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[siereads]

Everyone has that one book that sticks to their bones, and, for me, that book is Summer Sons. It's gritty and painful and filled with hunger and yearning. It's dark and beautiful and sucks you under to the point that you don't even care that you're drowning in the story anymore.

This isn't a review, I've already done that for Summer Sons, but gods, I feel like I always come back to this book. It's burrowed deep into my bones and nestled into me in a way I cannot get rid of (and I don't ever want to either). There is a reason I have three copies of it, there's a reason I am constantly trying to get people to read it.

The thrum of life against the cold spread of death and ghastly haunts is so beautifully done. The way grief can cause such spirals and desperation, fighting against a tide trying to pull you under and let the currents have thier way with you. This book is everything to me and more.

I never did a chapter-by-chapter series of notes for this book the first time I read it. I couldn't have, even if I had wanted to. There had been nothing that could tear me away from it. I devoured it like a starved creature and still was not fully sated. It's the one book that, if I had the chance to read it for the first time all over again, I would take it. Even knowing what happens, what's coming next on every page, it makes my blood run cold and my heart pound in a rush of dread and fear and anxiety.

A friend of mine recently asked me what the book was about and I gave her my quick summary, my favorite way to describe the book. Gays, ghosts, drugs, fast cars, and murder. Everything I could possibly want in a book. She laughed, said it sounded good, and I beamed, hoping like hell she was going to add it to her ever growing TBR.

I could have gone into more detail, but I know myself. If I start talking about what the book is about on a deeper level, the intricate details of reality combined with horror, I'd never shut the fuck up and I'd end up spoiling the whole plot. I don't mention the curse, the way Eddie's ghost clings to Andrew like a second skin, or the millions of other details stitched into the very fabric of the story.

This isn't a review, I know I said that already, but I need to reiterate that point. This is really just a rambling mass of my feelings as I reread this book, huddled in my bed, trying to pretend that world outside of its pages doesn't exist for a little while. Maybe it's a little on the escapist side of things, but hey, we all need to cope somehow, right?

My final thoughts in all of this are that it has been nearly 4 years since I first read this book and not only does it still make me cry but I am still struck with this feeling of how can I possibly move on now that it's done? I'll get that sensation the first time I read a book, but this is the only one that I have found to trigger that emotion every single time. Which means I'm sitting here with tear streaked cheeks, the book silent in my lap, and no idea what to do next aside from finish whatever this is and contemplate just reading it again.

Either way, I'm going to let the haunt overtake me until I can't feel myself beyond it.

[siereads]

My Darling Dreadful Thing Review Notes

Spoilers below the cut TW: abuse mentions, death

Please, for the love of GOD, tell me this is not this girl's mother making her go through all this shit.

What is Ruth? Because it doesn't sound like she's a human spirit and I'm also kind of curious if Ruth is actually real or if this is just all in the narrator's head.

Well, now I'm mildly terrified of Ruth. So thanks for that.

Oh cool, the abusive bitch is her mother. Lovely. And racist too.

Please tell me Roos's mother dies.

Agnes seems like she knows some shit ain't up to code here.

Welp. That doctor seems inappropriate as fuck. 10/10 not a fan of his ass.

Well, that's certainly one way to get caught as a fraud. They really should have considered what languages this woman spoke with her husband before they tried to grift her.

Okay, it helps a little that this bitch is not Roos's mother, but where is Roos's mother?

What does Ruth mean that Agnes could see her and that she brought her own creepy spirit with her? I really wish Roos would have been able to be honest with the doctor.

Why did Agnes literally just buy Roos? That seems kind of fucking weird.

Well, at least Agnes wants to buy her nice clothes and a warm coat so she doesn't fucking freeze to death.

I can't tell if I'm supposed to like Agnes or not. I want to like her, she seems like a badass, but I'm scared to like her because what if she's a psychotic bitch? Or worse, what if she dies? I may be a little scarred from the last 2 books I read.

Oh, okay, so Agnes and Roos are alike. That's why she bought Roos. I wonder what the story with Agnes's spirit companion is.

I still don't like this doctor.

All of this just feels sketchy as fuck but it's also slower in pace than what I like. It just feels like it's dragging on with very little actually happening. Please, please pick up the pace.

I can't decide if I'm annoyed or relieved at the glossing over of conversations.

Why do I get the feeling that Agnes brought Roos to the estate to be a new body for her sister in law?

I wanted to like this one, I did, but I'm going to have to DNF this at 34%. I might try it again at another point in time but that time is not now.

[siereads]

My Darling Dreadful Thing Review

Rating: 1/5

I wanted to like this book, I really did. And I tried, good gods, I fucking tried but it was so mind numbingly slow that I just could not get into it. I made it about 34% before I finally threw in the towel.

Nothing about any of the characters was all that interesting to me, and with everything being told by Roos, it made the characters all sound the same. The lack of differentiation was just another aspect I struggled with.

Ruth was creepy to start with, but very quickly felt flat and barely important.

Maybe the book gets better in the second half, but I can't give an answer on that. Maybe one day I'll try again and it'll click, but I sincerely doubt that.

