smartbears

[smartbears]

SEMI-CONSCIOUS IDIOT

SEMI-CONSCIOUS IDIOT

My home base is the public library got some Starbucks?

Can I get a taste? People walking around me like

Everything is so gay Will and Grace Questions about identity and race, emotional friction feelings unknown like the outer limits of space

My psyche evals span 15 years.  I had no fear of being homeless or heartbroken;

Chilling with R.J. REYNOLDS and yes bitch we’re SMOKING,

Concoctin’ new ways to pay for merchandise with bus tokens.  Everyday I was hoping that I would die, or sprout wings like a bird so I could fly high, away from pain and misery.

Therapist session save the date

Conrad Murray suggested I take this vaccination from Bill Gates.  Wishin’ for a hot plate, Bum encampments go rank and file, my financial institution is a food bank,

THE SYSTEM’S RIGGED

The compassion’s fake,

Treating us like kids,

FOR GOD’S SAKE LOOK AT MY LIFE,

Eating Cheese Wiz at night on public transportation researching new ways to steal bikes.  Don’t judge me either, how could you possibly care, giving me a pair of used Hakeem Olajuwon sneakers.  Is this a dare?

Because of my situation you think I’d just take anything

Use the DSM IV MANUAL to beat you like I was Rick Flair dealing with public servants tap dancing over my dignity Fred Astaire now I’m seeing red

Volunteers of America confiscated my psyche profile and then they fled, at Sleep Number singing love songs to pillow top beds,

Nobody understands me like Family Guy and Meg.  Can smell myself when the wind blows county jail told me that I had to go, attitude funkier than a one hour session of Tae Bo.  Walking through the projects with Proctor taking Gambles is a no-no, extorted me for my hopes and dreams in a suit and tie like Yaphet Koto.

Kaiser Permanente pimped me out like Dirty D’s stank hoes form Pooty Tang.

Whether I take my meds or buy some weed, the results are all the same.  

My mood and mind will alter and change.  I start to believe I can walk on water, panhandling in the rain THE CHURCH OF LATTER DAY SAINTS gave me a tent, ten minutes later, I’m on the corner trying to sell the shit.  YOU KNOW I’M MENTALLY CHALLENGED and semi-compliant,

Going to the movies with so many bags you’d think I was on a camping trip.

[smartbears]

LADMH3

Lonely couldn’t even be with myself

ACTIVITIES ARE ARDUOUS CHORES

Quantum of Solace is ESPN’s Scott Van Pelt,

What’s the score? DEALING WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES I CAN’T IGNORE.

Traumatic childhood beatings with extension cords

Concerned faces in conferences rooms I WANTED TO TALK SOME MORE.

Duplicitous in every action, A DAILY BATTLE AGAINST SIN AND SATISFACTION.

Will it ever end?  Steadily reactin’ to reactions from Kenneth Cole, covering up the pain with Heineken and Max Factor I love the cold

Nights in harmony with trepidation, squattin in studio apartments patiently waitin’ for a Good Samaritan to drop off a blanket.  Entangled in safety nets CO’s sayin “you gonna get naked…” Wanna bet.  I’m misbehaving like Stir of Echoes and Kevin Bacon.  Looking for Crazy Rich Asians or the ABSOLUTE WORST SITUATION, wishing I was never born to master the manipulation of my mother’s scorn, arrived to the DPSS Office in Salvation Army clothes that were previously worn,

Fighting against my maker like Treadstone and Jason Bourne.

