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Some Edutainment.

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Ruined Orgasms

What is a Ruined Orgasm?

I guess the biggest misunderstanding about ruined orgasms comes from the word “ruined”. It has a negative connotation. It suggests something unpleasant or unfinished. It's also often called a "touchless orgasm", which is more accurate I believe.

"Ruined" is simply inaccurate. A perfectly “ruined” orgasm is still an orgasm! It will feel profoundly different, but it will always be WONDERFUL – especially if you use it as a way to prolong your lovemaking! Males have been giving themselves orgasms for many years, but one thing that it is basically impossible for them to do is give themselves a "ruined orgasm". This, among other things, is what makes it so mind-blowing.

The basic concept is very simple, in theory at least. Let’s say that his point of no return (the precise moment, no matter what happens, once reached, the body gives the “kick-off” and inevitably triggers the orgasm) is very precisely seven minutes, then you must stimulate him for just under seven minutes (and not a second more). At that moment, release his nub and absolutely stop all your stimulation. As long as he doesn’t receive physical stimulation, his orgasmic reflexes will lead him straight to a ruined orgasm. Mission accomplished!

The key to a ruined orgasm is to find the right moment to interrupt the stimulation. Instead of “letting go at the last second”, you can stop much sooner. The goal is to leave him on the verge of orgasm, as if time were suspended, for as long as possible before his body triggers the ejaculatory reflexes. If you do it correctly his semen should just flow effortlessly drip down along his straining nub.

Do you see that “floating” moment, the time it takes for the semen to flow without caressing it? If so, congratulations, you’ve done it!

Benefits of a Ruined Orgasm

If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more, even though he just ejaculated. Ruined orgasms are great when you want to give him an orgasm but still leave him horny when you lock him back up. Or, if you plan to have an all-night love-making session but you are afraid that he will cum to quickly, you can start your evening with a touchless orgasm.

He will experience no 'refractory period' after a ruined orgasm. Whereas a normal orgasm causes him to lose his erection and enter what  is called the “refractory period” where he is no longer motivated to  have sex, a ruined orgasm has the opposite effect – it causes him to  stay hard, fully aroused, hyper-energized, and HIGHLY motivated.

His recover period will be MUCH quicker, and if you have sex after a ruined orgasm, he will last must longer too!

Most of the benefits of a long period in chastity (for you - i.e. motivation, energy, increased oxytocin etc) will not be lost after a ruined orgasm.

How to give a Ruined Orgasm

I'll start by saying that there is no 'one right way'. But this is what I like to do...

SETUP:

Tell him to lie down on his back.

Ideally, restrain his hands behind his back, or tell him to lie on his hands. Most males can't be trusted to not touch their nub at the crux of the ruined orgasm! Tell him he is at no point allowed to touch his (your!) nub. Throw in a blindfold for fun, if you feel like it.

Tell him you are going to give him a ruined orgasm, and that he should not cum until you tell him he can.

TIP: If you don't feel like direct skin contact or don't want any 'mess', tell him to wear tight lycra shorts or swim briefs, and then stroke him through the fabric, rather than have him completely naked.

PROCESS:

With your male on his back, take one hand (i.e. my left hand), and grip his balls and pull them away from his body until his penis is pointing up at almost 90 degrees.

With your right hand's index finger, stroke upwards (from the balls to the tip of the nub) slowly and deliberately. his most sensitive part is the area on the underside of his nub just before the tip. Stop just short of this area. It's much harder for a male to orgasm with an upward stroke as opposed to a downward one.

Keep this motion up for a while. Don't speed up - slow and steady is what you want, so that you don't drive him over the edge too quickly.

Every 10-15 strokes, slowly rub the sensitive area a few times, or gave a few circles along the head of his nub, and then to go back to the slow upward stroking motion.

If you feel his balls contract, or his nub twitches, let go with both hands immediately. Tell him to not cum - "no cumming... don't cum yet". Or you can ask him to announce when he is getting close. When he says "I'm close", let go with both hands. Count to 20, and then pull his balls away again and start with the slow upward motion.

