smains711

[smains711]

Is someone spreading false rumors about you?

Hi, everyone!  I decided today that I’m going to do something completely crazy and start my own blog!  I know, right?  It’s never occurred to me before to become a blogger, but earlier this week I saw a post in one of the community groups I follow that really triggered something in me, and suddenly all of these thoughts and feelings came up that I really felt needed to be expressed.  After sitting with these thoughts all week, this morning I woke up and had the idea, “Why not just blog about it and get it out there?  Maybe it will help someone.”  And so the inspiration was born.  

What happened this week is someone posted in a Facebook community group soliciting advice on how to handle a situation where someone else was spreading misinformation about her.  She was really upset and feeling a lot of anxiety over this and the fact that this was happening to her.  I perceived she felt misjudged, betrayed, angry, defensive, sad, worried about what others might think, and she wanted to know how she should handle the situation. What should she say to this person? What should she do?

Have you ever been in a situation where someone you knew, possibly even someone very close to you like a best friend or even a family member, had spread misinformation about you?  How did you react?  Did you feel hurt?  Betrayed? Sad?  Angry?  Confused? Misjudged?  What were your first reactive instincts?  Did you want to confront the person and defend yourself?  Or worse, verbally attack them and call them out, maybe even publically.  Or defend yourself to other people who might think worse of you if the misinformation got to them?  If you reacted in any of these three ways, did you feel better or shittier afterward?

When something happens to us that triggers pain in our bodies, regardless of what that trigger is, if we act out while in our triggered state then we risk lashing out at another person angrily or at least in a less than kind and compassionate way.  This accomplishes nothing other than to create more conflict and hard feelings. Some people are so good at holding onto lifetime grudges that entire relationship dynamics can be disrupted and thrown into an endless cycle of chaos.  If we truly want to break this vicious cycle, we need to react in a more emotionally intelligent way.

When I initially read this woman’s post, the first thought I had and the advice I wanted to share with her is this:

You don’t do anything.

You do nothing at all.  Period.

What the other person spreading the misinformation (we will call them Person A) was doing had nothing to do with the woman who posted asking for advice (Person B).  Person A’s behavior was Person A’s own inner shit on full display, which they were gladly putting out there for others to see right through. Person B needed to recognize this.  Person A subconsciously believes they are small, and so they try to make themselves feel bigger (i.e. better than or more superior to) by spreading small stories about or being highly critical of other people.

Person B knows who she is.  She knew what was true about her and what wasn’t.  In her moment of truth, she did not need to defend herself…not to Person A nor to anyone else.  Nor did she need to try to convince Person A of all the reasons why they really should like her!  If Person A doesn’t like her….AWESOME!  

Seriously!  

If Person A couldn’t see and appreciate Person B for the amazing, loving, and kind person she is then Person A needs to GO!  These are exactly the kind of people you do not want in your life. I don’t care who they are or their close proximity to you. 

Are you feeling me yet?

That may sound harsh, and it may even bring up a little bit of fear, “But I’ll lose a friend.”  For some people, it may mean becoming estranged with a family member.  But let me ask you, what would you be losing…really? Wouldn’t you rather surround yourself with people who lift you up and expand you?  Or do you prefer surrounding yourself with people who feel heavy and contract you?  Person B was trying to control someone that she had no control over, when what she needed to do was simply let go and focus on what she could control…herself and her own feelings and thoughts about the situation.

You can’t be a butterfly and still have caterpillar friends.  At some point, you need to fly.  When someone feels heavy to me, that’s my queue that I need to lovingly let them go.  And when you do that, what is the worst that could happen?  You lose what feels heavy and become free, and you open yourself up to new possibilities and attract higher quality people into your life.  Don’t be so busy looking over there at that one person who is being an asshole, while overlooking all the beautiful friends and family who LOVE YOU.  

Are you still feeling me?

Here’s what I want to tell Person B she CAN do:

She can hold a space for Person A where she holds up compassion, love and forgiveness to them.  Compassion is key here with the understanding that people who act out in unloving ways lack self-love, and until they learn to truly love every aspect of themselves unconditionally, how could they possibly ever truly love anyone else? Person B doesn’t need to do or say anything to Person A directly; she can do this from a distance. Just hold that space for them and stay grounded in her truth.  This is the space where she will find peace.  In this space, she stops giving away her power.  In this space, she is living her life as an emotionally intelligent woman.

When we start making this a daily habit, before long our nervous system kind of recalibrates itself until this becomes our normal reaction whenever chaos shows up unexpectedly and tries to disrupt our lives.  Before you know it, you become UN-FUCK-WITH-ABLE.

That’s my new favorite word this month…UNFUCKWITHABLE, where nothing thrown at you bothers you anymore. Nothing anyone says or does can possibly hurt you.  You are at total peace with yourself, and pretty soon, people around you begin to notice how calm you are ALL THE TIME.  And people start to wonder, “How does she do that?  How can I get that?”  

And you just spread your butterfly wings and fly….

Peace and Love to all of you beautiful butterflies!