Subtle maturation brings forth complications,

Oblivious to women’s gazes in rehab for excessive masturbation.  I’m sad and my heart is racin’, in the EYE OF THE STORM taking advice from a creepy man in a wheelchair named Norm.  At Dollar Tree stealing Lubriderm I’ll be back tomorrow, don’t like to beg or borrow, don’t mind asking politely for something to ease my sorrows.  Trusted Carol-Ann to lead me to the light but she was irresponsible.  Doctor asked what I needed “BETTER MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES PRONTO!”  Red Line at night harassed by philosophical winos, Belvedere and Sprite, being respectful got me into many fights, misunderstandings almost cost me my life,

Pookie’s smoking a crack pipe.  Forget it then.  I finally realized the walls I built to keep others out, actually trapped me in.  Triage at Betty Ford with a warrant for Ronald Reagan who’s unavailable.  Damn, well page Nick Saban

I gotta run some better plays cuz all this indecisiveness about medication is costing me the goddamn game.  THROW BIG PHARMA FROM THE TRAIN for their heavy taxing but miss me with that bullshit about seeing demonic entities decapitating stuffed animals in invisible buildings.  Lost all my feelings and became a weirdo in need of a haircut; Gary Shandling.  Celexa’s playing peak-a-boo.  Soliciting freedom from self pity on clandestine rendezvous.  GET HONEST!

Missed Marilyn’s class and in for a big hurt like Frank Thomas

[smartbears]

progression...

Man, that last run was a bitch.  

Discouraged and ashamed mainly cuz the dope man wouldn’t front me shit.  

I’m broke and outta chips, got tossed from my apartment  

tried to stay with mama but she wasn't having it.  Now I’m on the streets,  

slumming and bumming asking for cash from everybody I meet.  

Hours go by got enough to buy a sack but I’m suffering from bad luck so why even try I’ve had enough of that.  

I’m starting to wonder why I don’t clean up my act-in due time, that’s what my brain says, realizing that my mind is malfunctioning, it really wants me dead and with all this noise in my head I formulated a new song  

I knew the solution all along so I go clean out my storage of all the bongs pipes and ladies’ thongs.  No, there’s nothing wrong...they’re souvenirs like stealing sterling silver trinkets from the home of Mr. Belvedere.  

Then I head to the cross roads, damn, another fork in the road I’m a prince but the only friends I had were Frog and Toad.  

Time to make a decision, so I just go enter the building.  I see a bunch of women with concerned and caring countenances and faces as I sit in the lobby waiting, wondering what kind of place this is.  

I sign some papers and I tell a story, that I know all too well, they thought it was exciting as hell but to me it was boring.  

Cuz I’ve been through it all, sleeping on the train, hunger pains, facing the cops in handcuffs, back up against the wall “Now stand up and get the fuck into the car you're going in; win, lose or draw.  

Judge told me it’s the last straw, sorry going off on a tangent, don’t want to romanticize getting high, I’m tired of being broke.  

I can’t stand spending all my money on coke and wonder why when I tell my folks “I’m gonna stay clean” they laugh as if I’ve told some hilarious joke.  

I've got no cash I tell the lady, she just looked at me crazy and replied “why the hell you think they pay me?  

My job is to get you the help you need, and you can say here rent free with plenty of food it’s just some things that we need from you; things that you have to do.  

3 violations and you are absolutely through.  Out the door you go.  Remember you may end up dead if you experiment more.  You’ll go to groups, clean your room and perform a chore.  Don’t piss or shit on the floor, don’t vandalize the place or rearrange any of the décor.  

I’ll tell you straight this is only a temporary space, don't try to score or you will have to face the man in charge of your case. He’ll torture you like the Tudors saying “What a shame, what an enormous waste!”  

Ok, now you know the rules and please listen to your instructor,remember this is just like school we cool?

Yeah we all good.  Thank you for your help what’s for lunch?  Really!?!  French fries and patty melt surprise, looks like I'm a need a bigger belt and some new clothes I got a chance to take care of myself and who knows what the future will bring, but anyway show me to my room so I can unpack my things...

Whoa, whoa.  What’s going on in here, damn it stinks, there’s a picture of Hitler already I think I need a drink.  

Maybe a strong beer to ease my growing fears, of living with 83 strangers in a close environment; with my attitude this could spell danger, oh shit, I forgot all of my hangers.  

I guess I gotta make do with what I have, foods’ great, bed's straight I guess it isn’t so bad. It beats living on the street engaging in augments with garbage cans, that's sad.  

