."

You lean into his hand and close your eyes at the warm feeling spreading through your body. You can almost pretend he knows you, that this isn't your first conversation for him.

The sudden thought that it’s not worth telling him takes you by surprise. You don’t want him to feel more guilty than he does. The less he knows of your joined past and the future you planned together the better.

You step out of his reach and decide to leave Wakanda before the dawn of the next day.

next: CHAPTER 10

taglist: @lozzybowe

[siberianoverture]

Don’t You Know - 8

previous: CHAPTER 7

You're asleep when the plane touches down in Wakanda, but wake when the door opens. Bucky watches you open your eyes and assess the surroundings again, seemingly afraid of Hydra agents jumping out of shadows and taking you away. Peter's gone in an instant and Sam makes himself scarce.

"We're in Wakanda, I have friends here that are going to help you," Bucky says waiting for you to untangle yourself from around his arm. "Help me?" you stand up and stretch your limbs. "Get rid of Hydra in your brain." "Oh," you nod, "makes sense," looking back at him you ask "is T'challa king yet?" and Bucky is baffled how in the world you even know about Wakanda, let alone about its former crown prince. He doesn't have time to question you because Shuri steps onto the jet. "Ah, I was wondering when I'm going to see you again. It's a small world after all," Shuri exclaims ignoring Bucky and he thinks he's going to explode if someone doesn’t explain something soon. Shuri ignores him though and shakes your extended hand. "It's good to see you too, Princess." Before he can say anything Shuri is leading you away and he's left standing in the middle of the plane with a sudden headache. * "I can't believe he's the one you've been waiting for. He was brought by Steve years ago and never mentioned you," Shuri talks dragging you to where you suppose her lab is, "I mean he got out in what? 2014? And he only brought you out now? I have half a mind to take his arm away..." Shuri stops rambling when you stop in the middle of the corridor frozen in your step. "What do you mean? What year is it now?" Shuri looks at you like you're crazy, but you probably are. "2024." "So, you're telling me he left me there for ten years?" "I know, right?" Shuri resumes walking and you automatically trail behind her, "I mean he was snapped away for five of them so you can't really blame him for those but with how adamant you were about going back to Hydra for him one would think he'd be back for you guns blazing the moment he got at least some of the memories back." You hear Shuri rambling, but you can't focus anymore on her words. You had the opportunity to get out of Hydra time and time again, chance to run away or even to get help and asylum from Wakandans but you went back for him again and again. To your soldier, to the blue eyes that in rare moments of humanity gained back had so much life in them you could drown. And he came back for you, got you out, but after what? Ten years? How many lives did you take thinking that you were waiting for him, preparing for a mission together so you could run away to the life you created in the moments of clarity, and he was already out? He was out, building a life for himself, and you were still playing a monster waiting for him. You let yourself be guided through the weird procedure with even weirder machines, not finding in yourself to care anymore and trusting the Princess not to damage you permanently. You lay on an uncomfortable table with millions of wires all around you and let your mind wander until you finally fall asleep listening to Shuri humming a song you're pretty sure you heard somewhere before. The boy from earlier, you learned his name is Peter, is there too and you should be warier of falling asleep with a stranger in the same room but at this point, you really don’t care. * "I think, I'm not sure, she's not loyal to Hydra, only to me. Or her handler," Bucky stops for a moment and thinks about your behavior, "Or maybe to me, as soon as the director dropped his order, she went back to me. She's programmed differently." Sam nods. "Are you okay? I know we fought Hydra before, but this was different." Bucky doesn't have an answer, adrenaline still in his veins and feelings and thoughts messy inside his head. There's some history he can't hope to understand without speaking to you or Shuri or T'challa and he can't shake the feeling he won’t like what he's going to learn. Or at least hopes to learn. He's not sure Wakandans are still eager to trust him. Sam leads him to the seats in front of the labs and sits him down. "Peter's with Shuri, we can talk if you want to," Sam offers. Bucky just leans his head on his friend's shoulder and stays silent for a while. "It's just, I have this feeling that it wasn’t the Soldier that trained her, not the same one that was sent after Fury, it was the rest of

humanity that was left in him. I feared my handlers, she trusts me, and instead of being relieved for herself first, she was relieved I was free and thankful I came for her." Sam is quiet. "I think that she's not like me, that they didn't erase her as well as they did my brain for some reason." "That's good, maybe she won't be as difficult as you, not so brooding." "When Shuri is done with her she will remember everything she's done, what Hydra's done," he trails away, "what I've done, what I've taken from her." "Hydra took from her. From what I gather, you assured she survived." "Thank you for being here." Sam hums in reply, too tired to speak, and Bucky continues. "I felt so awful knowing I made her life hell, but when I look at her, how she reacts, what she says, I think I didn't make it as bad as mine was. Maybe The Soldier protected her somehow. Maybe I was there too, taking care of her." "Whatever happens, remember you pulled her out of there." Bucky can hear Sam's breathing become shallower and more even and after a while both of them are sleeping, in uncomfortable seats, waiting for Shuri to step out of the lab. * It's early morning when the doors finally open. "She's awake," Shuri says and Bucky almost hugs her. Almost, because Shuri doesn't seem to be as happy as he is. "What's wrong?" he asks and feels Sam’s hand on his shoulder, keeping him grounded. "Maybe you two shouldn’t speak just yet." Bucky's brows furrow and he looks over to Sam and back to Shuri. "What do you mean, is she still under Hydra's influence?" "I removed all that, but if you hope to learn about her time before that she doesn't want to remember. And she doesn't like what she is remembering from Hydra." "That's okay, I didn’t like that either," Bucky mumbles and pushes past the Princess. "You really should give her some time," Shuri tries to stop him, but he steps into the lab before any of his friends have a chance to protest. You're sitting on a table he remembers laying on during his procedure, Peter by your side, your hands in his on your lap, talking quietly about something. You look up when you hear doors slam shut and jump a little and Bucky immediately regrets not closing them gentler. You slide down from the table and he can see the storm of emotions raging in your head on your face. The sadness is expected and he wants to assure you everything’s going to be okay, but then decides it's stupid, and before he can decide what else to say you're angry. You march closer to him, and he swears you look like you want to punch him. He'd let you. "You left me there," is the first thing you say, almost whispering, and Bucky's breath hitches, "You left me there, with those monsters and you've run away to build yourself a new life," you're still whispering but your voice sounds like a scream in the silent lab. There's so much hurt in your voice he'd rather you punched him. "I didn't remember you," he interrupts, and you laugh at him. "She's given you your memories back too!" Angry tears cloud your vision, but you don't care to wipe them off, "And you only came after all these years!" "Do you even know what they made you?" Bucky snaps back and of all the things you expected to hear from him, this wasn't one of them, and Bucky sees it. It's clear to him you don't know but he can't stop his anger now, even if it’s not directed at you, "They made you forgettable! You didn't exist for me until a few days ago." You blink, your tears falling as you look for a hint of lie at his face, but under all the anger, you see he is honest. It suddenly starts making sense. How he always seemed to get to know you all over again. How he promised to keep you safe every time you met. You always thought he wanted to remind you, show you he cared. That that was the kind of person your soldier was before Hydra. When you noticed he forgot something you always thought Hydra took his memories, that they were doing something wrong because you always remembered him. After all, you needed to remember him, he was your partner, and you were his. They didn't take his memories;

