sizneee

[sizneee]

I kept up with voices all day

Which tore a hole in my mind

Slowly infected with a deadly decay

That tore my heart into grinds

It took away all the energy I stored

Then left me begging for peace

Almost making me a subject to being bored

Listening to squalls like on a leash

I was left with little to none

Barely clinging to what made me live

Made me feel like I was done

For my soul to rest, I was ready to grieve

All day I race around the clock

For that hand to tick then tock

For the day to finally finish and set

So I can move on and forget

[sizneee]

Sing me a song, Sky

With your voice so pure and clear

A melody that soars so high

Brings me peace when you are near

Sing me a song, Sky

Let your lullaby embrace

Every note a gentle sigh

Filling me with heavenly grace

Sing me a song, Sky

Your talent leaves me in awe

Each word a soft goodbye

Lulling me without a flaw

Sing me a song, Sky

And in your soothing sound

I'll drift to dreams that fly

With you, inner peace is found

[sizneee]

It's crazy how I crave your company more than I crave my solitude (and I love my solitude more than ever). I belong to places for "Lone wolves" or "Introverts" because I feel comfortable when I'm alone. "I love having quality time with myself because I'm free to explore on my own and not because I don't like other people (I do but we gotta look 😇)". That was my mantra back then but now I crave your presence more than I crave my solitude, I suddenly want to try things with you because my preference for quality time with myself is replaced by my longing to create pink-core memories with you. You already know that I'm someone who avoids and stays as far away from social interactions and yet not I try to be, I try to be socially active as long as the person I'm interacting with is you who is coincidentally like my other me but in another font. Once a "I don't want to talk to anyone" and become a "it's not so bad if it's you"

[sizneee]

Ding Dang it, Anxiety tunnels its way into my thoughts, weaving a burrow of doubt and worry that could collapse on me at any second. It paints my world in hues of fear, making every rustle of leaves a potential threat. My mind is usually a trusted companion then becomes a traitor, whispering insecurities and amplifying every misstep. And so I become a puppet on its strings, easily manipulated by its dark whispers. This constant mental push and pull leaves me feeling disabled, my spirit low and my thoughts a tangled mess. Then Confusion reigns, making it hard to see a clear path forward. But even in this fog, a flicker of hope remains. I know this isn't who I am, and I won't let anxiety win. (i hope it doesn't)

[sizneee]

Saw something on Instagram

"People don't abandon the people they love, they abandon the people they are using".

I feel like this would suffice as closure. If I do think about them again, I hope I'll remember this

[sizneee]

Thank You. Just Thank You

[sizneee]

Today seems extra empty even though I did a lot of stuff all day. And after 15 minutes of staring at the blinding light above me, I finally figured out why.

[sizneee]

[sizneee]

If only I could love myself as violently as I love those who don’t deserve it

[sizneee]

‘‘Red flag” this “Green flag” that

white flag. i just want peace. i surrender🏳️

[sizneee]

There is something wrong with me but together there could be something wrong with us.♡

[sizneee]

Your world can feel crowded yet lonely. You might walk by a hundred people or maybe a million give or take, and think no one even sees you. But not anymore. From now on, forget hiding. In my eyes, you're impossible to miss. You're bright, like my favorite star I always look for or the glasses I always look for when I forgot where I put them. You are seen, my dear, and never forgotten.

[sizneee]

In my sleep, lies a happy face that turns mean and scary. The nightlight makes it worse, dancing shadows in the room like monsters that bore every conceivable look. My heart beats so fast, like a scared little cat. This love isn't what I wanted, it's supposed to be all soft and safe. But instead it's a grabbing, clawing kind of love, with eyes that want too much. Her touch feels wrong, like a shiver that makes you want to scream. I want to run, but my feet won't move. Is this love, or a terrible dream I can't wake up from? Everything's mixed up, and I'm stuck in this scary love nightmare.

[sizneee]

"Stay" is a charming word in Sky's vocabulary

[sizneee]

I love how we get the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense and to have our nonsense respected

[sizneee]

Me and Sky if we got bored looking outside out the window that one time

Sky:"This boredom feels so surreal"

I chuckled saying "Right? At home, I have so many things going, but here? Just the wind and existential dread."

Sky's eyes gleaming at me with a mischievous stare. "Maybe boredom isn't the enemy. Maybe it's like... a giant pause button."

"A pause button for what?"

"For everything. Like, the universe just hit mute and we're stuck in the silence."

We sat in companionable silence for a moment, the only sound the creak of the fan.

"Rue" Sky whispered, her voice barely audible. "Do you think a bird ever gets lonely, flying all by itself?"

I looked at the sky. "Uhmmmm... maybe? Birds are social creatures, right?"

Sky shrugged. "But what if one bird just... decided it liked being alone? Like the quiet was its own kind of music."

We both stared out the window, a small circling lazily on the heavens above. Maybe boredom wasn't empty, but a chance to find our own weird rhythm, our own silent song in the vast, paused universe.

[sizneee]

Falling out of Love would hurt me more than the other person....so don't kill me for that

The idea of us falling out of love scares me to death. It feels like I'd be throwing away the greatest gift I've ever been given. You understand me in a way no one else ever has, you love me for all my flaws, and the thought of losing that connection is like a punch in the gut.

Maybe it sounds silly, maybe not everyone feels this way. But for me, if I could lose the love we have, the perfect fit we found, then wouldn't that mean there's no perfect love out there for me at all? It terrifies me that if this amazing love fades, even with someone as incredible as you, then maybe there's no happily ever after for me.

That's why I hold onto us so tightly, even if it seems crazy. Because losing you, losing this love, would be the biggest heartbreak of all.