Eventually (or soon, depending on the lockup period!), even letting go completely will cause him to go over the edge. Don't stimulate him at all at this point. The cum should ooze gently from the tip of his nub and down the shaft - no spurting, no major twitching... a perfectly ruined orgasm.

ADDED EXTRA: The second you see any cum being released, tap / slap his balls with the flat of your hand for 20-30 seconds or until all of the cum has been released. Be careful not to touch the penis at this point, only the balls.

Tell him to clean up and re-lock his nub immediately.

Bravo - you've done it!

As mentioned, everyone does it differently, but this is a basic 101! Trust me, he will be begging you for more in no time!!

Pro Tip: If your male is caged and you don't wish to unlock him for a ruined orgasm, use a vibrator or vibrating massager and simply place it on the base ring of his cage, underneath his balls. The vibrations will eventually bring him to the point of orgasm. Ensure he tells you when he is close to climax. At this point, stop the vibrations and cease all contact. If you time it right, his cum with leak out of the front of the cage in a perfectly ruined orgasm.

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Teasing in T&D or Chastity Play!

A girl doesn’t feel like playing all the time and chastity gets sort of ruined if you let him out every time you don’t feel very frisky. On the other side of the spectrum, simply ignoring him while in chastity is actually the most cruel, effective punishment for a locked man who is not behaving or who is constantly breaking your rules.                                           

So what do you do to get through the dead spots (for me it’s mostly if I’m really tired, stressed or busy) without being neglectful? After three or so years of playing this game with my wonderful husband, I’ve observed the following about the two of us and extrapolated it to apply to everyone since everyone else is exactly like us, I’m sure.                                           

Part of the magic of chastity play is that the male, who usually has the higher sex drive, is “playing” 24/7. He’s eating, sleeping, going to work, everything really with his penis locked up. Any stray sexual thought quickly reminds him about the game he’s playing. His keyholder probably has a lower libido but that’s okay because she just has to give him the occasional nudge to keep him at a full simmer. A little bit of attention on the days when you just don’t feel very playful will keep him happy and from feeling neglected until you’re a little more enthusiastic and ready to turn the heat up to a full boil.

Here are some of my tips for low maintenance chastity play. I try to make sure I do some combination of these every day when the nub is locked up. They take hardly any time, and I know they make him feel loved. They’re little things that get magnified in his mind by the cage.                                           

Fondle his balls every day. Ideally once in the morning and once at night. No matter how busy or tired I am, I can always find two minutes in bed to do this. I don’t even have to remove the CB. Our sleep schedules are a little different. He’s a night owl and I’m a morning person, but that doesn’t stop us. When I’m going to bed I just whisper in his ear that I want to see him in the bedroom. He never says no! I fondle his poor trapped balls for a few minutes (two to five is plenty) and then say good night. He can go back to his computer after that. If I feel like kissing a bit, I can do that, but if I don’t I just tell him to lie there and keep still while I “play with my nub” I wake up before he does in the mornings too. But he never seems to mind if I wake him up by playing with his balls! Again, just a few minutes. Enough to get a groan or two out of him and then I go take my shower or get my breakfast.                                           

Remind him of his situation. Of course he already knows he’s locked up and you have the key, but reminding him lets him know you’re thinking about him. You haven’t forgotten about him, you’re just waiting for the right time to make use of him. I’ll walk by him in the kitchen, give him a quick squeeze in front and ask “how is my nub doing? Still all locked up?” Or I might just say “being a keyholder is fun.” Or “Aren’t you lucky to have such a fabulous keyholder?” I’ve noticed that the more out-of-the-blue the comment is the bigger the impact it has on him. If he’s not really thinking about sex or expecting me to be thinking about it, mentioning his chastity jolts his libido into high gear.                                           

Take possession of his (your!) nub. Get in the habit of referring to his cock and balls as yours. Kiss him and ask “how is my nub doing down there?” Or while sitting on the couch fast forwarding through a commercial with your Tivo, casually ask him “Are you taking good care of my nub darling? One of these days I’m sure I’ll want to play with it.” If you get in this habit, then just a few words here and there add to his excitement and keep him happy and horny.                                           