he didn't have any in the first place. You put your faith in someone who forgot about you the moment he was out the door. The realization hit you like a wave of saltwater, trying to push you under until you drown. Even now, he didn't remember you. Even with Shuri's machines, he doesn’t remember the moments of light stolen from your captors. You see his lips moving but you can't hear anything as you crumble to the floor. You know you're screaming but only because your throat hurts. There's no sound, you're underwater. You feel his hands on your shoulders, one cold and one warm, but someone is pulling him back and Peter's face appears in front of you. The sound comes back with a pop, and you cling to Peter as you cry for the man you lost.

next: CHAPTER 9

taglist: @lozzybowe

[siberianoverture]

Don’t You Know - 7

A/N: Sorry for the long wait AGAIN! I'm back with regular updates, I swear! All mistakes are my own, if you happen to find them please let me know! If you want to be added to taglist let me know! Enjoy!

previous: CHAPTER 6

It's quiet.

"There's no objective," Bucky finally says and finds himself lost in the eyes of the girl in front of him, the city beneath them laying soft light on her face. He could almost remember her.

Suddenly all sound comes back with a deafening roar and the sound of a closing door.

"It's okay, they are friends," Bucky says as he watches you step behind him when Sam and Peter come closer.

You trust your Handler won't let them hurt you, but you've seen them fight Hydra. The boy, even if he looked too lean to overpower your strength managed to hold his own against three agents, and last you saw the other man, he tried to drug you.

"I think we should head to Wakanda," Sam says, "I asked Natasha to help with the bodies so we can go now. She'll keep it quiet."

Bucky is not happy with involving even more people, but Sam looks like he is going to snap soon. All of them had stressful last few hours, no need to alleviate the tension.

"What's the objective?" You ask again tugging at the hem of his jacket and Bucky turns to look at you. He could just tell you to follow him, but it doesn't sit right with him. He doesn't want to use this power.

"There's no objective," He says, "We're just going to visit some friends."

"Assets don't have friends," you say in a tone that suggests you think otherwise. He thinks you might have rolled your eyes if the conditioning didn't instill respect in you. Bucky wonders if that is something some agent said or if it is the rule Winter Soldier instilled in you. He wonders if next to 'Handler' your mental file on him has a label 'Friend'. Silently he moves to follow men into the jet and hears you follow.

Sam and Peter sit in the pilot chairs, Sam actually piloting, Peter being overly excited at the sight of all the buttons, and Bucky sits as far away from them as possible, leaving you free places on both his sides and is surprised to see you sit on his left.

He watches you trace circular patterns on your thigh and again he is struck with memories whose presence he can feel but not see.

Your hallucinations get easier to ignore and you can feel yourself falling out of the conditioning that doesn’t let you speak your mind. Resting your head on the wall behind, you bask in the familiar presence of the Handler, letting tiredness wash over you, and lazily close your eyes. You hope next time you open them your mind will have full control of your brain and body.

*

There is a loud beep and immediately you are on high alert again, out of conditioning, not recognizing the plane, and instinctively grab your Handler's hand in panic. It is familiarly cold but the grooves feel different. Your panic subsides when the soldier next to you doesn't jump into action. No matter what, you cannot risk your and his safety, you cannot show your feelings. It is an important rule.

Bucky is startled by the familiar feel of your hand in his but tries not to show it. It seems like hours passed before you finally will yourself to look up at him, the question for objective on tip of your tongue, but you almost gasp when you see his eyes are full of life. It is not Winter Soldier in front of you. Moments like these, when both of you slip out of conditioning, are rare. You glance around cautiously, looking for other agents, not wanting to alert them of your state but there is no one nearby. Your heart soars at the few stolen moments of humanity you are miraculously allowed. Maybe you'll be able to tell him about your preparation for escape. The thought fills you with giddiness. You look up at him again and allow yourself to just stare, to try to memorize how it feels to look into his eyes and see a person looking back. He stays still all the time.

Everything about him is familiar but at the same time, it is a different man. His skin looks healthier, there are no marks from the mask, he is almost relaxed.

That's when it hits you.

"You're free," you whisper afraid that if you say it louder the director will rise from some shadow and laugh at you, "you're free," you allow yourself to say a little louder, and when there is no one to shatter the reality you let go of his hand and stand up to look around. He stands beside you, and you spot S.H.I.E.L.D's logo on some papers left behind on a bench few seats over and before you can think about it your arms are linked behind his back, your face in the crook of his neck and no space left between your bodies.

