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next year all our troubles will be out of sight

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so fucked up that walter white is out there right now stealing christmas. just hauling that shit away. and lying to jesse that he’s just taking his tree back to his workshop to fix it up because there’s a light on one side that won’t light quite right and getting him a glass of water and sending him back to bed?? that’s fucked.

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shit man tomorrow is christmas eve i swear yesterday was June 2010

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Welcome to Reindeer Days!

Hello, Rudolph here! I've been waiting all year to introduce you to my team!

Every day we met a new member who helps pull the sleigh through the holiday sky. Somehow we mixed up our nametags, and had everyone here guess who was who. But now everyone is in order, and I put our nametags into the alt-text if you want the answers!

Redbubble (buy reindeer swag) || Etsy (sticker sets) Patreon (see WIPs and more) || Ko-fi (donate carrots)

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Favorskaya

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every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself

so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead

now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here

the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family

eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again

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Rose: The problem: you are Michael Bublé, it is 2011 and you would like to make a Christmas album. Your producers want you to sing the classic Christmas song "Santa, Baby," but if you sing it as intended, it's gonna come off as, like, super gay

Rose: The proposed solution: you will rewrite the lyrics to the song to imply a platonic friendship between yourself and the man in red, making Santa a real bro who's gonna help you get laid by some hunnies, with cool, masculine gifts like a steel blue convertible, a yacht and tickets to a Canadian hockey game

Rose: The reality: the combination of the eroticism of your voice and the inherently sexual vibes of the song means you create a story about a closeted gay guy desperately repressing his desire to - as the kids say - fuck that old man, no homo'ing your way through asking him to trim your tree, promising you'll be such a good boy if he treats you well, and begging him to slide down your chimney

Jade: the original is about a woman calling her rich bf santa to be cute while most other covers are about how the singer is doing a cover of santa baby (no persona)

Jade: Santa Buddy is about doing it nasty style with the real santa

Vriska: So is it safe to say the queer community has NOT forgiven Michael 8u8le for Santa 8uddy?

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Turtle Dove

_McThompson

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i call this one “nobody likes you when youre 23”

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someone has probably pointed this out before but the a/symmetry between gideon unknowingly using her mother as a weapon and wake knowingly birthing gideon to use as a weapon has me feeling some things

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they did not appreciate my longsword technique at the job interview

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one day ure 22 then the next ure 23. sick. twisted. dark sided. limp wristed.