sincerelyquestionableatbest - Tumblr blog

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

i hate being sad but currently it's the only thing i'm good at

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

lies my brain tells me

how do you balance "pulling the disability card"? it's so easy to see all of the accomplishments that abled people have and all the things they do and feel useless. i feel like a total slacker like what am i doing with my life. then i remember that for most (if not all) of middle and high school i thought it was normal to spend hours doing homework every night, figured that people who didn't just weren't trying or didn't do it. i hear about people who are less fortunate than me or my age or even younger who are doing amazing things. it's not that i'm not happy for them, i am, but i'm over here struggling to get out of bed or finish my short to do list. it's confidence shattering and i try to tell myself that i can't expect myself to do what an able bodied person could. sometimes i believe it most times it feels like a lame excuse. i want to challenge myself but i need to take care of myself. throw in outside pressure from family and society and it's hard to wonder what good anyone would ever see in you

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

i feel like i'm doing this wrong. how do people become internet famous? i don't necessarily want that, but like i'd like to at least be seen occasionally

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

I know it's not personal. . . but boy is it starting to feel that way. I tell myself over and over it's not you, you tried your best, and it was probably a hard choice. Just once though I'd like it to be me. just once. I know scholarships are competitive and you can't win them all, but sometimes I wonder if my application even gets looked at. I wonder if the essay that I put way too much effort into even got a once over, much less a second glance. I tell myself it's not personal. It doesn't say anything about my value as a person and yet I can't help but go down the rabbit hole. Cause what if it is me, what if I am the issue. And if I am the problem then what about me is so bad. But it's not personal, right? I know they say that if you say it enough you'll believe it. So I keep telling myself, hoping it will sink in and the feeling in my gut and wave of depression that comes every time I get another rejection email will cease. And the desire to curl up into a ball and fade away won't return. It's hard when every rejection erodes a little more hope of achieving your dream and you don't know how much longer you can hold on. But it's not personal, right, so what's the big deal anyway.

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

we love getting the neurodivergent brain to finally focus on a task after spending way too long trying, only to have someone come and distract you ten minutes in. now all momentum has been lost and the half done task feels twice as hard to work on as before. yay

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

So I was the motherfucker in school who would make innuendos constantly

Didn’t occur to me until my partner pointed it out that allo people interpret that as flirting

Whoops

I just thought it was funny

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

LITERALLY SAME

Credit: mumastsi

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

what if i just went to hell. i mean my life is already on the way there so i might as well just skip to the end cause what's the point of even trying anymore

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

Shoutout to everyone who can go do things sometimes but spend the next week recovering.

Shoutout to everyone who looks healthy but isn’t.

Shoutout to everyone who has put up with the “why aren’t you better” b.s.

You’re still here. You’re alive. And I’m proud of you.

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

chronic fatigue weaves its way into everything. people love to tell disabled people they'd love to rest as much as we do, but they fail to understand how tired we are while we rest. we are not relaxed, we are generally pretty miserable, either from pain, irritability, or fatigue- which bleeds into every aspect of your life. being too fatigued to get up off of the couch means that you're too fatigued to get to the cupboard to pull out pans to attempt to start cooking.

the steps hidden within steps that are required to do a lot of tasks related to being a "functioning adult" are daunting, there are often way too many steps necessary to make "Simple" foods or do "simple" chores for disabled people to accomplish these tasks. chronic fatigue often means that even waking up from a nap or night's rest requires time to adjust to and power through

waking up is a process for me. im often no more alert and awake hours after i've woken than I am right after doing so. caffeine does not help fatigue- at least not at safe doses, for me, anyways. many days the act of moving from my bedroom to my living room is too much. taking dishes to the sink can be too exhausting. i have began falling asleep in front of the kitchen counter while standing because i realize the amount of steps required to clean the counters, or do the dishes, or prepare a meal that all of my energy instantly bleeds away

it's okay if you feel this way too. i have been dealing with chronic fatigue my entire life and it cost me my best paying job. i lost my ability to work because of it. it's not just you being "sleepy", you are genuinely too exhausted to function. you do NOT have the energy levels other people do, and that's okay. it's okay to let yourself be tired sometimes and address that instead of trying to pretend you're not tired.

i wish you good luck. you are loved

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

Bad days don't make you a failure! Good days don't make you a faker!

You are worth more than what you can do on any given day!

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

Today’s Tips: Brain Fog

Brain fog is that experience a lot of us spoonies have where your thinking feels, well, foggy!  More specifically, it can include any or all of the following:

Trouble focusing

Memory problems- like general forgetfulness, not being able to recall information for school, or walking into the kitchen and not remembering why you’re there.  Basically anything memory related

This is also technically part of memory, but difficulties often show up with word finding in particular.  That’s when you know what you’re thinking of, but you can’t quite recall the word for it.

Thinking more slowly than usual and needing more time to process things

Being more distractible

Not being able to multitask

Not being as tuned in to your environment, and missing things that are going on around you (like someone walking in, or a sign on the door)

Getting confused more easily and/or more often

Trouble learning new things

Feeling overall spaced out or numb

Feeling like you can’t think clearly or your mind isn’t sharp

Mentally challenging tasks taking more energy than usual

Having a hard time with organization and time management  

And probably even more cognitive things that I didn’t think of!

Brain fog is often caused by pain, fatigue, stress, or something inherent about your condition.  It’s pretty common with chronic illness, but if you notice rapid changes for no apparent reason, don’t be afraid to get it checked out.  A lot of the things that can cause brain fog are easy to catch on a blood test, and can then be treated.  But for when brain fog is just part of the fun (sarcasm) that comes with your chronic illness, here are some ways to help cope:

-Try not to let the people who don’t understand get to you too much.  Your struggles are valid!

