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Before That

        The sky didn’t seem to end. It was blue and the absence of clouds made everything look fuzzy, I couldn’t see the end of it. It terrified me. “Don't complain about being alone when you decline every invitation.” My grandmother’s voice on the phone brought me back. "We could play Skip-Bo."

           Before that morning of self-reflection and guilt came arrogance and a self-induced mess. There were others that seemed to have this thing down, they could pour it down their throats and not bring any misery. Drink water between drinks, act as if you care about the conversation that you are in, sip between words, and only take long swallows when someone says chug. Dim lights hanging around the house gave a purple tint. I tossed the cards in the trash. I would do it, just for a day.

           Before that, I was at the board game section of Wal-Mart. Monopoly, The game of Life, Chutes and Ladders, and Skip-Bo. I stopped at the small red cardboard box. “It’s just a game of Uno,” I said to myself. The woman next to me holding a baby in her arms looked at me with concern. Her shoes squeaked on the linoleum floors as she walked away, toward her family.

           Before that, I was in that room again. Faces so bright with hope that it made me squint, laughter that made my ears ring, and a joy that I'd never felt. Cake, coffee, and ice cream. I watched someone grab a year’s chip. I was almost happy for him as everyone clapped. I listened to him as he spoke of the first months, “I made decisions to be lonely, I was practicing loneliness.” He went on and on about how his life is so much better now; he’s engaged and his family accepts him again. Last night they had a nice dinner to congratulate him. Sparkling water, hamburgers, and Uno. He had arrived.

           Before that, I woke up in my one-bedroom apartment and made myself breakfast; a boiled egg and strawberries in my only blue bowl. I thought of making coffee but, "there isn't a point in wasting what'll be left of a whole pot." I said aloud to myself. I opened the blinds a third of the way to let some sunlight in.

           Before that, I dreamt that I was a child again. I was at the table with my mother and siblings, and we ate boxed macaroni and cheese. Everyone was happy. I knew my brother had probably hidden some of his cards during a bathroom break. I swore my mother was sitting on some cards that should have been in her hand. Every time I had one card left in my hand, I would open my mouth to shout but instead, cards fell out.

Edited by

Joy Lujan

on Aug 30 at 11:11pm

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♡ Pride Halter Tops (XS-6X) - Link in the source! ♡

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this is sunny’s best promo video u cant convince me otherwise

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It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Gang Misses the Boat (S10E06)

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It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention (S05E04)

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Wow. I could so easily freak out right now.

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That makes a lot more sense That’s actually the only thing that makes sense

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Sales man: You guys been to Florida?

Dennis: Been There? ….Not Physically.

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a concept i can get behind

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can we talk about how kaitlin and rob’s first SOBER date literally reads like something that actually happened in iasip

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