I'm looking at all the women in the lounge area, ex-alcoholics running around with clipboards screaming and yelling, mass hysteria.  

Hell I like that one but somebody told me be careful she robbed the Valero on PCP with a loaded gun, her idea of fun.  

Mad apprehensive, even before my classes begun.  I try to sit isolated in deep thought; will this spiritual awakening ever come?  

Dealing with white guys who don’t seem to like me just faking it in jail they rep Ghostface and Aryan, racist tattoos on their sleeves embedded with the number 23  

“Be friends with that Negro” please.  

Snapped out of my prejudice thoughts after some Mexican cut the cheese; smelled like hummus with pork and beans.  

I figured I needed better company, some of these cats might've puled a trigger or two, but most of them freezing in the winter til their face turned blue in a busted-up tent a three-day supply of expired food.  Trust me.  

Now they’re acting cool, get a little weight on em’, skin cleared up, not in prison anymore trying to show that they’re tough.  

I’m doing better family’s proud brother sent me 100 bucks said if it got rough just pick up the phone and dial; don’t get stuck on the fact that at 36 this ain’t the spot you thought you’d be at.  

Noncom is fucking wack, everybody in this bitch was on drugs, even the goddamn techs.  

I’m trying to shed bad habits; charging me for a cigarette really, after I just looked out for you, it’s silly.  

I would kick you in the balls but I’d be feeling pretty guilty.  

Some chick said she was in here at the request of her pimp Silky.  

We all rejects, they never thought much of us anyway so keep the clients out of your pockets and articulate what you’re trying to say or you'll get knocked and sent to the Pentagon to meet the Lady in all Black who’s gonna break you off and I ain’t talking about KitKat.  

She’ll ask you what’s wrong, maybe offer you a tic tac and don’t go singing a song cuz if you do collateral damage is real and you'll see the same dudes who gonna make you feel the burn even though you in there trying to learn about yourself and why you continue to do things detrimental to your health, prohibiting wealth got you fiending sneaking into the house on stealth  

without Jamie Foxx.  

Lucas fucked up smacked Maggie on the butt now he’s in the hall with all his stuff in a box but he was confused didn’t internalize what he was taught.  

On the court outside playing ball in between groups them suckas thought I ain’t hoop.  

Tall as hell, plus I can shoot from long distances and if I drive to the paint better stay clear like my piss is.  

Some Full Throttle Saloon looking cat playing the guitar all day fucking weirdo a toothless crooner can’t Parole violate him any sooner?  

Visitation day “wait till you see my old lady” Oh yeah?  Well I saw her and she looks like a dog groomer running around with some country club con man named Boomer drinking Becks and it’s not a rumor so don’t flex we already checked.  

He also records her licking carpet she’s a triple threat her video's in stores now called “Bang Bang”.  

In the streets popularity brings beef, in here it’s still the same.  

3:30 CBT group with a red head facilitator in Foster Grant frames her name Big Jane.  

Muthafuckas not taking it serious think the shit is just a game til they relapse now their under armor saturated with shit stains calling a sponsor from 2 prison terms ago in the pouring rain.  

Hey Karma’s a bitch remember you told on Mitch stealing the doctor’s nonvaccine with all them missing teeth the dentist should have been his best friend and you should be ashamed, now nobody wins.  

You went from using milk crates as recliners to updating your status on Friend Finder.  

Feds keep calling your counselor just a reminder that if you don’t complete the program and run, they're sure to find ya.  

Hey slow down Big Tyma you finally got 30 days clean but it was for stealing soap I know you got the wrong impression of us addicted folks.  

I shine so bright I’ll blind ya,  this is not a joke, came in here sucked up like a California raisin trying to tell me you never touched coke, or crack or speed or meth, you might as well be a politician cuz what you do best is lying by omission.  

You’re an agent for the DEA: DIRTY EATERS OF ASSHOLES:  Tweeker Division.  

