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Bro I saw the cutest gnome ever on my morning hike today but it was an invasive species so I had to beat it to shit & death and berry it's carcass away from the glade 😭

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you have to stop hating yourself for not taking care of yourself before you can start taking care of yourself in a more sustainable way

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"$8 for eggs. $20 Billion for bombs"

Seen in West Philadelphia

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"$100k isnt that much money" I'm going to fucking rob you

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"End capitalism before it ends all life"

Tardigrade scratched into a train window in New York City

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how it feels knowing that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall

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it was never gonna work out but i experienced all these seemingly profound unreplicable moments that were romantic and moving and made me feel alive and still none of it actually means anything in the long run. but thats okay. sometimes a beautiful moment is just that. a moment. and you have to leave it alone and just be grateful that it happened. woooow

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So tonight I joined my parents, and the neighbours, at the local pub quiz. We won, and won the bonus round, much to the annoyance of the other teams. Apparently my parents and their friends win every other week. Nerds. So to prank them the landlord had a special “Super Hard Pub Question” for us for double or nothing on our prize (vouchers for a gallon of beer) to let the rest of the pub feel better because we were “guaranteed to lose” since there was “no way we could know the answer.” I got picked to answer it because I’m the youngest and have less General Knowledge.

The question?

“What is the word for beer in Ancient Egyptian?”

Pub: *loud raucous laughter and cheering*

Landlord: *looks smug*

Me: Do you want that in English or in the original Hieroglyphs?

Landlord: The hieroglyphs of course!

Pub: *more laughter*

Me: *scribbles quickly in the 10 seconds I had to answer*

Landlord: Fuck. Me. 

Pub: *utter silence broken only by someone at the back exclaiming WTF* 

Landlord: How did you even know that?

Me: You picked the one person here who can read them?

Landlord: Oh shit it’s you isn’t it?

Dad yelling from the back: SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

It’s safe to say we’re simultaneously fucking legends/not very popular at the local right now.

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the sexual tension between me and giving up

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