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Distorted Images

The mirror breaks and the glass falls! I watch as the fragmented pieces slide across the floor, creating a sea of brokenness. As I look down all I see are distorted images. My eyes trying to adjust so the signals in my brain can possibly fix what my mind perceives to be a mistake but in reality its the truth! For a long time I tried to ignore and create a different reality but it's actually so dysfunctional only God can make it function again. Honestly, I am feed up because you screwed up. I can’t stand your ways. You literally disgust me! I don’t even want you around me because I can’t deal! 

But why am I so angry when I am already healed? When I am already delivered! God told me, “He reigns on the just as well as the unjust!” He cares about me enough to sooth my feelings and mend my broken heart! God why do I want to take matters into my own hands to express my thoughts and opinions and not think about who cares! I don’t want to waste time overworking and stressing myself to be heard! You didn’t do it! You just existed! You were who you were! God I desire to live the same! How do I manage my thoughts and feelings effectively because I continually want to let my light shine!

I don’t want to continue seeing my life in the distorted images of a something that doesn’t exist anymore! 

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Recurring Prayer

Psalm 51

English Standard Version (ESV)

Create in Me a Clean Heart, O God

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.

51 Have mercy on me,[a] O God,     according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy     blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,     and cleanse me from my sin!

3 For I know my transgressions,     and my sin is ever before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned     and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words     and blameless in your judgment. 5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,     and in sin did my mother conceive me. 6 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,     and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;     wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness;     let the bones that you have broken rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins,     and blot out all my iniquities. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,     and renew a right[b] spirit within me. 11 Cast me not away from your presence,     and take not your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,     and uphold me with a willing spirit.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,     and sinners will return to you. 14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,     O God of my salvation,     and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips,     and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;     you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;     a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;     build up the walls of Jerusalem; 19 then will you delight in right sacrifices,     in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;     then bulls will be offered on your altar.

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Fall in love with yourself! When I fell in love with God I found myself!

Sincerely_E

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1 Peter 4

Stewards of God's Grace

4 Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh,[a] arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, 2 so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God. 3 For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. 4 With respect to this they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of debauchery, and they malign you; 5 but they will give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. 6 For this is why the gospel was preached even to those who are dead, that though judged in the flesh the way people are, they might live in the spirit the way God does.

7 The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. 8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 9 Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace:11 whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who servesby the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

Suffering as a Christian

12 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. 14 If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory[b] and of God rests upon you. 15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer oras a meddler. 16 Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. 17 For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? 18 And

“If the righteous is scarcely saved,     what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”[c]

19 Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.

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Forgiveness is about releasing the pain.

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My Song of the day!

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You think you know but you have no idea!

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Empty Covenants

Empty covenants try to fill empty spaces in your heart left from incidents that occurred before I was ever there.  I have sat and watched as you have tried to imitate what you think is right. But I pose a question if it hasn't worked all the other times what make you think it will work this time? The funny thing is a covenant is a commitment based on a solid foundation where promises can be laid and stand firm with the test of time.

It seems like you have only driven small stakes in the ground that become destroyed when the wind blows too hard or when the wood or other material wears down because it was never designed to hold down the structure in the first place.

Emptiness tries to fill emptiness and I was following after you because I thought it was the way. One monkey don't stop no show; you have to keep going. Rings loudly as I stood in the midst of life storms continuously knocking me over with their tides and strong winds. 

I quickly figured out that those empty philosophies don't work and only leads to my heart bleeding and crying to be relieve from all the pain secretly hidden in unknown compartments. I cry and hurt from things I thought were forgotten and I am feeling ways I felt 20 years ago. 

Now, I am sorting out my treasures from my trash. Releasing and throwing away to pick up new things that won't damage or dirty up my heart. You see gotta keep it clean for the only thing that can save me.

You see, I almost bought into the illusion and lie of using empty covenants to fill empty places in my life. Now, I live to be fulfilled and only commit myself to things that establish wealth for externity. 

Empty can't fill empty. So I pray for you as I pray for myself asking God to fill you with things eternal. Praying He removes the old to make room for the new things He has stored up for you. My greatest fear is if you wait too late and the dark empty places in your heart consume you to the point you can't hear anything.  BUT! I have faith and know God can and will restore everything that was taken from you just like He did mE. 

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Finger Nail Polish

If you ever sit and think about the use of finger nail polish. It’s used to dress up the hand, it makes hands look a certain way. Think about it for a moment:

Finger nail polish makes your nails look cute for a while but over time it chips away. Nail polish is like a vasod (mask). We put it for others so they can see we look nice but eventually it goes away exposing who we really are. Some people’s last longer like gel nail polish but in the end it expose the realness. Under neath all the finger nail polish some of us have beautiful and healthy nails but others have an unhealthy and weak nail bed because we have kept on the nail polish to long until we have began to die and waste away on the inside. 

Everyone has the potential to have healthy natural nails. All it needs  is tender love and care. You may need to stop wearing the nail polish a while until it returns back to it natural state. Your nails may reach the ultimate level of health to where all you have to do is keep them shaped and trimmed; they will be fine.