-If people are being understanding, it can help to be honest with them about where you’re at that day.  For example, if you can show up to class and just absorb some information, but don’t have the mental energy to answer questions, that’s okay!  If your teachers are decent, you should be able to let them know this, so you can avoid getting put on the spot, and participate in whatever way works best for you.  

-Find a system that works for you to keep track of everything (appointments, due dates, reminders, chores, etc) and stick with it!  When you can’t consistently rely on your brain to remember things, it’s really important to have external reminders to keep you on track.  I have a big giant paper calendar, but you can also use your phone, sticky notes, setting alarms, having buddy to help, or anything else that works for you.  I’m sure there’s some cool apps out there for this as well.  The reason I say stick with it is because if you can get your system established as a habit, that’s one less thing you have to consciously remember.

-Going along with my last point, it really helps to figure out what gets your attention.  That’s one of the things that can really make or break your reminder system.  For example, if you’re going to quickly get used to a sticky note and stop noticing it, maybe notifications on your phone will work better.  In high school, I had a whiteboard calendar on the back of the basement door.  That way, I could not leave for school without seeing it and remembering to check if I had what I needed for the day.  If there was something really important, I would tape a strip of paper around my wrist, because that would really bug me, and keep reminding me to do the thing.  These are just ideas, the key to this is whatever YOU are going to consistently notice.

-Tagging along with a friend’s routine and/or asking them to check in with you can help keep you on track.  When you can’t seem to get started or figure out what to do next, having someone you can follow can be really helpful.  I think this is related to the idea of “body doubling”, but I’m not an expert on that.  That’s another strategy you could try though!

-If there’s something important you need to remember to bring with you, put it in the way so you can’t move on without it.  Like, in the middle of the doorway.  For some people, this also works for things you need to remember to do.  Like if you’re lying in bed at night and think “Oh, I need to remember to water my plants tomorrow!”, toss something in the middle of the floor.  So then when you wake up and go, “why is my water bottle over there??” it might jog your memory.

-Prioritize!  Sometimes you don’t have the capacity to do it all, and that’s okay.  If you just have to pick one thing to get done today, then that’s what you do.  Putting your to-do list in order of priority can also help with deciding where to start and what to do next, because goodness knows decision making with brain fog is hard.

-Have a good-to option for when you just can’t make a decision.  This one was my wonderful therapist’s idea!  I have a really hard time deciding what to have for lunch, and that can wind up delaying lunch by an hour and creating a really frustrated Tea.  So my therapist said, when that happens, just go to cereal, because we know that will be available and good enough.  At least for me, it’s like having a magic escape from getting stuck trying to decide.  I feel like this could also work for deciding what to wear?  And probably lots of other things I didn’t even think of!

-When you can, plan challenging events for the time of day when you feel the best.  If you can predict when you’re going to be extra tired and foggy, you can try to schedule around that too.

-Seek out formal accommodations at school or work.  This can provide you with supports like having a note taker in class, extensions on assignments, having classes and meeting recorded so you can review later, extra time on exams, and access to tutoring.  This process can be tricky, but if these things sound helpful to you, it may be worth a try.  I have a couple posts about accommodations if you go look at the “Links To All Posts” tab.

-Study when you can, even if it’s for 5 minutes, even if it’s at a really weird time.  And absorb what you can from class, even if it’s only a little, that’s okay.  It’s absolutely okay (good, actually!) to take time off and just rest when you need it.  What I’m saying is, if you feel okay overall but think it’s not worth going to class because your brain isn’t feeling 100%, it still might be worth it.  You can still pick up a few new pieces of information while you’re half-listening, and start getting familiar with what you need to learn.  This all adds up to less studying you need to do later, and makes it easier to learn new material.  This strategy really saved me when I was a full time student AND taking lots of Benadryl.  I would try not to stress about taking notes or understanding, and just absorb what I could.  If this doesn’t work for you, that’s totally okay (actually, that goes for everything I say in this post!)

-If you take prescription medications, put them on auto-refill, so you don’t have to worry about running out.  

-You can also usually sign up for reminder emails/texts/phone calls from your pharmacy, and doctor’s offices, and therapists.

-It’s okay to get creative when you can’t find a word!  You can describe it, talk around it, or leave a blank if you’re writing (and then highlight it so you remember to come back later!)

-My overall theory is, if I know I’m forgetting something but can’t remember what, there will be another reminder later if it’s something really important.  It’s not the end of the world if you’re a little late or disorganized, and having a chronic illness is hard enough, so go easy on yourself, okay?

As always, feel free to add your own tips onto these posts!

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

i feel like the disabled community hears a lot from abled people about how we must all be so sad and we need a cure, so we reversed that and said no, we actually are all very happy with our disabilities and no one wishes they were abled. when often, most of us lie in the middle, and our opinion changes as we do. so heres your reminder youre allowed to be in the middle. its your body, and your life. you get to dictate how you feel about it

id say this is a common thing in EVERY marginalized community! ive at least noticed it in every community ive been in. it causes the notion there are only two opposing ideas, and forgets the middle room where most people are. life is complex and so are humans, its rarely black-and-white like this

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

reblog this if your account is a safe space for polyamorous and non-monag people or is owned by someone who is polyamorous or non-monogamous

op is a monogamous person who felt they haven't seen enough posts acknowledging this part of the queer community outside of non-monogamous circles and blogs