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I feel so scared

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Ok but out of all the angsty/MCD movies out there, seeing the light leave Robert Sean Leonard’s eyes in the scenes leading up to Neil’s death (and honestly whenever his father was in the scene too) is the most realistic and heart-wrenching depiction of being sewerslidal that I’ve ever seen. Like maybe some of it is lighting and editing but even just the shift in his expression and demeanor too… like going from full of life to entirely shut down and listless. And then the scene where Neil walks down the stairs in almost a trance, how he turns the key in his hand before using it, how he sits and stares at the g*n before he dies… like nothing I’ve seen or read has ever come so close to my own experiences with that. It’s haunting and so so sad, and it’s even sadder knowing that so many people know that feeling, too.

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*trigger warning*

It’s sad but honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that I know it would completely crush my mom and dads hearts if I died, I would have killed myself a long time ago.

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hey babes quick reminder that EVERY SINGLE thinspo or body check image you see on here is either insanely flexed and posed to look as good as possible, or edited. don't compare your relaxed body to a completely different person flexing and posing.

i say this, scrolling through thinspo anyway

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angelina jolie girl, interrupted thinspo <3

i have been OBSESSED with girl, interrupted lately and not only is angelina jolie’s portrayal of lisa amazing, she’s also been great thinspo during my depression slump. her body in this movie is to die for, i swear. i hope i get as skinny as her, one day. stay safe, everyone :)

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skinny

when I was dying

I think it is really fucked up

to start a sentence like this

everyone complimented me

on slowly turning to ashes

'You look so pretty dear'

they said

and I heard

'try harder'

when someone is suffering

from lung cancer

You don't light them a cigarette

You don't

You do not hand a suicidal person

a loaded gun

unless you want them to die

so why did you?

why did you handed me a gun?

what was I supposed to do with it?

besides pulling the trigger

when you are sixteen

and at some point

we all are

nothing is as easy as dying

without anyone noticing

dying isn't like it is in the movies

a 60 second sequel

with blood and wounds and lots of noise

it is a quiet long-term-process

You do not recognise the dead

-aeris

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for everybody who’s suffering from an eating disorder:  i love you

for everybody who’s in recovery for their eating disorder:  i love you

for everybody who’s not ready to recover:  i love you

for everybody who wants to recover but is struggling to:  i love you

for everybody who is afraid to get help:  i love you

for everybody who is body positive for everyone but themselves:  i love you

im so sorry for whatever drove you to this point. what your brain says to you isnt true. youre beautiful, and you deserve to recover. 

youre not alone. and i love you.

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ED tips - calories that don’t count

so, just a reminder to myself and to all of calories that don’t need to be counted:

ever:

meds

vitamins

food that needs to be taken with those meds/vitamins

when you’re sick/recovering from being sick:

fluids - the only time i’ll ever say drink your calories. drinking straight water not only tends to bother your stomach, but also it’s not healthy to just have water, esp if you’re throwing up. gatorade, juices, anything to get your fluids up and also help with salt/electrolytes.

small amounts of carbs throughout the day - having just fluid in your stomach will make it way more likely you’ll get sick. please try to eat very small amounts of carbs at least when you’re drinking to help it stay down.

meds/food with meds - obviously meds are never counted, but meds for sickness tend to require more food, especially for stuff like antibiotics, or you’ll get some really bad aches and cramps. try to eat at least a few ozs of bland starchy food, like bread, crackers, pasta, etc. I know it’s hard, but your body really needs it.

try not to count at all when you’re sick/getting over being sick. you’re almost guaranteed to lose or stay the same anyway, and your body really needs certain things to recover properly. being sick with EDs already sucks enough. try to be kind to your body.

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hello ed nation

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I don't see the point of drinking casually, like tf?? I drink to get drunk, not trynna ingest some extra cals to NOT get crazy🤨

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straight up. I’m so fucking tired of being fat. I’ve been wanting to be skinny for so fucking long, and yet I’m still just as pathetic as I was 5yrs ago. 

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i dont think eating disorders are good i just work here

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im literally so dumb because i'm constantly shifting between "im so gross i need to lose weight now" and "im fat anyways so i might as well eat a lot" and it's honestly so exhausting

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A problem: *Appears in my life*

Me: Oh well, maybe it’s becaus-

ED: IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE FAT

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people don’t understand how mentally draining having an eating disorder is. they assume you just skip a meal a day and then boom you lose like 30 pounds then recover. they don’t realize that you lose all your energy and can barely even function. you lose friends over it, get horrible grades, have to stop working, lose interest & energy in pursuing passions and hobbies. it fucking sucks and they make it so obvious they don’t give a shit about us.

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Bitches with an eating disorder be like "I know a place" and then take you on a 3 hour walk