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zoro's inability / unwillingness to conceptualize a world without / after luffy in fics already feels like coughing up a ten pound blood clot and then i remember he says shit like this in canon and i actually pass out from blood loss and die

like genuinely why would he say this to me .

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My fave genre of zolu images

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I’ll forever be the person who says "It’s okay, I understand" even when my heart is literally shattering.

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Auror Draco Malfoy

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one thing about me is i don't remember

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“It’s been a long time since I’ve been me.”

— Fernando Pessoa

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“you notice everything” yeah babe I was traumatised as a child

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I can physically feel the sadness in my body and i just want to be happy for once

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There really is no heterosexual way to explain this

Credit: gif made by zhansww

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For @aslanjadecarlyle​

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Britt’s Fics

Dark is the Night • Banana Fish • The Greatest Showman

A masterpost of most fics I’ve written on AO3. I’ll try to remember to update this whenever I post a fic, but… no promises.

Sorted by fandom with the fewest to the most fics, then sub-sorted by ranking and newest - oldest! Multi-chapter fics marked whether complete or incomplete.

Summaries and warnings, if applicable, included.

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Dark is the Night - book series (Kelley York, Rowan Altwood)

let me land softly (back in your arms) (Rated G) - James and William spend a rainy night at home.

all I need is you (Rated T, graphic depictions of violence) - William has nightmares after a particular ghost hunting session.

Dear William (Rated T) - After two years since leaving Whisperwood, one year since getting “married” in an unofficial wedding ceremony led by Virgil, and five years together overall, James shows William a collection of unsent letters dating back to the very first day they met.

begin again (Rated M, elements of rape/non-con) - William doesn’t know it at first, but he saved James right when James needed saving the most.

*

Banana Fish

angel eyes (Rated G, creator chose not to use archive warnings) - The first thing Okumura Eiji fell in love with were Ash’s eyes.

out of my mind (Rated G, elements of PTSD, Ash Lynx Lives) - In order to learn Japanese, Ash subjects himself to harassment from a stalker green owl.

lullaby (Rated G, elements of PTSD, Ash Lynx Lives) - Ash has nightmares, but Eiji is there.

take me to the place where time stood still (Rated T, elements of PTSD, Ash Lynx Lives) - In which Ash learns that Eiji has never been to the carnival.

tears don’t fall (Rated T, graphic depictions of violence, pet death, gun violence — but hey, Ash is still alive!) - In which Ash opens up to Eiji about a childhood memory that occurred before he joined Little League.

ghost of you (Rated T, takes place after the canon events of the last episode) - In which Michael has an “imaginary�� friend.

only seventeen (Rated T, takes place during the events of Episode 9, open-ended ending) - In which Dino goes after the one thing that will hurt Ash the most.

never enough (Rated T, major character death and suicidal elements, open-ended ending) - Ash doesn’t plan on sticking around. It’s for Eiji’s own good.

before the monsters catch up to you (Rated T, creator chose not to use archive warnings) - In which Ash doesn’t leave the library before reading Eiji’s letter.

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The Greatest Showman

Ongoing:

I’d hold you as the water rushes in (Rated T; multi -chapter, ongoing, Titanic AU) - Phillip Carlyle has lived in Europe for four years, but now it is time to come home. Or, the Barlyle Titanic AU that nobody asked for.

my head’s underwater, but I’m breathing fine (The highest drabbles are Rated M; however, ratings and warnings vary by chapter) - A collection of Barlyle drabbles.

Complete:

hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you (Rated G) - Phillip reflects over how much his life has changed in a year.

forever & always (Rated G) - he barely remembered to slip the ring on Phillip’s finger, both of their hands trembling, before pulling the younger man close.

opposites attract (Rated G) - Phineas is a dog person. Phillip is a cat person. Or, Phineas leaves Phillip alone with the animals for an evening.

all I have to do is dream (Rated T) - He may be a failure of a man. A complete, utter fraud. But, he’ll be damned if his mistakes end up costing Phillip his life.

i will follow you into the dark (Rated T, elements of PTSD/anxiety) - Phillip Carlyle’s father is often the center of his nightmares. But, it is P.T. Barnum that triggers the worst nightmare of them all.

let it be christmas (Rated T; elements of suicidal ideation) - Phillip hasn’t celebrated Christmas since he was eight years old.