[siereads]

A small note: the review notes for Hazelthorn will not be posted until after its release in October as they do contain serious spoilers.

[siereads]

Hazelthorn Review

Rating: 5/5

*I received an advance copy from Netgalley in exchange for my honest review*

Oh, how I devoured this book. The language, the setting, the characters, the hunger, and rage.

Broken boys with cultivated boredom and sharp tongues are a weakness for me, I admit, and Laurie, oh, Laurie. This boy was equal parts infuriating and heartbreaking ,and I was torn between wanting to soothe his pain and shaking him until he fell apart at the seams.

Evander, however, reminded me a lot of my oldest nephew with his mannerisms and I could not help but love him and want so badly to protect him at all costs.

I would burn the world down for these two lonely boys.

Murder, mayhem, clawing vines and creeping roots, secrets tucked behind gilded elegance and caught behind sharp teeth.

That would be akin to swallowing poison and relishing the taste.

There's beauty in letting go, in letting yourself be violently and unapologetically who you are down to your core, for better or worse. For anyone that has ever felt the need to push themselves down, to dilute who they are to fit some ideal, you're not alone and this book will sing against your very bones.

I do like that there isn't much focus on the secondary characters in this one. I know a lot of people would complain, and, usually, I would be one of them, but putting the focus so heavily on Evander and Laurie works for this one. I was sucked in from the first chapter, needing to know everything, craving every interaction between these two characters even when it ripped my heart to shreds (there were real tears and enough shouting to annoy the cats, but that's not important).

I would sell vital organs to be able to re-read this for the first time again.

[siereads]

Don't Let The Forest In Review Notes

Spoilers below the cut TW: suicide, suicidal ideation, death, gore, mental illness, trauma, hallucinations

Ok, so, one, I really like the writing style of this and, 2, I sort of get the feeling Thomas is dead. I'm gonna be so fucking pissed like what the shit? All this seems to be leading up to is, yeah, no, the dude that Andrew is so fucking in love with is absolutely dead.

I'm gonna assume that the forest is evil or cursed or some shit if Andrew's dad is trying to get him to promise not to go in the forest. Is the forest cursed?

There is a fine line between sad emo boy vibes and school shooter vibes. And I'm not fucking sure which side of that line Andrew's gonna fall on and I am anxious.

Shout out to Thomas for being not dead though.

The fuck did Thomas do to get the cops on his ass already?

What did Thomas and Andrew do in the woods? Why are Thomas and Dove pissed off at each other? I'm getting so many questions and no fucking answers at this point.

Did...did Thomas murder his fucking parents?!

Dove and Thomas better not end up together. I will throw myself off of a goddamn fucking cliff.

OK, so Bryce is a dick and I hate him already. Lana seems chill tho.

Why is it so scandalous that Andrew punched a mirror? I have so much confusion here.

Wtf licked Andrew???

OK, but little baby Thomas protecting little baby Andrew was really cute and like, no fucking wonder Andrew has the biggest crush on Thomas ever, like, holy shit.

Andrew had the perfect chance to tell Thomas how he felt and he didn't take it. I swear to god if these 2 do not end up together by the end of the book I'm gonna be so upset.

Kind of here for Lana calling Andrew out. Sweet boy anybody that looks at you for 2 seconds can tell you're not a straight child.

Awwwwww Andrew's breaking the rules and sneaking into the forest! Man, if some other weird non-physical thing licks him in the woods, I'mma be so creeped out.

Ummmm. Why the fuck is there blood under the tree? Why is Thomas in the tree with blood under it? That would be a lot of blood to make the Earth that wet and spongy. I have Concerns.

Maybe I read too many a fairy style horror books, but is Thomas a fucking changeling at this point? Is this really even Thomas? I have fucking concerns.

Okay, not blood. That's a bit of a relief, but, uh, why is Andrew having hallucinations?

Why doesn't Thomas want Andrew gowing into the woods? I thought Thomas was Mr. Break all of the rules. What the fuck happened in these goddamn woods? I'm really beginning to think the fucking forest is cursed or haunted or some shit.

I just want answers and all I'm getting are more fucking questions.

Thomas and Andrew fighting fills me with such anxiety. I don't like it. I don't want them fighting. -insert frustrated anger noises here-

Andrew thinking Thomas actually did murder.His parents hurts, but then he went and took the blood stain shirt and buried it and oh baby.

Oh, Andrew thinking Thomas murdered his parents hurt. But then he went and burried that bloodstained shirt. Honey, you can't be doing that. Das illegal.

I don't like any of this. The fact that Andrew's feeling so alone, he has to call his dad? No, no, no, no, no, no, no no, that is all wrong. What are Dove and Thomas doing if she also has forest dirt and leaves and shit on her? I don't like this.

This is making me so anxious I'm going to puke.

What is Thomas trying to protect Andrew from? Also, why is Andrew so fucking stupid? Boy, shut your goddamn mouth.

No, but seriously. Why are there mushrooms in Andrew's pocket?