You came to the facility just to stay outta the goddamn prison.  How many people did you tell on, just six and still no pension?  

You called the CEO a slut bitch and ended up in detention.  Dinner’s at 5 it’s liver and venison “Go get me some napkins Dee” wait a minute, do I look like Benson.  

If it doesn’t come out in the wash it will come out in the rinse and look where you sit at with your master plan.  

Hopefully I can complete this program don’t want to be on Skid Row smoking crack with a shitty ass sucking dick for another blast, hope there’s no kids in the bitch if so don’t repeat what I said in class.  

I’m working these goddamn steps really fast cuz I wanna save my life at any price.  

A fair chance is what I never had, that's why my Black ass is praying for light sitting in this fucking rehab...goodnight.

[smartbears]

white privilege failure?

Getting everything you wanted with a wink of the eye,  

signaling to your friends using hands feet and fingers  

could have easily attended a prestigious university but didn't-and I wonder why you chose to live a life full of bad business, shady characters and prison sentences.  

Dad owns a yacht and shit.  

Most people can’t even spell yacht but you can and still continue to act ignorant.  

What the hell, do you just enjoy playing stupid? All was well until you blew it; a 2.5 alcohol content in a car that's supposed to be chauffer driven.  

Look at how you be dressin’, unnecessarily stressin’ and then deciding to sell meth in the projects is totally senseless.  

Actin like you come from a place of pain and regret the fact that you're afforded certain opportunities isn’t lost on you while essentially irrelevant.  

You're absolutely not upset about being rich because you conveniently flaunt it every chance you get, preferring to associate with neighborhood convicts when you could be chairman of the board writing checks.  

Go ahead and continue to be the worst at being the best, with your wealth and privileged you digressed although having money makes it easier to manipulate the corrections department.  

When it comes to being different you ty the hardest, while others are bargaining for a clean slate.  Your family bribes Senators from various states while security accompanies you on numerous dates.  

Instead here you are sitting in a jail cell when you could probably fork over the cash to facilitate a stealthy escape.  

You could’ve made bail in two days but decided to stay and wait.  Lawyer recused from the case you thought it was totally great.  

Family don’t know where they went wrong maybe it’s not their fault at all!  Internalizing lyrics from a Tupac Shakur song in prison now buff niggas singing “Let me see that Thong.”  

The choices you’ve made suggest that your brain’s out of whack and needs surgery-Tommy John.  

And if you had accepted your legacy most likely you would've NEVER heard from me, but that’s water under the bridge, you got kids.  I heard your baby mama bitchin because there's no Bud Light in the Fridge, no Lunchable’s either.  

I ought to split your wig for not making sure those little ones are eatin’.  

Plotting on the Liquor store with two NO TALENT ass white boys riding big wheels like a bunch of Heathens.  

Your goals are Facebook posts displaying prison records with a Black Lives Matter bandana holding a semi-automatic.  But you’re white and all the credibility you needed you already had it.  

Fool, you need to stop sleeping or thinking of creeping to Wichita with sunglasses and a straw hat, probably not the best move. I’ll tell you that.  

I believe all that “I killed a guy in prison shit is cap.  That guy only died after your fronted him some bad smack.  

You’ve lost your identity, so you just keep changing costumes like you were Sasha Baron Cohen in Borat. Brought up as a spoiled brat-had access to everything you ever wanted natural habitat was Neiman Marcus.  

Your mom mistakenly ventured into T.J. Max and starting screaming. I ain’t lying either, those are facts.  

Your baby sister looks like Carly Rae Jepsen but she followed in black footsteps and now is living in a box slithering with lesbians.  Dad's a well-known thespian and thinks that his blue-blooded son dating a Negro bottom feeding bitch is horse shit- pseudo-equestrian.  

Sent Joey Greco to do surveillance, family tried to send you to Stanford but you harbored resentments and all you had to do to get in was walk through the fucking entrance.  

