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[skepticreadstoa]

The Hidden Oracle: Chapter 12

(My dinner) consisted of hot dogs, potato chips, and a red liquid I was told was bug juice. Top cuisine at Camp Half Blood, I see.

I knew (Austin and Kayla) did not mean to be rude. As my children, they were inherently inclined to the utmost grace. However, their questions were painful reminders of my fallen status. Too bad, lad. I think you're going to be reminded of your human status a lot in this series. And maybe you might even come around to it.

"...If I sit alone at my table, strange things happen. Cracks open in the floor. Zombies crawl out and start roaming around. It’s a mood disorder. I can’t control it. That’s what I told Chiron.” “And is it true?” I asked. Nico smiled thinly. “I have a note from my doctor.” Will raised his hand. “I’m his doctor.” “Chiron decided it wasn’t worth arguing about,” Nico said. “As long as I sit at a table with other people, like…oh, these guys for instance…the zombies stay away. Everybody’s happier.” Will nodded serenely. “It’s the strangest thing. Not that Nico would ever misuse his powers to get what he wants.” “Of course not,” Nico agreed. Of course this is some type of thing Nico would do, he's gone through enough bollocks to last him countless lifetimes.

“Where are the…others?” I asked Will. I wanted to say the A-List, but I thought that might be taken the wrong way. Wise move, for once, Lester.

(Of course, the hologram was only three inches tall, but even in real life Leo was not much more imposing.) Leo made the Valdezinator for you, and you just roast him like that? That's why you're mortal now, no respect.

"...I could not think of myself as their father. A father should do more—a father should give more to his children than he takes. I have to admit that this was a novel idea for me. It made me feel even worse than before." Well, he's starting to get there...

[skepticreadstoa]

The Hidden Oracle: Chapter 11

MEG GAWKED. “He—he really is a centaur.” “Well spotted,” I said. “I suppose the lower body of a horse is what gave him away?” She punched me in the arm. I'm not sure about you, but I'm starting to think that Apollo's becoming more attached to Meg than he's letting on...

“I understand you showed great bravery in the woods. You brought Apollo here despite many dangers. I’m glad to have you at Camp Half-Blood.” All that bother Apollo went through in the woods to get here, and Meg gets the credit. The ego hits just keep coming for him.

We gods are not hung up about such things. I myself have had... let’s see, thirty-three mortal girlfriends and eleven mortal boyfriends? I’ve lost count. My two greatest loves were, of course, Daphne and Hyacinthus, but when you’re a god as popular as I am— Apollo has really been hyping up the identities of his two lovers, just to let their names slip while talking about how the gods are completely LGBT friendly. Win within a loss, I suppose?

Rocky Horror Picture Show brought back fond memories. I used to cosplay as Rocky at the midnight showings, because, naturally, the character’s perfect physique was based on my own.

“I poked that guy Connor in the eyes.” Chiron winced. “That’s nice, dear..." Chiron's playing nice with Meg because he saw her nut shot Sherman Yang, who's an absolute tank of a human being.

“Who’s Rachel?” Meg asked. “Rachel Dare,” I said. “The Oracle.” “Thought the Oracle was a place.” “It is.” “Then Rachel is a place, and she stopped working?” Had I still been a god, I would have turned her into a blue-belly lizard and released her into the wilderness never to be seen again. The thought soothed me. Apollo trying to keep his cool with Meg:

"Phones have always been dangerous for demigods—” “Yeah, they attract monsters,” Meg agreed. “I haven’t used a phone in forever.” So Meg knows how phones attract monsters. I'm starting to want to hug this child more and more.

I was reluctant to say more. I didn’t want to cause a panic without knowing what we were facing. When mortals panic, it can be an ugly scene, especially if they expect me to fix the problem. Also, I will admit I felt a bit impatient. We had not yet addressed the most important issues—mine. Apollo/Lester panicked and said, "Quick, make it about me!"

