simplesongbird

[simplesongbird]

Trauma Response

I have been absent from tumblr for quite a while. In addition this will not be about Music Therapy. Well, not exactly. There will be a mention, but it’s not the focus. Today I write, because I need to get it out where it can be seen, I need to write to truly process. I apologize to those of you who don’t want to read any more opinions and reactions to the election in the U.S. You don’t have to continue, I won’t be offended. But for those like me who still need to see those who are responding the same way they are... with shock, fear, anger, despair, shame, and determination, just as I was with her, I’m with you. 

After a few hours of sleep after finally pulling myself away from the train wreck and gawker response I had been stuck in watching the results come in, I opened the news, hoping that in some miracle things had changed and there was still good in the world. After reading the results, not just for president, but also seeing the republican majority in the senate, and house, I had several reactions. The first was immobility. I couldn’t move for a second, as my brain and my body tried to reconcile the previous day’s elation and pride with this horrible sinking despair settling over me. Then obligation drove me forward as I realized that I couldn’t just hide in my bed and pretend this wasn’t happening. I have a job, and today my resident choir would perform their first concert, and I had to be there with my co-director to lead and support them. Followed immediately by the horrible realization that our closing song was God Bless America. I found myself sadly wondering if God was in America today, and I cried, and then I vowed to think of that closing song as a prayer that perhaps God would bring good out of what I see as a triumph for evil and hatred. As I checked my emotions, and tried to do the therapist thing and analyze what I was feeling and put words to it, I was curious and surprised to realize that what I was feeling was very much a textbook trauma response. It was like my body was gearing up it’s fight or flight response but there was no immediate physical threat, and no way to either fight or employ flight at this moment. Doing the obviously emotionally healthy (j/k) thing I shoved it all down and settled with neutral, numb, and shock instead. Driving to work the world just felt off. As I drove to work I started thinking about all the people who had a bigger reason to be living a fear/trauma response right now. My transgender friends, my gay friends, my female friends who’ve had to choose, my disabled friends, my friends of color, my immigrant friends, my friends with children, my friends who are survivors of rape/assault. There were many moments today where I thought to myself... I am lucky because I am a straight, white person, followed immediately by an acknowledgement of how sad and truly fucked up it is that this is the reality I live in. 

As a woman, I wanted to see our first woman president. Especially one with the experience and qualifications of Hillary Rodham. I don’t agree with every decision she’s ever made... but when in politics does anyone. She has shown patience and poise in this horrible election process in the face of sociopathic bullying and countless examples of disrespect and misogyny. But even more than wanting to follow up our historic first black president, with a historic first female president, I wanted to believe in a better america. Throughout this election, with all of the hate being spouted, and the bullying, and the bragging about sexual assault and the attacks on people of all different cultural backgrounds, I have been holding onto a belief that ultimately the majority of America is good, kind, tolerant. Today I woke up to find myself living in a country that has voted for misogyny, voted for racism, voted for bigotry, voted for intolerance, voted for xenophobia, voted for homophobia, voted for ableism. I wanted to believe that the country I lived in, that the country I was proud to be a part of was not so hate-filled. I wanted to believe that my country respected me as a woman, Respected humans as equal, and still believed in freedom of religion, or freedom at all for that matter. As I put on my game face this morning and got my choir together, and swelled with pride as they confidently sang the songs we’ve worked on for months, and looked at their families and friends who were there supporting them, I wanted to believe in a good world. When we got to God Bless America, I choked down the knot in my throat, and looked up at our audience, and I saw the division. The expressions and the sentiment being expressed and they sang along with God Bless America, made known who was feeling like I was and desperately praying for intervention, and who was singing with pride. I am terrified of what our country is, and what direction we have the potential to go right now. 

In Jug Band, the residents and I sang our favorite armed forces songs in honor of Veterans day this Friday. Someone requested This Land Is Your Land, and we did all 6 verses. Because today of all days, we needed those startling last 3, and to continue to remind ourselves that this land was made for all of us. This led to a few other historically protest oriented or anti-war songs: Blowing in the Wind, where have all the flowers gone, we closed with Turn, Turn, Turn. I felt a little better after that group. I channeled what I was feeling into the expressiveness of those songs, while facilitating a group that was beneficial for the residents who were also shocked by the results, and saddened. Leonard Bernstein said, “This will be our reply to violence: to make music more intensely, more beautifully, more devotedly than ever before.” This will be my response to hatred. This will be my response to fear. 

