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Maybe he wasn’t the happiest of people, but with his friends he felt unstoppable. Maybe he wasn’t the bravest of people, but with his friends he could do anything. Maybe he didn’t have the best childhood or family, but that didn’t matter. Because they were his new family. So what if Sirius tried to forget the past, his goal was to live in the present. And after all, that’s what really matters. (Sirius Black Aesthetic 1/?)

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When people say they don’t ship Remus/Sirius because it ruins their friendship, I’m like.. what in Merlin’s name do you think love is?

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 (★) | Sirius Black was probably the most admired guy in all of Hogwarts, and he took great advantage of it. Whether that was because of his looks or because of the mischief he liked to cause (girls liked rule-breaking more than anything), or maybe both, no one was actually sure, but the fact was he was. Worst of all, though arrogance may not suit people, it kind of suited him.

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Kind of a walking contradiction all his own. “Gentle and slightly-bossy”. Only he could seemingly pull that one off. Whereas when Sirius seemed to act and charge-head first which his emotion in full tow [well, he says emotion, when all we see is childish pride and the occasional burst of anger] Remus would almost always be the one behind him, the voice of common sense seeing as the pureblood had none himself. And when he wasn’t there, well. We’ve seen the consequences. Words might be the weapons but they’re nothing without thought. And Sirius knew for a fact that Remus had more of that than anybody else he knew. Perhaps that’s why it was so uncomfortable when he was silent.

Merlin forbid any sign of Sirius feeling tired. Sirius Black was a boundless figure of energy – who had gallons of air and laughter that constantly filled his lungs, an endless supply of will to run and jump and fight and simply… live. As of late all that Sirius could think of was how boring it was to do so alone. He wasn’t built to be alone. But with no family… and if he continued to act so horribly, no friends… what really was the point of all that when you had no one to share it with? Sure – there were people to look.

But that wasn’t anything near the same.

You couldn’t exist alone. To Sirius – that was impossible. And he had never felt more alone than he had those past few weeks.

…And if he had to wake Remus up with a shake or two, then so be it.

And there was that word again. “Beast”. Similar to “Monster”.

Sirius knew what true beasts and monsters were. He’d seen them – snarling and cackling and tearing things to shreds with their clawed hands and wide, maddened eyes, flashing and snapping and growling and howling…

And that was nothing, nothing anything like Remus Lupin was.

Sirius had come from a family of beasts. Cruel, heartless things – and “heartless” and “cruel” were not words that came to mind when Sirius thought of his best friend. More heart than any other wizard, and never, ever cruel. It seemed near-impossible. Not even on his more… hairy days, would he ever seem heartless. Not even cruel – not even thoughtless. Behind the hair and the scars and the tatters was a beautiful gem of a man that was so often mistaken and called coal that it didn’t even seem to realise that he was indeed, a diamond that shone. Regardless of the moonlight. It was a little chipped, but it had to be in order to be free from the ground and exist.

All humans had their chips. James had his. Peter had his. And Sirius definitely had his.

Humanity was just a little sucky at acknowledging that.

“That’s not—Remus.” Sirius tried not to tighten his hold on the muggleborn beside him as he internally flinched at the apology and the words surrounding it. “You did no such thing as force me—if you were I’d’ve dug my heels straight into the ground and kept my mouth shut like the stubborn git I am, you know me.”

His eyes widened at the questions seemingly running out at him, before turning fully to clasp both of Remus’ shoulders, brow creased not necessarily in anger… but more in frustration. At himself, if anything.

“That was my fault. If it weren’t for me none of that would have happened. You can keep trying to blame yourself for things like this but I’m going to try my hardest not to let you because if everyone played by that logic then—then nothing’d ever be resolved. You were right to be angry! You were right to want an explanation and an apology from me –more than that! You are not a bad person, Remus Lupin, and if I have to say it to you every day until that message sinks in then fine. Fine! I don’t know what I want you to say— Perhaps I don’t want you to say anything. But… damnit, I missed you. Like a… like a good chunk of me had been carved out.” He paused, not realising how worked up he’d gotten until he actually stopped talking, eyes a little wider and a pulse punching inside his chest. “And perhaps that’s why I don’t want you to leave just yet. Because I’m selfish and maybe I need you right now. Need you for what—like I know! But. Don’t ask me things like that, Remus, because I don’t know the bloody answer.”