"You're free and you came for me," you whisper into his skin and Bucky hesitantly puts his arms around you. That is not the reaction he expected, and he is alarmed when he feels wetness on his neck but then realizes you're crying. That thought is even more alarming but he concludes those are happy tears.

He moves you both to sit down and you shift, snuggling into his chest, clinging onto his metal arm like a lifeline, and for the first time, Bucky doesn't hate the metal touching someone’s skin. You sit in silence, just reveling in your freedom, occasionally looking up to make sure he's still there.

And every time he is, and you want to say something, anything, ask his name, ask what day it is, ask when Hydra will be on your backs again, who his friends are, but saying anything out loud at this moment seems like a sin.

next: CHAPTER 8

taglist: @lozzybowe

[siberianoverture]

Don’t You Know - 6

A/N: Hi! Sorry for long wait again! All mistakes are my own, if you happen to find them please let me know! If you want to be added to taglist let me know! Enjoy!

previous: CHAPTER 5

warnings: canon level violence

"You can't just walk in," Sam sighs but Bucky is already in front of the building.

"It may be our only chance to bring her in staying somehow under the radar."

"I think we're already on the radar," Sam says as Bucky steps into the party, much quieter than it should be.

He doesn't even have time to look around when he sees you, in the same outfit he remembers from the highway, but to his surprise still with only two knives.

As soon as he is spotted he becomes the target, and he brings his hands up in surrender.

"Stop," he tries but all hope of being recognized as a friend, or handler even, flies out the window. The room is empty now, leaving only the two Assets. He hears Sam helping evacuate people.

He feels the weight of his gun in his holster but he doesn't pull it out.

His mind goes completely silent, all his attention on the girl in front of him, your movement familiar to his, but at the same time completely different, completely yours.

You throw the butterfly knife, and he sees it fly by him and fall on the ground. He realizes his mistake when he sees you smile at his surprise. What looked like an error was the moment of distraction you needed to lunge at him, landing on his shoulders and placing him in a chokehold. He tries to get free but it's not working so he throws himself to the ground, but you jump off before he can pin you down, rolling and pulling the other knife from the holster and throwing it at him. It hits him right where the metal of his arm meets flesh and locking it in an uncomfortable position.

His lack of fight almost angers you.

"Stop, you know me, I'm a friend," he tries but you do not let yourself show that you heard him, let alone that you know who he is, lunging back at him, collecting the knife thrown earlier and stabbing his leg. As he falls you pull his gun from his holster and stand above him.

“I’m your handler,” he tries again but there’s no response. Your mind screams at you to stop, but there is nothing you can do. Not now, when the conditioning is fresh in your mind. Only mission matters right now. He stares in the barrel knowing safety is already off and the bullet will be fired quicker than he could move. He'd laugh if he had the energy to. Apparently killing the handler was more important than handler's orders. Him 0, Hydra 1.

"You're my mission," you finally say, and he swears he can hear regret in those words. His mind goes back to his fight with Steve so long ago.

He sees the trigger moving, he hears the sound, but the bullet hits the ceiling. He looks up to see you on the floor, unconscious, tangled in web and Peter rushing to him from behind. He helps Bucky up, lifts your body and starts walking to the back exit. Limping behind him Bucky wonders when Peter stopped being the kid that wouldn’t shut up in the fight.

Sam meets them and looks questioningly between the body in Peter's arms, Peter, and Bucky but nobody says anything. Sam sighs and heads back to the jet.

"We should probably head to my place, at least for now," Sam says when they near the plane and Bucky nods.

"Shuri will be waiting for us when we're ready. But we should probably wait until the serum wears off."

"How do you know she's on it? I remember her just fine." Sam questions and Peter looks confused.

"Try looking away."

Sam does as he's told and gasps when the realization hits him.

Peter places you as gently as he can, and Bucky becomes alert when it looks like you're stirring awake.

"The web had tranquilizer in it," Peter explains, "She should be asleep for at least an hour."

"She has some of the Super Soldier serum," Bucky says and Peter looks at him looking almost exasperated.

"Less then."

He sits next to your body and starts picking off some of the webbings that dissolve slower and Bucky's heart aches seeing the girl in front of him and Parker look roughly the same age.

*

You are placed in Sam's bedroom, Bucky thanks Peter for saving his life and slips back into the bedroom. The gala was supposed to be short, so he hoped they have you only one shot. Sam slips behind him and stands close.

“She will be waking up confused, that's for sure, but possibly in psychosis. Maybe we should just tranquilize her again. Someone as strong as you in psychosis won't be easy to tame," Sam suggests and Bucky nods, he doesn't feel comfortable but knows it's safer for everyone included.

"You still have the stuff you had for me?" Bucky asks not looking away from your stirring form, “We shouldn’t even have come here, should’ve just went straight to Wakanda.”

“Yeah. I forgot she’s juiced up when I suggested coming here. She looks so normal.”

Sam disappears and when he comes back with the syringe, he finds Bucky on top of you, straddling your hips, his legs holding down yours and his hands pinning down your wrists above your head. There's pure fear in your veins and when you see another man coming with a drug you try even harder to break free.

"Sam!" the man on top of you yells as he feels your leg slip free. You manage to kick the syringe away and Sam watches in horror as half of the content spills out. He dives for it but not fast enough and Bucky is thrown to the wall and you're in the corner of the room looking like deer in the headlight, looking around you, trying to find an escape route. For a moment you stop trying to fight them away and stand still, listening. And that's when Bucky hears it too.

Peter is not in the room with them, as Bucky wishes he were to help them with his webs, because he is fighting someone in the living room and somewhere in the flat someone is reciting your trigger words.

Bucky curses when he sees you stand straight up and lock your eyes on his form. He is the target again. You lunge at him before he can even stand up, but something distracts you and you look up in fear. He follows your gaze but there's nothing there and he realizes you're both in Winter Soldier mode and having a psychotic episode.

