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[simpleguitarguy]

July 18, 2020

3:30AM

Hiding things.

I started off my character to be this guy who everyone can rely on and was a one call away person. That whenever im called i'd always say yes.

But I learnt alot past that phase. I became this ignorant selfish fool who would just want his feelings to be acknowledged and treated well. then I ended the phase.

Back in january there were things that I did hide from people especially my girlfriend and I wouldnt want to come back to this topic as I was in the wrong even if I didnt really have bad intentions.

After that, I would remind myself to just be true and immediately tell or rather be open on my status and what I think about, and who do I talk to, and what I am planning , what am I doing.

So I stepped up to be that man who people could ask and give honest opinions and answers without hiding it.

but, After awhile in this realization that i've made and adjustments I do and the passion to commit that my heart wants.

its recently unappreciated based on what I hear and see.

Even though I did my own improvement.

Even if I tried to be more trustworthy.

I guess people and my girlfriend thinks I am still the same person as before.

The same person who was years ago.

as if I never grew.

as if I never lived.

it sticks to my mind that I am being barraged by the information about my previous mistakes that I gave effort to learn and Honestly, right now.

without even being mad.

I can die , not because of anyone. but if I die it is a favor for myself.

I am not a perfect person. Even someone who is aware of solutions can be broken because of a negative force.

as those people who took their own lives would say. They tried their best. They were far away from the ones who they want to help and cant take the ones who are near that can help but doesnt really notice.

I can say I am still Hiding.

I am hiding this thought that one day people would see it and say I am sorry dale.

I lived for 23 years wanting to be appreciated and right now I dont talk to anyone.

I dont have a Mother who wants to care about me. All she does is live her own life and wait for us to be far from her. All I can feel is that I am still alone in a house that has people.

All I can do is try even harder and try and try and eventually (I hope) I won't have to go.

still, I posted this because its just me.

I havent been listening to music.

it pains me even more when I hear the words that my dying heart would want to hear.

And if my girlfriend sees this, I hope you would always have a great day and I dont want you to blame yourself.

It's just that in these situations we have this choice to be helpful and sacrifice our own burden for another or just leave.

and this time I was alone, but I still do appreciate your efforts and I am always sorry for being faulty and inconsistent and basically a failure.

I am hoping that after I write this letter.

I would still have the chance to see the moon lying anywhere and just staring in the night sky.

and I hope you could join me.

so this is my thought for today.

[simpleguitarguy]

July 4, 2020

How do I think well again.

I have this feeling of being pushed down and being burnt to ashes.

Negativity spreads when I stop being busy with playing games which helps me delay the thought.

and Honestly, I have no problems with people. My girlfriend is great and always does her best for everyone especially me.

but, I think the problem is me.

There might be a possibility that I turn into something that would shrapnel and hurt alot.

and its because of the mind i have that I fully blame.

I'm thinking of therapy.

I always have this feeling that everyone doesnt understand me, but in reality the people around me tries their hardest.

and its always me in the end.

My dramatic nuthead should atleast learn from every memory and experience I have in life.

but it feels like i'm being eaten away or strangled and stuck below the thorns.

thinking that I will never be okay.

Thinking that I always make the mistake and I will never be right at any point.

that these feelings are just something irrelevant and people would tell me to just man up and be okay in an instant.

when my mind responds to how heartless that statement would be to endure.

this sucks.

Alot of new recently even adds fuel to why I should and could feel devastated.

the year is just a mess, alot has happened. The outbreak and people's deaths are disheartening , there are issues which involves racism, Sexual harassment and manipulation.

there are people who took the route of deciding to end their journey early.

and somehow its contagious.

but holding on is onething until it lasts.

so I still have this little hope and maybe things would go on the right path someday.

[simpleguitarguy]

Her

I love her. She doesn’t understand how much she means to me. Most of the time she thinks I like other girls even though i’m not the type of guy who could be or should be a playboy. I respect my relationship with her too much. Things I couldn’t tell the world anymore because I hate it when people think that I am too arrogant. I want everyone to know that she gave me this feeling of being loved truly. I hope someday she sees this. I hope that it won’t be the day that I am about to naturally leave the world. I know you are strong in every possible way. Don’t let the demons take over your mind,  because I know that your heart is filled with love for God, for Family, and for everything else. I love you so much. :)

[simpleguitarguy]

Out of control

There is a lot going on and at the same time there is nothing happening. It’s stupid. I know

This is another phase for me that I call “unwanted irrelevance”. As human we function in this world to act and decide for Earth. If we should protect or destroy it and its contents. Part of it is society and other people.  Everyday we wake up and end up talking or socializing with other humans. and while we do that, there are challenges and problems that we face individually. Some people don’t really care and doesn’t really want to do anything to finish the challenge or solve a problem. Some people wanted to help at least, even for a small role in a situation/obstacle/problem.  As I’ve been observing life, I’ve noticed that some “Significant” people in my life couldn’t spend time listening to any of my opinions/suggestions or anything. So I wrote this as a reminder to myself that I should not be treated like that.  I feel disowned and I feel bitter and stabbed for being underestimated. However, even if actions were taken whether it would be confrontation or ignorance. It points out that I’m not the problem.  But the “Significant” people and their way of thinking and accepting true opinion that hurts their pride. So with this I end my statement. Whatever happens, God will Guide.