No exams for you cuz the dean and your mom used to take turns hitting the bong in grad-school and dad doesn’t have a goddamn clue.  

You’re so rich your pets are gender fluid but I'm upset because you’re apparently stupid not having the capacity to get in the club with your skin-color you’re obviously a royal idiot.  

Here’s a tidbit of information, it could all change if you take it serious.  Now your life’s in the toilet.  

Your credit score is 320.  Your felony conviction record so extensive jobs can’t ignore it, even with your family on the board of directors owning multiple patents.  

Heart to heart talks at City Walk, “son, you’ve gotta get outta town you're a goddamn embarrassment. You've got a lengthy rap sheet, you’re a low life drug addict and this is predominantly some nigga shit. Could’ve at least had the decency of protecting the dignity of our family by engaging in some white-collar embezzlement.  You're really putting a damper on my retirement, now I’ve gotta use my 401K to rebuild your life and possibly get you a job making sandwiches.  I planned on buying your 7-year-old nephew a Honda Hybrid for Christmas you can't talk your way out of this I thought you’d be more ambitious.  You wanna live in South Carolina in a double wider trailer with Meghan Traynor?  You’ve disrespected your heritage.”  

Turned out to be a white privilege failure.  Don't understand how you ended up like this-was it your idea?  I hope not but it probably is.  

You wanna be that boy on the block peddling a few rocks, maybe get chased through a dark alley by a group of corrupt cops.  Only to come back with a story saying they whooped your ass down by the docks.  

Street credibility and clout.  

Your whole objective was to act hard with all the strength you could possibly muster.  Enjoying hopping fences with people darker than you regarding them as brothers.  “You wanna get rich?”  Sure, we all do- Sally Struthers.  

Disrespecting your mother when you began confessing that you were really a nigga undercover.  No wonder your partners call you Tropic Thunder.  

Always sweating the jungle bothers to let you hang out, maybe they want to test you out, see what you really about.  Doing anything to prove your loyalty.  A riot like Laurel and Hardy.  Hard times don’t scare you because you never really cared about anything not even your daughters.  The rabbit hole is deep and ugly.

[smartbears]

doom!

Attaché case juggling stocks handling business.  

Time Cop villain in black Lance Hendricks.  

Duct tape hands to ankles leave no witnesses.  

Orange County serial killer leaving Real Housewives dead on Seely mattresses a new Lifetime thriller.  

Drawing a blank audience is speechless I’m all out of riddles.  

Suspended in motion love potion number 9  

Chanel is fine I need Shark Tank money to get out of a real pickle.  

FTA’d in court again the judge is furious like Don Rickles.  

United Nations troops curfew enforced resistance is futile.  

The war is on Nick Sabin in speedos sounding a Crimson bugle.  

Swedish chef whipping crack inside of Crate and Barrel be very Frugal.  

Tyler Herro type heroics in game three of the Finals.  

Spiderman versus Rhino,  

new movie called Rising Poverty Rates-the Sequel.  

Kimbo Slice heart attacks and steroids from Balco.  

Marble water fountains  

vintage chrome Regals driven by Fabio.  

Ben 10 Alien Force starring Vin Diesel.  

Army personnel flooded the E.R.- General Hospital.  

Howie Long crashed the Toyota sedan, fuck it “Let’s Go!  

Silk Stalking ebb and flow, you at the front of the class but where you plan on heading.  

Black balled screaming “kill em all” with Gary Shandling  

Larry Sanders Home Shopping Network and fee shipping.  

I’m getting nervous smelling my fingertips-Molly Shannon.  

Dropping the ball on contracts-Ed O’Bannon.  

How you pimping and you don’t have anywhere to go.  Caught you slipping strip searching medicine cabinets in the psyche ward with Eide Falco.  

Pink Salmon and Erk and Jerk.  I stuck Wednesday Adams for seven bricks and got caught in a Lurch.  

Commercial breaks hurt.  

Oscar Meyer lunchtime bully named Hondo.  I’m just a Knight Rider loving them white girls- Rajon Rondo.  