“Sam, take care of the rest, she’ll follow me!” He yells and Sam looks again to the syringe, but there is nothing left. Bucky throws you off him and runs to the kitchen knowing you will follow him. You are angry again, tired of running after him, and the hallucinations making your mission even harder. You wonder for a while why you’re hallucinating, the soldier said you had no powers today, but you’re quickly back on mission.

The boy you saw earlier at the party is fighting Hydra agents and they are losing but that is none of your concern. Your eyes are locked on the man with a metal arm, your handler, your mission.

"The boss is on the roof," Peter shouts and Bucky has an idea. It's really stupid. Unless it works.

He sprints up the stairs only stopping when you're distracted by a hallucination, so you don't lose him from your eyesight.

He is by the door when he looks over his shoulder and throws you his gun. You catch it, confused for a moment before you sprint after him.

You stumble out on the cold roof and see The Soldier holding the director in front of him. To complete the mission you have to shoot through him and you pull the safety off. The objective is more important than his life.

"No, don't shoot. Don't kill me, don't kill him!" the director is as cowardly as Bucky suspected. The plan worked. Him 1, Hydra 1.

"He's my mission, sir,” you say to the director. He is certainly not suited to be a director if he values his life more than a mission, but it’s not your place to say anything.

"No, mission annulled, stop!" you click the safety on and your arm falls to your side. You really want to scream at him, he took you off the ice just to throw your mission away the moment his life’s in danger. That’s stupid but it’s not your place to say anything.

"Awaiting new objective." You say and your eyes are back to your Handler. If he is here, you won’t take orders from the director.

He hits the director over his head, and you watch with silent satisfaction as he falls to the ground. You look around you, you are alone.

“I know it’s not my place,” you begin with the smallest smile that Bucky is shocked to see, like you’re telling him an inside joke,” but I really didn’t like him,” you allow yourself.

He walks to stand in front of you and takes you in. Your back is not as straight as before, and he suspects you'll be falling out of conditioning soon. Maybe with all that happened words from a room away were not enough.

"It's good to see you, Handler." You say with this small smile again and again it takes him by surprise. He clearly programmed you differently. That’s not the relationship he had with his handlers.

"Aren't you afraid of me?" he asks, and you look up at him, into his eyes and he feels his knees buckle under the intensity of your gaze.

"You told me you'd take care of me, don't you remember?" you ask but he doesn't have the chance to respond that, no, he does not remember, because you straighten up again.

“What’s the objective?”

next: CHAPTER 7

taglist: @lozzybowe

[siberianoverture]

Don’t You Know - 5

A/N: Hi! Sorry for long wait but there it is: first chapter feauturing the reader! I’m excited!

All mistakes are my own, if you happen to find them please let me know! If you want to be added to taglist let me know! Enjoy!

previous: CHAPTER 4

warnings: nudity and Hydra’s brainwashing

You wake up cold and, as usual, strapped onto a big metal chair, surrounded by machinery. You open your eyes and look around the room, it's empty.

You close your eyes again, wanting to enjoy a few moments of silence but the doors behind you open and you shiver from the draft pushing cold air deeper into your bones.

Few soldiers walk in and stand guard as if you had even a chance of escaping your bounds. A man in a suit, which was made to look more expensive than it was, follows them and walks up to your chair. He grabs your head and turns it, inspecting your face. You want to pull away, but you learned the hard way it is better to comply even before they make you. Your eyes dart around the room looking for the familiar face of your handler but he's not there and there's a pang of confusion you know better than to show.

"Who would've thought I'd have such a pretty asset at my disposal," he muses looking pleased, "Make her ready," he throws over his shoulder and steps back still looking at you.

You close your eyes, knowing what comes next. Teeth guard being pushed into your mouth, cold metal pushing your forehead back and you shiver involuntarily. For a moment you wonder where your handler is, he should be there by now. You think about your last mission, last seeing him on the highway. He wasn't there when you came to consciousness after. You worry, about him and yourself.

The machinery powers up and you scream, feeling the memory being torn away from you. There is no worry the next time you open your eyes, your mind completely blank.

"Spy?"

The man in front of you looks expectantly but you don't answer. His brow twitches as if he just remembered something funny and he pulls a piece of paper out of the pocket of his trousers. You stiffen, there's something wrong, the words don’t come from a piece of paper, they come from a black book with a red star. But it’s not your place to say anything.

You feel your muscles tense more and more with each word that falls from his lips, but you can’t help wondering why he’s here. He looks like a new director and you’ve never heard those words from any of them. It was always your handler’s job. He should be here by now. It’s not your place to say anything. It was the most important rule.

"Spy?"

"Ready to comply."

He's excited like a kid on Christmas Day when he hears your words. You stand up and he points to the table next to him.

"Get dressed."

"What's the mission?" you ask and see a flash of anger on his face, "I can't prepare my gear if I don't know what the objective is," you rush to explain.

"That's sir to you. Pierce is dead and now you belong to me. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"You're to escort me to a gala. Protect me at all costs, there might be someone after me. Now get dressed."

You walk to the table and realize that your question was unnecessary. There’s nothing more than a dress and a knife. It’s unusual, normally you’d get access to all your weapons and you’d choose what was needed. It’s not your place to say anything so you take off your clothes, feeling the director’s eyes on you. You meet his gaze and he looks away embarrassed. It’s been long since you last seen a man embarrassed in front of you, even longer since you yourself felt embarrassed. Your body was just a weapon now. Slipping on the long black dress you are surprised to see it's new, not the one usually given you for these kinds of missions. This one has a slit that almost reaches your hip, the bodice was too tight to allow hiding any weapon anywhere else even if you had one.

Something changed, your handler should be with you right now, prepping for your mission.

"Is The Soldier assisting too, sir?" you risk one more question braiding your hair, he shakes his head and you feel anger roll off him. It wasn’t your place to ask.

"He's no longer an asset, he's an enemy. Kill on sight."

You think to yourself it would be easier if you had a gun. But it’s not your place to say anything.

He walks out and you follow. As soon as you step out of the room a soldier joins you and gives you a fan that complements your dress. You recognize it as your butterfly knife and you switch it a few times to test out.