I serve on an international board and for months my cohorts on that board have asked the US members what’s going on here right now. Even they expressed fear of what a trump presidency would mean for the world. I was naive. I believed there was more good, more love here, than hate. I underestimated the power of the divisiveness. I watched the Concession speech Hillary gave. I listened to her say she still believe in America. I listened to her say she was still proud to be an American. While I am sure that over time the pain and despair and fear will subside, at this moment I can’t say that I agree. At this moment I am ashamed to be an American. I am ashamed to be a white American. I watched Samantha Bee tonight say if each Muslim needs to bear the mistakes of all of their people, then so do we. We can’t hide and say not all white people. Unfortunately as a white, female american, This is my circus, and these are my monkeys. We are all guilty of creating this division, and allowing it to get this far. 

What do we do now America? The hate is already happening. A school in MN had graffiti spray painted on it. Derogatory terms for black students proclaimed in the name of trump. Children are losing their innocence. People of color are being harassed, followed, threatened in the name of our new President-elect. Our historic Black President will tomorrow begin training our President elect who is endorsed by the KKK. Half our country is afraid to walk out their door into this environment we are creating. I pray we will be able to heal and we won’t just self-destruct. Here is what I can say, when they go low, we go high. Like a phoenix, we will rise from these ashes. Hillary won the popular vote - that is only relevant if the people who voted are willing to stand behind their vote. Now is when we mobilize, strategize, and go to work instigating change. I will fight for social justices. I will defend those who will bear the brunt of this hatred. I will not be silenced due to fear. I will be a safe space. I’m with you. 

[simplesongbird]

Thoughts for Saturday

I looked at this today and realized I haven’t actually posted anything original in over a year, and that was about an ethical situation that never did get resolved. Tragic. In spite of that situation not being resolved I continued my job there another full year. I have since left that position and taken on a new one. Leaving the old one was a terrible process that involved layoffs, changes, and cuts to all of the activities staff positions which meant that a staff of 9 was being reduced to basically a staff of 5. Of the positions left all would have reduced hours and be forced to do CNA training and shifts. Ultimately the process the company took to inform us of those changes and the timing (three weeks before Christmas, jobs effectively ending Jan. 1st) helped me realize this really wasn’t the place for me anymore. It was difficult to leave being Residents and staff I had worked with for 3 years. It was difficult to leave a position I really did love. It was difficult but it was necessary. I interviewed and was hired elsewhere within a week of being told I would have to interview to “keep” my job under the new description. So, I’ve moved on. I started a new journey on January 12th, with a different company. I stayed within the long term care setting, but this time, I was hired as a Music Therapist - for a job posted looking for a “Music Therapist.” I am not a Therapeutic Recreation/Activities assistance/Activities specialist who happens to have MT training. I was hired to develop a Music Therapy program with the future intention of creating a national roster internship site within the facility as well. I have implemented Jug Band, Community Choir, and drum circles; Sensory groups, small groups, and a full caseload of 1:1 visits. I created a referral form, special documentation of MT 1:1s and small groups, and a full assessment process for residents being assessed for benefit/enrollment in 1:1 visits. The first few months were difficult. Adding a new person into an already full activities calendar is challenging. Inserting myself into the schedule has proven to be complicated, and there are still things that are preventing certain groups from being as effective as I’d like them to be. Hopefully this will continue to evolve and I will continue to find avenues to meet the needs of the Residents in this new endeavor. I have started the paperwork and essays to apply to be an internship site. I have a practicum student for summer semester, and I generally feel pretty good about the work I’m doing, and planning to do in the future. Now if only I had some shelf space for my music books and instruments. 

There are downsides to starting a new job. I remember joking with my coworkers at my previous position about our staff satisfaction survey that asked no real questions about our satisfaction at our job but did ask things like “Do you have a best friend at work?” I said no to that question previously. It’s not that I didn’t have friends at work. I absolutely did, but I wouldn’t have called them my best friends. Recently, since starting a new job, I’ve been thinking about that question. Initially, I thought that was a stupid question for a job satisfaction survey. But, do you want to know what I miss most since starting my new job? I miss the connections I had with my coworkers. I miss eating lunch together and being able to share what was going on in my life outside of work. I miss having coworkers that I considered friends, that I trusted, that new some of the crazy my life is when I’m not at work and knew me well enough to not judge me based on the drama I’m usually stuck in, particularly when it comes to family stuff. Don’t get me wrong, my coworkers are good people. I like them, but they don't know me yet, and I’m not good at trusting new people. It’s not that I eat lunch alone... most days I sit at a table with coworkers, but I’m an obvious outsider. I listen to them talk to each other because they’ve all worked together long enough to engage in easy conversation about family, spouses, hobbies, etc. I’m sitting at the table, but I’m not really invited into the conversation. I’m just there. On the days I do lunch music in the dining rooms I pretty much eat alone. I guess I understand what having friends at work has to do with job satisfaction. 