OK, what the hell is going on here? I can't decide if Dove knows something or just genuinely thinks her brother's losing his shit. And I can't tell if Andrew's hallucinating or if this shit that he's experiencing is real. I have questions, comments, and concerns.

It's giving horror movie schizophrenic break. What is Andrew doing?

Wait, hold up, can Thomas see the monsters too? Is this not all in Andrew's head? Or is this some sort of shared delusion because that is unfortunately, also a very real possibility.

If Thomas just killed a person and not a monster I'm gonna be really fucking pissed.

So are the monsters strictly Thomas's creation or do some of them come from the things that Andrew writes as well? Are the monsters actually real? I mean, that seemed pretty real. This is still leaving me with more questions than answers.

Thomas having a panic attack in class fucking hurt and that teacher was a goddamn dick. As someone that regularly has panic attacks, I would have thrown hands.

Yeah, I get the feeling that destroying the sketchbook did fucking nothing.

What is Lana's issue with Thomas? What... fucking, I'm so confused. What are Thomas and Dove fighting about? Why is Thomas supposedly a coward? Bitch, I need answers.

Oh my god. Would these idiot boys just admit how they feel about each other or kiss already? God fucking damn.

The fact that Thomas had already stated that the monsters are going after anybody that he's close to makes me think that the monsters are actually coming from fucking Andrew. Because Andrew wanted Thomas's parents dead. He wanted them dead because they were abusing Thomas and he didn't know how to fucking protect him. And if they're going after people like that and Thomas thinks it's his responsibility to save everyone... It seems more likely that the monsters are actually coming from Andrew and his writing than they are from Thomas's drawings. Especially when you remember that Thomas draws a lot of what Andrew writes. I could be very much wrong here.

Several nights with no monsters attacking the boys should make me feel comforted and secured and instead it's just making me more anxious. I need to go to the fuck to sleep.

Andrew writing in mirror reverse seems like a really bad sign. Is he infected by whatever is going on in the fucking forest? Is he secretly possessed by a monster? I have concerns.

The way everyone is acting so cagey, I'm beginning to think that Thomas is also in love with Andrew and they're both just fucking idiots who don't know how to admit shit to each other. And I kind of want to strangle both of them for it.

Well, I'm not eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich anytime soon. Thanks for that.

Okay, but if any of this was real, then surely somebody would have heard all the glass shattering as the vines are coming through and trying to eat Andrew or whatever. What the fuck?

Okay, one that teacher deserved to die. I don't care. He was a bitch. And two, the Antler King calling Andrew "Prince" makes me really uneasy. Can we not? Please and thank you.

Okay. So, if the school is saying that a bad root system destroyed part of the school, then that means there is some truth to what's going on. And I don't know if that makes it better or worse.

What has Dove's panties all in a bunch? Thomas hasn't told Andrew what they fought about. Dove won't tell Andrew what they fought about. What the fuck did Dove and Thomas fight about?

I don't know what's creepier, the fact that Andrew pulled a fucking seed basically out of his ear or the fact that now his ear's all swollen again and it feels like something is growing inwards. This book is stressing me the fucking out.

Not Thomas out here breaking my fucking heart by basically begging Andrew to kill him if things gets worse. Fuck my life.

Okay but I like Lana and will be very pissed if anything happens to her. Also, Andrew and Thomas, please no braincell sharing about killing Bryce. Just...please. Y'all are already in enough shit.

The fact that the monster was only killed after Andrew wrote about it on the tree really kind of goes back to the idea of what if Andrew's actually the one creating the monsters and not Thomas? But it also gives the idea of what if the two of them are so interlinked that it has to be a collaborative effort?

Oh cool. So the sacrifice that the monsters want is for Andrew to cut out Thomas's fucking heart. Because that's not shitty or anything. What the fuck?

Andrew asking Thomas if he would die for him. Nope did not like that. No, sir, no, can we fucking not?!

If this turns out to be some weird suicide pact, I'm gonna be so fucking pissed.

Oh no, now I'm crying because Thomas confessed his feelings about Andrew and he ranaway like a little bitch. AHHHHHH!!!!

I love Lana. What the fuck happened between Dove and Thomas?

Chloe is fucking adorable. Why does Lana think Andrew punching out a mirror was Thomas's fault?

Oh, fucking dammtt! It's like they were just about to kiss and then a goddamn monster showed up in the fucking cafeteria. What the fucking shit???

Not me screaming as Andrew finally admits to Thomas that he wants nothing but him as well. Why can't they just kiss? Just let my boys be happy. Also, the dream ravager sounds fucking terrifying and now I'm gonna have goddamn nightmares.

Bryce is a lying little snitch and I want one of the monsters to fucking eat him.

Again, what the fuck happened between Thomas and Dove? I'm getting real sick of this question not being answered. Also, what's going on with Andrew being all mister mossy boy cause I have concerns.

As a child that loves the woods, the idea of the woods growing inside of my body is fucking terrifying. This is kind of making me reconsider my whole "I want to run away and live in the woods" thing, holy fucking shit.

Me, in a shocked voice: HOLY FUCK

Me and a much happier voice: haha Bryce's death is satisfying.