Satan flirting in church selling archipelagos to pastor Burke.  

Martinis in Mara Largo and Key West.  Nick at Nite in bikinis watching Father Knows Best.  

Hell-raising with Clive Barker and Skeeter Phalen.  Strip shows at Costco featuring Channing Tatum.  

Stop your pump faking.  Yeah...

[smartbears]

when encountering a satanic cult.

I arranged my things ever so neatly, making sure my accessories were accounted for.  In reasonably good health the staff suggested I see Dr. Kevorkian, “It’s protocol!”  Certain forces want to change my DNA.  “It’s irrelevant,” trust the process while facing Level 13 sized attacks, Kid Rocks’s version of Sweet Home Alabama and androgyny on a global scale.  This boy is impressive.  Met the locals for a good time, which lasted for six consecutive nights and weekends. Yup, nights AND weekends.  Expressing oneself can get a target on your back quicker than Herman Caine at the DNC. Made reasonable progress on the piccolo.  What did that symbol mean?  Can I be a part of this as well?  “You’re not exactly the right, uh...lineage.”  what was told to me.  In the neighborhood preaching loudly from the bus stop passersby cheering and revving their engines.  In the beginning I had so much hope, reliant on dreams and auditory hallucinations.  My plans dashed. Everybody pays.  I should have apologized sooner.  This is your reality on drugs.  Watch out for poisons in the garlic bread.  Always be respectful and polite, you never know when you might need to rely on an undesirable.  What are you all planting in that garden?  Pungent concoctions brewing in a steel pot.  Receiving half eaten food.   Use anti- cavity toothpaste, but wait, where’s my toothbrush?  Pants got stolen when I went to the store.  Daily chores require me to be engaging, robust and viably ignorant.  Parking meter destruction solace in the fact that I’m merely passing through.  People around me have got problems that I don’t care to address.  Field trips with Anton Levy to the grocery store for herbs and spices.   Thomas Aquino style tactics right before lights out.  Six hours until double scrub.  Being watched at night by a homeless fat couple in a stationary sedan.  They’re gonna tell on me first thing in the morning.   “I really want to get you on that boat.”  I bet you. If you succeed, you’ll be the star of the team.  Camping excursions in the forest I’d be wise not to attend.  Organized crime being gleefully encouraged.  Sometimes it pains me to wake up in the morning.  What do you mean I can’t leave the facility? Everybody on the goddamn floor when Paul is doing his rituals.  Said they’re in the business of saving people from themselves; I don’t buy it.  NBA Finals on 3 days in a row.  Can I see the remote?  Jackie is married to the enemy. When I asked her if I was safe here, she told me yes.  Olympic caliber liars.  Offering me weed that expires two days after I get it; then scold me as soon as I smoke it.  Accuser of the brethren.  Scriptures hidden in my sock, emergency morals in a tote box, everybody wants to be my friend.  “How tall are you?,” that’s none of your business.  People frowning when I light a cigarette.  Townsfolk sabotaging the children’s toy section.  They pissed all over my work.  “You are losing so much weight you must be working out.”  Don’t ever talk to me again.  Overzealous recruits shaming special interest groups.  James Bond style villains plotting my death on six continents.  Birthday card read dead, on drugs or in prison, good luck. What about all of the prayers I’ve said?  Impeccable indictments on clutter free coffee tables staff promised to help me later.  White girl lured me around the back of DD’s Discounts.  This isn’t working out.  I’m scared is there a church around?  Bad Boys 2 is on again it makes me sad.  Did somebody unknowingly renounce my vows?  What the hell; I don’t get it; just lies and double speak.  Last paycheck came I still couldn’t escape.  My fate was posted on Next Door.com order a snack using Post Mates with a stolen credit card.  A mound of regrets is all I've eaten in days.  Make sure your parables are gender fluid and when encountering a Satanic Cult, it’s always better to err on the side of caution.

[smartbears]

TEA PARTY

Cast iron pots and chicken wires the last Mohican.  

