singingstoner

[singingstoner]

don't have much to say

hello i just got home from my bestie and bfs house (still hasn't asked me out/but were dating)

we been chilling and smoking (normal shit)

i have a new setup in my closet, my bedroom is tidy. little zooted ngl but big slay (i feel like in a few years that's gonna sound cringey)

i have a few things im goin to challenge myself to do more of:

journalling, cooking, reading and cleaning

goodnight

[singingstoner]

mental health update

so since breaking up w my toxic ex a lot has happened to me and i took a long break off social media.

i don't know what to call what i've been dealing with so i'll just explain it.

it's like a voice in my head (i'm not crazy) and it tells me an makes me feel like my best friends hate me and don't want to hang out with me (they never make me feel unwelcome) i love my friends so much and i told my bestie about it at work the other day and she says it's because of my ex.

i think it's because of him to, he always hated me hanging w them and tried to stop me from seeing them but what i don't understand is why i let the narcissistic manipulative cunt get into my fucking head, i was so strong and happy before i met him. it's like he won't go away he keeps talking about me to people.

i know he's doing for a reaction and i've been trying so hard not to call him out over it but it's getting to much for me.

[singingstoner]

love life update

so i have A LOT to talk about

im sorta kinda dating my boy bestfriend (finally) i have liked him for about 3 or 4 years now and always knew he would be my soulmate even if it was never romantically but i never admitted it to myself and never really acted on my feelings, except for that weird phase we had when we were 14 (i won't go into detail) i guess you could say im scared of how it's going to go, his sister is my bestie and i love her so much and she doesn't seem to be bothered by it at all and i asked her for her blessing and she said yes.

a lot has happened since then and i don't even know how long me and him have been doing this for, i'm just living atm not worring bout if he's my bf or not, i'm loyal to him and he's loyal to me. i feel so safe and loved by him.

i don't know how many times i've said i want to marry him but i think people are starting to get tired of hearing it.

his sister said he has loved me for years and that his family always knew i had a crush on him, i have a really good relationship w his family and my family adores him (especially my ma and gdad).

[singingstoner]

life update:

so i broke up w my bf cus he was really toxic and manipulative so i've been offline for a while to try and make myself feel better and it kinda worked, i've been getting in a lot of fights w family members and they want me to move back to england but i said no.

i've been going out with friends everyday nonstop for about 2 weeks straight, going to abandoned houses, going on the back of a moterbike and a bunch of shit that my ex would of never let me do when we were together. idk i just feel a lot more happier with life now than i did before.

i know im only 17 and that relationships at my age arent really serious but i lost my virginity with him (i don't really regret it atm) so it's kinda affected me more than it would if it was just a normal relationship.

anyway changing the subject i need to start working again cus the fair is on and 10euro for 5 rounds on the bumper karts is mad cus i wanna get weed to and i aint asking for 20euro cus then imma be in deep shit (i'll probably go halfs w one of the boys)

[singingstoner]

you know that feeling you get in your throat when your trying your hardest to be strong and not cry, and your stupid brain won't turn off so you can't calm yourself down because your thinking about a bunch of shit that worries you and your brain keeps coming up with situations to make it worse. you try and controll your breathing but it's getting worse, it's all getting worse. and you just break, in silence, alone even though you have people to talk to and that are there for you, your just alone, because you push everyone away. maybe it's anxiety maybe it's depression, i don't know but it should be spoke about more.

[singingstoner]

how and why i started smoking:

warning this post is just me going on about a bunch of crap

so i've been smoking for a little bit under 2 years now and i still do to this day and don't plan on stopping anytime soon, sometimes i regret starting because i know it's bad for my health but then i remember how it feels when i get high or even a nic rush.

i started smoking the summer i spent in england, because it was there, right in front of me and i was in a really bad place, i wasn't talking to any of my bestfriends and i was finally in the same country as my dad and he still didn't even bother to see me, i can't even remember what i was thinking at the time but i know i felt nervous and exited. i got some of my aunties weed and started rolling at about 1 or 2 am. i already knew how to roll because a few weeks before i left i had just started smoking rollies, it was a shit roll ngl but fat and i smoked it anyway.

