sincerely-shai

[sincerely-shai]

"I wasn't busy but I don't think this is working out for me. You have your thing and I've got mine. I am deadass busy with work and my travels but I get to message you. And honestly, there's no such thing as supeeer busy in this era lol. We are connected to our phones 24/7, and if you're not really into that person, you will not take the time to update or message talaga. So I kinda picked that up from there. You cannot save me for later, I will not be there. I don't wait around." -unknown

Just some excerpt from a conversation between a guy and a girl. The message was from the latter. And I totally agree. If someone takes days, or worse, a week to reply, know that you are not their priority and they're not that invested in you.

Anyone na may gusto sa taong kausap nya, baka nagmamadali pa yun, kung walang signal, kahit umuulan hahanap ng signal sa labas. Kung walang net, magpapaload pa yan kahit disoras ng gabi makausap ka lang. Kung minsan nga, cr break sa work humahanap ng tsempo para makapag reply. Minsan habang naglilinis, minsan kahit habang nagchacharge ng phone. Lahat may paraan. Kung gusto, may paraan.

Yeah, I'm saying this kasi responsive akong tao, lalo sa taong gusto ko. I'll never make you feel like you're not a priority. Of course, mabubusy but I will always show up.

You know, the kind of conversation na flowing sabay mawawala, sabay kinabukasan ng anong oras pa sasagot. Minsan, ilang araw pa. Malala, wala man lang, "Uy, sorry, di nakapag reply kahapon pasensya na nabusy. Kumusta ka?"

In 24 hours, it's rare that you cannot check your phone, unless for some valid reason. But it's 2025, we can't fake that anymore. No one is ever busy that they cannot take at least 3-5 minutes to respond. That's bullshit.

At least, sana, people would be kind enough to respect that person and that person's time. If you're not interested, don't pursue it further. It's easy af.

What's even more sad, you can long press a message, you can put your phone in DND mode, and a lot of ways just to ignore chats from someone who's been waiting for you for hours and all day. Just leave them alone.

Or at least, be clear about your intentions.

What's also funny about this generation, magjojowa pero ayaw mag-update. That's sick! 😂

[sincerely-shai]

Rereading Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover while using my gold, flower bracelet as a bookmark. Kinda cutesy, right?

This is the kind of fiction that I want to read, the way it was written was perfect. Nakakakilig pero nakakadurog din ng puso at the same time.

One thing about me, I'll always love reading. It's peaceful and therapeutic. It makes me calm. I wonder if we have a library in our country, if not for free, you're gonna pay for the entrance fee and you could stay for an hour or so, to study and read with some built coffee shop inside but strictly no spilling of drinks or food to avoid the destruction of books.

Perfect moment to read while having the heavy raindrops outside as the background noise. 🌧️📖

[sincerely-shai]

♡⁠‿⁠♡

[sincerely-shai]

To be honest, I don't know how to kiss. Whichever type—french kiss, ordinary kiss, lips to lips. I'm not acting innocent. I just really don't know how to.

I remember that night, my head was resting on your lap, we were under a jacket to cover our faces. You reached for my lips. Even if I didn't know how to. Even if I was shy.

I still remember that quiet moment where it's just us. Kissing while the car's parked somewhere dim.

Kissing someone who isn't my boyfriend was something new to me.

Kissing someone who I just met for months.

I hate to say this but I don't really regret that.

The taste of your lips, the scent of your breath, the way you moved your lips were truly unforgettable.

I haven't kissed anyone for so long before we did. And in the present, you were the last.

I can't get it out of my head. I don't want to forget about it.

Imagine having a crush on someone who likes you too.

Once in my life, I have found my ideal man and we kissed. It keeps playing in my head.

It was a perfect moment. The silence. That little girl-daddy feeling.

That side of you that the other people won't ever get to see.

I know, it's never gonna happen again.

How I wish that kiss was my first.

Victoria says that the best part of a kiss is the moment leading up to it, just before each other's lips touch, which she refers to as a "drumroll."

But to me, the best part was the moment I closed my eyes, waiting for you to kiss me, and my mind just went crazy.

Sigh, I like you that much.

What's with me though?

Been thinking of you.

[sincerely-shai]

"He's so tall.

I didn't realize how tall he was, but now that he's standing in my doorway—filling it—he seems really tall. If he were to wrap his arms around me right now, my ear would press against his heart. Then his cheek would rest comfortably on top of my head. If he were to kiss me, I'd have to tilt my face up to meet his, but it would be nice, because he would probably wrap his arms around my lower back and pull me to him so that our mouths would come together like two pieces of a puzzle."