Finger nails and the way we treat them are no different than how we do ourselves.

So I pose the question what state are your nails in?

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Authority

I have come to the understanding that according to Genesis chapter 1 verses 26 through about 28 it informs me of the power God created me with. To be exact, 

26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

27 So God created mankind in his own image,     in the image of God he created them;     male and female he created them.

28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.

Some where along the lines I have lost sight….we have lost sight because I see and also too have experienced so many people bound by their present circumstance or past. Some where through time someone or something saw and knew about the power and authority I…we possessed and tired to kill me…us. When they or it realized it couldn’t kill me..us, it decided to mess with mind and cause harm to me…us so it would alter my…our perception so I..we would never realize my..our authority….the authority granted to each and everyone of us. 

TODAY! I COME TO REMIND YOU OF THE AUTHORITY GOD HAS PLACED INSIDE OF YOU WHEN HE CREATED YOU IN HIS IMAGE. 

You have the power so begin to speak to your situations past and present. Tell them they will not longer rule your life. They will no longer control how you perceive things in your life. You will live a fulfilled and purpose driven life to fulfill the things deeply rooted inside of you. The things the others tried to kill but it never died. I pray God release and revives the dreams and visions HE has given to you when he released you into the earth. The (Power) AUTHORITY (Choice) to live with PEACE, JOY, PATIENCE, LOVE……EVERY OTHER DESIRE EMBEDDED IN YOUR HEART! 

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Broken

Trying to release but nothing is going out. A tear falls but its like it goes back in. I wanna let it out but it won’t come out. Its like the last bit of ketchup, you jerk it and squeeze it. I mean you even hit up against the table or closest hard surface. You  know its bad when you have to get knife to get it out.  

Well shot, what will it take? I am at the point where its time to get the knife so I can scrap whatever is left of this pain. I am so broken I am trying to make sense of everything that happened too me. 

I feel like a 1,000 piece puzzle set and I only have the first 29 pieces put together. So I am sitting on the floor trying to make sense of the mess I didn’t even create, which is why I am so upset because I feel like I am the only left to clean it up. 

The truth is I feel abandoned. No one to hear my cries or wipe the tears from my eyes. Then I got use to it….I mean I became immune to it almost numb but the pain always returns. Like the guest that never leaves. Pain greets me in the morning, afternoon, evening, basically when ever it wants too.

I sit in a chair once a week spending months trying to figure out why I feel the way I feel. Well here it goes:

I am hurt because I was beat. I was beat and beat and beat. Without just cause. I was beat just because. I felt like the person I needed most wasn't there to help me. Every where I turned it seemed like I was getting a beating of some sort. I would go to school and kids would try to beat me down with their words. I would go home and he would beat. I would go over the only thing I had left of my father's house and they would beat with both. It was like their mouth and fist were locked a loaded ready to fire at me. And for what?  I have no idea. My soul weeps because I can’t weep. I am so sad. I am so hurt. WHY! 

No one can give me an explanation for what happened to me. Enough with encouraging anecdotes just say how messed up it was for me to experience what I went through. Tell me I didn’t deserve it. Apologize for people who did this. Don’t become frustrated with me because you feel like I should be over it because I’m not. Don’t say anything to make me better because it doesn’t work. It just distracts me. 

Later on I am still left trying to put together broken pieces!

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The enemy is trying to make me believe that my past is who I am!

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I’m Cute! I’m Talented! I’m Caring! I’m Destined for greatness! I’m Powerful Beyond My Comprehension! I’m Valuable! I’m A Proverbs 31 Women! I AM sincerely_E!

Ebony C. Brown

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Rejection is God's way of protecting you from something you probably should be tied to in the first place.

sincerely_E

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Separation

Having this internal battle. The separation of the things that happened to me and my desired perception. Every time the tears fall they burn my eyes. It seems like my tears are trying to clean the dirt from my eyes. The dirt that was kicked in my face repeatedly. Every time I tried to wipe it off it seemed like they were still kicking the sandy crumbles of dirt in my face. What do I know? Do I stay because it hides them from the guilt and convictions of their wrong? I believe they need to face it just like I had to face mine. It wasn’t guilt it was the truth staring me right in the face and it exposed any shame I tried too hide.

Back and forth I go. Like a tennis ball being lobbied across the court taking every powerful blow but soon I get tired and drop to the floor. Hoping I roll so far away that they can’t find me. I wanna go back into hiding. Separating myself from the things that have shaped. Really I am divorcing my former self and becoming a better self.

Honestly, the divorce isn’t hard, It’s just painful. I have to come to terms with the things that happened to me, face them, and let them go forever. Meaning: I WILL NOT LIVE IN THEM ANYMORE. 

I have separated myself from the things that kept the perpetual cycle going. A continuum of my past is what it really is. But I  have decided to break away from the circle creating a line that will eventually become straight the harder I work and push toward my DESTINY! I will make it! I will separate myself from the things of old which leads to death. Recognizing I must go through the valley of death. So I recite the words embedded in my heart! “Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil!” I have to travel to the dark place because beyond the darkness is mE. 

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God is faithful!

sincerely_E

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Romans 2:1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.