“Hanging out isn’t a task.” “It is if you do it right. Camp Half-Blood can protect me while I hang out. After my year of servitude is up, I’ll become a god. Then we can talk about how to restore Delphi.” Preferably, I thought, by ordering some demigods to undertake the quest for me. Alright mate.

“I do not understand what is happening, but I still maintain it must be connected to Delphi, and your present…ah, situation. The Oracle must be liberated from the monster Python. We must find a way.” I translated that easily enough: I must find a way. Yep, time for you to do your own work, Oh mighty Lester.

[skepticreadstoa]

The Hidden Oracle: Chapter 10

Her face was mature but stately, the way a benevolent queen should look. So definitely not Hera, then. Way to shoot off a stray at your stepmother, Lester. Good man.

“Easy.” Someone’s hand rested on my shoulder. “Don’t try to sit up.” Naturally I tried to sit up. "I am a god, you can't tell me what to- Oh gods, I feel nauseous..."

“Meg seems cool. She’s already poked Connor Stoll in the eyes and kicked Sherman Yang in the crotch.” “She did what?” I would have paid to see that, I promise you.

It warmed my heart that my children had the right priorities: their skills, their images, their views on YouTube. Say what you will about gods being absentee parents; our children inherit many of our finest personality traits. I'm not sure if you want your kids to inherit your egotism, Apollo.

I rarely visited Camp Half-Blood in winter. The last time had been three years ago, when a girl named Thalia Grace crash-landed my bus in the canoe lake. He's definitely still shaken up from that ride, isn't he? Probably hasn't let a mortal drive since.

I wasn’t sure Rachel would want to see me. She would expect explanations from her Main Man, and while I had invented mansplaining and was its foremost practitioner, I had no answers to give her. Apollo invented mansplaining?? So he's got the Beatles fans angry because he caused the Beatles to break up, then he's ticked off the feminists by revealing he invented mansplaining... what next, are you going to declare maple syrup unholy, and set the Canadians after you as well?

“I remember you,” I said. “Is it Nicholas, son of Hades?” Actually Lester, it's Nikolaj. (Don't let TSATS make you believe it's Niccolò, from what I hear, that book is very dubiously canon at best)

[skepticreadstoa]

The Hidden Oracle: Chapter 9

I sighed with relief. “This should be easy.” Already jinxed yourself. Again.

Meg’s mouth hung open. “How come I’ve never heard about this place? Do you need tickets?” She's never seen anything as nice of this, I'm melting-

I, too, felt as if something was amiss, but I chalked this up to my general dislike of forests. For reasons I’d rather not go into, I find them…uncomfortable places. Uncomfortable? Or traumatic?

“Don’t worry,” I assured Meg. “You’re traveling with a god!” “Ex-god.” “I wish you wouldn’t keep harping on that. Anyway, the campers are very friendly. They’ll welcome us with tears of joy. And wait until you see the orientation video!” “The what?” “I directed it myself!"

Under the canopy of trees, the light was diffuse, the shadows confusing. After we passed the same boulder for the third time, I stopped and admitted the obvious. “I have no idea where we are.” Suppose you should stay in the sun, mate. Your domain seems to work best for you.

“We can’t stay here,” I said. “Attend me, mortal.” “Excuse me?” Meg said. “Uh, I mean come on!” That Olympian speak slipped out in his panic.

“You didn’t hear that?” “Hear what?” THE FALL OF THE SUN, the voice boomed. THE FINAL VERSE. Oooooooh. Does this voice mean the final verse of the last prophecy? The HoO prophecy? Because this might get crazy...

Imagine being a camper, roasting marshmallows, and then some guy comes out of the woods, laughing like a maniac, with a little kid in tow. He stops in front of the crowd, declares "Oh hi! I'm Apollo!", and then just passes out. I would be truly shaken.

[skepticreadstoa]

The Hidden Oracle: Chapter 8

Instead, my regrets passed before my eyes. Despite being a gloriously perfect being, I do have a few regrets. I remembered that day at Abbey Road Studios, when my envy led me to set rancour in the hearts of John and Paul and break up the Beatles. Good luck running from the beatlemaniacs after that one, mate.