illicit affairs (Rated T) - it’s born from just one single glance, but it dies and it dies and it dies, a million little times.

that’s when I could finally breathe (Rated T; elements of rape/non-con) - Phillip Carlyle made front-page headlines when he ran away.

ethereal (Rated T) - Phillip helps Phineas cope in a way that nobody else — not his circus troupe, not even his own daughters — can. They are a team, Phineas and Phillip, in and out of work. If one of them falters, it shows... but the other, eventually, helps pick them back up again. Or, a collection of 26 connecting Barlyle prompts, A-to-Z style.

buonasera (Rated T, non-sexual nudity) - Phineas and Phillip spend a quiet evening at home.

up on the rooftop (Rated T) - Phineas decides to surprise Phillip in the one way that means the most to him.

paper rings (Rated T) - Phineas and Phillip only have each other left.

all’s well that ends well to end up with you (Rated T) - Phillip will never love another man as much as he loves Phineas Taylor Barnum.

please don’t ever become a stranger (whose laugh I could recognize anywhere) (Rated T) - Phillip runs into Phineas at a party after they’ve ended their relationship.

you’re the only one of you (Rated T) - Phillip discovers that Phineas is hurt by bad reviews more than anyone ever realized.

angel eyes (Rated T) - The first thing P.T. Barnum fell in love with were Phillip’s eyes.

you can run with me and I can cut you free (Rated T, domestic/parental abuse) - Phillip wishes that a character in his book was real.

warmth (Rated T, fire & ice AU) - Phineas gets very sick and Phillip fears that he won’t make it.

learning the game (Rated T) - Phineas makes a mistake that could jeopardize his relationship with Phillip.

home (Rated T) - Phillip comes home from a disastrous party to a gift from Phineas.

melt with me (Rated T) - Phillip sleeps in after a late, winters night at the circus. He should have known Phineas couldn’t be trusted alone.

i think i might sink and drown and die (Rated T, major character death) - The day Phineas found Phillip’s body was the day he went insane.

snow globe (Rated T) - P.T. is lonely during the coming winter. Phillip offers him a place of comfort.

brighten up your darkest day (Rated T) - Phineas’s voice is the one thing Phillip clings to after a fire at the circus leaves him in a coma.

as young as we are now (Rated T) - P.T. Barnum has anxieties he's been holding back from Phillip.

runaways running the night (Rated T, the fic in which I chose to project my disabilities onto my comfort character, lol) - In which Phillip Carlyle struggles with accepting who he is, but P.T. Barnum accepts him no matter what.

the photograph (Rated T) - P.T. has one item that was saved from his childhood.

and the walls are closing in (Rated T) - In which P.T. has a grand new idea for the circus, but ends up stuck.

Burn (Rated T; multi-chapter, complete) - Phillip pushes Barnum away after the fire. Barnum struggles with what to do about the secrets of that night.

water drops (Rated M) - Phineas likes to go swimming in the springtime. Finally, Phillip joins him. (fic request)

the world will end in fire (Complete; rated M, but ratings and warnings vary by chapter) - some the world will end in fire, some say in ice. Or, a collection of prompts for the FanFicFeb writing event. Fire & ice AU.

Barlyle Prompts & One-Shots (Rated M, but ratings and warnings vary by chapter) - A collection of Barlyle prompts.

a circus ain’t a love story (Rated M) - Phillip Carlyle has found himself caught up in a world he's dying to get out of, but P.T. Barnum won't let him go.

Indefinite Hiatus:

i walk through flame to feel your warmth (Rated T, fire & ice AU) - He is fire. He is ice. The touch of him burns his hands like snow, but warms his heart like gold.

ashes to ashes (Rated T, major character death) - In which Phillip dies in the fire, and Barnum unknowingly takes in an invisible houseguest.

hang up your coat (Rated T, major character death, suicidal ideation/dark themes) - And the circus came crumbling down.

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Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way

— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.

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My life is a disaster and I totally did it to myself

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my mental illness is going to ruin every friendship, every relationship, it’s going to fucking destroy everything and i don’t know how to stop it

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People my age are doing so many things, achieving their goals.. and I cant even get out of bed or function like a normal human being

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I am 1% human and 99% tired

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i am tired. i am exhausted. from my head to my soul to my bones i am so fucking tired.