singletales

[singletales]

It’s One of Those days…

Like if the rain were falling, I would go outside just to feel it.

Where laying on the shower floor wouldn’t be enough.

The ocean is calling to me.

Just over the hill, about 10 km south.

She knows me, wants me…

The sunset is a good idea.

I could be anyone right now, anywhere.

But I’m lost, inside my head.

Or maybe out of it, out of my mind.

Oh to know, to know our existence is fleeting.

Time is so limited, yet we plan for tomorrow, for 5 and 10 years.

But the mirror,

It reminds me, you’re dying beautifully.

And the photos say: “you have lived and loved”.

To the mirror I say “Who is the fairest of them all?”

And she says GRACE.

So I took off trauma, imposter syndrome, existential crisis, battle wounds one and all…

I put on grace, I figure if I’m such a failure I might as well look my best.

So it me and grace and maybe today doesn’t have to be one of those days after all.

It can be whatever we make it.

She hugs my neck, whispers in my ear.

“On your knees solider, let’s pray.”

[singletales]

Piece of Mine,

Let you in a little,

Just a slit in the door.

You showed your ass,

Now I don’t want no more.

You want to caress my body,

No care for the soul.

Such little the regard,

For the things you stole.

My attention affection and time,

It’s never truly on your mind.

Thinking on all this,

Makes me want to rewind.

Take it back to a time,

I didn’t know you as much.

A time in which,

I didn’t long for your touch.

When I was in complete control,

My Mind My Goals.

Now I think of you way to often,

And you not enough.

I’d play this game with you,

If I didn’t call my own bluff.

The impersonation which was eating me alive.

Beneath, I know who I am, so I’ll survive.

[singletales]

A mother’s love.

Fierce as a lion,

Gentle as a dove.

When life gets hard,

Mother knows best.

Doing all the work,

Without a test.

Mothers are our real life superwoman,

Doing the labour no one else can.

The only portal we have to open a new matrix.

The person who knows all your little tricks.

Sometimes we forget it’s their first time living to.

They don’t always know what to do.

But for those who never give up and for those who due,

On this day, to every mother, flowers are due.

Can you imagine the pain the agony.

To go to death’s doorway and say,

You cannot have my little one and you cannot have me.

Respect awe and admiration.

Without these amazing women we would have no nations.

For they are the heartbeat of humanity.

Be still be calm, release your vanity.

You’re here because you were in her.

Focus now, do you smell her, do you hear her heartbeat still?

Lay down, wrap yourself in blankets, pull your knees to your chest,

Do you remember what it was like, to be in her nest.

[singletales]

You told me this would happen…

But I never listen.

You said feelings always ripen.

I never thought about it much then.

But as the days go by my thoughts get curious and curiouser.

Somehow I cannot get enough of this mister.

I’m scared frightened and mostly alone.

Stuck in thoughts of becoming your own.

And oh you gobble it up,

Yet you consume it so gently.

But among your girls im one of plenty.

So the mind says go, just turn around.

You haven’t gone too far, you could still get out of town.

But here I am hanging onto to every word you say.

I don’t know just what to do, so I pray.

I pray it’s a phase and I pray it goes away.

I pray for tomorrow I pray for today.

When did I ever feel such inflation?

And why does your word choices erect such frustration?

What are ur actual feelings towards me,

And will they ever show?

I miss you somehow, even though.

You told me this would happen…

[singletales]

If this is the devil’s work,

Then it’s the one in you.

Cause he sure as hell ain’t in or around me.

Is he your friend?

This unwelcomed… friend?

How long have you know each other?

Where did you two meet?

You talk about him a lot,

As if he stays on your mind.

Why is that?

Do you feel like you owe him some level of loyalty?

Or do you talk about him to avoid having to talk about you.

[singletales]

10,950 eyes, give or take.

Staring…

Why aren’t we happy yet?

All I could manage to respond is, “I’m trying”

I’ve made myself a lot of promises and I’ve failed in many ways.

I want little me to be proud of me.

Somehow I keep missing the mark.