We gods are a little in awe of you mortals. You spend your whole lives knowing you will die. No matter how many friends and relatives you have, your puny existence will quickly be forgotten. How do you cope with it? Why are you not running around constantly screaming and pulling your hair out? Your bravery, I must admit, is quite admirable. Now where was I? Right. I was dying. Way to make me fell existential, Lester, Be right back, need to let that sit... Alright anyway;

Normally I do not like being doused. Every time I go camping with Artemis, she likes to wake me up with a bucket of ice-cold water. Please imagine Artemis having one of her hunters record a video of her doing this. I would pay to see that footage.

The third spirit bared his rotten teeth. “Your guardian would be sooooo disappointed.” Meg looked as if she’d been punched in the gut. Her face paled. Her arms trembled. She stamped her foot and yelled, “NO!” As I said before, no spoilers, but I do look forward to meeting this "Guardian" person. Just to have a civil conversation.

The peach baby launched himself at the nosos and bit his head off. That is not a figure of speech. The karpos’s fanged mouth unhinged, expanding to an unbelievable circumference, then closed around the cadaver’s head, and chomped it off in one bite. Cartoonish effing chomp bruv-

I was certain Meg had summoned him, intentionally or unintentionally. I also had some ideas now about her godly parentage, and some questions about this “guardian” that the spirits had mentioned, but I decided it would be better to interrogate her when she did not have a snarling carnivorous toddler wrapped around her leg. Me too, mainly just the guardian, but I've made my point about that already.

I turned my face to the sky. “Are you sure, Zeus? It’s not too late to tell me this was an elaborate prank and recall me to Olympus. I’ve learned my lesson. I promise.” The gray winter clouds did not respond. With a sigh, I jogged after Meg and her homicidal new minion. Off to CHB we head then.

[skepticreadstoa]

The Hidden Oracle: Chapter 7

“These creatures are not myths,” I said. “Of course, most things in those old myths are not myths. Except for that story about how I flayed the satyr Marsyas alive. That was a total lie.” Percy glanced at me. “You did what?” So now Percy has two reasons to particularly dislike Apollo; what he did to some cyclopes (His brother is a cyclops), and what he did to a Satyr (His best friend is a Satyr).

The three corpses shambled forward. I thrust out my arms, hoping to blast them to dust. Nothing happened. “This is insufferable!” I complained. “How do demigods do it without an auto-win power?” Lester really said:

The third spirit…Well, Percy didn’t see it in time. He ran straight into the plume of smoke. “Don’t breathe!” I warned him. Percy: NO SCHIST SHERLOCK-

The branch-impaled nosos charged at me. I turned and fled, running face-first into a tree. I’d like to tell you that was part of my plan, but even I, with all my poetic skill, cannot put a positive spin on it. Yep, just take that loss, mate.

[skepticreadstoa]

The Hidden Oracle: Chapter 6

I was used to driving my sun chariot across the sky, where every lane was the fast lane. I was not used to the Long Island Expressway. Believe me, even at midday in the middle of January, there is nothing express about your expressways. That, I can believe. With all the problems going on in the US, I would be surprised if traffic wasn't one of them.

“You can tell the future?” “Don’t need to.” Percy changed lanes to one that was crawling slightly less slowly. “I’ve just done this a lot. Besides”—he shot me an accusing look —“nobody can tell the future anymore. The Oracle isn’t working.” Live Lester reaction:

If there’s no Oracle, there are no prophecies, so we’re stuck in a—” “A Catch-88.” I sighed. Meg threw a piece of lint at me. “It’s a Catch-22.” “No,” I explained patiently. “This is a Catch-88, which is four times as bad.” Impressive. Apollo's able to fluctuate between relatable and egotistical. This really needs to be studied.