[simpleguitarguy]

Alone

Recently, I was dismissed out the hospital for being diagnosed with Pneumonia. I am still currently recovering as it is still not fully gone. I do hope I get better sooner. There is this concept of being lonely that was in my head and I’ve been trying to get it off my head.  I’m still unemployed and most of the time I am in the house browsing for jobs or social media and gaming. This feeling of loneliness is different. I can feel it anywhere I go. I don’t know if it is still loneliness or I’m just craving for someone to give me the right attention and care. I’m getting my hopes down from being an adult without a job. I’m being pressured like most of my friends but unlike them, I haven’t even started. I couldn’t smile knowing that I’m still here. I dream’t of my own home that even if I might end up alone for a while, I know that I’m not a burden for my family. My mind is getting scared for being rejected over and over by the jobs that I thought I can have. My will to wake up and pursue another job is getting sturdy. I’m having trouble coping up with sleep which was one of the reason that contributed to Pneumonia. I know others can understand the situation. 

It is hard. 

Keeping yourself together while keeping those people in tact in your life as they pass through their own problems too that may cause them to leave you or stay. It’s hard. I just want to smile without worrying about some people leaving. I don’t want to try and force myself in someone’s day if they don’t want to talk to me. I pray for God’s providence. I still believe in the wonderful timing.

but, I can’t stop myself from feeling alone as of present time.

[simpleguitarguy]

Good Old Music

I won't judge , but I know everybody has their own taste.. when It comes too music. This whole music career thing of mine started because of an unusual idol, but so popular these days.. Taylor swift.. she has songs that clicks to each situations that many people go through and that's the best thing about music. when you feel that the music is telling your story, it feels like you are with someone on your problems. Before her, I liked how the Jonas brothers got a debut back in 2007 or 2006 .. They were the best.. Songs from my childhood tho.. I guess everybody has a music background from their own childhood. Songs like, "Love Bug, S.O.S. , Here we go again by demi lovato , 7things of Miley cyrus , Don't forget by demi " and so many more. Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Songs from High school musical made an impact as well.. Drake Bell's music in their show Drake and josh is actually a song. I won't judge how music is made today there are big changes.. although some are consistent. NaeNae, Dougie, Twerk it like Miley. too much swag , too much partyin. Where are the late hiphop , Snoop dogg's good old hip beat eminem.. Ludacris Chris brown's old music. they are all stored in a vault full of music from another generation I like music, i'll respect a song unless it is not doing anything bad

[simpleguitarguy]

This is still a beautiful world .. Kahit nasaktan ka na ng maraming beses .. wag kang bumitaw.. Kahit anong sabihin natin , wala talagang perpekto bukod sa diyos.. At hindi mo na kailangan plastikin ang lahat ng kilala mo para protektahan ang Imahe mo. ipakita mo kung sino kang totoo.. Yung katauhan na hindi lumalabag sa batas ng konstitusyon nyo Nandito ako .. Katulad ng iba.. Simpleng tao.. Gumigising , Humihinga , kumakain hindi rin masamang magmura, I want to tell God , how it feels to be experiencing a little portion of jesus' pain. Isigaw mo , Iiyak mo.. pero kumapit ka .. Kasama mo ko.. --- Ito ang mensahe ko .. Para sa sarili ko .. ang

[simpleguitarguy]

Husga

Kilala niyo ko , I don't recite well in class. Probably because , I hate formal Learning. It's not that I hate to listen to professors , actually I appreciate it . It's just that ,the process is boring . I'm someone who can give my own strategy to live . basta magtanong lang. I appreciate yung nanghihingi ng tips sakin. Kasi yung iba , I just feel na wala silang tiwala sa sasabihin ko or even iisipin i'm a bad influence. Wala akong maipagmamalaki. Isa lang akong tao na nabuhay bilang isang batang gala at maraming tinry. atleast I have some experience of Childhood atleast na try ko mag adventure kahit magisa ako nung bata eh yung iba , bata sila hindi sila pinalalabas tapos nagmamarunong na mas alam daw nila kung anong gagawin sa labas. wag natin bulagin ang sarili sa matatamis na salita , mapa manliligaw o sa eleksyon. I just want to say , If you judge me it is your choice , If you want me to stay away it's your choice I'll just say i'm really hurt if I hear any of judgement learn how to listen learn to fight

[simpleguitarguy]

God is my source of Happiness #thehappinesseffect #livepuremovement2015

[simpleguitarguy]

Past..

It’s hard to see it in your mind.. it’s hell to remember it .. 

but the more you set your mind to be affected or be attacked by that moment when you feel the world is squashing you.. the more you become vulnerable to many things that doesn’t need to affect you..

think about it.

It’s one thing to save something

and that something is maybe your dog , or your friends , or even your love ones. 

[simpleguitarguy]

Change..

things gotta change.. it’s not right anymore. :) many people want change when they don’t see things “Right” but if we want everything to be alright we will do the thing we call “Change”

for me i guess i’m someone who wasn’t updated on how to live as what my age is but.. I don’t mind..  words might not be enough to show change.. but unlike me.. it is inside our hearts that can show that change.. and with what we have in our hearts.. this is what we will need to show .. the people who crave for that change because of a mistake or misunderstandings.. they will see it..

of course you will need the help of God :)

and with what I had experienced from a simple situation .. everything will fall if you are not careful.. you are not the only person in the world.. always remember that..

right now I just wanted to thank God for helping me .. I love you lord :D