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singlemama2018 · 7 years ago

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Recently Divorced and Online Dating (Part III)

Captain Jack Sparrow (continued)

I had decided to start dating the Captain Jack Sparrow lookalike and forget about my friend with benefits (FWB) after he had stopped responding to my texts. The Captain was very handsome, not super tall and missing a few teeth, but I somehow found it charming and it went with the pirate look anyway. We talked for hours on the phone each night, I would listen to his sexy Antonio Banderas voice and he would teach me some Spanish.

We planned our second date to go to the beach one evening. He stopped by to pick me up and he came inside my apartment and we never made it to the beach. Things moved pretty fast and got pretty hot and heavy and it seemed we were both pretty excited, but there was one problem...he wasn't able to perform. He told me he had that problem for a while, but especially the last couple if years since his dad had passed away from cancer. He said that he also watched a lot of porn and that can mess you up when it comes to regular sex.

The next day he called to tell me that he didn't think we should date, he was embarrassed, and that he didn't know if his ship would ever sail again. I was so bummed, I had my heart set on him now and I wasn't going to give up so easily. After a long conversation and much convincing, I managed to change his mind to keep trying. I really liked talking to him and thought that it was probably just low testosterone since he didn't exercise enough.

After a few weeks of talking and trying different things like me dressing up in different outfits, dirty talk, etc...things were starting to look up.

About 3 weeks into dating the Captain, I noticed he wasn't planning dates with me and waiting for the last minute to ask me to hang out. I was starting to get frustrated one night when I heard from my FWB. He Instagram messaged me, asking why I was mad at him. I told him I hadn't heard from him and that he just wanted a booty call. He said he had messaged me and he really missed me. I didn't believe him until the next week when I realized I had accidentally blocked his texts and calls, right after I got my new phone! He had just told me he wanted a relationship and I blocked him by accident! Since the Captain was not making me a priority and my FWB said he wanted something serious, I let him come by one night and one thing led to another and fireworks were going off in my room that night.

But then I realized the next day that the Captain was really just blowing me off for his daughter and that I should give him another chance. Plus, I liked him a lot more than my FWB, so I stopped talking to my FWB again and stuck with the Captain.

I was working double time to keep this bastard excited...wearing myself out a bit, but it was also pretty fun, since I hadn't had that much adventure in the bedroom in years. I had to learn to dirty talk, which I had never really done before and felt a bit awkward at times and time consuming with all the outfits, wigs, hair, and makeup. The payoff was usually worth it though, when he would respond with more passion and a very intense way of looking at me. It was all new and a bit confusing, like Alice in Dirty Wonderland.

So that started about six months ago, and we have been seeing each other ever since. I can't say it has been a smooth ride and we still have no commitment to each other. At this point, I am getting attached, but wondering if it is meant to be, or just for fun. A few times we stopped talking for a few days at a time and once I told him I didn't think we should talk anymore, because I liked him and I couldn't go on being casual.

He brings a lot of drama into my life and I recently found out he is still doing online dating when I peeked back into OK Cupid. I don't know if I want to start up again with the online dating again. I think I am too addicted to the Captain to move on, but part of me thinks I should just stop seeing him.

All I know is that online dating is crazy and makes me crazy, when I think I'm normally such a level-headed person. I have a Master's degree and a steady job for the last 17 years, so this craziness is not really me, but do I like it? I plan to focus on myself more in 2019 and work out more, get healthier, but does that mean having an active sex life or going without for a while?

Any thoughts on what I should do next?

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singlemama2018 · 7 years ago

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Recently Divorced and Online Dating (Part II)

The FWB (friend with benefits) continued...

So I had decided to make the first guy I slept with after my divorce a friend with benefits, because we had such great physical chemistry and he was not the commitment type. We had hung out for about two months and I continued to do online dating in the meantime. I had even met two of his kids. Trying to meet another guy when you are still stuck on another is not very realistic and none of my dates had materialised into a relationship. Basically, I was stuck on my FWB and was secretly hoping he would suddenly realize that he wanted a relationship.

Captain Jack Sparrow

After about two months, while continuing to see my FWB, I had started chatting with another guy from OK Cupid, who was very interesting and had A LOT to say. He was into Disney and Cosplay. He also had a daughter in college who lived with him. If nothing else, he was interesting enough to distract me. So I decided to go on a date with the Disney, dress up guy and just try to move on. I told my FWB I had a date and he texted me right before my date to see if I was still going and I told him I was. My friend gave me a makeover and we posted my pics to my Instagram with a note, "So excited for tonight." My FWB was jealous! I actually had made him jealous! I felt a bit satisfied that I was going in the right direction, but I knew I should move on, since he was bad for me. Anywho, the new guy liked to dress up like Captain Jack Sparrow and actually looked A LOT like him.