Percy’s definition of cross-country was different from mine. I envisioned crossing an actual countryside. Instead, Percy shot down the nearest exit ramp, wove across the parking lot of a shopping mall, then blasted through the drive-through of a Mexican restaurant without even ordering anything. Ok, but going through a Mexican drive-through was definitely an intentional choice, wasn't it Percy? (Half White/Hispanic Percy agenda anyone?)

“Hold on!” Percy flew through a railroad crossing and the Prius went airborne. Meg yelped as her head hit the ceiling. Then she began giggling uncontrollably. Lester definitely left out the part where he screamed almost as hard as he did falling from Olympus, I just know it.

“Just another mile or so to the beach,” Percy said. “Plus we’re almost to the western edge of camp. We can do it. We can do it.” I remember your Mam was getting hopeful like that back in TLT when you were getting close to camp. You know what happened next?

One of the shiny smoke clouds pulled a dirty trick, pluming from the pavement directly in front of us. Instinctively, Percy swerved. The Prius went off the road, straight through a barbed wire fence and into an orchard. Percy managed to avoid hitting any of the trees, but the car skidded in the icy mud and wedged itself between two trunks. Miraculously, the air bags did not deploy. Yeah that's a bit close to what happened back then.

The Nosoi watching Apollo/Lester shout the word "BLOFIS!" at them, trying to be intimidating:

[skepticreadstoa]

The Hidden Oracle: Chapter 5

“An exam for Roman demigods,” I told her. “The Demigod Standard Test of Mad Powers.” Percy frowned. “That’s what it stands for?” “I should know. I wrote the music and poetry analysis sections.” “I will never forgive you for that,” Percy said. I wonder what Apollo would consider worthy of putting in a Demigod exam. Knowing him, it would probably be completely pointless stuff like haikus and hymns that he wrote himself.

“Never knew them…much.” Percy hesitated. “Foster home? Stepparents?” I thought of a certain plant, the Mimosa pudica, which the god Pan created. As soon as its leaves are touched, the plant closes up defensively. Meg seemed to be playing mimosa, folding inward under Percy’s questions. Percy raised his hands. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to pry.” Nobody spoil anything for me, but if anybody treated Meg wrong in the past, I just need to know their location. Just to talk.

“Seven layers?” I looked up in wonder. “You knew seven is my sacred number? You invented this for me?” Sally wiped her hands on her apron. “Well, actually, I can’t take credit—” “You are too modest!” I tried some of the dip. It tasted almost as good as ambrosia nachos. “You will have immortal fame for this, Sally Jackson!” The first, most sensible thought he's had since the start of the book.

“And this whole turning-into-a-mortal thing…you’ve done it twice before?” “Not by choice,” I assured him. “The first time, we had a little rebellion in Olympus. We tried to overthrow Zeus.” That's two failed rebellions, by the other Olympians, and by Kronos. The can never do one right, can they?

“Guys,” Percy interrupted. “So, just to recap, you have to be Meg’s servant for…?” “Some unknown amount of time,” I said. “Probably a year. Possibly more.” “And during that time—” “I will undoubtedly face many trials and hardships.” “Like getting me my cows,” Meg said. She really wants those cows, doesn't she?

Percy frowned. “Apollo, if you’re really mortal, like, one hundred percent mortal, can you even get in to Camp Half-Blood?” The seven-layer dip began to churn in my stomach. “Please don’t say that. Of course I’ll get in. I have to.” “But you could get hurt in battle now…” Percy mused. “Then again, maybe monsters would ignore you because you’re not important?” “Stop!” My hands trembled. Being a mortal was traumatic enough. Percy is resolutely not helping the situation and we admire him for it.

“Sure it is,” Percy said. “Some of the best demigods have gotten their start by blowing up toilets.” Meg giggled. I did not like the way she was grinning at Percy. I didn’t want the girl to develop a crush. Right, it doesn't always end well for people who start to crush and Percy Jackson.

"If it wasn’t for Annabeth helping me out—” “Who’s that?” Meg asked. “My girlfriend.” Meg frowned. Crisis averted. But also dam.