I wish we would have had more description on Bryce's death. But I'm also really fucking afraid of Andrew now because at this point I'm pretty convinced that this is all his doing considering he just threatened to kill bryce a couple pages ago. So, like, yikes?

At this point I feel like everybody knows what happened between Dove and Thomas, except for me and Andrew. And I'm getting really fucking annoyed. And what was Dove doing in the woods? I'm so stressed out.

Wait woah, hold up. What do you mean Thomas was arrested and didn't come back to school. Ll? What do you mean Andrew has been hallucinating literally fucking all of this? No, no, no I callbullshit. What the fuck?

Wait , what do you mean Dove as dead and that was a monster Andrew was talking to? WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS BOOK? I AM SO STRESSED. WHAT IS EVEN REAL ANYMORE????

But yay the boys finally kissed? Maybe? IF ANY OF THIS IS FUCKING REAL.

Hold the fuck up. What do you mean Dove has been dead this entire fucking time?

And the punching out the mirror thing now makes a lot more fucking sense. I fucking wish it didn't.

OK, I'm crying. Are they both dead? I don't know what's real. Did Andrew kill Thomas and is just a hallucinating those last words? Are they both dead? I don't know what's real.

Okay. I slept on it, and I'm still traumatized. On one hand, it's super likely that Andrew killed Thomas and then himself. Andrew could have also killed Thomas and died of technically natural causes before anyone found them given the fact that Andrew hasn't eaten in who fucking knows how long. The third option is that both boys are still alive and notebook counted as the heart that needed to be buried.

I really want to go with the hopeful ending that they're both alive and the notebook was the "heart". Please let me have fucking hope.

[siereads]

Don't Let the Forest In Review

Rating: 5/5

*I received an advance copy from Netgalley in exchange for my honest review*

The raw brutality and sheer horrific beauty of this book left me breathless, crying, and maybe a little traumatized.

Every detail of this book has buried itself in my bones in a way that I don't think I'll ever be able to shake. The stunning imagery, the devastation, the way it drove me to the point of anxiety-induced nausea as it triggered my fight or flight response. Trying to organize my thoughts and feelings into a cohesive thing feels almost as easy as catching wind with a net.

Andrew and Thomas. Andrew and Thomas. Two boys so deeply intertwined that one can scarcely exist without the other. Broken and bitter, filled with rage and pain and horror. One the slow simmering, quiet rage, fingers ink-stained with poetry on his lips. The other a bright and brash, bold sort of anger, quick to spill out from between the lines of his teeth, barbed wire tongue, and paint-stained nails. The writer and the artist, feeding off of the other and dissolving into one another.

Even the side characters were a force of their own. Lana, brave and angry but so deeply loyal that she would fight for someone long after they were gone, protective and sweet under that gruff exterior. Chloe, the sweet wallflower offering quiet friendship and support with no judgment or question. I loved these two girls with my whole heart.

In contrast, Bryce and his horrid friends and Clemens, the teacher putting down students to feel bigger than he was. Loathsome, wretched people that you hope get devoured by the evil lurking in the shadows.

I spent the entire book rooting for Thomas and Andrew, needing so badly for them to just open their mouths and be honest with one another. I really should have been more specific with my wishes because even in the height of the moment, it cut me to shreds and left me wondering if the vines and thorns from the book were actually safely contained within its pages or if they had found a way to spill out and manifest in the real world.

Not that I have any concept of what's real anymore.

Every time I thought I had nailed down what was going on, it would veer off course, diving deeper into the forest until there was no trace of a path in sight, and oh, how I flung myself into that darkness with open arms. Even now, sitting in my bed and trying to put it all into words, I'm not even sure what's real. I've never been so unsure of the reality of a story in my life.

It ends on a question, open ended and open to interpretation, so if that is not your thing, be warned. But, even with that, I would still recommend this achingly, beautifully, haunting book again and again.

Are the monsters real or do they just live inside all of us, waiting, hungry, aching to escape? I don't know if I'll ever have an actual answer for that, but this book will haunt my thoughts and, honestly, my dreams for the rest of my life.

[siereads]

So I took a small break to reread some books (my yearly rereads). I'm roughly 63% through one I'm going to be reviewing though so keep an eye out! Should be finishing the book tonight or tomorrow~

[siereads]

Good-Bye Valentine review notes

Trigger Warnings: SA, dub-con, gore, body horror, torture, mutilation, murder, violence

The writing style is pretty repetitive and the opening isn't very strong. The first thing we learn about Mel is that she caught her fiance fucking her bestie. No character development means that scene lacks emotional resonance.

Chapter two includes SA and her biting her attacker's dick off before stabbing him in the eye. An eye gore trigger warning would have been nice. And then she finger bangs herself in the tub to the mental image of torturing her ex to death and making the girl he cheated on her with watch. What the actual fuck. Is this just gonna be a torture porn boom with ZERO character development???

Aaaaand then she fucks her ex fiance while picturing his body mangled. Fucking what? No. Please stop.

