simplymiles

[simplymiles]

Randoms Thoughts at 5:30AM

I just realized (and I just realized this right now, while I was drafting my calendar, totally random, I don't even know why I thought of this)

that I am not someone's "favorite" friend.

I am the person that you call 24/7, if I am your friend, I am available anytime you need me to listen, or to talk to.

If I am your friend, I am all in 100%

If I am your friend, I would always make the simplest and sweetest gestures that would always make you special.

If I am your friend, I would be always thinking of your well-being.

If I am your friend, I am your friend for life .. ride or die (as long as you don't betray me or my family)

If I am your friend, I would always tell your the truth.

If I am your friend, I would always honor you.

I am always this 100% kinda person ... but sometimes it gets tiring, because the effort doesn't get reciprocated.

I mean, I know for a fact, people do love me and care for me, but I am not sure if they are willing to go the extra mile for me; cause I always do for them. I would always be the one to adjust, the one to do everything first, the one to apologize, the one to reach out, the one to do the grand gestures, the one who always remembers, the one who never forgets ... I am the girl-next-door; the shock-absorber; but I don't feel like everyone else will do that for me.

Example 1: People always come to me when they are at their weakest, their loneliest, at their darkest moments; but once they get better and they find their happiness (most) of them don't even bother to say hi anymore or check in on me, or at least ask me how I am.

Example 2: People could go for months or years without talking to me, without even a hi, hello, or how are you; but once they need me, they come to me like a lightning, and I don't even put them on hold. I promised them that I would always be available, and I am, always am. They tell me a summary of how their lives have been in the past months or years, tell me how they are, vent, rant, ask for advice, say thank you ... then never message me again.

Example 3: I always surprise people with small gestures. Gestures that would always remind them that they are appreciated, or that I always remember them or I'm thinking about them, or sometimes I'd give them stuff that is totally random, to let them know that I remember what they told me months or years ago when we talked, just to make them feel better, or loved. They say thank you, but I never really felt like they appreciate what I did. Some people get a thank you in a form of a facebook post, or story, to let everyone know how proud they are that they are friends with this kind of person; but I never really got that ... from all the people that I helped over the years, I never really felt appreciated.

To tell you the truth, I am not one for social media posting or making gushy comments about me .. I am not complaining, it's just ... sometimes, it's nice to feel appreciated.

Example 4: I would always be the one to reach out. I would always be the one to keep my mouth shut. I would always be the one who humbles down. I will let you take all the credit, even if it was my idea to begin with .. I wouldn't care .. you're the hero. Sometimes I would wait for some humility to return the credit to me .. but no .. some people just like taking it all ... but it's okay .. I really don't mind .. it's just .. it's nice to be appreciated and credited sometimes.

I have more examples, but it feels like I'm complaining .. truth is, I'm not .. it's just that ... I feel like an empty water bottle. Your thirsty, I want to give you more drink, but I'm empty.

I feel like people around me take me for granted, just because I don't complain. I feel like they think that I don't mind, because even if I get appreciation or not, I would still give my 100% ... nothing will change. I keep my word, cause I don't want to let anyone down, I want to be the reliable person; always available, always ready to help.

My tank is empty ... but I can't stop giving.

I do this because I don't want anybody to feel that they are alone. I don't want them to feel that nobody is around to listen. I don't want them to feel sadness, I don't want them to feel emptiness ...

Sometimes, I hate being an empath. Cause even if you're mad at someone, or sometimes you feel like you're being treated unfairly, you choose to understand that person rather than judge them or get angry at them.

Sometimes I envy those people who have strong personalities. Why can't I storm out? Why can't I get mad? Why do I always have to be the bigger person? Why do I always need to understand? Why can't they? Why can't they? Why?

These feelings are a blessing and a curse at the same time.

I read somewhere that "caring is different from carrying."

But how can I not care without me also carrying the burden with them?

I am not even sure why I am sharing this ..

sheeeshhh .. ngayon na nga lang nagblog ganito p!

Hahahaha ..

'til my next blog

[simplymiles]

You replay the words, turn them over like stones, searching for meaning where there is none.