"No powers for you today." He says and you nod. It was an easy job, you didn't need them.

Stepping into the elevator with the director you focus on him. He was young, much younger than any leader you saw in Hydra, and he clearly wasn't suited for the job. Taking you off the ice just to be his bodyguard for a night was example number one, but you wouldn't tell him even if you could. You weren't programmed to speak your mind, just follow the orders.

The elevator opens to a party in full swing and you scan the room, noting every exit, every guard, and sweeping over the crowd. You feel the man put your hand on his elbow and you immediately step into your role, smiling at whoever he's currently talking to, still scanning the room.

After three very important conversations with very old and very important men your eyes land on a slim boy. What were the kids even doing here? His glasses caught your eye, the light bouncing off them in an unusual way. The moment he looks at you he looks away, but only slightly so he still has you in his view and says something to nobody in particular. Your grip on the director tightens and the moment you see the kid walk his friends out of the building you pull him back into the elevator and push the button immediately closing the door.

"What the hell, I've been talking to a very important person!" he lashes out, but you stay still by his side.

"Your life might be in immediate danger, sir."

You don't look at him but can feel his fear rolling off him in waves. He oversaw a mighty organization bound to bring order to the world and he was afraid of dying even after being escorted to safety. You’d laugh if you could.

"Suit up and kill whoever is after me."

You think it would be better to take them alive and ask a few questions, but it’s not your place to say anything.

"Yes, sir."

Two soldiers approach you, one taking the director away and the second leading you to a room with all your gear, neatly folded, on a metal table. You change quickly and start looking for your weapons but there are none.

"Where are my guns?" you ask the soldier standing at the door but he just shrugs his arms.

You are furious, equipped with only two knives, when you step back into the elevator.

Back upstairs the party is still loud but quiets a little when people start to notice you. You look around and see no guards that were previously there, and you're confused before you catch red blinking lights of security cameras. The director pulled all the guards back and was watching you. Whatever threat was coming, backup or no backup, you could deal with it, but the thought of being tested didn’t sit right with you. Was the threat even real or was it just a test?

You let your anger fuel you and when you start moving, looking for your target, the guests move away. You step into the next room and you finally see your handler.

next: CHAPTER 6

taglist: @lozzybowe

[siberianoverture]

Omg this is so well written! I adore this fic, love how the relationship was built on friendship and then, when they were both ready, developed more. I love love love it ❤

Unspoken • A One Shot

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2,141

Summary: You and Bucky are as close as two friends can be. You practically can read each other’s minds. A change of plans during a mission has forced you and him to spend an evening together you weren’t expecting.

Warnings: None really. Mild language, maybe? Unbeta’d writing.

A/N: I was inspired by the song “Too Afraid to Love You” by the Black Keys. I’m still very new to this, so feedback would be very appreciated. Oh and I’ve come to learn just how dumb the mobile app can be, so I apologize if anything is funky because of it.

Dividers by the amazing @firefly-graphics

Keep reading

[siberianoverture]

do you have any more fics coming?

not right now, sorry! I'm focusing on Don't You Know, it's important to me to write it exactly right and there's a lot of rewriting, planning and plotting included. But it won't be my last piece, I enjoy writing and have many more ideas, both for Bucky but also other characters so stay tuned ❤

[siberianoverture]

Don’t You Know - 4

A/N: Hi! English is not my first language and although I am pretty confident in it I know I make some mistakes. If you happen to find them please let me know! If you want to be added to taglist let me know! Enjoy!

previous: CHAPTER 3

They spend the rest of the night sitting side by side on Bucky's bed. As tired as he is, he knows too well he won't be able to fall asleep and his friend worries too much to leave his side.

Early morning there's a knock on the door but Bucky doesn't seem to notice, still looking somewhere outside the window. Sam gets up and opens the door.

Peter rushes in, with a backpack slung over his shoulder, on his way to school.

"What's up?" Sam asks not really knowing what Peter could've wanted from either him or Bucky.

"So, I was patrolling last night," the boy starts but cuts himself off, "My decathlon team was invited by some foundation to Washington for the weekend, for some gala, telling us there would be some employers interested in us."

"Congrats?" Sam is confused and Bucky finally looks up.

"Yeah, but I looked it up and the foundation is a shell, and almost all of the people on the guest list are tied to some shady business and I happened to follow a few of them and found myself in the middle of Hydra meeting."

"What?" Bucky stands up and is by Peter's side in few strides, worried. "Did they see you?" he looks the boy up and down looking for injuries, but he seems fine. "You need to be careful, Peter, they are dangerous."

Peter nods and shifts uncomfortably.

"Why are you telling us this?" the assassin asks, "You usually report to Tony."

"Because we're leaving today and all my friends are going and I fear that if I tell him it's going to turn into a big guns mission, I know he wouldn't harm them, but I don't want to involve them," Peter explains slightly embarrassed, "Also, you've been researching Hydra quite intensively lately so I just thought you'd be interested. Of course, you don't have to tell me what it's all about," Peter rambles, "I thought maybe you could come too as our teacher or something and take a look at them? Maybe arrest them after we leave?"

Sam looks at Bucky now pacing around the room and back to Peter.

"Yeah, we'll be there."

Peter visibly relaxes.

"Cool, I'll send you details later, cool" he waves nervously leaving the room.

Sam turns his attention to Bucky, still moving, from his desk to the window, to the bed, and back to the desk.

"Man, you really need to calm down. You did not forget her, they made her forgettable. Bucky Barnes did not do anything bad. Even Winter Soldier didn't. It is all Hydra. And Bucky Barnes can help her," He stands in front of him and the assassin finally stands still, "But now we need to focus on Parker's trip, we don't want Hydra to hurt any more teens."

"I know all of that, I just can't stop the guilt. She will look at me and will be reminded of all evil in her life. My past, the past I have still trouble dealing with, is the cause of her past and present. My past stole her chance at a normal life."

Sam has no answer to this.