after i had smoked it i tidied everything up the best i could while being high (it wasn't perfect) and i went to the kitchen to get crisps because i knew i was gonna get the muchies, i felt like i was floating on a cloud at the time then i felt sick so i went to bed and put on a movie, i think the first movie i watched high was either spy kids or the dirt i can't even remember.

when i came back home after that summer i met up with my childhoo crush (who i still liked) and went to his house, and he smoked a lot. so me and childhood crush (let's call him smack) would sit on his sofa and watch movies and smoke together every friday for about a month or two. then things with smack got messy because i was immature and a really bad person.

but i started the year off without smack and talking to my close friends again but still smoking on my own, i feel like it was a mix of missing him and doing it because it reminded me of him but it also made me forget about him. i got over smack and started smoking with 2 of my close friends and now we all smoke together or sometimes just on my own.

smoking now compared to then is a lot different, now i see it more as a hobbie, something that brings me and my friends together, something that helps me meet new people and experience new things, back then it was an escape from a dark place and something i didn't even really want to do.

i know a lot of people (family) are (or will be) disapointed or sad about me smoking but i couldn't care less it's helped me through a bunch of shit and honestly i think it save my life.

i really hope no one sees this and reads it all but if u did, here have a smiley face :)

[singingstoner]

one word that explains my tumblr:

therapy :)

[singingstoner]

reality:

i really want my posts to be positive but today i had the shitiest day every at school then i came home and its been even worse, i wish i could just fucking leave everyone and everything behind. instead of doing that i'm sitting in my messy room (should be cleaning it rn) listening to matilda (harry styles even tho im not a big fan) crying and craving a cigarette (it was raining so i couldn't go but now i will)

anyway before i go i want to say if ur going through a hard time too it will get better thats what i keep telling myself to keep being strong.

bye :(

[singingstoner]

little update:

hii, so lately i've been super busy with school and haven't written in a long time (honestly forgot about this ngl) so im going to tru and post every monday to start the week off to hopefully a good start.

outside of school i have just been reading a lot, chillin with friends and getting zooted.

i watched the new pixar movie elemental and i really enjoyed it (i think i might watch it again tonight) i recommend it because it's good for all ages in my opinion.

tomorrow i need to go to the bank to open a bank account and go to work to talk to my boss (nervous) so i'll let you know how that goes next time i post, hopefully i can start working again because i need the money if not then i'll try to find another job (won't be too hard hopefully).

i don't really have anything else to say except im going to an equinox party this weekend and i can't wait to go, i'm going to wear my brown dress with a crochet top over it with some sandals and i'll try and make my hair look cute.

ok so that's all i have to say for now, bye :)

[singingstoner]

my kindle arrived:

hi im back (sorry i was busy) so after waiting over a month my kindle arrived as soon as i got home from my first day of school, i just finished setting it up and i can't wait to start reading.

if anyone has any book recomendations leave them in the comments :)

(this is a quick post because im going to post another one later)

thanks for reading :)

[singingstoner]

a lil bit bout me:

hi i'm Liv, a 17 year old girl from England (who moved to Spain to live with her grandparents).

some things that make me happy are music, my friends, zaza, cows and anything else to do with nature (except frogs, I DO NOT LIKE FROGS) my fav disney film is the princess and the...(frog?? i know it's really weird i just said i hated them but they are animated in the film).

my goals are to achieve the black earthy girl/hippie aesthetic/mindset, i feel like i havealready acheived the mindset but i need to be more productive, so if anyone is actually reading this and has any tips please let me know.

after the summer ends and i go back to school it will be my last year at school so im kinda nervous to go back, my class is the same and so are all the lessons, but i feel lost, i don't know what to do once i finish (hopefully i'll be living with my mum by then).

something im looking forward to is possibly seeing my boyfriend on sunday (that's today) or my kindle arriving on monday (i ordered it at least a month ago and they tried to deliver it but the post office was closed).

it's currently 6am and i still haven't slept (i need sleepy tea).

thanks for reading if you did, i'll write again soon :)