slayzel

[slayzel]

My D&D group makes a lot of John Mulaney references, and we accidentally helped a changeling get out of prison. The prison went on lockdown before it got out, though, and now it’s invisible and just running around the room.

Me: “Have you ever seen a bird in a Walmart?”

My DM, subsequently reading my mind: “Everyone has seen a bird in the airport. This is a changeling, loose in the dungeon!”

[slayzel]

man lying on the hospital floor gasping: need .. IV ...

me, roman: four WHAT???

[slayzel]

prince phillips organs shutting down like cascading dominos while the doctors frantically stuff him full of replacements harvested from kidnapped street orphans

[slayzel]

this sounds like me so much it terrifies me when people offer to pay for anything and it makes me feel like allowing them to pay will make me indebted to them

[slayzel]

honestly never regret treating yourself if you had a good time

[slayzel]

[slayzel]

tips for bottoming by ash ketchum

[slayzel]

[slayzel]

“7 дней… Ты не гладил меня 7 дней…”…

[slayzel]

[slayzel]

whats this guy doin

[slayzel]

so when are men gonna realize that women aren’t complicated and we’re actually just normal people and it’s men that lack emotional depth and interesting personalities?

[slayzel]