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[sillycat43]

Wednesday November 2nd, 2022

Today I’ve been thinking a lot about us. I’ve been reflecting on our relationship and where things went wrong and I realized that everything WASN’T my fault. I realized that I did make mistakes but was not the only one. You made me feel so guilty for doing what I did. I felt like a horrible person after I told you we should stop talking. I had to though. There is no possible way I could’ve respectfully maintained our friendship after everything we’d been through. I saw the way your friends looked at me. You saw the things they did and said to me. You did nothing. You knew how hurt I was and you knew I was at my end but you dragged it on for your pleasure. I do believe you did love me at one point but I don't think you had for months. I don’t hate you I just hate who you’ve become. I hate that you make me out to be someone I’m not. I’m not a bad person. Everything I did was because I loved you. I told you everything and you had the audacity to tell me I never talked to you when you never told me anything. I was so nice to you up until the very end even when you were being a jerk and I shouldn't have been. I know you were hurt, so I couldn't blame you for it. I really wish we never dated. I will always regret dating you not because of what happened but because I lost my best friend. I hate that I let you get away with things just because I loved you. I hate that I took the blame for things I shouldn’t have because I wanted you to stay. I will always regret not ending things sooner. Sometimes I wish I never said anything at all though. I wish I sucked it up and kept quiet about how I was feeling so maybe you’d still be around. I know I made the right choice though. It showed your true colors and I don’t think I could ever feel the same as I did for you now that I felt before this all started. A part of me will always love you. I don’t want to forget you so I choose to mourn the person I fell in love with. She was wonderful and I’m glad I got to share the time with her I did.