20+ | here to write/vent so dont mind me; i post rndm stuff; unintentionally writes poems on tags
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just a year more
#one more year#then ill be free#then 2 more years after that#and maybe ill join the club#dont wanna actually#but to them i might as well be
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just a little while longer
#ive waited long#just a bit more patience#ill be gone from here#far from pain#a new beginning#where none of you are#ill build my own life#and even if its difficult#at least its my own
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funny how they think they're the only ones who suffer
#the only ones who feel pressure#or the only ones who feels#ha#if only they knew#was my persona too well made for you not to notice#was my mask tethered so well to my face#delude yourselves further#notice only the suffering of that person#so i may free myself#i already have a plan#all thats left is the due#but no dont worry#even if i wanted to end this#i will not#i will live in spite#i will breath hatred#i will live to see the day you finally notice#that not only your other child suffers
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see? You care more about that thing than me
#so i dont really mind#of your anger#or your spite#you never truly did care about me#only as a glorified trophy#and only if i sit still on that shelf#do you ever truly listen#but never will i stay#and never will i care#i would rather be broken#than stay in this hell
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i already know you don't want me here
#i know#so you dont have to carve the scars deeper#you dont have to dig the knife further#i already know#without your reminder
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i try to stop the tears
#from staining this day#but my efforts are not enough#just how i was never is through your eyes#dont worry#i will leave#i will dissappear#leaving nothing but tears
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and everytime, everytime i lay on my bed
#i keep thinking of reasons to stay#but i guess it doesnt really matter#because here i am#walking through life#here i am#putting up a fight#staying for another day
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forget but never forgive
#as long as i live#i will forever grieve#the heart you ripped#and the truth you hid#i will forget#but never forgive
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they say winning battles do not guarantee victory over the war
#but this small win is what keeps me going#to continue walking far#it may be insignificant in the greater scheme of things#and i may laugh at what i was when i grew older#but i do hope that when i do#i remember it as a battle that took me further#a battle that made me stronger
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i live in a world that do not exist
#a place where reality is but a fraction#a universe inside my mind#i live in a world where i can escape#the harrowing truth#that i try to run by closing my vision#i live#but not in this world
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fear is at its peak during times of normality
#when there is nothing bad#nor good that is happening#i fear when i tiptoe in the middle#of a scale that can turn both ways#i fear the uncertainty#looming behind my back#waiting for a fate#that takes a turn
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i wait for dread to come at time's end
#i knew it will arrive#and ive heard the warnings in my head#yet i welcome the dread at the end of time#not willingly#but regretfully#as i think of all the things i could have done#to prevent dread coming through those doors
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i stay awake to slow down time
#to delay the inevitable#to stall the event of disappointments#if i sleep#time will go faster#and i will end up in a time#i do not wish to arrive#i stay awake to keep me sane#but it only prolongs the pain
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i play the drums in a band
#but i dont know how to play to the tune#i dont know how to play a beat#so i just anxiously wait in my seat#i dont know how to tap to the song#so i really dont belong#but i do know how loud the drums can be#over the music of reality#it overpowers everything#claiming every space of time even in silence#but i dont know if it comes from the drums#or this searing pain in my chest#that contains a heart trying to get out without rest
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