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the human stress response seems so maladaptive!

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oppression isn’t generational and trying to frame politics as “the old people are wrong and the young people are right” erases the fact that there are old people who have been fighting the good fight for decades and the fact that there are young people who are literally nazis

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the sooner you understand that the entire united states political system was intended from the very beginning to be conducive to entrenched power and ideological inertia, the sooner you’ll realize the only viable solution is to scrap all of it and rebuild it from the ground up

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this is so cute i love it

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i’m from new england so the idea of a state that big just confuses and upsets me so sign my whitehouse.gov petition to have texas separated into four smaller texi

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2015 absolutely drained me. I need abouta 2 year long nap, see you in 2017, folks. don’t fucking vote for trump 

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Can these directors please learn to use dark palettes without making all the details in the shots imperceiveable? I can’t fucking see!!!

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I have a friend, we're not very close. Mostly because I am terribly awkward and have the social skills of a moose. Not actually a moose, I'm sure moose actually have great social skills. But if a moose was trying to be a human. It would be terrible. Just stick with me here.

I want the absolute best for her. I really really do. I want to protect her and be a cheerleader for her because I know it's a very difficult thing she's doing. (I'm not trying to say I understand her situation, I honestly don't. I don't think I can, simply because it's a situation I am unlikely to ever experience and I don't want to belittle it by pretending I thoroughly understand what it's like to be transgender. I just know it's difficult on so many levels and society is full of assholes and Trump has made it so much worse for transgendered people. I don't know the whole scope of it. I just know it's hard and people are jerks.)

I know she probably doesn't need me to protect her. She's a grown ass adult. I try not to interfere. I want to be a good friend, even if we aren't close. I'll correct someone if I catch it. She's in the beginning stages of transitioning, but I try to treat her like I would treat any other woman. I felt so bad the other day because someone called her by her deadname but we work with another person who has the same name as her deadname and I was so confused on how the other person was involved. By the time I figured out they were talking about my friend, the window to correct them was gone. I tried to tell myself it's okay because I think of her solely as her new name and the gender she identifies with. I don't know if I described that correctly. I'm doing my best.

I know it's not her job to educate me on transgender issues. I don't know how she feels about it or about talking about it. I assume it's like war vets, you don't ask about their experiences but you listen if they want to talk. Or ask questions if they invite asking questions. I joined a group that's mainly people from the trans* community that are willing to help educate people about topics that affect them. So I could be a better aly and friend. So far I've learned that the best thing I can do is treat her like any other woman. So I try my best. I think I do an okay job. I think of her as a woman. It doesn't matter what she is in her transition and it's none of my business (unless she chose to share that with me.) It doesn't matter what she looks like, sounds like, or dresses like. She said she's a woman and that's all I need to know.

I was so happy for her when she came in with her costume. She wore a dress and won the costume contest! It had to be so frightening but also rewarding. I guess mostly, I hope she knows she's cared about and that people want her to be happy and feel fulfilled. I want her to have the freedom to express herself and feel comfortable in her body. This world can make that very difficult and I want to help if I can.

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Hey God, I know we don't talk a lot. Fuck, I don't even believe in you. But I'm feeling a little desperate here, so honestly I'm reaching out to whoever is listening. Fate, Allah, Hera, Freya, Chimalma, the static of the universe, Laima, whoever. I'll take Satan if he's offering. It doesn't matter.

I know there isn't really anything out there. At least not in any sort of way that could help me. I don't know why making this plea is going to make me feel better. But it might. I'm not in a position to avoid trying anything that could help.

Taking Mercy was a dick move. Let's be honest. I'mma keep it real with you. I don't have a lot to lose, so I'm not going to sugar coat shit. You've taken a lot from me, and you've given me a lot of challenges. A lot of hurdles I still struggle with. But taking Mercy? That was uncalled for. When I got pregnant, I thought you were finally giving me some slack. She was a miracle, I never denied that. I was grateful, you can't deny that. But you took her anyway. It broke my heart and my soul in ways I didn't think could be broken. You've tried to break me in a lot of ways. I don't understand why. Maybe you're trying to make me need you. I prayed for her. I prayed for her to exist. I prayed for her to live. You didn't listen. So I don't really think you are now.

You owe me, the way I see it.