Have nots, crack head attire, ungrateful heathens.  

Torch the movie theater with a pack of Winstons and generic ether.  

Nick Saban recruiting players in the 70s from Club Fever.  

Setting mouse traps with Tofu  

Your sponsor says the program works if you work it; you say you believe it, but I don’t think you do.  

Porch bandits steal packages straight from Amazon  

Drinking 211 in Atlanta with Ms. Saigon.  

Peach vodka and tonic dinners with Ringo Starr.  

Overweight women are funny as hell-Rosanne Bar.  

Complaining about the drink menus at McDonalds with other alcoholics.  

Dropped my bag of coke at a pub in England...Bolick's!  

Guns and ammo conventions in the city projects  

Just got jacked by some prostitutes for my king-sized mattress.  

Bionic arms playing Mortal Kombat with peeping Toms.  

Burned the soufflé with Racheal Ray, there goes the smoke alarms.  

What are you doing? Keep using Sherm and you’ll continue losing  

Some shit just shouldn’t be done by mortal humans  

Popping Xans with Kris Katan and Gabrielle Union.  

Can’t continue to sell drugs without the proper schooling

Absent minded barbers lead to forgotten Clippers Keyon Dooling.  

Hewitt Packard pawn shop employees oblivious,  

You won’t take me serious until the plot thickens and Christians become really suspicious.  

Good riddance to bottom bunk profiles, comb and razor haircuts from an inmate named Styles,  

The true meaning of a prison sentence.  Park bench panhandler with a pension a new career  

Yard sales at Chippendales a straight man’s fear.  

Having a beer with Toni Morrison discussing the negative implications behind legalizing abortions  

Nostalgic like Johnny Depp in Blow, door burst open informants storming.  

Creepy neighbor peering out his window for children every morning

If I out Meghan Thee Stallion as transgender and It's true, will I die a mysterious death like Joan Rivers?  

Get a clue.  I can’t face it.  Loads of money contingent on multiple rapes and sexual debasement.  

I would never make it. Being rich and famous is a good way for me to begin hallucinating  

Running around Crate and Barrel screaming with merchandise breaking.  

There will be no sequel; If you want the truth about these stars prepare for war CP3O.

[smartbears]

GAP

Dedicated, compassionate and caring are all traits that embody the character of Maureen Clark.  Her professionalism and attention to company goals is a testament to the overall performance of her store.  Goals have been met or exceeded, revenue driven and increased, employee performance improved and store morale boosted, which is why Gap Inc. (so we thought) hired and promoted Maureen Clark to the position she so rightfully holds now.

Yet this position of General Manager that has been earned by this individual of immense talent is actually being stripped away from her, unjustly it seems, by the company that she has dedicated herself to for the past ten years.  Store 1316 has been slated to move to a newer, more upscale venue at the Avalon; which was supposed to be viewed as a privilege and an opportunity.   However, in light of recent events, it appears to be more of a burden, insult and personal attack on Maureen Clark, her character and her Gap Inc. family at store.  From a professional standpoint, the move can be understood.  We as a venue have simply outgrown our consumer base in the area.  Being positioned here for 20 years, Gap Inc. store 1316 has helped many families celebrate key milestones in their day to day lives.  Whether it be back to school, off to college, graduation, promotions, job interviews, religious functions, play dates, vacations, recitals, proms or formals, Gap Inc. store 1316 has been there for support, encouragement and most of all, style. From Baby and Kids, to Adult, we have been at the forefront of family life in the area since first opening here in Alpharetta in 1993. However, most of our initial consumer base that we inherited 20 years ago has grown older now and families have grown smaller because children grow bigger and move on to start families of their own.  We have served this community well, and like all businesses aspire to do, are moving on to bigger and better endeavors.  Being a part of that family atmosphere; watching little children grow up and outgrow clothing purchased from our location only the previous year, or watching teenagers and adults change preferences as fast as trends in fashion change these families have grown accustomed to seeing a certain type of associate at the location they love to shop at.  They are accustomed to interacting with people exhibiting professionalism at a level that is second to none.  They are accustomed to seeing Maureen Clark, who, for the past five years, has been responsible for both.  