"Do you want to take a nap before we go?" Bucky shakes his head, "Okay, how about you go take a shower, I'll go to mines and do the same and we meet in the kitchen? We should leave earlier and scout the area."

Bucky agrees and Sam pats him on the shoulder before leaving the room.

*

They land the cloaked Quinjet in a small clearing in the forest behind a big villa the gala is supposed to take place in and go to look around.

"Do you think she'll be there?" Sam asks, his eyes leaving the screen he's working with and looking at his friend.

"No," Bucky stares off to the distance, "If she's alive she's their last asset, they can't afford going over the top."

Evening comes and Sam attends the gala alongside Peter as a chaperoning teacher. Bucky is forced to stay at the jet, any Hydra member would recognize him in an instant. It's not like Sam is anonymous, being the new Captain, but the classic glasses trick seems to work so far. Bucky thinks to himself that this must be the stupidest Hydra head it has grown so far.

"This is stupid, what do they need the kids for?" Sam wonders and Bucky focuses on the stream from his glasses.

"Yeah, I wonder what they might need the smartest kids in probably the whole state for," he mumbles and Sam scoffs. "They need new brains. It looks like they don't have any. Just think what they could do if they managed to pull Peter to their side."

"Yeah, okay. We'd be in trouble. But it feels weird. Like their new leader is extremely inexperienced," Bucky hums, "Or extremely sneaky, I don't know. They are trying to recruit kids in broad daylight."

"It's evening, punk," Bucky smirks and Sam mutters something about switching his comms off.

Nothing exciting happens for the next hour or so, they made a list of everyone attending the party, and at this point, they are just waiting for the head of 'foundation' to show up and for the party to end so they can go home. Bucky thinks about taking a few sleeping pills and getting six hours of sleep, eight if he's lucky.

Without Sam by his side to ground him his mind starts to betray him bringing dark memories to the surface.

He remembers his handlers and the thought of being one to a teenage girl filled him with rage. He didn't feel guilty about others, they trained explicitly to become Winter Soldiers, most likely joined Hydra on their own or were born into it. But she, she was marked as ‘obtained’ which was another word for ‘kidnapped’ in Hydra's dictionary. He put her through brainwashing, pain and conditioning he still struggled with.

He contacts Shuri to busy himself. He tells her about the situation and she listens.

"I hope luck is in your favor and you find her sooner than later so the guilt doesn't eat you alive, Barnes. What are the words?"

The memory of saying them as Winter Soldier strikes him with pain as soon as the sound of the last word leaves his lips. Shuri looks concerned but doesn't mention it.

"It will be ready whenever you come. Bring Peter with you?"

He nods and disconnects hearing one of the comms come back online.

"There's someone new," Peter reports.

It's a pair, a man in his early thirties, in a suit that screams 'I want you to think I'm important' and with the posture of someone who is trying too hard to be intimidating. The sloppiness of Hydra makes sense now. On his arm is a beautiful woman, way out of his league but she's not a date. She's there on duty, eyes scanning the room, a silhouette of a holster on her thigh and the fan in her hand a butterfly knife. He remembers knowing a person using these.

"He wouldn't be that stupid, would he?" he mumbles and zooms in.

"Peter, get your friends out," the assassin orders and springs up to put his gear on. He hears Peter shouting something about an afterparty and looks through all cameras again to see how many soldiers are there.

"Bucky?" Sam asks warily but he knows what his friend is going to say.

"I'm not leaving without her."

next: CHAPTER 5

[siberianoverture]

hi! i've been wondering if you're taking requests? i love don't you know!

Hi! I’m currently not taking requests, but I’ll be sure to let y’all know when I decide to step out beside my own ideas! I’m focusing on Don’t You Know, it’s my baby I’ve been thinking about for almost two years now and I hope to find my style and become more confident writing when I finish this series. I’m glad you like it ❤

[siberianoverture]

Don’t You Know - 3

A/N: Hi! I realized I should probably specify when the fic happens, sorry! It all happens a year after Endgame, 2024. I spared Tony, I like the theory that if everyone on the battlefield touched each other the energy would be dispersed, Steve returns the stones and comes back because Peggy Carter moved on, and Natasha comes back. Hope my forgetfulness didn’t cause too much confusion. English is not my first language and although I am pretty confident in it I know I make some mistakes. If you happen to find them please let me know! If you want to be added to taglist let me know! Enjoy!

previous: CHAPTER 2

When Sam came into his friend's room to propose a trip to the city for lunch, he found him standing in the middle of the floor staring at the wall above his desk.

"Buc-" he stops when he follows Bucky's gaze, "what's all this?"

There are two pages ripped from a notepad taped there, both with big black letters in Bucky's neat handwriting. First read 'a girl', second 'forgetting'.

Bucky doesn't look at him, clearly deep in thought, so Sam steps in front of him forcing the super soldier to look at him. Bucky lowers his eyes and steps back until he is sitting on his bed.

"What's going on?" Sam asks again turning slightly to take another look at the wall.

"I can't remember her," Bucky says still looking at his shoes, "there's a girl that worked with Winter Soldier, but I don't remember."

"Maybe it was one mission only so there's nothing to remember," Sam tries but Bucky shakes his head.

"I would remember, I remember everything he saw. There is a person-shaped hole in my memories. Like someone took an eraser and wiped her away."

"I thought they took down all Hydra barriers," Sam begins and Bucky looks up at him, "Oh, you don't think it was done by Hydra. Like a superpower?” Bucky nods, “How do you know it's a girl anyway?"

"Natasha, she said there was a rumor of a girl working with Soldier. She thinks it's her, but I don't think so. Nobody would've called her that, everyone would just say Black Widow. Also, it became quite known we had missions together. It just doesn't add up but if anyone knew it would be her, so I don't really know where to look," Bucky explains starting to ramble a bit so Sam sits down next to him and places a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Hey, calm down. We'll figure it out."

*

A month passed and they had found nothing.