Percy kissed her (Sally) on the cheek. He reached for the cookies, but she moved the plate away. “Oh, no,” she said. “Apollo and Meg can have one, but I’m keeping the rest hostage until you’re back safely. And hurry, dear. It would be a shame if Paul ate them all when he gets home.” Percy’s expression turned grim. He faced us. “You hear that, guys? A batch of cookies is depending on me. If you get me killed on the way to camp, I am going be ticked off.” Oh yeah, we all know Percy always puts blue food first in any and all situations.

[skepticreadstoa]

The Hidden Oracle: Chapter 4

(Ignore how long it's been since the last post, I do want to try to be more consistent on this blog)

Alright, but Percy actually has more patience then we, as a fandom, give him credit for. Imagine after everything you've been through, two world ending prophecies, missing a full year of high school, having to do catch up for all of that, and then a newly banished god swings by the apartment with a street child in tow, and he walks in and starts salivating at the sight of his pregnant mother. The restraint he has to have had to not throw Lester straight back out the door...

Percy stepped to my side. “Um, Apollo? She’s not cursed. And can you not mention Hera?” Percy said, "We don't use the H word in the household".

If I had still been an immortal, I might have flirted with her myself. Mate. She is married and EXPECTING A BABY. TONE IT DOWN.

Lester/Apollo thinking of how to thank the Jacksons for their hospitality:

Image: https://www.deviantart.com/blood-dripping/art/sink-fire-24038385

I had a sneaking suspicion that Percy had given me this (Icarus) shirt as a joke—the fall from the sky. Despite being in retirement from the demigod life, Percy is still not afraid to be cheeky with a god. Old habits die hard.

I did my usual motivational speech in the mirror: “You are gorgeous and people love you!” We'll see about how you feel about that statement later on.

“Actually, I was thinking about the last time I had a nosebleed.” Percy getting flashbacks at the sight of a nosebleed is too real.

Zeus seemed to consider egotism a trait the boy (Octavian) had inherited from me. Which is ridiculous. I am much too self-aware to be egotistical.

Percy winced. “I hate memory gaps. Last year I lost an entire semester thanks to Hera.” “Ah, yes.” I couldn’t quite remember what Percy Jackson was talking about. During the war with Gaea, I had been focused mostly on my own fabulous exploits. But I suppose he and his friends had undergone a few minor hardships. Ah, yeah, Tartarus? Saving the world? Just some minor hardships, run of the mill, nothing special.

“Besides, my mom’s pregnant. I’m going to have a baby sister. I’d like to be around to get to know her.” “Well, I understand that. I remember when Artemis was born—” “Aren’t you twins?” “I’ve always regarded her as my little sister.” Bro please, your sister helped your mother give birth to YOU. Stop lying through your nostrils.

Percy when Apollo tries to ask him to help get his Olympian throne back: "Nuh uh" "Tf you mean nuh uh?"

[skepticreadstoa]

The Hidden Oracle: Chapter 3

“It’s not slavery.” She chewed off a piece of her thumb cuticle and spit it out. “It’s more like mutual cooperation.” “Mutual in the sense that you give orders and I am forced to cooperate?” “Yep.” Ok, I think I would already kill for Meg.

Apollo when he sees that Zeus gave him flab:

I felt as if my brain had been stuffed with wet cotton. Honestly, how do you humans stand it? Me, I just use a common mortal technique called winging it.

We turned a corner and there—parked under a crape myrtle—sat an older model blue Prius. Its hood bore the unmistakable dents of Pegasus hooves. I guess car prices are so high in NYC that the Jacksons never bothered about those hoof marks and kept the car as it was. I'm not from the US, but considering all the things I hear, this just sounds normal for the States.

My own father, Zeus, once took the form of a shiny blob to woo a mortal woman. (Why the mortal woman found that attractive, I have no idea.) Greek myths have the gods just doing the most random stuff, I swear.

Imagine the look on Percy's face when Sally looked at him and said, "Honey, Apollo's at the door." He must have wanted to crawl out the window at that moment.

Instead, the young man swung open the apartment door and said, “Why?” There's the iconic line.

