sicklydying

[sicklydying]

black coffee for breakfast and dinner 

[sicklydying]

My only reason to be alive is being pretty. 

[sicklydying]

I will be under 35kg by 31 october 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

[sicklydying]

So kinda a Plan for tomorrow

8:00= wake up, do my bed, drink water

8:20= work out

8:40= skincare, wash my hair etc.

9:10= small Breakfast

9:40= maths

10:00= drink water, get ready

11:00= maths

12:00= clean house

13:00= meet with a friend

Idk more yet. I really need to study more Maths so I will try to study at least one hour more after meeting with my bestie. And maybe read but I really want to at least try to focus on the book and idk how tired and how motivated I will be

[sicklydying]

I am trying to eat. I don't want to relapse but on the inside I already did. I feel so bad I ate so much. Ew. But tomorrow I will do better. I will eat only a little bit. Only as much as I have to. So they don't see that I don't really want to eat. I will drink much water and do a small workout or more. Maybe I will also go on a walk or smth. I will plan my day tmrw in some minutes. I really need to focus more on my goals

[sicklydying]

Planning a waterfast around 31th october, wanted to drink alcohol actually but being skinny is kinda more important tbh. We will see. I just want to use the opportunity that my mom will be away to do a long waterfast loll. I really can't wait.

[sicklydying]

Can't wait for school to start again so I can skip lunch more often. Just idk because I don't have anyone I can meet up with anymore since I don't have a girlfriend soooo yea idk. Might just start staying longer after school to do my hw there and fake eating lunch there too. I'd be at home At 4pm maybe, might sleep a bit, do art and study and then have low cal dinner or also skip dinner. Ahhhhh would be a vibe tbh

[sicklydying]

OKAY trying to be productive tomorrow, probably won't work out but its worth a try ig.

8:00=wake up

8:15= clean my room

8:30= workout

9:00= shower

9:30= get ready

10:30= homework

11:30= go on a walk or smth

12:00= study maths

14:00= make low cal lunch and eat it

15:30= study maths

17:00= listen to music and vibe etc., social Media (look at thinspo probably lol)

17:30= Plan meals etc.

19:00= maybe eat a low cal meal. Only if I will get forced to eat tho.

20:00= idk man

TW ED, calories

I will look how low in calories I can make a meal and probably eat it everyday for the next 1000 years so I become skinni

[sicklydying]

I could talk 24/7 about her and feelings, what she made me feel, how our relationship was and EVERYTHING. I do have an unhealthy Obsession about her still, after almost one month after our break up bc I am stupid but well. I will try to obsess over calories and food again, might get me faster to my goals. Yk.

[sicklydying]

TW suicide and mental disorders

I am diagnosed with depressive episodes, a focus Problem and I might have social anxiety said the therapist at the mental hospital Last year.

I think I might also be neurodivers, but we have to wait to know better. Idk man maybe we will never know, might kill myself before or smth <3

[sicklydying]

Random thoughts rn (TW ED):

I told her that I will never leave her but instead she left me :3 Guess I wasn't that important to her, she knew I can't live without her but she broke up and left me after all the beautiful things she said and did to me and after all I die for her.. I was her first Partner.... I thought I might be worth something but I guess I knew the truth before: I am not worth anything. Anyways I am so happy when I am skinny I will be so bones ahh. I can't wait to feel how empty my stomach will be, my bones and to be that only skin and bones that I am too weak to be alone. Maybe then she will care.. maybe somebody will care. I miss being under 40kg

[sicklydying]

Plan for next week (eating)

TW ED, calories

breakfast: Mo-Fr: skip; Sa+Su: porridge less than 200 cals

lunch: <300cals

Dinner: <200cals

yeee the less the better

[sicklydying]

sry just need to vent lol

TW ED, weight and numbers

Lost like 5kg during my relationship around one month ago. Maybe it was after the breakup tho. My weight a few days after the break up was around 43kg. I did not really notice that I lost again. I did not eat normally tho, maybe 200cal a day when I met with my ex girlfriend 2 times a week, 2-3 meals 4 days of the week and one meal on wednesdays because I had therapy after school. so, I did not lose a big big lot but definetly lost weight. I was doing so bad but I miss the lost weight and also the relationship with that girleven thought I felt not always good because of the relationship, still love her kinda. I got vaccinated last week and my doctor weigthed me because we havent in a long time and he needed to check. I was 44,6kg. I did not gain VERY much weight even thought I ate a lot bc I tried to recover from a bad depression episode and I ate like a normal human being even thought I didnt want to, I am doing my best to get better mentally but I just see that I cant but thats a subject for another post lol. sooooo I have holidays and I am kinda relapsing idk I cant motivate myself to do anything productive anymore and I want to do a plan kinda so I start being more productive. I want to be better, prettier and smarter..

I also want to reach a new lw. I´ve been struggling with ED since 6th grade. had a bad relapse in 2019 and my lowest weight was around 38,6kg.

GOD I miss that.. I was so thin :/ my 1. GW is 37kg but I am sure I want to reach a lower weight between 30kg and 35kg. I´m 161cm btw. And 16 years old.