Then she beats her ex bestie unconscious, ties her up with duct tape, admits her murder fantasies, aaaaaand fingers herself again while her hostage watches.

I have Concerns.

Cool. Kidnapped the ex fiance now too. Cool, cool, cool.

Aaaand she just strung Tess up and sexually assualted her. I hate everything about this book.

And again with fucking her ex. Only this time she followed getting cream pied up with literally stabbing Tess in the stomach.

That's...That's not how anatomy works. Did this author do any research on how wounds work???? NONE OF THAT IS HOW BODIES WORK.

Also, the jumping from past tense and present tense is disorienting and makes this whole mess lack cohesion.

Tess is dead. Mel fucks Dylan again and then stabs him in the chest. How do people read this shit?

So she dragged her ex's corpse out of the cellar to sit by the lake where she then fucks herself with the handle of the knife she used to kill him before straddling his corpse and gutting him to pull out his heart. Because her trophies are Dylan's heart and Tess's heart and nipples. What the actual fuck.

The police investigation ending in "oh well, guess they ran off together" is such bullshit and there's no way that a cellar in a crumbling cabin can be cleaned so completely that there's no evidence.

But hey, sure, go off with that delusional ass ending and Mel going full serial killer.

[siereads]

Good-Bye, Valentine Review

Rating: 0/5

The only good things I can say about this absolute mess are that it's short and that it ends.

Our introduction to our main characters is Mel catching Dylan, her fiance, in bed with Tess, her best friend. There is no lead-up to any of that, it's just right off the bat so there's no real emotional connection to anything going on.

Even after that, there's no character development at all. The writing is repetitive at best and the tense flips between past and present constantly, in the same scenes and not because something is a flashback or anything.

I used to complain that the Saw franchise was just straight-up torture porn and gore and I now have to recant that statement because I would rather watch that entire series straight through than ever read this again. At least the Saw movies have a plot.

There is a fair amount of SA and dubious consent scenes and Mel is the main perpetrator of the assault. On top of rapidly turning into a serial killer who is apparently so smart that she doesn't get caught for murdering her ex fiance and ex best friend.

I am also convinced the author has never read even a basic article about how human bodies function. Their descriptions make absolutely no sense and are in no way how bodies work or how the types of injuries inflicted work. Research and a good editor are your friends.

I need to stop trusting stuff your kindle events.

[siereads]

Celestial Monsters Review Notes

Notes under a read more due to spoilers

I'm so mad at Xio. HE COULD HAVE MADE A CHOICE. HE HAD FRIENDS. TEO AND NIYA WOULD HAVE MADE THINGS WORK. Gonna shake that kid until he sees he's been manipulated because holy hell. Mala Suerte may not being his biological father, but he's still his *Dad* dammit.

Huemac being proud of Teo does not shock me. That mans KNEW Teo wasn't capable of killing.

Teo: it's the end of the world. My dumbass: as we know it! And I feel fiiiiine! While Niya rants about wanting to beat Xio to a pulp

Aurelio's older sister, Brilla, is baby and I love her. The actual compassion, gentleness, reassurance, and support she showed Teo, Aurelio, and Niya was very much needed. Teo also needed to be told by someone that had been in his position that he had done the brave thing.

Xio, you're a dumbass. Baby boy, they is using you, wake up and smell the shit. Also, what y'all are doing to Dezi and Marino especially is cruel beyond measure.

Auristela, please, baby girl, shut your goddamn mouth.

Xio out here testing my patience. I know he's fictional and a child but good gods is he testing my goddamn patience.

Oooh we love a good, hastily abandoned, creepy ass town after a sleep over in the creepy ass desert cabin.

Teo, now is NOT the time to be horny.

I feel like, at this point, Teo just needs a tattoo across his forehead that reads "The Plan Guy"

Niya needing reminded who she's the daughter of and what her skills are is exactly why Teo is The Plan Guy xD You go girl, beat the fuck out of those sentient rocks.

Niya: I've changed my mind about helping people. I don't like them anymore

Me: Girl, same.

Niya breaking down sobbing because she doesn't think she's strong enough to pull off this mission is making my heart hurt. Someone give this sweet angel baby a soft, fuzzy blanket, a warm cookie, and a hug jfc.

Also. I do appreciate the reminders that these kids are just that, kids.

Just got me over here singing that Xio is a dick. I'm hoping someone slaps some sense into that kid. Like goddamn.

Teo, sweetie, stop getting so defensive. Being underestimated isn't always a bad thing in the literal end of the world.

Niya is the most ADHD coded little shit and like, dammit, mood. I too would have been playing with the good luck charms because ooh smooth and make click clack sound.

Mala Suerte is giving Giles with his shade. I am so fucking here for it.

This mans is fighting for his life talking to these dense ass children and I just...oh Mala Suerte, you poor, poor, sweet, scary man. May peace find you because otherwise you'll be stuck with these three morons for another 6 hours.

He tried so damn hard for Xio. Tried to protect that baby and raise him with love. Even now he still has hope for his son. Xio might not be his blood, but he damn sure is Suerte's kid.