You retrace the steps, walk the same road twice, as if the ending will somehow change>

But love, not everything is a puzzle waiting to be solved. Some things are meant to be left as they are - no answers, no what-ifs, just peace.

[simplymiles]

Fallen tree stll blooms, roots deep in earth below, storm could not break it.

♥ miles ♥

[simplymiles]

I remember those days when I feel like I had no one to turn to. Only Jesus. He saved me, over and over again. Thank You, Lord for not giving up on me.

[simplymiles]

Happy 2025 everyone!

[simplymiles]

[simplymiles]

Hi Tumblr,

It's been a while.

Will probably write soon.

[simplymiles]

For the last two weeks, my brain went to overdrive. I couldn't sleep, and my brain would not stop working. Even if I close my eyes, I would still be thinking about stuff. Nothing really specific, but just random stuff. I literally feel like my brain was going to have a short circuit. Any time, I am going to explode. Thankfully, I didn't! I'm glad my husband went to Marikina for a week to be with his mom for her birthday. I wasn't really in the mood for anything; I don't want conversations, I don't want company .. I just want to be lazy and do nothing.

I'm also blessed to have kids who are very independent. I'm glad that I thought them how to cook their food, entertain themselves, take care of the house, and take care of themselves. I always tell them, you have to learn these things because I'm not gonna be always around to do them for you, so you ned to learn how to take care of yourselves. I'm glad they took that by heart. During those "load brain moments" of mine, I was asleep half to the time. They didn't wake me up, unless needed. They let me sleep. There are times when I'd wake up in the evening, cause I needed to eat; and I see that everything's been taken care of. They cooked their food, they took care of the dogs, they washed the dishes, they cleaned the house. I always commend them, and tell them how proud I am of them and that I always appreciate their efforts.

I am thankful that God blessed me with a wonderful life, and I am surrounded with wonderful people. Growing up, I was pretty open to everyone being my friend. Turns out, not all people have the best intentions ... I'm glad I chose to be with the people who loves me, and protects my peace.

This is just a life update ... I felt like I haven't written in forever. Things have been moving pretty fast lately ... I've been telling myself to slow down ..

[simplymiles]

“Being happy is a very personal thing and it really has nothing to do with anyone else.”

— Abraham-Hicks, Getting Into the Vortex

[simplymiles]

“There are two ways to be happy: change the situation, or change your mindset towards it”

— Unknown

[simplymiles]

Current obsession 🙈

[simplymiles]

It's funny how there was a time that I can put my thoughts into words and write it ... why can't I do that anymore?

[simplymiles]

i will forever be the person who says "its okay, i understand" even when my heart is breaking into pieces.

[simplymiles]

[simplymiles]

Hello Tumblr,

It's been a long while.

I miss the version of myself when I'm here.

I miss the overflow of thoughts and emotions and how

I just cannot stop writing.

I don't know what happened though.

Something in me just started to get better.

People started listening, I became more expressive with my emotions, and I learned how to show my emotions compared to,

how scared I was of letting people knew how I felt.

I thought emotions were bad, I thought emotions make you shallow ... something changed,

I became brave.

And I am so proud of myself, I am.

But there's also this part of me that wants to hide.

There's still this part of me that thinks that showing and expressing all of me is a weakness, that being so outspoken can get me into trouble, that saying my thoughts out loud would hurt the people that I love and care about.

But the thing is, once you start speaking out, it's so hard to go back, especially when there are people around you who encourages you and motivates you. There are people who you know that when you say what's on your mind, they don't get hurt, but instead, they show appreciation.

Writing has saved me. It has been my safety.

I wrote all the thoughts that I cannot express, the feelings that I thought I was not allowed to feel, the words that I can't utter, the happiness that I've kept for only me, the conversations that I wish I had, the emotions that overflowed and consumed me, and the prayers that I've kept in my heart ... I wrote it.

It breaks my heart,

cause I don't need it as much.

So I keep coming back to it.

But, it gives me so much joy,

because I don't need to hide anymore.

Healing came ... writing got me through it.

And now, writing?

It's not for safety anymore ...

It's freedom!

[simplymiles]

[simplymiles]

Claiming peace, joy, wisdom, love, and prosperity for my family this 2024!