skullshoal

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its technically not it anymore but here you go anyway

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i just don’t have the employable spirit

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sorry for being indecisive, I haven’t had any prophetic dreams to guide me in a while

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the years have made me weird and strange to talk to. but still i must post

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you're cute and it's tuesday

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Beautiful images and music will save me I know it I just know it

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Kindness is love with its work boots on

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LOL but seriously release the hounds

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Looked in my junk mail today

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Diagram I just made for siren to explain how I survive bad situations but I think everyone could use it so I share now.

If you are doing something difficult just know that the you that is comfortable and resting is on their way. You just have to wait for them.

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Ok Here's my real post about my four year anniversary of being on testosterone

^ Pics of me in 2020, not on testosterone

^ Me today 6/21/25

I haven't recorded my voice in a long time because as you can tell it kinda stopped changing around the first year mark. I don't really know how to feel about it! I don't really feel dysphoric about the way I sound pretty much ever anymore. So like mostly pretty good! But also I feel like it didn't change that much! It's obviously different and I always knew it would still be my voice but I wish it had gotten a bit deeper still. Oh well! I think I sound masculine enough and this is probably how some cis men feel too so I'm not bothered.

I haven't talked about changes in a long time. My facial hair is definitely more filled in than before. Here's a pic of me in early 2024.

I feel like my mustache and beard are just fuller than even a year ago. Hopefully it will keep coming in more as time goes on. I don't have high hopes because neither my father nor my brother can grow a beard but who knows!!! My hair line has also changed. I do not feel like I'm losing hair really it just got wider at the corners and I have slightly more forehead now.

My acne comes and goes. A week or two ago I was breaking out bad. But also I semi recently (ie the last sixish months) upped my dose of testosterone significantly because my levels were just kinda low! I'm curious to see if I notice any other difference outside of hormonal acne in the long run.

Since I started taking testosterone I came out to my parents who still suck at it almost two years later. I haven't been to any extended family gatherings because. It's weird now! I was never very close to any of my family so I don't feel that big of a hole. My mother keeps trying to convince me to come to gatherings but it's not very convincing when she can't even call me the right name or pronouns.

The biggest difference in my life is strangers do not know how to gender me. I haven't had any surgeries still and I weigh a lot so I have pretty visible hips and a chest. Doesn't matter! People will call me sir or madam. Speaking doesn't wave them one way or another. Mostly it's kind of uncomfortable but no one has ever been rude to me and I've only worked/still work as a volunteer customer service jobs. In some ways it's comforting. I live in Florida and not in or near any large cities. But people still treat me kindly. I do think unfortunately that due to the transitioning I have not been hired in three years. Which sucks!

All in all I still feel pretty positive about being on testosterone. It has made certain things harder because of where I live and the state of the world. But I think I really hate myself so much less. It's a little hard to compare since it's been so long now. But I used to hate my voice so much. I thought about it every time I spoke. I wish I passed more so that I never got misgendered, but sometimes is a lot better than rarely or never. I wish I had the confidence to introduce myself as my real name in more situations. I wish I had top surgery and a name change and that when people talked to me they didn't hesitate to say he. I feel like I've been stuck in this in between spot for so long, I don't fully pass and I'm also clockably Something. I'm tired of transitional periods. I'm tired of waiting. But there isn't much else to be done at the moment. I wish this was a less bittersweet note to end on but it's hard and dangerous to be trans in america right now. I went to pride today with some friends and it was really nice, but we did all have a moment when we sat down where we all admitted we were very scared of attending. Today didn't feel dangerous when we were there, but it so easily could have been different.

Anyway. If you read all this thank you. I love you and we're gunna be ok. I have many more decades worth of time ahead of me on the journey of transitioning. At the same time four years has happened so quickly. I hope one day I'll be able to show the world the me I see.

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Today is my four year anniversary of taking testosterone. Every year so far I have gotten myself a Bowser as a treat. The big one on the right was my first and I sleep with him every night. His name is Gay Bowser. I wanted to get the second plush one for year two but the store was out of stock that June and the Mario movie had just come out so I got the large toy in the middle. Third year was left plush Bowser dubbed Gay Bowser Jr. This year is the smallest Bowser yet. Big gay car Bowser.

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I read graceling a billion years ago and the main character has the power to sleep for exact amounts of time perfectly and ever since I read that I wanted that so so so desperately

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Ah these children who always create problems for poor mothers....

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not to be an american but like. air conditioning is the greatest invention of all time.