So we met that evening for miniature golf. He had just come from a funeral. I asked him if he was sure he was ok, and he said he was. We joked around and had a great time. He showed me pics of his Cosplay costumes and I showed him pics of my Wonder Woman costume at ComicCon. He showed me one of Captain Jack Sparrow... sexy, Indiana Jones...sexy too, then he showed me Jason from Friday the 13th...scary! I was thinking, "you better not put that on and chase me with it!"

At the end of our date, around midnight, I was so tired and we were talking. He was looking around, but avoiding eye contact and gave me a "polite" hug. I figured, "Another guy who isn't that into me...oh well..." and we went our separate ways for the night.

But my night was not over yet. As soon as I walk in my door, I get a text from my FWB, "How was your date?" Of course, still stuck on the jerk, I answer him back and he tells me he is stuck at a club with his friends and wants to leave. Stupidly, I agree to go get him and take him home. That night, he tells me that he is interested in a relationship with me, in not so many words. Then, he tells me about his time in prison, when he was young and crazy and how he turned his life around with God and the Bible. I am a bit confused what to think at this point, but I drop him off.

The next day I go to Best Buy and get a new phone and take it home. I text my FWB since I haven't heard from him and ask how he is doing. No reply...next day, no reply as well. This is getting strange, so I text him a mean text that he has no cahones for ghosting me.

The next day, I geta text from Captain Sparrow that he enjoyed our date. I am still hung up on FWB at this point and say the typical, let's be friends text, never expecting to hear from him again. But, to my amazement, he says ok. We start talking on the phone that night and he starts to give me advice about my FWB. I notice his is voice on the phone is sexy...like Antonio Banderas sexy...Iike getting advice from Zorro or Puss in Boots.

I start to flirt with Captain Sparrow/ Puss in Boots and start to forget about my FWB. After I realize my FWB is not messaging me anymore and this guy is getting more interesting, I decide to give it a shot with the new guy.

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singlemama2018 · 7 years ago

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Recently Divorced and Online Dating at 40

Picking Up Where I Left Off

Online dating in my 20s was rough, 30s, rougher still, but online dating at 40 in this new online dating environment is a whole new world, and not exactly the kind with a magic carpet.

Sooo, after getting the nerve to file for divorce earlier this year, I decided to start online dating again. My ex was a barely-employed, binge drinker, with anger management problems. I had some lowered expectations going back into online dating.

I was extremely excited to date with my newfound freedom, and my sis was nice enough to pay for my first six months on match.com, where I met a few eligible divorced dads around my age. The first was a tall, dark and handsome man with a boy about the same age as my daughter. We texted for two weeks and bonded over our shares love if pugs and sushi.

I finally found a sitter and met my date for a nice dinner. Everything seemed to be going well at first, we talked, we laughed, we chewed, but then I happened to mention a few examples of how indepedent I am. All of a sudden, his tone changed and then he couldn't run away fast enough by the end of our date.

I was a little worried after that, but then I met another great dad, who was an architect, home owner, who looked like an Asian Brad Pitt. But we only made it to one date. It went well, but he was always so busy he didn't have time for a second date and then he happened to mention he was dating someone else, so I moved right along, my ego a bit more bruised.

I was starting to worry a little...in my 20s, I had turned down date after date because we didn't have enough in common...now I was wondering how I was scaring these guys off. I figured it out rather quickly though...guys in their 40s have baggage and don't like women that show interest in them.

FWB (friend with benefits)

Not having much luck with Match.com, I decided to give OK Cupid a try...I signed up, posted some cute new pics, and showed off my newly fresh face with Botox and my lips filled with Juvederm...I looked about 10 younger and feeling ready to try again.

I got a lot more messages on Ok Cupid than on Match, and one message I sent out got a reply. A very handsome 45 year old dad with 3 kids. We texted for about a week (better than two weeks) and both were lucky enough to get sitters at the same time. We met at a bar for drinks and appetizers. I immediately was drawn to him like a magnet. At dinner, he grabbed my hands and massaged them. That might seem to forward, but due to the state of my marriage, I hadn't slept with anyone in a long, long time. I was pretty damn frisky, so just holding hands sent tingles all over me. It was like when they touched hands in Cinderella, but more sexual.

He was the first guy to show real interest in me since I started dating and my level of friskiness and one thing led to another and he came back to my place for a night of wild passion. After about five hours of the best lovin' I had in years, I was pretty hooked. We met up a few more times and texted in between, but after a few weeks, I noticed he was losing interest. I decided to take matters into my own hands and tell him, "Why don't we just be friends with benefits." He was very excited about this idea and he didn't seem to mind me sending him random texts during the day anymore. We had a fun couple of months, until I realized the dark truth about FWB...for women, there is no FWB, you secretly still want to date the bastards. Man, I was stuck on him...if only I had known about his past, I might have just skipped this one.

To be continued in my blog, "Recently Divorced and Online Dating Part II"

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