Turn routine requests into chastity play - for example talk about it in terms of ‘points’ . Instead of asking him to pick up a gallon of milk on his way home, text him “Your keyholder wants to you pick up a gallon of milk on the way home.” Or say “a neck rub would earn you some much needed nub points.” Creating the fantasy that you are holding his release hostage to your whims is pretty powerful. Keep it fantasy and don’t abuse it (very much). Back rubs and foot rubs are nice even when I don’t feel very amorous, but they’re still physical things and he really likes it when I tie them to his chastity.                                           

Take chastity seriously. Don’t leave the key laying around or act like it’s no big deal if he gets out before you’re ready to release him. Do surprise “inspections” to make sure he’s still locked up. Ask him if he’s tried to get out, or tried to get at the key without permission. Use a no-nonsense manner to let him know it’s important to you that he only get out of his chastity device when you want him out. Every once in a while mention you’d someday like to get a more secure device. That keeps him from starting to doubt your commitment to the game when you haven’t seriously teased him for a while. Remember that’s he’s committed 24/7. The whole idea is he can’t check out of the game until you let him, so reminding him that you’re still in it helps.   

Muse about the length of his lockup. Sometimes I’ll tell him that I’ve decided to let him out the next weekend, then the next night tell him I’ve changed my mind and I don’t know when I’ll let him out. Sometimes I’ll tell him I’ve been wondering how long I should leave him locked up and just leave it at that. Tell him how you are noticing the benefits. No further information, just that I was thinking about it. I’ll ask him if he thinks he could go six months, or a year. If he asks if I’m planning to keep him locked up that long, I’ll just shrug and say “maybe.” It’s another verbal tease that takes very little energy from me but amps him up.                                           

None of those things take much time or energy from me. They’re easy to do on days when I’m stressed or tired or just not feeling very sexual. And they keep him feeling loved and cared for. I’ve really gotten into the habit of doing them. So much that I usually keep doing them even when he isn’t locked up. That’s not really a problem, but if he wakes up to my hand on his balls and he’s not locked up, I’m not getting out of bed without finishing what I started! Of course that just makes his lockups even more delightful for both of us.                                           

More Teasing Ideas                                           

The big changes that you must make in yourself to make a chastity relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself.                                           

Teasing does not need to be a time-consuming activity.  There are almost an infinite number of ways that you can tease him, both  physically and verbally. Every woman needs to develop her own style.  You can keep things fresh by continuing to experiment. It may seem like a  lot of work sometimes, but he will shower you with attention. The  hardest thing will be getting that much attention again.                                           

There are some basic teasing ideas in the 101 article above. Find more low maintenance examples for how you can tease him here:                                           

Be physical, give him lots of kisses and hugs throughout the day. Grab his crotch.                                           

Ask him to give you a full-body massage.                                          

You can wear sexy clothes around him, for example miniskirts, yoga  pants or whatever clothes he really likes. When you’re home you can walk  around just in your underwear – I promise you he won’t be able to take  his eyes off you!                                           

Conversation takes very little energy and allows you to increase his  arousal without having to do anything. Telling him what you like about  his predicament, letting him know how much you appreciate what he has  done to become a better spouse, partner, friend, and lover. Let him know  how his being chaste turns you on, if seeing him struggle to get erect  entertains you let him know. Maybe you find his penis cuter when it’s  all small and locked, or you enjoy his not being able to touch himself,  whatever it is communicate it. You should also not forget that all  those things that used to drive you crazy like porn and ogling young  girls can now be used against him. There is nothing like knowing that  the chastity tube is really biting as his favourite eye candy passes by.  The beauty of a good chastity device is that not only does it prevent  him from getting an erection and masturbating but that the device is  always working for you, and you should let him know how happy it makes  you.                                           