I'm glad the trio got a glimpse into who Suerte really is as a person and how much care the man has. He deserves to be seen for the complete person he is instead of just the assumptions everyone else puts on him.

Oof. Just...oof. Xio, baby, you feel like shit because you know what you did was wrong. It's why Teo's voice is still in your head like a weird Jimminy Cricket. Baby. You are being MANIPULATED. Venganza does not care about you beyond what he can use you for.

Boys. Boys, now is NOT the time to flirt.

I love gay panic

Okay, who are you feral jungle child and how did you know the big scary monster that mimics crying babies wanted to play fetch? Am *I* hallucinating? What the actual fuck?

How did all of the gods miss a whole ass village out by Los Restos? One of the trials was literally just held out there. How do you miss a whole ass collection of people????

This is def making me think there's a lot more that went down with the OG war against the Obsidians. We're def missing pieces here.

Xio getting called tf out! Which needed to happen cuz damn. Hopefully this is the tipping point?

Xio having a crisis of gender in the middle of the apocalypse they set off is genuinely hilarious because, fucking hell, what a goddamn mood.

But also, Xochi calling Xio and Atzi out like "we get it, y'all *like* eachother" is equally fucking funny.

I. Love. Atzi. She is BABY. Telling Xio to their face that they're only a monster if they chose to be and she just thinks they're lost right now? Sweet, precious, angel baby.

She right tho.

Seeing how this little village deals with "monsters" and being told they're just animals was def something the trio needed. Plus, I really love Paz and her patience in explaining it all to them

I hate how much Lumbre has destroyed Aurelio's sense of self worth. Abusive ass bitch.

WE GOT SMOOCHES!!!!!!!! Awkwardly clumsy smooches BUT STILL SMOOCHES

Niya bouncing back from her breakdown over Xio's betrayal to tease Teo about kissing Aurelio is why, once again, I'm reminded that she's my literal favorite.

Stela needs to learn to keep her mouth SHUT and Xio needs to wake up and smell the bullshit.

Me: anxiously waiting for Xio and their dad's monster to show up and attack the trio.

Xio: -pops up-

Me: Shit

-squints suspiciously at Xio- I can't tell if they're genuinely trying to give warning and help or if this is a trap. Please for the love of fucking everything let it be genuine.

XIO, MY BABY, YOU'VE COME BACK TO US!!! YOU'VE COME TO YOUR GODDAMN SENSES!!

Also, not at all shocked that 1. the owl witch's weakness was salt because, ya know, salt's a purifier and 2. Niya, girl, the net? Really?

Niya's begrudging acceptance of Xio coming back with them including the phrase "fine but I'm going to be a dick about it" is a vibe

Super glad Xio seems to be doing the right thing. Atzi's gonna be thrilled.

The gang being back together and teasing one another again genuinely made me forget for a moment that they were basically in hell. Ope. Thanks for the reminder Chupie.

Nope. Nope. No. Nuh uh. No. Absolutely fucking not. YOU CAN'T GIVE ME CUTE FIREBIRD FEELS AND THEN HAVE AURELIO PLAY FUCKING SACRIFICE. I FUCKING REFUSE

Jesus fucking christ I need to stop reading and go to bed...

Fantasma! My beloved! Trust that sweet little bean to give the most unassuming gift to Teo that ends up being the literal best thing in the middle of a battle they were about to lose.

And I'm fucking crying. Again. STOP GIVING ME FEELS

Hell yeah, kids! Fuck the system. Tear that shit down and build something better.

CAN WE STOP TRYING TO SACRIFICE OURSELVES??? First Aurelio and now Xio. Jesus, kids, stop. No. Bad children.

Awww, the bird army has arrived!!! Here for it.

Lmfao Auristela, baby girl, you don't even know where you're going. But also, Dezi and Marino are literally the cutest.

Daaaaaamn what a POWER MOVE, Xio! And ayyyyy on them realizing exactly who tf they are and who their real dad is! Proud!!!

Yesssss!!! Call in the parentals!!!

Teo screaming what I've been for the last few chapters xD fucking mood. E'eryone needs to stop tryna off themselves to save the world.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NOT SUERTE!!!! -ugly sobbing like a little bitch- like, I get why he did it, I do, but dammit, that fucking HURT.

I understand why the gods left but I don't have to like it.

Yucca is def gonna be pissed when they all show up xD

Okay but that was a good ending AND I AM EMOTIONAL

[siereads]

The Sunbearer Trials Review Notes

Notes under a read more for spoilers

I really appreciate the little prologue that lays out the mythology of the book. Some books like to just throw you into the deep end so having that foundation is nice.

Calling it now, Teo is being built up as the Unlikely Hero. Willing to bet real money (that my broke ass does not have) that he's going to end up in the trials to be a Sunbearer. Also, talking to birds sounds like an awful ability to have. There are Too Many Birds and that sounds like sensory overload hell.

Okay, but like, what is the beef between Teo and Aurelio??? I am too impatient for this!

I like Niya. I agree with her that she should be able to be topless if her brothers can be topless. Free the tiddies! She is also in on the beef with Aurelio and dammit, I need to know! What is the beef here? Why is there beef here? WHAT DID AURELIO DOOOOOO????