Bucky had a new routine now: run, breakfast, look for something, lunch, look for something, dinner, look for something until he passed out, rarely in his bed, usually on the floor next to it. This changed only on mission days, if there is a slight chance that he could find something more about her, he goes. The team doesn't ask.

He hadn't told anyone what he was doing, trying to protect himself from everyone's pity, it was Hydra after all. He knew that she might be dead already. It did not stop him, the weird dreams and memories he couldn't catch fueling him. Also, for some reason, he did not want Steve knowing.

Sam is with him whenever he can, sometimes reading some files but usually just keeping him company. With Bucky running after ghosts and assumptions there was little he could help with besides standing next to his friend when mission reports bring back dark memories.

*

"Sam Wilson came back from his mission and is heading to your room, Sergeant," Friday informed tearing him away from reading through old files for what felt like the hundredth time. Sure enough, Sam was soon walking through his door, still in his suit with an old looking manila folder and throwing it to Bucky.

First, there was a list of Inhumans with their photos and their abilities. At the top there was a boy, no older than fifteen, and there was one word in the abilities column: FORGETTABLE. Bucky looked back at Sam.

"I know it's a boy but, remember, there was a series of experiments where they tried to transfer powers," Sam turned the pages, " there was one page missing and here it is. There was one success, and it was a girl." Sam points to the bottom of the page. FEMALE, 737079, 18, SUCCESS. He flips a few more pages. "She survived because they gave her the serum."

"That's impossible," Bucky shakes his head, "There were five bags, they made five Soldiers."

"True, but all of them were different. They had to adjust the dosage or they would kill them. Maybe they had a bit left and used it on her. It wouldn’t be enough to make a new soldier, but to strengthen her enough to survive however they transferred the powers to her."

"If she was forgettable she would be the best spy Hydra had. That is why she's not in any reports, she would do her job, report to whoever, and everybody involved would forget she was even there," Bucky is overwhelmed. He walks to the window and looks out, "If we worked together I have to look through missions that had more than one objective. Killing for me, information for her. She could be still there."

"Yeah," Sam sighs, "Too bad we don't have a photo."

Somehow Bucky is sure he would recognize her.

He starts looking immediately and he finds quite a few matching his criteria. Next day something pushes him to look through recordings from 2014, his last moments as Winter Soldier and everything plays like he remembered, until, late in the evening, he switches to a view from CCTV near the highway with a clear view of him looking for Natasha, her shooting him, him ducking and then when he and men beside him stand up, there's one more person he doesn't remember being there. It's a woman, in suit that almost exactly matches his, only differce is both her arms being covered. She’s head shorter than him, with hair pulled away from her face. He says something to her, she nods and runs away, and he jumps down the bridge.

He stands up from his computer and stretches. Then he calls for Sam and shows him the video.

"At least she doesn't seem to have any metal limbs," he tries to joke but neither laugh, "If she looks like you does it mean she comes with a handy little manual too?"

"Yeah, she might. We should check the place you got the folder from out again."

They walk out arm in arm and head to the hangar. It's dark outside but Sam knows Bucky won't be able to wait for the morning to come.

When they land near the base, system informs them of a car heading in their direction. Obviously Hydra as the base lays in the middle of nowhere.

"I have a strange feeling they are after the same thing we are," Sam mutters turning on the Quinjet's cloaking.

"It means we're in the right place," Bucky answers and leaves the plane.

"Do you know where to go?"

Bucky doesn't answer and enters the base leaving his friend no choice but to follow. He moves with confidence that makes Sam realize he had already been there at some point in his life. They find the elevator and Bucky presses 737079 into the keyboard and it moves.

"It's the number next to-" Sam begins but he's interrupted.

"It translates to 'spy' from hexadecimal."

The door opens to a room with the same machinery Sam saw in Winter Soldier's files. His eyes follow Bucky noticing how tense his friend is when he marches to one of the cabinets with the last century looking hand scanner on its side.

Bucky glances over his shoulder at Sam, his eyes filled with sadness, anger, and a bit of fear. Then he places his hand at the scanner. It shines green and the cabinet opens with a hiss. Inside is a folder, bound in black leather with a red star on it. Inverted image of a book that controlled The Soldier. Bucky feels sick.

Sam grabs the book and drags him back to the elevator, pushing the button for the ground floor and he can't help but ask.

"How did you know?"

"I just did," Bucky rests his forehead on a cold wall and tries to calm himself, "It's like muscle memory."

They run back to Quinjet and see Hydra soldiers entering the base when they fly back home.

*

It is nearly midnight when they land and walk back to Bucky's room. He sits down on his bed, a manual folder in his hand and Sam leans on the desk with his arms crossed. They share a look and Bucky finally starts reading.

"There's no name, just the number again. Born in 1973, obtained in 1990. She was seventeen," he looks up at Sam but can't read his expression, "Trained in espionage, injected with serum in 1991. Makes it possible to take powers from injected Inhuman's blood serum. One injection lasts two hours, max three types can be mixed, max five of each. There are words to put in Soldier mode-" Sam interrupts him.

"Same as yours?"

"No," he reads them with an uneasy feeling, "Seek, bullet, lucid, seven, reflect, set, moon, ten, acid, tenet.” “They are in English,” Sam notices.

“Someone else worked on her programming. All other soldiers were programmed in Russian, native language of person doing the conditioning," He needs to really control himself not to punch anything when he reads next few sentences, "After depletion subject experiences psychosis and should be confined posing threat to itself and others. It is advised to put the subject immediately after calming in cryo-chamber. It is no longer in Winter Soldier mode. It is advised to wipe before mission opposed to after."

His vision goes dark when he glances at the next point and he has to put the folder away. Deep down he expected what he saw but this doesn’t lessen the pain that comes with it. He stumbles into the bathroom and splashes his face with ice-cold water. Sam follows and when Bucky turns off the sink sits him on the edge of the bathtub.

"What does it say?" He asks after Bucky's breathing calms.