I know it’s partly an INFJ personality thing. I don’t have any trouble establishing rapport with the residents, but when it comes to trying to make friends with the other staff, I just can’t seem to connect with them. It just feels lonely sometimes. It doesn’t help that my desk is in the back corner of the office and the other staff forget that I’m back there and turn the lights out on me. I can laugh about it, but I think I’ll buy myself a desk lamp. :-)

OK, well, that’s an update on me. I will likely be returning to the world of blogging as I work on getting my internship site established and will be sharing the process of applying for that. It’s a mountain of paperwork, but I’ve always enjoyed writing essays on things I’m passionate about, so I think I’m up for the challenge.  

[simplesongbird]

Music therapist, Dr. Deforia Lane takes you inside University Hospitals Seidman Cancer Center to experience first hand the response of patients to music therapy: hear of music’s effects on an unborn child; watch the reaction of a laryngectomy patient; see how therapeutic singing helps a man with stroke to speak again. Dr. Lane shares her personal challenge with cancer and how music benefited her healing. She ends with a probing question for each all who will hear. Internationally acclaimed music therapist, Dr. Deforia Lane is the founder and Director of Art & Music Therapy at the University Hospitals Case Medical Center in Cleveland, OH. She oversees a 9-member team of art and music therapists who serve the 1000-bed hospital. She is a researcher, clinician, clinical training director, teaches at the Case Western Reserve School of Medicine and the Frances Payne Bolton School of Nursing and has experienced a pioneering career spanning 4 decades.

[simplesongbird]

Yeah.

Why, yes, I do play the glockenspiel.

Facebook / Twitter

[simplesongbird]

Having worked primarily in Dementia care for the first five years of my professional life... These moments happened pretty regularly. I once asked someone to share their favorite color and they said Chicken. So... Yes.

Anyone else have those days when your music therapy session goes off track?

[simplesongbird]

This is really wonderful. She has a beautiful voice.

Mandy Harvey is a singer-songwriter working on her fourth album. She was studying music in college when she lost her hearing. She sings by feeling vibrations in the floor, and by using the muscle memory of her vocal cords to sing notes.

[simplesongbird]

How to become a Music Therapist

[simplesongbird]

”Music Therapy should be a household name.” -Erin Copeland Seibert, MT-BC

[simplesongbird]

Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.

Theodore Roosevelt

[simplesongbird]

This post is my life.

[simplesongbird]

Yes to all of the above. So much theory, so very useful now.

5 Music Major Skills I Thought Were Useless for a Music Therapist... Until They Weren’t.

1. Memorizing Key Signatures -  Today I had a new client who sat at the piano and immediately began playing. It only took a second to figure out that G was the tonal center. “Great!” I thought, as I grabbed my guitar and filled in a blues progression. But then my client’s hand moved ever so slightly and BAM, the tonal center shifted to A. Again, great, I can do this! And then in the middle of the song, the tonal center shifted to F. And to E. And to B. In that moment, it was crucial that I was able to change keys along with my client in order to maintain the musical container. 

2.  Aural Dictation - “What was that song? You know the one.” My client asked as she hummed a melody that was totally unfamiliar to me. “I don’t remember the words but it went like this…” Uh oh. Time to bust out what I knew about relative pitches so I can look it up at home.

3. Sight Singing - One of my first professional sites was a group of well elders interested in singing together. After a session, one gentleman approached me and handed me a piece of sheet music that had been his mother’s. He asked if I could sing it. Honesty Hour : I couldn’t. I took a photo and learned it for the next week, but it would have been so nice to be able to sing that in the moment.

4. Conducting - Going back to that group of well elders who wanted to sing together– Although I mostly facilitated that group from my guitar, there were many times that we practiced without accompaniment and I needed to conduct. In my internship I was assigned to a choir for early onset Alzheimer’s. Luckily I had a great mentor who knew what she was doing, but I was assigned 3 songs to conduct. Already being comfortable with my conducting patters made my life so much easier. 

5. Roman Numeral Analysis - This comes up in a less direct way for me. I think all those years of analyzing pieces helped me visualize which chords fit together and in what way. Knowing that E major is the secondary dominant of D major means I can use it to make my chord progressions that much more interesting, not just for me but for my clients.

[simplesongbird]

RIP Oliver Sacks.

via Institute for Therapy Through the Arts

[simplesongbird]

I love people's reactions to this.

this was so cute lma o and made me giggle

[simplesongbird]

Hi there! My name is Marcelyn. I’m a big fan of your blog! I just started up an online plus size clothing exchange. In order for these things to work well usually a lot of people need to be involved. I'd be really honored if you'd post about it on your blog, so please give it a looksie! Just type in "curvy girly clothing exchange" in Facebook's search bar. Thanks <3

I don’t have fb but anyone interested, please check it out!

[simplesongbird]

[simplesongbird]

Yeah, as a well-endowed woman, I had to reblog this for the wonderful commentary.

do actors get boners while making sex scenes this is one of the things i’ve wondered my whole life

[simplesongbird]

really, hit play though.