sighbergeist

[sighbergeist]

on Chipper

i was kind of a lonely boy growing up. i was painfully shy and reserved; sensitive, insecure. i never really felt like i fit in anywhere. and being raised catholic certainly didn’t help. i felt like i always had to play pretend in someone else’s skin. or maybe it was less of a desire to fit in and more of an urge born of a soon-to-be record-breaking people-pleasing streak. whatever. either way, i spent a lot of time alone in my own little world. it would have been all too easy for me to turn inward and begin the time-consuming task of self-destruction. but on christmas morning of 2001 (i was 3 going on 4), there came Ripley, the first of a trio of dogs that gave me the possibility to turn outward and create instead of destroy… but this isn't really about me. this is more like a snapshot of something beautiful and innocent in an effort to honor it. i do think i needed to write this, though.

the four of us — we’d run and explore and play make believe all day. kings, queens, knights, ninjas, pokémon, bakugan, my own “-mon” spin off i’d created. i’d write plays and make music videos starring them. the possibilities were endless. exploring forests until we found a road, sliding down the slide one after another, totally slaughtering bad guys, listening to me cry when i felt like i couldn’t to anyone else. i consider myself lucky. they were family to me. Ripley and Trooper left in 2018, and now, Chipper has left as well.

the final addition to the trio, she was this little Catahoula Leopard Dog pup in the corner of the pound on a spring day in 2009. and when she looked at me with her beautiful honey, sad puppy-dog eyes, i immediately spoke up and requested to meet her. her name was Chi — some hippies were moving and couldn’t take their few-month-old puppy with them so they dropped her off at the shelter. hearing that story made me sad, but i was much much happier. she was timid and reserved like me and i instantly made up my mind that she was the dog we’d take home. her shyness didn’t last and she blossomed into a larger-than-life personality. "Chipper" was very fitting.

she was hilarious. she couldn’t keep up with Trooper so she’d grab onto his tail and he’d drag her. she’d drink water by sticking her nose into the bowl and biting. she’d always be on the prowl to pounce on Trooper, so she’d run on top of my dad’s car to get a better view (which i remember having to help wax once - thanks a lot).

she was so goofy, but she was smart and loyal. she knew friend from foe. she was excited to meet every person invited into our home. she only bit someone once — a guy who was casing our house. he never came back. the ups driver also seemed to have a bad aura, but she never bit them. she was patient with the little dogs and would lie down to play at their level. she’d would watch over Ripley like a hawk, but in a lot of cases, he was watching out for her. one story in particular stands out: she was messing with the donkeys and they got tired of it, so they were chasing her—heads and ears down, hot on her tail, mad as hell like rent was due—out of the pasture. Ripley was watching from just beyond the fence the whole time and as the donkeys ran up to stomp her out, he let out the deepest bark i’d ever heard from him (a mini schnauzer). it was like a cartoonish hit-the-breaks moment for the donkeys and Chipper was able to slip under the fence just in time. she was mischievous and, as kiddo-me would say, a little bit ‘evil’ in the best way.

she was adventurous, full of character, beautiful, and spry (though, she was still rather clumsy and became a bit chonky in her later years). but above all, oh boy, was she good. all she ever wanted to do was please you and be near you. she loved so much with her whole wiggly body and wrinkly forehead. she was gentle, friendly, and affectionate. everyone who met her would say they wanted to take her home. some of my friends may know her as Amanda (idk why). she was my dad’s favorite (that’s a big deal). she had i swear to god, you couldn’t train a dog to be any sweeter, and that’s just how she was. she was the best girl…

it stings a little extra now that i am the last of the original crew. i feel this unfillable absence, a constant dull ache in some undefined cavity in my chest. and though my heart breaks and a heaviness pools at the bottom of my throat, i wouldn't trade it for the world because i consider myself lucky far more than i consider myself sad. i'm happy to have shared even a fraction of this little life with them.

today, i generally blanket reject religious institutions. i think my perspective on the cycle of life is probably best summed up by a combination of the first law of thermodynamics and reincarnation. but there is a part of me that remains spiritual. the same part of me that wants only to do good in this world, if only out of rapacity. i hold out belief that there is something beyond this because, selfishly, i want to run with them again. i want to be greeted in an empty cornfield on a perpetually sunny day, untouched by the years and aches that came. there is no doubt in my mind that my unending optimism that there is good in this scary world is because of those three and the moments we shared. all that youth and beauty and innocence and love won’t be wasted on me.

so, the trio is reunited. i hope i’ll join them one day, in some way or another. rest in peace, Chippie. i’ll miss you. i love you, good night. 🧡

to be loved...

is to be changed <3

Chipper Chica was loved so so so very much for 15 long years. we were so lucky.