I see it all the time on the news. I read about the little children that suffer at the hands of their parents. I know dozens of people trying to recover from the shit their parents put them through. Hell, I had to heal from the manipulative bullshit my mom put me through. Why did you let them keep their babies? Why did you let monsters keep their babies and kill them? I would have given Mercy the best life I possibly could. You know I would have. How come they were good enough and I wasn't? Matt's a good man. He's a good dad. Why didn't you let him have that?

Don't think I'm going to forget these questions if I meet you. I hope you have some damn good answers.

But you owe me. So I'm asking you to pay up. This treatment better work. I'll gladly burn the world if it doesn't. That's not a threat. But I might come to see you a lot sooner than you plan if it doesn't.

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dont get me wrong. i believe that all lives matter but this tweet basically sums up why we need to focus and talk about “black lives matter” right now

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dont get me wrong. i believe that all lives matter but this tweet basically sums up why we need to focus and talk about “black lives matter” right now

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Today I was playing Death Stranding and there was a scene that affected me a lot. I need to deal with it. But it's hard to explain without spending so much time explaining the game itself. So I'll write it here, where it doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense because no one reads it anyway. At least it gets it out of my head for a little bit. The point I reach in the game is when Sam meets Mama for the first time in person. Obviously Mama has a child. Upon meeting Mama, we find out that her daughter is a BT (essentially a ghost). Mama's daughter is unique for a BT in that 1. It's an infant, 2. It's non-hostile, and 3. It's connected to Mama. None of the other BTs are connected to someone. We find out that Mama was awaiting a C-section to deliver her daughter when terrorists attacked the city, causing Mama to become trapped in the rubble for days. She gave birth to her daughter, who had passed in utero while she was trapped in the rubble. The crying of the BT born from her daughter brought the attention of rescuers searching for survival. Mama mentions giving birth but bringing death into the world instead of life. She explains that her daughter's life was the price of saving her own. In dealing with my own grief in relation to my stillborn daughter, I have desperately searched for some reason she had to die. I needed a way to make sense of it. With the Covid-19 pandemic, I found a reason, of sorts. I can't remember the last time I had to flu before I was pregnant, but at the very beginning of flu season, while pregnant with my daughter, I caught the flu. It's only reasonable to think that with the immunocompromised state that pregnancy brings, I would be at risk. I already had trouble breathing at night. I deal with a lot of people at my job, and I'm fairly certain I've been exposed. If we contracted the virus, we both could have died. My daughter passed shortly before the pandemic reached the US. Had she not passed when she did, I likely would still be in the hospital as it filled with Covid-19 patients. Possibly quarantined from my boyfriend and mother. Had she lived, she may have been quarantined in the NICU away from us. Or worst of all, it could have killed her. So in a way, I felt that the reason she died was to save my life from this virus. That somewhere on this cosmic scale, her life had been traded for mine. In a pathetic sort of way, the government's mishandling of this pandemic has made me grateful that I don't have to worry about my daughter's safety during this crisis. That they have so grossly endangered all of us that for once I'm relieved that my daughter, the child it took 3 years to conceive, the baby that I desperately wanted with every fiber of my soul, had passed before this. For the first time in years, I had a moment yesterday that I didn't want to have a child. A frightening moment of reprieve from this crippling need to get pregnant again. To have a child. And after that moment. I feared becoming pregnant. I feared not having access to the surgery that would save my baby. I feared being too immature to raise a child. I feel plunged into the mirror. Floating in an endless sea behind the glass that will always separate me from the world that I will never be good enough to walk amongst. Separate from whatever magic allows children to be born. I can only be allowed a painful forgery of motherhood. Even if I managed to get pregnant again, I will never be allowed to keep my child. My dreams will always slip through my fingers like water. I will never be enough.

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I have a daughter. She died. I am a mother. Without a child in my arms. I am on maternity leave. I use this time to mourn. I have no answers. My mind still struggles to make sense of it. I don't believe in higher powers or fate. I don't believe this universe has a plan. Yet I desperately need there to be a reason I hurt like this.

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I was scared of letting others hold you. I was scared I would be uncomfortable holding you. I was scared of you growing up and leaving. The saddest part, is I preferred the worry to the pain that it'll never happen.

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vincent goes to sediment