You can tease him about his lock-up time, for example you could say  things such as “it’s so hot that you can’t touch your penis, I don’t  think I will ever let you masturbate again”, “your penis looks so sexy  when it’s locked, I think I’ll keep it like that for a bit longer”,  “these balls don’t look full enough yet, let’s wait a bit more” – and  then when you finally let him ejaculate you can follow up with “oh not  much came out, I think next time you need to wait longer”. Remind him  that he’d better be good if he wants to be unlocked.                                          

Play around with his locked genitals whenever you get the chance.  For example, when he sits next to you, simply squeeze or slap his  balls. When locked, he will want his balls ‘slapped’, not'stroked’. Use a flat hand and start slowly, building up intensity. Even better, use a bonger (massage ball with handle) or riding crop. Tell him at the start you want to reach 100. This is great teasing play because it takes a couple of minutes max and then you can say goodnight!                                          

Or you could give him a very frustrating “blowjob” with the  chastity device still attached – teasing him orally while locked will  drive him crazy like nothing else.                                           

Pinch / twist his nipples. Men’s nipples are almost 5x more sensitive than female nipples. With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity further. You may have even noticed they stiffen or harden more quickly or for longer than usual. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!                                           

Give a man an orgasm and he’ll forget it in a moment – deny him the  same orgasm and he’ll never stop thinking about it. You can unlock him  and allow him to masturbate or give him a handjob – however, at any  point (especially effective just before he is about to finish), you can  “change your mind”. Kindly tell him “let’s save it for later” or “that’s  all for now”. You may find that you have to ice down his penis to get  back in the tube!                                          

Tell him to go down on you while he is locked in his chastity  device. 

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It’s Time🔥😈💥

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Lets play ?

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Bent shaft restraint..

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Pinned Post: Chastity Cheat Sheet!

I am aware that there is a lot of information on this blog - plenty of detail and explanation into the mindset and procedure of Male Chastity play. Perhaps too much detail!?

I get a large amount of emails and messages asking for a simple place to start, and while I usually point them to the very first post in this blog, I think the time has come to provide a quick 'Cheat Sheet' for those of you who need to recap or want to get started quickly and dig into the details later. As a starting point, here are some hotlinks to the main sections of the blog:

Introducing Male Chastity Play

The Science of Male Chastity

When to allow Release

How to allow Release

Teasing in T&D / Chastity Play

In addition to these articles, I will also provide a quick 'Cheat Sheet' based on a summary of the information above, blending in my 10+ years of experience as well as hints and tips I've picked up along the way. Here we go!

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WHY MALE CHASTITY?

Chastity play is the best example of 'power exchange play' where the (usually) female keyholder takes control of the couple's sexual dynamic.

Handing over control of their sexual release is a highly arousing experience for males. The tease and denial that comes with it heightens sexual excitement, increases the male's energy levels and (most importantly) makes YOU the focus of the sexual experience.

Male chastity play is not about having less sex - in fact, most couples in chastity play have a significantly more active sexual dynamic than the 'vanilla sex twice a month' crowd.

WHAT DO KEYHOLDERS DO?

Hold the keys and control when and how release takes place (see links) .

Set, communicate and enforce the keyholding rules at the start of the lockup.     

Tease - to keep arousal in peak state throughout lockup.

Make the most of (literally!) holding him by the balls ;).

BASIC KEYHOLDER RULES:

The wife can choose the chastity device. If you don’t feel like buying them then he should present you with a few options, colors and sizes.

It is no longer his penis - it is your 'nub'. Take ownership.

Hold the keys, keep them safe, do not let him access them - take it seriously.

The wife decides when the male will be unlocked, allowed an erection, or allowed release. SEPARATE the concept of 'unlock= orgasm'. In most cases it’s unlocked purely for teasing or training, for example.

TEASE AND DENIAL

The way to maximize benefits and (again, counterintuitively) maximize his chastity experience is teasing / arousal. This does not have to take a lot of time or effort. My ideal teasing effort is 2-5 minutes a day, or every second day… mix it up.

Is teasing cruel for the locked male? Absolutely not. Denial after 2-3 weeks of lockup is often described by locked males as "feeling like being half way to orgasm 100% of time". Quite heady stuff.

