slumberingtangerine-blog

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I went to high school with a kid who would only drink out of a baby bottle. He brought a large baby bottle to school every day. At first, we thought that he was using it to sneak alcohol or something, but he wasn’t. He would bring it filled with chocolate milk and then fill it up with Coca-Cola and Sprite during lunch. He’d buy a can of each and mix them together. Like I said, it was a large bottle.

I didn’t know the kid that well and I didn’t have any classes with him so I never really talked to him that much. I knew his name. His name was Kevin. Sometimes I’d see him at parties on the weekends. He still had his baby bottle. He would fill it with beer and rum.

He dated my sister’s friend, Emily, for a little while. I had known Emily for a long time. She had been a friend of my sister’s since they were five or six. They were really good friends. She spent a lot of time at our house for sleepovers and stuff. Sometimes she would pee the bed, but I never made fun of her for it. I think most older brothers would have loved the opportunity to make fun of their sister’s friend for peeing the bed and I think she really appreciated that I never mentioned it even though I definitely knew about it because after the sixth or seventh time, my parents started paying me to clean everything up instead of having to do it themselves.

I asked Emily why Kevin only ever drank out of a baby bottle and she said that she didn’t know. They had only been dating for a very short time at that point and she didn’t want to bring it up and offend him or anything. I asked her to tell me if she ever found out. They broke up right after that and I kind of forgot about it because Kevin stopped going to school. I don’t know if he transferred or dropped out, but I never saw him at lunch or any parties after that.

I hadn’t thought about him in a long time, but Emily happened to mention him while she was over at our house recently and I immediately remembered the baby bottle thing.

“Did you ever find out why he drank out of that bottle?” I asked.

“Oh yeah, he told me why,” Emily said. “He used it because he heard that babies that drink out of bottles for too long or drink sweet drinks out of them get really bad teeth problems. He wanted all of his teeth to go bad so that they would fall out and he would be able to fit a softball in his mouth. He said that he wanted to have the world record for being the first person to be able to put a whole softball in his mouth and he wouldn’t be able to do that with all of those teeth in the way.”

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Truth

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do you ever get mad at yourself because youre not even good at the things you thought you were good at

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The thing about starving

I think the addictive thing about starving is that we feel skinny while doing it.

Probably 99% of us suffering from an ed feel gross, fat and ugly 24/7 and after a while we decide to fast and not eat anything at all for a while. Yes, the first 24 hours may be difficult but once your mind is so focused on not eating it gets easier.

It gets easier to say no to something delicious, it is no problem to ignore the hunger or withstand the cravings.

Why? Because being empty, consuming no calories makes you feel skinny.

Once I hit that point of feeling skinny because of my empty stomach, I have no problem with continuing my fast. My mind gets wrapped around the idea of doing more of that to feel even better. Even if you won’t feel better (headache, dizziness, low blood sugar etc.) it makes you feel powerful.

(I do not promote this kind of behavior, ed in general. These are just thoughts and self destruction.)

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if you’re overweight ana please reblog this i want to follow you

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im so scared the rest of my life is gonna feel like this

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mom: hey are you okay?

me, 3 days into my fast:

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I do that at least five times a day

am i the only one who tries to see what kind of body i would have when i am thin? like i pull the fat of my inner tighs back to see a tighgap. i press my hands into my waist right under my rips to see how small it could be. i suck in my stomach and strech my neck. i hold my double chin back und pull the fat away. i try to make my finger look thinner. i always try to pull the fat away so i cna see my bones. and i have to say:

i have a beautiful bonestructure. just the fat needs to fuck off

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only reblog this if you WILL lose weight. lets see who really has their priorities in order.

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How i feel right now…

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not eating feels so clean

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i’ve made a similar post before but im feeling it again tonight-

sometimes, I feel so invalid in this community.

i don’t like bonespo for myself and meanspo only makes me depressed, not motivated. i started at a higher weight and still am at a much higher weight. i can’t fast, and sometimes a calorie will slip through when i’m counting. i can eat with friends and family, although not like i used to. i don’t want to always be cold as a reminder of how delicate i am. i want to have the energy to take and eventually teach dance classes. if i eat something small, i accept it and make myself do better the next day instead of shaming myself or purging.

but i want to be smaller and i want the cuter clothes and i fear food and can’t stop myself from restricting or working it all off. my life revolves around numbers. sometimes eating the smallest amounts makes me feel sick, physically and mentally.

my eating disorder is valid, even if it is unlike yours.

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the girl who sits next 2 me in English keeps inviting me over to study but we just end up watching movies and she wrote "love u" on my annotation of a poem and she wants to take me to a vegan cafe. how do I ask her if she's gay

anon im going to kill you

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really pissed that i’m not one of the lucky ones who won the genetic lottery and have ended up a skinny and lanky 5′10 model with high cheekbones, amazing bone structure and a symmetrical face

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You know what absolutely boggles my mind? That healthy people exist. Genuinely healthy people. No mental illness, no physical illness, no chronic illness. Just healthy. What a life that must be. 

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“Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”

Me after devouring my kitchen: huh, guess they were right

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Summer ‘19 I’ll be skinny enough to have fun, that’s my promise to myself