Sometimes I wish older me would just come around.

Tell me what to do…

How do I not fail, what’s my purpose?

How do I make peace with the choices I’ve made.

Most of all, i pray.

Pray for pity and for grace.

I’d love to find myself again…

But how?

How do I merge.

[singletales]

Sizzle, pop, splat.

I buckle in something I don’t understand.

Sizzle.

My soft exterior turns golden.

Pop.

I react to the burning sensation of heat.

I’m realizing, I’m not meant to be in this condition.

Splat.

So I retaliate.

And the oil burns doesn’t it?

This heat you wanted me to sit in…

Think about it,

Why would I let you fry me in fat that isn’t mine.

So am I cooked?

Am I half cooked?

Ill prepared, walking food sickness?

Or am I made more delicious?

Do I leave now before the conditions worsen…

Do I wait to burn.

Is it up to me?

Will he turn off the stove and see me for me?

Take me out and get rid of the unnecessary fat.

Is this his preference,

Or is it mine…

Am I sadistic.

Patterns don’t lie.

How to I break the chains?

Break the patterns.

Do away with stove all together.

Maybe I don’t need to fry.

As anyone ever considered a microwave to be enough.

Maybe I don’t even need to be heated.

What about a vegan.

What about nothing at all?

Must you be consumed?

Haven’t you had enough?

How about choosing you and simply being enough, living for you.

Try

[singletales]

Don’t let her.

Don’t let her turn you into another interlude.

Don’t let her search your soul for reasons to conclude.

Don’t let her self sabotage your admiration.

Don’t let her over analyze to paralyze the situation.

Don’t let her find out you’re fake,

Don’t let her think this a mistake,

Do you really know what’s at stake.

Do you know who you’re dealing with?

Do you know she can turn this all into myth.

Ask me what you should do…

Not even she could tell you, if she knew.

[singletales]

Coming here to read is funny and sad in its own way

[singletales]

I forgive you,

Though you didn’t apologize,

I forgive you.

Even though you ripped out my heart and danced all over it,

I forgive you.

Even though it’s taken me years to put it back together,

I forgive you.

I always thought I forgave you because I was never angry with you.

But today I know.

I know I forgive you because I could look at your face,

Weeks before I was able to listen to certain songs,

And today I listened to your voice and heart didn’t stop.

I learnt what I was meant to learn from you.

I’m grateful to that inconsiderate bitch!

[singletales]

Pick Again,

Always choosing the wrong ones,

Ones who can’t treat me right or won’t.

No prize for me.

Maybe no love for me.

Maybe I’m all I need, me and God.

But I watch as the cards shuffle.

I feel the tension, the anxiety takes over.

Like an addict, I get excited.

And just when I thought the money was done.

I reach into my pocket and hand him a crisp bill.

“I’d like to play again!”

[singletales]

A shirt to sleep in, a rag to dust with, a cloth to step on.

You can spend so many years invested in a company.

Giving your time efforts and energy, collecting accolades while also never being good enough.

Such pride for the brand you represent.

You wear your branded jersey with purpose.

But when all is said and done,

You close that laptop for the final time.

You hand over your access pass.

You no longer exist in their world, they’ve removed you from their system.

You’re easily replaced.

But so too are they.

That’s the side people always seem to miss.

Rarely do people long for a company they’ve left behind.

Life goes on.

And what happens next is the brand which was once so important to represent becomes:

A shirt to sleep in, a rag to dust with or a cloth to step on.

[singletales]

Untruth

My grandmother never liked the word “lie”,

For some reason it sounded vulgar to her.

So she said “you should say untrue”

Me and the absence of truth have a problem.

I detest lies, I rarely even find them necessary or excusable.

But somehow lies find me.

And the liars never seem to be able to understand my frustration.

So I started asking myself why.

Why do I find liars so hard to deal with.

Then I realized, maybe it isn’t about them, but about me.

What I realize is it feels like abuse to me.

I stand naked, I respect you so much I give you my honesty and I bare myself.

It’s not that I’m proud of all of me but all of me is me, I love me, I accept me, I have to live with me.