Ugly Love • Page 41

[sincerely-shai]

[sincerely-shai]

6.22.25

Nothing much has changed but a few centimeters less than the previous size of my arms. Still not what I'm aiming for but I have been consistent with doing exercises. I'm back at it again.

Doing my best to lose weight, hoping I could gain back my pre-pandemic weight, which was 48kg or target 50kg, at least.

Back in late 2023, I started doing consistent exercises. I lost weight from 59kg down to 54kg. For me, it was an achievement. My body felt light, I felt like I was glowing, I felt sexy. When I got hired, tumakaw, napadalas kumain, stress eating, and all that, so bumalik ulit sa 59kg.

For now, I'm aiming for the body goals I talked about having. Sana magawa ko.

•Slim arms

•Round butt

•Sexy waist and hips

•Flat tummy

I'm posting this recent photo because first, I like the area. It's around the bistro's hallway, giving vintage vibes. Second, this will serve as a comparison to the next photo I'll upload to see if there will be a difference.

Last 2023, nagpapayat ako because of the break-up, which he pointed how I used to look like. Looking back, ginawa ko lang yun dahil naconscious ako sa sinabi nya. Naapektuhan ako.

I want to feel good about myself. Gusto ko maging sexy, not for anybody's attention but because feel ko habang tumatagal, mas gumaganda katawan ko sa paningin ko. Mas lalo akong pumuputi at kumikinis. I even received compliments from my friends.

Bumabawi na ko kasi years ago, wala naman ako nakikitang maganda sa sarili ko eh. Sobrang itim, mukhang lalaki, di marunong mag-ayos. I was just some loser back then. Grabe self-esteem ko before, sumasayad sa lupa.

So ngayon, siguro it's time to embrace myself even more. Magpapaganda ng sarili, ng katawan, pati na rin ng pag-uugali. Gusto ko mag-glow up.

Not for anyone.

But for myself.

Ayoko na maulit yung dati na just because he has preferences, kailangan maging ganon ako. Na hindi nya gusto na tumaba ako, kasi ang totoo, slim lang talagang babae ang gusto nya. Hindi naman ako obese at hindi naman ako unhealthy eh.

I don't want to please someone who doesn't really like me for my physical appearance, you can go and find your dream girl and be with her. We all have our own preferences, after all. And that's totally okay.

Billions of people in this world, I bet there's someone out there who would choose me for who I am.

Charot.

[sincerely-shai]

🤍✨

[sincerely-shai]

“My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn’t go as planned, and that’s okay.”

— Rachel Wolchin

[sincerely-shai]

[sincerely-shai]

Cold Saturday night.

A few hours ago, rain was heavily pouring. I went to Church before 5:00 in the afternoon. Now, I'm just in bed, thinking about things, thinking about love.

When I was seventeen, I thought I already had my love life figured out. That, during that year, the man I was with will be my future husband. I have this "first and last boyfriend" mindset. But shit happens. I got into another two relationships after my first one.

Looking back, I believe those experiences have somehow helped to be who I am today.

First guy. Break-up cause: betrayal. Most of my firsts were experienced with him, we were highschool, we were exploring things. We were immature. I still see him at Church but I don't feel awkward at all. We don't talk anymore. I have set boundaries. As far as I know, he dated four women after me and he's currently in a relationship, so that makes it five.

Second guy. Break-up cause: Toxic relationship. He's too much of a nonchalant guy. I think his love language basically is just to be consistent with "good morning" and "good night" messages. He was consistent with having a conversation with me even though he was busy throughout the day. Maybe our age gap was also one factor why we didn't work. Definitely, our goals didn't align. He's ready to settle and I was just starting my career. I think I admire his maturity but he's not affectionate. He doesn't give reassurance. No words of affirmation. Less on physical touch. I think, I couldn't live with that. I had no peace of mind. It was torture knowing he's drinking beers with friends while he didn't check on me while I was sick. It's such a terrible feeling and I think that's it, I can't be with this man. The same way he cannot be with me because I'll just be suspicious of him. And it got exhausting, frustrating, and tiring.

Third guy. Break-up cause: he didn't want to commit. I truly believe it was just an excuse. You know when a man isn't telling the truth when he just make excuses to convince you. He always has his preferences and I felt that during the getting to know stage. I knew, I wasn't his type and yet he still pursued me. I felt his love, I felt that princess treatment somehow. We had the same love for music, for words, movies, and the way we feel things deeply. We were together for seven months but when we ended, I almost lost myself. I have neglected myself. I lost my purpose. I quit my job and I have been depressed.