The way I literally just screamed "THE FUCK?!" when I got to the bit about sacrificing a literal kid to refuel the Sun Stones. Bruh. Honey bruh. What in the actual fuck?

FUCKING CALLED IT ON TEO.

Xio is literally a BABY (13 is still a baby) and his dad's reaction is 100% a mood.

I do appreciate the fact that one of the kids chosen to compete is deaf. I hope we get to see more of Dezi as the book progresses.

Oh. Okay. Teo and Aurelio used to be besties before Aurelio went to the super special school and turned into a mega douche and let his sister and her bestie treat Teo like dirt. Yeah, I'd have beef too. The fuck.

Xio getting teased as a little bean hurt my heart. Glad he's making friends with Teo and Niya and having his feelings and experiences validated.

Ugh, I hate that any time Aurelio shows even a CRUMB of care about Teo, his sister turns into Captain Mega Cunt. Girl, stfu and sit tf down.

Fuck Ocelo. Little bastard literally out here tryna kill folk.

TEO'S WINGS!!!!! Not me ugly crying with joy at his wings finally being his!

Ocelo ranking dead last in the first trial is what I like to call fucking KARMA. Little douchebag needs to learn their lesson.

Ooooh Niya gonna cut a biiiitch!

Finding out about Teo's half sister fucking hurt. Jfc his poor mom reliving that fucking trauma and now needing to be terrified that she's going to lose her son the same way she lost her daughter. I'm crying again.

Teo sucks at work outs and Aurelio is not a mega douche when he's away from his sister and Ocelo.

Teo. Baby boy. Aurelio isn't pointedly ignoring your existence to piss you off. He's ignoring you because you said some damn hurtful shit when he was genuinely trying to help you not break yourself with your dumbass attempt at working out. Buddy. You didn't even *stretch*.

The more Xio comes out of his shell, the more of a little shit he becomes and I am HERE FOR IT. We love a baby snark.

The demigods are able to have 2 same sex biological parents. I dig it. I like that bit of lore on the gods not being bound to mortal restrictions on reproduction and childbirth.

Teo asking his mom about his sister has me ugly crying. Again.

Ocelo stays getting humbled. Love that for them.

Teo rising in the rankings and doing well in the second trial by sheer gentleness gives me the warm fuzzies.

Teo, Teo, Teo. My sweet, *stupid* boy. INITIATING A FIGHT JUST TO TOUCH THE PRETTY FIRE BOY ISN'T THE BEST WAY TO GET...no, wait, pause, rewind. It's a good way to get *pinned* by the pretty fire boy. Carry on.

Teo and Aurelio getting along and Aurelio's subtle way of saying he doesn't want Teo to die (which Teo's dumbass is NOT picking up on) has me EMOTIONAL GODDAMMIT.

Sol out here playing matchmaker for Teo and Aurelio is, honestly, fucking hilarious.

Aurelio not touching Teo's wings because he had never been given permission catching Teo off guard stings. That boy ain't used to people being respectful of his consent. And Aurelio blushing at being given permission? Ugh. Yes. Just fucking kiss already.

The fourth trial being in a Jade city and Teo getting a hero's welcome has my ass in tears. AGAIN.

Love seeing Teo, Marino, and Dezi have each others' backs in this trial.

Opción, baby girl, whatchu hintin' at? Is there a choice? Can the sacrifice be skipped if the Sunbearer says fuck that shit??? Cuz my baby Xio being in last don't sit right with my SOUL.

Okay but why is no one listening??? Teo's RIGHT. Ffs.

Oh. Oh Huemac. I love him.

Aurelio apologizing was sweet and needed. But that led into discussing the abuse he's suffered at the hands of his mother. I'm...heartbroken and disgusted. He's a fucking CHILD. He doesn't deserve that. Fucking hell.

Okay Auristela's been a bitch the whole time BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN SHE SHOULD FUCKING DIE.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP. SWEET BABY XIO IS EVIL???? HE WAS EVIL THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME??? WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK?!

Was not expecting Xio to be an obsidian. Does that mean Mala Suerte is too? How did they go undetected for so long? Where did the kids get taken to?

Jesus Lumbre, your son is TRYING. Stop being a cunt. At least some of the gods are being useful. Good luck to the kids tho like damn y'all.

5 stars would read again

[siereads]

Following the results of the poll, I will be posting my notes from now on as well as my review. Notes will be kept under read mores as they do contain spoilers. I will also tag them for spoilers.

[siereads]

Celestial Monsters Review

Rating: 5/5

Please give me a moment to collect my thoughts and try to work my rambling collection of notes into anything resembling a coherent thought.

This book had me so fucking emotional but I also could NOT stop reading it. I needed to know what was going to come next, what was happening with these beautiful characters, and most importantly, find out if they actually managed to save the world.

Seeing Teo and Aurelio's relationship really begin to bloom in the face of the literal apocalypse helped lighten some of the darker or more emotional moments. It was a great counterbalance to everyone trying to navigate the weight of what they were doing and come to terms with Xio's betrayal.

