sirbonesly

[sirbonesly]

been thinking about inexperienced soap all day. he just seems like someone who can't quite pull. he's hot, of course, but he knows it - and with his mohawk and his gym bro look, he's not really everyone's cup of tea. combine that with his intensity and the fact that he can blindside anyone at any moment with a vast well of hidden intelligence and he just sets too many people on the back foot. even if they can brave the elements, his enthusiasm can be a bit much. makes himself too available, ya know?

i just think it would be such a bad feedback loop, every date that ghosts him only leading him to believe he's still not enough, worsening the problem by spending too much time 'bettering himself' when everyone who knows and loves him just wishes he would just chill the fuck out for a singular moment, christ, you're scaring the fish

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Dudes healthcare is so fake. My ADHD meds are $940 without insurance. But they gave me a website of "coupons" which straight up looks like a scam website, and I got it today for $60! Just a coupon from a random website and it was $900 cheaper. America, I am confusion!! America explain!!

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Sun Tzu would refuse to play chess. You might think that he'd be an awesome player with his genius tactics, but his best tactic is still "don't start shit with only 50% chance to win".

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i hope john fucking soap mactavish knows that two ungodly torturous hours of face study so i could mold his annoying face to fit my artstyle went into this stupid sketch of him in a collar

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Thinking very hard about Kyle and period sex too. Kyle with his long fingers, kneading your thighs until cramping goes away, bringing you warmed up heating pad and murmuring “know it hurts, doll. It’s okay, just breathe, you doing good”.

Kyle who notices when you breathing changes, when you get restless with need you can’t sate, not on your own — his lips trailing down to your knees, cheek rubbing on your thigh when he asks “can I, baby?”.

You grumble, cheeks heating up because you are going to be messy and you are bloody and it will ruin the bed and he will be messy too and—

Kyle hums, nodding along and drags your shorts off, tapping your hip so you’d raise them for him to spread the towel under you. He kisses your thighs, teeth grazing meat of them, pressing harder the closer he gets to your pussy.

Aching, sensitive and slick. Poor you, got so needy and thought it to be an inconvenience?

Kyle, whose long beautiful fingers spread you open so he can drag his tongue up, taking a long lick, so he’d greet your clit already warm and slick. Lips of his pressing into you gently as he holds you open. Just like that, baby, be good for him, be still, okay?

He will take care of everything.

Kyle who is leaving kisses all over your pussy, sucking the folds of yours in his mouth, giving love to every soft tender bit of yours. Can’t have his favourite girl getting cold, can’t he?

And Kyle can keep you warm alright.

He sucks on your clit, tongue trailing up and down until you are whining “Kyle-Kyle-Kyle”, like it’s all that you know, like it’s all you can remember. Your hand pushing his head lower, forgetting about the blood and the mess and any embarrassment.

Because Kyle groans in you pussy, sucking it clean and laving it with attention, his hips moving when you whimper “Kyle” again, his hips grinding into the mattress so he can get some relief too.

Because Kyle is so hard it’s enough to make him dizzy, drunk on you, his head so empty he feels it ringing and cracking like a white noise of faulty telly.

Because Kyle looks up at you, bloodied, eyes half lidded and fingers holding you open when he presses another kiss to your clit.

He licks another stripe up your pussy, breathes out “wanna cum, baby?”, like you weren’t rocking your hips in his face a moment ago. Cheeky bugger.

Kyle’s thumb finds your clit, rubbing it in slow perfect circles, making you whimper, blood and slick dribbling down on the towel when he taps it, toying.

“Say please, doll.”, he murmurs, kissing your inner thigh again, his pupils blown wide, his other hand tugging his sweatpants down so he can hump the bed in peace. “Say ‘please, Kyle’.”, he sucks a mark in your thigh and taps your clit again. Impatient. Hungry. Greedy for your attention.

Kyle is the best there is and it’s not up for a debate. Kyle wants to know you think so too. Kyle wants you to plead for him because one needy whimper from you and his cock leaks so much it’s embarrassing.

“Please, Kyle, wanna cum”, you choke out, hips twitching to roll into his touch, his thumb feather light on you. Infuriatingly so. Giving you just enough to keep going and not nearly enough to push you over the edge.

“Need me so bad, baby? Need your Kyle so fucking bad, don’t you?”, he breathes out, diving back between your thighs, grinding into bed, sucking on your clit until you are trembling and gripping his hair, trying to pull him closer. So hungry for him, so needy, he groans, his own hips twitching, heat dripping to the base of his spine, pooling in his abdomen.

Until he is blind with want, until he is drooling all over your pussy, eating you out like there is no tomorrow.

Kyle, who pushes you over the brink and laps up every drop of pleasure, drunk on you, hazy with want, his thighs trembling, stomach sticky with his own release. Can’t help it, doll. Not when you squeeze his head and moan his name and cum on his tongue.

Not when you are being so good to him, chanting his name, letting him eat his fill — spoiling him really with all that, baby. Being so sweet, that he’d gladly spend the rest of his life between your legs.