Some basic ideas:

Talk about his predicament: Tell him you like how it looks, how tight it must be, how full his balls look… Ask him to show it to you as a 'cage check’ at random times.

Make fun of it! “Ah sweet such a cute little nub.” A little-known side-effect: locked boys leak precum like crazy. Tease him about his constant ‘dribbling’ or ‘wet spot’ - you are sure to fire up even more production 😂.

Tell him to sleep naked now and again. Join him in the shower. When at home, make him wear tight clothing where the cage is clearly visible.

Play with his balls. With the nub locked, his exposed balls are infinitely more sensitive. Tickling / stroking will be irritating - what he will need is squeezing, slapping, hitting. Start slowly and build up intensity - he will tell you when to stop. Women are way too gentle with balls in general - most makes prefer far more rough play than they let on. Let him guide you if you are unsure.

Play with the cage - stroke any exposed bits, blow on it, whatever!

Kiss - the fastest way to turn him on, and it will make him strain in his cage. For added heat, hold his cage / balls while kissing.

Make him worship your body: make him go down on you, massage you, stroke you... use your imagination! Denying him an orgasm DEFINITELY does not mean reducing your orgasm count.

Nipple Play: With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity dramatically. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!

Edging: Stimulate your male until he reaches the edge of orgasm – then  pause or dramatically slow down your play to prevent him from climaxing.  You can do this many times in a row. This is extremely pleasurable for him, because it prolongs his pleasure and ultimately gives him a much stronger orgasm when compared to regular sex when you finally decide to  let him pop – although, of course, you can always change your mind and lock him back up before that happens.

HOW OFTEN SHOULD HE BE ALLOWED RELEASE?

This is up to you! If you are new to chastity play, I recommend a minimum 3 week initial lock up - no unlocking, no release whatsoever. 3 weeks is a full week beyond the typical 14 day prolactin/oxytocin cycle that follows a full orgasm in males. We want to maximize oxytocin (caring, devotion, sexual energy) buildup (14+ days) and minimize prolactin (grumpy, tired, loss of libido), which usually starts to stabilise at the 14 day mark.

Beyond that?

Feel  free to go with a fixed schedule, such as one ejaculation allowed per 3 weeks, if that makes things easier for you – but don’t make it too  predictable, so also consider delaying or skipping a release date.

For more experienced lovers, it is almost universally held by women who seriously practice chastity for their male that initial enforcement of chastity should be at least  three months of continuous wear without relief after you go through the  break in period of getting a device that fits.

HOW SHOULD HE BE ALLOWED RELEASE?

So many options!

Penis-in-vagina (PIV) orgasm: I discourage this one because I feel that sex and ejaculation need to be separated  to avoid accidents. We have sex several times per week and ejaculation  is never expected and rarely a topic of conversation. But if you do  enjoy the feeling of him ejaculating inside you, then you can of course  go ahead and allow him. Sex with a dildo or with him wearing a cock sheath means you get all the benefits of hot PIV sex without him having to orgasm.

Handjobs: The easiest and quickest for you! To spice it up, use a Timer - for example, if  his last ejaculation was two weeks ago, you could give him two minutes  to cum. If he doesn’t make it in time, he will be re-locked. If you don't feel like unlocking him, simply use a vibrator / electric massager on his cage - the vibrations will eventually lead to a strange, unsatisfying orgasm (perfect!).

Masturbation: Tell him to masturbate in front of you. Again, use a timer here to increase the pressure!

Prostate stimulation: If you are into this sort of thing, did you know you can actually 'milk' a male. It's true. Stimulating the prostate in the right way will lead to semen release without any orgasm and without even the need to unlock the nub.

Finally, and my favorite: The 'Touchless (aka Ruined) Orgasm': stimulate him until just before the “point of no  return” and then remove your hand and stop all stimulation. If you time  it right, instead of ejaculating in “bursts”, the semen flows  effortlessly down the penis – hence they are also misleadingly called  “ruined” orgasms. If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards  and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more. Perfect!

THAT'S IT!

Above all, enjoy it! I guarantee you, it will be a different, fun, unique and highly arousing experience.