simplyangelacraff
SimplyAngelaCraff
This is me
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In the zone
You ever wake up and feel in the zone. This morning I woke up made breakfast for the kiddos and lunch for their school day. Made myself a nice cup of coffee and sat down at my desk the “window shop”. After a week of being off my medication I went from going in and out mentally to having a complete meltdown this past sunday that lead me to driving like wild person crying hysterically. I keep telling myself that everything is going to be okay but on day when the amount of things that build against me putting me in this downward spiral. I just want to get up every morning and feel like I do right now, having the time to write for myself and telling my story, even if no one else reads it.
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It is crazy to think how much I have "changed" or should I say really became myself but the premium edition of myself in the last 3 months. 3 months ago even though I smiled on the outside I really felt dead on the inside I could not drive down the freeways with out thinking about just letting go of the wheel and hopefully dying. The only thing that would stop me is thinking about my kids and who would take care of them if I were to go. Depression and Anxiety did not just appear this year but something I have been battling with since High School and really caused me to make some wild decisons instead of worrying about the clothes I would wear or being excited about going to a prom but I was in constant battle of just getting out of bed and making it to school. I was always concerned with knowing what was going to happen 10 steps ahead of where I wanted to be instead of starting at step 1 and going through each one. This caused my brain to go into hyperdrive and overwhelm me to the point of me sitting in a bathroom with a load of pills in my hand to end it all. But again I was always concerned of the people I would leave behind. I would say today thank god that I constantly have chosen to put others before myself, because without them I probably would not be here. Here I am at the age of 29 finally ready to put myself first and realizing that therapy was what I needed and something bigger than that I needed medication. So I take 100mg of zoloft everynight before bed to help with the major depression and Anxiety. It is a low dose but boy do I feel better. I am slowly day by day changing things. And I am finally starting at step 1 instead of looking 10 ahead. Each day I see myself emerge and form into the person I want to be. I walked my dogs this morning for 1 mile and it felt great I am taking care of my eating habits that are changing naturally instead of telling myself that I need to go on a diet. I have cleaned my whole house within a week taking it room by room to besure that it was clean the way I wanted it. As I am taking care of myself those around me seem happier because I can continue to be the same person that put others before myself but only because I am choosing to create boundaries that allows me to include myself. If you have taken time out of your day to read this I thank you and want to close with mental health matters and your brain will treat you if you decide to do what is needed to take care of it! #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthishealth #takecareofyourself
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My new life
Most times I feel that I am not cut out for this life. I had so much that I wanted to do and see, and I can't help but feel very selfish. I want to feel real love, I want to experience a "normal" college life the one with a dorm and parties. Why do I want these things? Maybe I am just a normal 22 year old that had a late start, or am I just not cut out for the path set out in front of me.
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One Day..
One day I will be happy with everything I have done and everything that I do.
One day I will be strong enough to stand on my own two feet, and be able to just get away.
One day I will achieve my goals, and be able to be a great role model.
One day I will be the person I set out to be.
Just one day I will be as happy on the inside as I show on the outside.
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Been A While
It's been awhile since the last time I posted and so much has changed.
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Life
Life has been pretty good!!! My birthday is this month so thats even better!!!
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Fixing
I have decided that i really need to fix things about myself on a daily basis.... i am needing to take things a little more seriously and work on not taking things for granted.... including my boyfriend....
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Quote
"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-
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WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
My first human memory would have to be playing with my first barbie jeep at the age of 4!
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