smallsies

[smallsies]

does anybody know what’s wrong with me

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picturing griddlehark college/otherwise normal aus is so fucking funny. like. you meet this lesbian couple, right. one of them is on a full sports scholarship, she's big, beefy, a little lacking in social skills but obviously happy to try. she swears every other sentence, has a poster of megan fox in transformers in her bedroom like a 13 year old boy. she's got an anime girl phone background. she wears a black choker all the time which does NOT match her otherwise purely sun's-out-guns-out-paired-with-cargo-shorts type wardrobe.

the other one is a full head shorter than her and shaped like a stick, wears exclusively big, shapeless cardigans and skirts that reach her ankles, will not speak to anyone but the beefcake in full sentences if she can avoid it, and visibly has not slept in a week. the one time you convince her to speak, she ends up insulting you in the most unnecessarily graphic and specific terms you have ever heard, gives you a look which singlehandedly curdles every ounce of self-esteem you've ever possessed, and immediately returns her attention to studying.

one day, you finally work up the courage to ask how the fuck they met and why they're dating. they tell you that they both grew up in a small-town christian cult which the stick figure's parents actually led, beat the shit out of each other daily for their entire childhoods, and finally resolved their differences in their late teens and immediately ran away together. the stick figure twitches up a sleeve of her oversize black cardigan to reveal a bracelet made of the beefcake's baby teeth that she personally knocked out of her skull. the beefcake smiles at her like this is the height of romance. the only issue they will acknowledge in their relationship is that when she was little, the stick figure fell madly in love with a painting of the virgin mary and has never quite recovered. they've been married for 3 years. they are 20 years old.

also the beefcake wears the choker because the stick figure said "no" to dog collars in public.

[smallsies]

oh..............thats comfort. thats comfort of my gore character.

[smallsies]

Edison Voicewriter VPD-3 // dictaphone (US, 1953)

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projection

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sainthood.com/have_i_suffered_enough_yet

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I want to talk to people but if I bother anyone they'll kill me. And I'm pretty bad at starting and continuing conversations

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Bro, we are cooked. The knight that dogs the prince's shadow like a dark and silent wraith just knelt to press his forehead to the prince's hand. Yeah, now he's uttering a prayer whose recipient is ostensibly God but in reality is the deified version of the prince that exists only in his mind. Aaand the prince just caressed his cheek to preemptively grant him absolution. I gotta... I gotta get out of here.

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I love the salute emoji. Im your loyal something

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i need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash

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joke i'll never get tired of: "they died doing what they loved, [something no one would ever do on purpose]"

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[talking to people who have only ever been nice to me] they all hate me and wish i was dead

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me @ other people changing pronouns: that's awesome dude. hell yea. don't know what toothself means but that's up to. heh. toothself.

me @ myself changing pronouns: what are you a LIBERAL? stinking liberal…. freaking WEIRDO …. I HATE YOU

[smallsies]

can uou drive me to deer practice

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ive been sure of my curse since i was 11

[smallsies]

you do know there are no actual worms in your brain, right?