If you promise that he is going to be your Kyle through it all, baby. Deal?

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never feed the wild animals. yes, this rule also applies to Soap. offer him some food in a tupperware just once because you were being friendly to your new neighbor and you've earned yourself a new dog. always scratching at you door for more, always howling until you open up to him. always waiting by your door until you come back from work so he can try to barge his way into your small apartment and either start making his new den there or grabbing your stuff, along with you, and dragging you to the one just down the hall.

pretty soon, he'll find a new snack right between your legs before putting his pups in your belly.

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Neighbours au with captain mactavish but he doesn’t know you are Riley’s sweet little bird (the very bird standing in his way of breaking Riley’s back like a glowstick) until you come to base to drop something off for Ghost so Captain Mactavish thinks of course. Of course you two would be together, his sweet neighbor who makes baked goods for the whole hallway and his lieutenant and of course, why think of a way to get just Simon when he can just get two birds with one stone?

Sorry this does not make much sense because I am not fully awake and words are hard 🙏🏼

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I'm pretty sure that any two sufficiently good-looking gen Z kids could make it on TikTok by making videos that are 100% word-for-word re-enactments of Monty Python skits, and the whole audience who has never heard of the flying circus in their lives would lose it over such fresh and original material.

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Imagine you're driving and someone's stupid little car cuts you off swerving, driving like an absolute dickhead, and you honk at the car in entirely justified anger. Then you get stuck behind the same car at red lights, and while you're there the car's doors slam open, and 35 clowns come out to beat the shit out of your car with comically large mallets that wouldn't do much damage at all if there wasn't 35 of them.

You didn't even do anything wrong. You just disrespected the Holy Papal Clown Gang (not affiliated in any way with the Vatican or the catholic church) and for that they're going to teach you who's doing the fucking honking around here.

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Sometimes, old American books about trees are all "This tree is unshapely, has ragged and irregular growth and has little economic value." but I was wrong to characterize them all as such, because for every capitalist-minded book about the USA's trees that is like "ough we gotta exploit every living thing" there's also a book like this:

The book is called Our Friends the Trees and it was written in the 1930's and this is the VERY FIRST PARAGRAPH, no introduction no nothing, just going all in taking no prisoners from the very first line and it CONTINUES like this for the WHOLE book there is ZERO chill throughout the whole length of the book

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Soap, after an argument with Ghost: Yep, I'm sold

Gaz: ... "Sold"?

Soap: Yea- Sold my soul to the dark, deep void that are his eyes

Gaz: Suds, he just got done threatening to skin your head and hang you on a coat hanger

Soap: And I have never been more aroused

Gaz:

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she has been pickled for her crimes

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for me to like a character one thing they have to be is highly hurtable

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Baby bird season is incoming and I’d like to remind everyone that birds do not have a significant sense of smell. Bird parents will not reject birdlets because you have handled them.

If you see smol birbs with few or no feathers on the ground, you can safely put them back into their nest, bird parents will still care for them.

If you see smol birbs with some or most feathers on the ground, please leave them there, as bird parents are probably nearby watching and feeding.

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My liege. Consierge of the imbecilic killer-whale feline

I have made myself sad :( with a thought i've posted- but i want to talk about it still🧍

this idea came to mind..

Alex seemed like the kind of guy who would sacrifice the world for Farah

But Farah would sacrifice him to save the world

Pray, what reckon ye of these, most honour’d one?

You present the trolley problem to Alex, and he doesn't hesitate before giving up countless lives to save Farah's. You present the trolley problem to Farah, and she doesn't hesitate to sacrifice Alex's life for the lives of many.

The realisation doesn't hurt him. He knows what she'd do, he has known all along, and he admires it about her. What they have going on will never change her loyalty to her people; he's attracted to that. Her morals and her principles are unchanging; she's built of steel.

It's Farah that the realisation hurts because she could tell Alex to his face that she'd give up his life, and his gaze wouldn't harden, his smile wouldn't fade away. He's so willing to let her. He would never try to change her, never try to convince her that what they have is worth more than what she does, and she almost resents it because beside her stands a man worthy of everything, willing to lie down in a grave to ensure he's easier for her to bury.

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You know what'd be really refreshing to see? A story where every main character just genuinely, openly, and purely loves each other, and nobody has a problem with it or thinks it's weird. Are they polyamorous, just intensely good friends, is it sexual, romantic, platonic? You can't tell where one ends and another begins. And whatever drama there is between the main characters is about genuinely wanting the best for each other, but disagreeing about what it is or how to get it.

Like imagine a scene where a woman sees her fiancé kiss another man on the mouth and later walks up to the man like "I see that he loves you as deeply as I love him, never dare to break his heart."

And the guy, who just put together that this must be his boyfriend's girlfriend, just goes "my lady I would push my sword through my own throat before I'd let him come to harm."

And this is just depicted as a perfectly normal way for people to talk to each other and about each other.