But I realize a lot of people can’t live with themselves.

And so they use lies, lies to cover who they are.

Now, even though I can understand it a bit better.

And it’s not just that they don’t respect me or care for me on that level. It could be just that they are ashamed and don’t know how to love themselves.

But this is my take,

If you can’t live with who you are, your true self…

Why should I?

[singletales]

Nicety…

Beware of those who are fake nice.

The ones who haven’t looked at the skeletons in their closet.

Somehow all there battles are one sided.

They’ve never done anything wrong.

They might actually be overly nice.

As genuine is foreign to them they go above what is normal to seem “nice”.

They proclaim themselves as “a nice guy” or “a nice girl”.

It’s their title and identity.

Truth is nice people don’t go around telling others how nice they are.

And so the mask sometimes fall.

And they say or do things a nice person would never.

They do most times recover.

Other times they don’t even realize their behaviour to be overall strange because after all, they don’t really know niceties.

They are putting on a show, their version of nice.

I like to watch, but not for too long.

People always say “You’re so nice” but…

I’m not that fucking nice.

[singletales]

The beautiful window in the God forsaken lunch room on the God forsaken floor in this God forsaken building of this God forsaken company.

That I prayed for…

It’s funny how sweet things turn sour in time.

A ugly fact of nature.

Are we meant to be anywhere “too long”…

Life is about impermanence,

So why do we search for it…

Long for it.

Like the apple on the tree.

Things grow, flourish, then they turn, die, rot.

Somewhere in there is the souring.

Existence found a way to fix this.

Its solution, reproduction.

The dead apple falls and its seeds continue its DNA.

Springs a new in the ground.

New trees.

For God is everything, everywhere, all the time.

So how do we get to the point of feeling forsaken?

With so many trees and plants how we feel alone?

We watch them.

From the beautiful window.

Longing to be outside,

Closer to them.

This is my conundrum, what if some things are not of God.

Things we pray for, things we wanted.

How do we plant new trees when the fruit sours.

Do we?

Will God?

[singletales]

Crash Course…

Turns out when u learn in a crash course fashion life gives you a lot of crash outs.

Learning regardless.

Learning recklessly.

I feel I’ve learnt so much I feel so different, so changed, so enlightened.

Scary thing is I’m enlightened enough to know more will come.

More things to learn and some the hard way.

Feel like life has been in high speed.

Like I took a deep breath and 7 years passed.

It’s not that I want them back or regret anything I’ve done.

I done them to the best intent at the time and with the best knowledge I had then.

I don’t think old me stupid, just trusting and hopeful.

Losing some of that on the way makes me miss the old me.

How to even unlock that again seems like a blur and like wanting it is a shame to the lessons it sacrificed itself for.

So this is me. Now me.

Truth is you make yourself whatever you want it to be.

But do you like it?

Do you like what you’re creating on the way or are you waiting for your project to be complete before appreciating it.

Some things are silly.

Some philosophies are moronic.

Are you going so fast?

So fast you don’t get to appreciate the moments in the moment.

Too fast can get out of control.

Usually leads to crashes.

[singletales]

The Roses by the Bamboo…

These roses are red, beautiful and fragrant.

Several times a day people would stop to gaze in admiration.

They would take their pictures and press there faces close to the plant.

Admiring its colour, caressing its softness and then move along.

Some would even dare to steal one or two every now and then.

And though the roses had a fair defence system and its thorns had managed to do some injury.

It was often no match for the hands of these thieves who held good intentions.

Intentions to share the beautiful of the rose with someone else or to show the rose somewhere new.

Even though this caused the rose to die a quicker death, it was no concern of the robber for the rose would die anyway.

The bed of roses would often die then spring a new.

It would often look to the bamboo wondering if it could ever be so tall or so strong as to not be easily plucked.

The bamboo too would look onto the roses.

Wondering if it would ever be so wanted, if it could ever bring people such joys and delights.

And so the roses stood up beside the bamboo in aw of its lifespan and endurance.

And the bamboo hollowed itself, to smell the roses.