Percy listening to Apollo tell him he needs his help again:

[skepticreadstoa]

The Hidden Oracle: Chapter 2

“Blood,” I muttered. “That’s not possible.” Not entirely sure what you were expecting, Apollo. Raspberry jam?

Perhaps Cade and Mikey were not human either. Perhaps they were cleverly disguised monsters or spirits. At least that would explain why they had beaten me so easily. You trying to retain what's left of your Olympian dignity? I think you may have another thing coming, mate.

Warning: A feral street child has entered the battle.

Cade seriously went from "Beat it, you brat!” to "Stop! Let’s talk about this!” in a heartbeat, and honestly, I would have too. Any child who can punt an apple from the second storey of a fire escape right into my face, they win. They can take whatever I have. I'm not messing with that kid.

Her eyes glinted darkly like a crow’s. (I can make that comparison because I invented crows.) Ok.

She walked a full circle around me, scrutinizing my appearance as if I were a prize cow. (I can also make that comparison, because I used to collect prize cows.) Ok.

Part of me wanted to find a fresh towel, clean her face, and give her money for a hot meal. Part of me wanted to fend her off with a chair in case she decided to bite me. Average godly reaction to meeting an urchin who saved your life from thugs.

"I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city’s sewer system. Perhaps you’re related…?” Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn’t imagine what. Right, that's a real mystery.

“I’m Meg McCaffrey!” Meg blew me a raspberry. “And I claim your service!” Overhead, thunder rumbled in the grey sky. The sound echoed through the city canyons like divine laughter. Whatever was left of my pride turned to ice water and trickled into my socks. “I walked right into that, didn’t I?” “Yep!” Meg bounced up and down in her red sneakers. “We’re going to have fun!” With great difficulty, I resisted the urge to weep. Imagine getting enslaved by a twelve year old dressed like a traffic light. I would have fallen to my knees on the spot.

Apollo/Lester's mental state by the end of this chapter:

“As you wish,” I said. “Let’s find Percy Jackson.” And end chapter with most famous character name drop.

[skepticreadstoa]

The Hidden Oracle: Chapter 1

My name is Apollo. I used to be a god. Ngl, that opening goes hard for me. Got goosebumps saying it in my head.

I simply woke up falling. Apollo falling from Olympus like this;

Less than ten paragraphs in and he's already crying. To be fair I would cry too if I fell out of the sky and landed in a dumpster of all places.

Going off course to interject a little Hc here: Apollo fell out of Olympus from the same hole in the floor that Ethan Nakamura fell to his death from in The Last Olympian. He even fell into the same alleyway that Ethan landed in. The only difference was Ethan didn't stick the landing in the dumpster.

“Araggeeddeee,” I whimpered through the pain. That was a very detailed whimper of pain, Apollo. Why not throw in an "Owie" for good measure?

I felt sick, weak, and so, so human. Buckle in, mate, you're in for a very human journey.

He is so incredibly devastated that his new name is Lester Papadopoulos, it's really sad and funny at the same time.

Instead, he ducked, which I found quite annoying. Dam, this must be the first time Apollo has seen someone duck an attack before. He was there stumbling like, "Wha- how did you do tha-?!" Gets kicked in the back and hits the ground.

“Mikey,” said Cade, “are you comprehending this guy’s power?” “Nah,” said Mikey. “I’m not comprehending it.” That got a good laugh from me. Cade and Mikey are well funny.

Cade raised his boot over my face, and the world went black. That's certainly one way to end off a first chapter.

[skepticreadstoa]

Introduction for this sideblog:

I made this blog to document my thoughts while reading the toa books because I made a post a bit ago about whether I should read them even though I was spoiled about a major plot point in the series (It's pretty infamous in the fandom). @aki-bara was actually the one to suggest that I live blog my thoughts while reading the books, so shoutout to you, mate. Also, credit to @citrusreadstoa for doing it first, I'm finishing what you started.

Stay tuned, if you're interested. I'll try my best to keep up to date on here.