"I was her handler."

next: CHAPTER 4

[siberianoverture]

I wanna follow more writers!! pls reblog this if you post xreaders for marvel or seb characters or cevans characters? dark or nondark, I'm flexible, just want to liven up my dash a bit!

[siberianoverture]

A beautiful, emotional fic with a lot of feelings but platonic? I love love love love this ❤

A Friend To Carry You [b.b.]

moodboard by @angelhaz11 who is an actual angel

Summary: After coming back from the Blip but losing his best friend, Bucky is having a hard time adjusting. He thinks it’s all over for him, but then he meets you. 

Word Count: 7793 (lol whoops)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Lots of talk about suicide, depression, PTSD, self-loathing, losing a parent, panic attacks, night terrors. This one gets a little heavy kids ngl but it rounds out with lots of fluff

A/N: This fic took a LOT. I poured a lot into it because I wanted to get it right. This is my entry for @brooklyn-boy​‘s floriography challenge using yellow roses as the prompt. It’s also inspired by You Will Be Found from the musical Dear Evan Hansen, which you can listen to here. I’m really proud of this one. I have never put this much work into a one shot before and I’m gonna toot my own horn a bit cuz I love it. I hope you all like it. If you’d like to be added to my permanent taglsit, just send an ask!

Keep reading

[siberianoverture]

Don’t You Know - 2

A/N: Hi! English is not my first language and although I am pretty confident in it I know I make some mistakes. If you happen to find them please let me know! If you want to be added to taglist let me know! Enjoy!

previous: CHAPTER 1

Something wakes him from the dream he was having and he breathes with relief. It wasn't a nightmare but he was still left with an uneasy feeling.  All he remembers from the dream is some circular patterns being drawn in the sand by feminine hand he doesn't recognize whose but the patterns form stars and waves when he closes his eyes and it feels familiar. He turns to lie on his side and stares out the window watching the sunrise. He doesn’t bother trying to fall asleep. He rises when the compound fills with sounds of people staring their morning, changes his clothes, and with Sam's knock on the door, he falls back into his usual routine.

He is preparing to take a shower when the idea comes. He sits in front of his desk and opens the laptop. He stares at it for a while, not knowing what he's looking for. He stole five bags of serum, they made five Soldiers. Why was he looking for one more? Who was he looking for? He looks through the Winter Soldier program but alongside all failed experiments, beside him, there is only the death squad that lived longer than forty-eight hours and he knows they are dead. He saw them with bullet wounds in their heads.

He wonders for a while what would happen if they came before Zemo had killed them. Maybe he could have saved them, they could go to Wakanda with him and maybe they could have a chance at a normal life. He rubs his eyes. His life was not normal, not when he could remember everything, not when Soldier's and Bucky's memories were tangled together. Maybe it is better to be dead than remember.

He shakes his head trying to rid of these thoughts. He was alive and surrounded by friends. He had to hold onto that or he would drown in his own thoughts.

 Looking through other files he finds some experiments on Inhumans and a series of experiments where Hydra tried to transfer powers to soldiers. He finds his memories of it at the edge of his consciousness but he can't really recall them. There are no names on the file, just subjects and each one of them is a fail. He leans back in his chair and stares at the screen, tired, and tries to remember something he could focus on, base his search on, but there's nothing. When he sits straight and clicks cross to close the files he notices the file isn't complete, there's one page missing, but as soon as he sees his wallpaper it slips his mind.

*

The next day brings a quick recon mission with Steve, some old Hydra base was reported by citizens of a small city in Pennsylvania and Bucky knows they are only going to spend some time together. Steve's officially retired from being Captain America, passing the shield to Sam, but he's still active, helping in rebuilding S.H.I.E.L.D. He is happy but the change of workplace distanced him from his friends.

Deep down Bucky knows it's not a bad thing, having some distance between them. Steve did not change much, the scrawny kid from Brooklyn still in him, but Bucky did change. The Bucky Barnes Steve was fighting for was long gone and Steve had a hard time accepting this, he just wanted his friend back and the assassin understood. But he was someone else and he had to deal with it. There’s no use looking, that Bucky died when he fell, even if his body was stil alive. That's why his and Sam's friendship worked so well. Sam did not know him *before*, he had no expectations for Bucky to live up to, they could just get to know each other from the ground up.

The mission goes well, there was no reason for it to go sideways whatsoever. The base was old and abandoned so all they could really do is look for any remaining machinery or files but there's nothing and for some reason, Bucky is disappointed. He wasn't looking for anything specific but seeing the empty file cabinets sends a ping of anger. He dismisses it as having wasted his morning at a mission any newbie could complete.

They seal the entrance, set some sensors in case Hydra came crawling back, and they head back to Quinjet. Steve continues filling him on his life from the point he ended on when they landed, but Bucky can't force himself to listen.

*

He is sparing with Natasha when he finally remembers.

"Did I have a partner in Hydra?" he asks between hits surprising the redhead and she doesn't dodge in time and the hit lands at the side of her face. She swears under her breath and steps back.

"What?"

He repeats the question and focuses on her face.

"Why?" she asks back and Bucky shrugs.

"No reason, just curious," he tries to be as nonchalant as possible, "there were some teams but I don't remember having anyone by my side."

"I thought you remembered everything?" she asks with concern lacing her tone.

"I do," he is quick to assure growing more and more uncomfortable, maybe he shouldn't have asked, "just making sure I'm not missing anything."

Natasha turns her back to him and heads to the side of the training mat where her water bottle stands. She takes few sips before answering and he wonders if she's stalling or genuinely thirsty. Her shoulders are tensed up but without looking at her face he can't really decide, it could be from the hit she took.

"We worked together," she says turning to him and he nods, letting her know he remembers.

Bucky's mind goes back to the memories of their time working together, Black Widow and Winter Soldier. She seems to be lost in her memories too and smiles at him passing by to walk out of the gym.

"There were rumors of Winter Soldier working alongside a girl but it was just me," she says before closing the door behind her and Bucky feels like someone punched all air out of him.

It wasn't her.

next: CHAPTER 3