…Remus was always the one with answers, anyway.

He still listened, the whole time Sirius felt the need to speak. Golden eyes fixated on the heavens; seeing stars in patterns of white with streaks beyond the human eyeline blinked every so often to show he had not abandoned this world for another. That he still existed; still let Sirius run…

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#i thought you were setting that up for a Paparazzi rhyme scheme not gonna lie

same tho

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He could keep talking if Remus wanted. Sirius was sure that if Remus asked him too, Sirius would happily continue talking until his throat ran dry… or until Remus punched him or something. Knowing Sirius, who could talk for days, he’d probably end up driving himself into a corner where upset musings would just come rambling out of him like a trainwreck, and then that would just make everything a lot more complicated… and painful. So just as well Sirius managed to cut himself off and Remus had indeed not asked him to continue.

He tried not to let it hit him too hard when he saw Remus adjust himself, getting to his feet and turning to look at him. Properly, at least. He built himself up, held his posture and held his ground with only the slightest hint of vulnerability in his eyes. He’d said what he wanted to say [albeit a little less articulately than desired, but he couldn’t have it all]. If that’s all Remus wanted then… okay.

…Couldn’t help but crumble slightly at how tired and torn-up the boy looked.

It’d been a while since they looked at each other, face-to-face, without the awkward and burning tinges of rage behind their gazes. Stubborn and proud. But not now – at least, that’s not what Sirius saw… perhaps that’s what Sirius looked like himself, but. That was Sirius.

This was about Remus. It always had been. And it took a while for him to clock it but. Hey – sometimes you needed a smack on the head to realise what’s right in front of you.

He wasn’t aiming for sympathy [alright, maybe a little, but it wasn’t entirely intentional]. Or even, at this point, forgiveness. He just wanted Remus to know. That was probably the difference between then and now. To show how much he’d changed. Sirius didn’t do this so he could claim Remus back like some needy schoolboy. No. He did this because it was the right thing to do and perhaps apologising would make his fellow marauder feel better. Because Sirius knew for a fact he was the one who was in the wrong – always was – he just had difficulty admitting it up to now.

And it was mainly, out of respect for Remus… that had given him the courage to do so now.

Frowning – only a flicker of expression as Remus rose his hand towards his face, confused because in no way was this fast enough to be a slap or a punch, only to be metaphorically knocked off his feet by the gentleness of the gesture, almost breaking there. Why, he wasn’t entirely sure. Probably simply because… he wasn’t expecting it. And he wasn’t sure how to cope. The smile just drove that wound deeper, and all Sirius could do was muster a mirror image of one back at him, somehow suddenly exhausted too.

“…Perhaps—“ Sirius winced, suddenly missing the warmth of Remus’ hand against it’s face as it dropped, only to weakly grab Remus’ forearm as he tried to move by him, eyes downcast and lips trembling. “That’s the next best thing, then.” Still not looking up, Sirius gulped and continued. “…Forgiving each other. Because as far as I’m concerned… there’s not even anything to forgive you for.” His gaze rose, finally, head turned to peer at the scarred student beside him.

To Sirius, Remus was more of a man than he’d ever be.

If only he could just… make him believe that.

“Please… you can’t leave me just… like that… after all this…”

He still listened, the whole time Sirius felt the need to speak. Golden eyes fixated on the heavens; seeing stars in patterns of white with streaks beyond the human eyeline blinked every so often to show he had not abandoned this world for another. That he still existed; still let Sirius run...

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jamespotter-mer replied to your post: jamespotter-mer replied to your post Baby don’t be...

omgititistruesdhfhg. James’ hair can tell when it’s going to rain.

Sirius' hair is so big because it's full of secrets

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jamespotter-mer replied to your post

Baby don’t be mad because I didn’t invite you

boo you whore

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#and den he creye summore

Goes to heaven

gets taunted by the marauders summore

an he crey an crey an crey