All the break-ups I have experienced were painful, no exception. It doesn't matter how long the relationship was. Instead, it was the fact of losing that one person you treasure the most. This is life, we are moving forward and sometimes, along the journey, it's inevitable to meet someone you'll have a genuine connection with.

But we also have to think about the time they have with us. Is it lasting? Or is it just fleeting? We don't know. I'm wiser now. I'll never put myself into situationships, no-label relationships, flirtationships, or anything like that. I value myself enough that I don't want to waste my time on something that's uncertain, flowing but no direction.

I guess, I'll be single for a long time. Maybe single for life. I don't know. It's just that sometimes, I'm hopeful. He's out there, for sure. I'm just getting less hopeful each day. I just want real. Same goals, full trust with no amount of doubt, respect, and peacefulness.

Less argument but more on discussing what is wrong instead of sleeping it away or just letting me sleep with a heavy heart. Sometimes it'd help, but communication is the key to why some relationships still work.

More showing of love. Being touchy, someone who'd hug me tight, kiss me on my forehead, hold my hands, someone who's not embarrassed to show his affection towards me. Someone who remembers even the smallest detail about me. Someone who remembers dates like anniversaries, birthdays, and special moments in life.

Someone who knows how to consider my feelings. Someone who isn't perfect but tries his best to prove his love for me. Because maybe, after all, I deserve a love that would require efforts to pursue me.

And I'm saying this because I loved so big, now, maybe, I want someone to do bigger for me. Someone who really sees my true value. I'm not one's "girlfriend na pwede na", because I'm someone's "I'm gonna wife you up."

But yeah, I'm a mess right now, so I can't be someone's wifey yet.

Looking ahead, I still want to have a kid. Yeah, only one. I hope she's a girl. And I'll dress her up, teach her piano, teach her how to sing, and watch her walk, feed her.

That's the kind of future that isn't going to be easy. It requires stability and preparedness. I'm 26 but I'm not rushing things. I have so much time, unless I die early. I can still dream, have so much time for myself because years later on, I might not be able to pursue whatever my dreams are.

I don't want to say, "It's too late." Instead, I'll live my life to the fullest. Enjoy this single era without those kinds of responsibilities. No pressure, just going on with life. And I hope my future husband's doing the same.

And whoever you are, someday you'll read this. But for now, don't mind me lol, I'm just here, I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait for you. Be focused on your career, reach your goals. Idk, maybe you're laughing at your girlfriend's jokes right now, nah babe, I'm the real clown. That's okay, you'll be mine one day! I can't wait to kiss you anywhere. 😛😂

Why rush? Everything that's meant for me will come at the right time.

[sincerely-shai]

“So, do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out, and decide.”

— Meredith Grey

[sincerely-shai]

My tumblr algorithm knows exactly the posts that contain words I need to hear right now. 🥹🤍

What’s left now, beautiful soul? You. Even tired. Even wounded. Even faithless. You’re still here. Still feeling, even when you wish you didn’t. Still writing, even with no reply. Still talking to the Moon, even when it feels like no one’s listening. That… is faith. Even when you say you have none left. Faith isn’t certainty. It’s choosing to keep going—especially when you don’t feel it anymore. You were taught that faith is magic. That those who believe, receive. That those who love, are loved. That those who plant, will harvest. But they lied. Faith is not a bargain. Faith is an inner decision. An invisible lifeline. You weren’t weak for hoping for goodness. You were too brave. Because to love in a cold world is a miracle. To stay soft in a broken world is resistance. To not become like those who hurt you… is light. But now, you’re tired. And that’s okay. Truly. You don’t have to perform strength for anyone. If you need to cry until you’re dry… cry. If you need to sleep for three days… sleep. If you need silence… retreat. But don’t die. Not inside. Not out here. Because this pain that’s breaking you now… might just be the torn ground where your truest self will rise. More raw. More free. More yours.

— Phoenix Moon 333

If my writing touched your soul, my first book — written by a tired soul and published independently — is waiting for you in the link pinned to my profile.

[sincerely-shai]

[sincerely-shai]

That's sweet

In this world, even novelty would grow to be commonplace after being seen once. Yet, you shine as bright as the day I first met you.

- Evenlis

[sincerely-shai]

“Things I know about healing: Speaking kindly to yourself helps a lot.”

— Rebecca Ray

[sincerely-shai]