It's like you're sitting on the beach. One moment everything is calm, serene, and things never seemed to be better. And then it hits you. Like a wave it crashes into you full force, and you need to have the strength to swim away despite all the forces pulling you underneath the waves. I guess that's the problem. Instead of swimming, I drowned. I drowned in the hateful words, the thoughts, memories. I let it consume me until there was nothing left of me. And now it's time to get past that. OOC READ FIRST
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This is the reason why Hayles is the only person I tell about these things.
Amber would hate me if she knew
Gregg is pissed at me for going away to put flowers on her grave of all things
and even Kristen isn't pleased
at least Hayles goes along with it. I don't know why but I hope she realises that at the end of the day Kaya's dead, and sometimes I have to do things like this to make myself feel better, otherwise I'm going to do something stupid to myself, which I never want to do again.
It's just dumb how my five year old can think so highly of Kaya, and agree to have a sunflower put down just for her, when everyone else thinks this is a disgusting and stupid idea.
I'm just gonna keep quiet.
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The worst part is having that feeling of distance between you, and being in the same city as one another...
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You're a walking mistake.
See what happens when you stick around?
More hurt. More pain.
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What if you wake up one morning and you’re in bed with the love of your life and they have their arm around you and their snoring like a fucking ass hole, but you can’t help but to smile and you hear a baby crying and it finally hits you, you’ve made it. you beat the demons inside you, the voices, the darkness. I look forward to that, to knowing I made it.
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Is it wrong to feel like a failure because all I keep thinking is that I could have stopped this long before it ever happened... and I didn't.
I should have known...
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I know I shouldn't feel bad, and I know everything out there is telling me this will not make her love you any less, but I can't help but think that it does.
She's not talking to me, and I don't get how to fix it without un-grounding her, but that defeats the purpose of her being in trouble.
It's just hard to watch her asking Gregg to check over her sore knees, which are still scratched and cut to oblivion. Or complaining that her arm is sore to only find a bruise there.
If ever I could feel like a bad mother, this has done it for me.
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do u ever feel like u need to break up with someone but as a friend
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