I also appreciate the duality of Xio's character (and found great amusement in their crisis of gender during all of this because goddamn, what a fucking mood). But, beyond that, I enjoyed watching Xio come into themself and learn from their mistakes.

The new characters introduced were a lot of fun, I especially liked Paz and Yucca. Brilla was a sweetheart and I wish we had seen more of her. It was nice to know that not all of Lumbre's kids shared her ideas.

And, speaking of Lumbre good gods do I hate that woman. Even at the end of everything, she still would have rather lost one of her children than to ever sacrifice herself.

Suerte, on the hand, the man that he is. Getting more insight on him, on why he decided to raise Xio instead of treating him like a monster just because he was the child of Venganza, was desperately needed. His love for his child, his devotion to the humans under his care, the way he was the only one to see the error of things and do the right thing. I'm glad that his way of doing things became the blueprint.

Although, on the topic of the gods, I do also need to give a shout out to Fantasma is who is the most precious, adorable, sweetest little thing. And also proof that the most unassuming items can be wildly powerful with her gifts.

The found family trope was there in the Sunbearer Trials, but it really shines in Celestial Monsters. The ups and downs, the need to protect those you love, finding forgiveness in the darkness... Ugh, yes, flawless.

This was both a perfect continuation and a perfect ending. Would I love to see more of where everyone ended up? Absolutely. Do I need it? No. There's a great sense of closure, I just have abandonment issues that apparently also translate to fictional characters. But that's what re-reading is for, right?

[siereads]

They would be under a read more cut with warnings for spoilers if I do!

[siereads]

The Sunbearer Trials Review

Rating: 5/5

I want to give a quick trigger warning for discussions of child abuse later in the book. I know some people do not do well with scenes like that so I want to make sure anyone that has not read this yet are aware of it.

And now onto the review!

I really appreciate the little prologue that lays out the mythology of the book. Some books like to just throw you into the deep end so having that foundation is nice. Having that background information about the Golds (greater gods) and Jades (lesser gods) made it so much easier to follow along.

Teo. Our Unlikely Hero. I adore Teo. His heart is in the right place, even when he's being kind of an ass. He's not a perfect person, but he's also a kid. He's a seventeen year old child suddenly thrust into something so much bigger than himself, pitted against other children that have been literally trained for this competition for years. Even with that, he still manages to, for the most part, be true to himself and learn to accept parts of himself.

Having a transmasc main character who openly talks about it, the things that make him feel at home in his skin, the things that make him dysphoric, is refreshing. I like that the story does not shy away from it or gloss over it because it's all part of who Teo is and it also plays a part in Xio's self-discovery as well.

Speaking of Xio, he's a great little brother type to Teo and Niya. Like Teo, he was unexpected for the competition but, unlike Teo, he didn't have much going for him, even as a semidios (demigod).

Niya is probably my favorite character. She's got the personality of a yellow lab puppy, hyper and friendly and energetic with no brain-to-mouth filter, her friendship with Teo is hilarious, supportive, and so damn relatable. The fact that she and Teo team up to do their best to protect Xio is, honestly, adorable.

Most of the Gold semidioses took some time to grow on me, but I know that's the point. The conflict between Teo and Aurelio made me feel impatient, and my need to know mounted with every hint. I should have been less desperate to get into it because it hurt. I cried a lot reading this book, not gonna lie.

Another aspect that I enjoyed was the dynamic between Teo and his mom. The raw emotion expressed between the two of them through all of this turmoil and fear. And even in the end, when everything seems at its darkest, Quetzal is still nothing but supportive and loving when it comes to her son.

I thought I knew what the plot twist was going to be in this one but, not gonna lie, it took me by complete surprise and had me screaming what the fuck at 1:15 in the morning on a day that I needed to be up at 7:30 for work. This of course had me up til almost 2am because my dumbass went "I'll go to bed after this chapter" and then The Plot Twist happened and I was not putting the book down.

Honestly, I could ramble on and on about this book for hours if you let me. I have a lot of feelings about it. It's rare that a book will hit me this hard but this one hit me like a train. I can only hope that the sequel is even half as good.

The world needs more LGBTQIA+ literature. The world needs more POC literature. This book is the perfect blend of both. Do yourself a favor and check it out. If you're anything like me when it comes to mythology-style fantasy, you won't be able to put it down (except for the breaks necessary to ugly sob because how dare the book make me feel things).

[siereads]

Flirt Review

Rating: 2/5

Ahh, here we are. The book that finally broke me. Because even in a kidnap situation, Anita still, somehow, walks away with a new boyfriend.

I miss how the series began, when you didn't know if characters were going to live or die. Back when you could get emotionally invested in the characters and then suffer genuine worry and fear about their fates. Now everyone is so closely bound that killing one person is a domino effect so no one dies anymore and it's all about the sex.

You would think that this one would have more of the necromancy angle given how it starts and why Anita gets kidnapped, but it really doesn't. At this point, I don't know if I'm going to finish reading the series or just let this be where I stop entirely.