However, while employees have served dutifully, the community and the company, it could be questioned whether or not that same service is being shown toward them, particularly Maureen Clark, who has been left to flounder about in the ranks of the unemployed.   This is a travesty and an outrage because Maureen Clark is too goddamn talented and valuable to Gap Inc. to be treated in this manner.  Still being true to her obligations from a career and company standpoint, she has been the epitome of resiliency and courage.  Maureen Clark has to be strong for the team that she leads because she is a leader.  She is the leader of Gap Inc. store 1316.  Many employees are also feeling the pain of loss and she has been working steadily to find homes in other stores for all employees that want them.  It is a despicable discovery that Gap Inc.  isn’t doing the same for her.  A beacon of light in a stormy sea of uncertainty, Maureen Clark is still enforcing company SOP and is not taking it easy on the job.  Actually, she is working as if she will still have that job as of December 26, 2013 and for that she should be given a standing ovation.  There have been people who have done less for Gap Inc. and have gotten more.  Standards are still expected to be upheld and she still requires the best customer service possible out of her associates regardless if the CES doesn’t apply to the store any more.

It looks as if Maureen Clark and many in her store 1316 family will be unemployed.  So far, her only consolation is a severance package of five weeks, which is a far cry from the ten years of service that she has given to the company.   Maureen Clark’s new store, at the Avalon, (it should be hers without contest) isn’t slated to open until October of 2014, which is a full ten months away.  She should not have to rely on unemployment, even at a max rate, which would maybe equal $16,000 to sustain a life that she has worked hard to earn for herself and family.  To make matters even worse, as a grand opening, the Gap at Avalon would require an application process that would include internal and external candidates which could be viewed as unethical and insensitive considering the sequence of events leading up to the demise of store 1316; which are suspicious at best.  For the past ten years, Gap Inc. has been Maureen Clarks’ company and she has literally worked from the ground up to achieve her position.  Whether a new General Manager is selected from another location or selected from a pool of non-traditional (external) candidates that position of General Manager would still have to be replaced.  (Why in the world is Maureen Clark being replaced?)  That means costly training hours will be needed if the new location is expected to run at a fraction of the efficiency store 1316 operated at while the experience factor will simply not be met.  External candidates will have to adjust to the glamour and speed of the brand while internal candidates will have to regain the trust of a consumer base that has been loyal to that area (Avalon and North Point Mall are not that far apart in distance) for years.   Honestly, this scheme is not very conducive to the business and seems extremely counterproductive.   Maureen Clark is, has been and always will be asked for by name by consumers who have grown to know her.  This was only possible because Maureen Clark has taken the effort to grow and know them.  It is important to familiarize oneself with the consumer you are selling to and that my friends, cannot be taught!  Maureen Clark has spearheaded revenue growth for a Fortune 500 Company in an upscale market and to simply dispose and replace her (that is exactly what is happening) shouldn’t be a part of any successful business’ module which brings into question rather Gap Inc. wants continued success in the Alpharetta market and why Maureen Clark hasn’t been granted immunity as the “Survivor” that she is?  She has operated humbly yet professionally as a castaway, but now she is being unfairly castoff.  

Is it because she is a woman?  That doesn’t seem to be a pattern that fits the mold here, considering that Gap Inc. was cofounded by one; and they employ several women in top rated positions throughout the company.  Employees were told that a leasing agreement with the mall couldn’t be settled upon and with that, the location would be closed early.  That is simply not good enough for Maureen Clark considering the total years of tenure of all employees combined at Gap Inc. store 1316.  You are talking about decades of service folks, not just years.  Gap Inc. should have been well aware of the implications those leasing negotiations would have on employee tenure, quality of life, and emotional security.  Employee placement and retention should have been a key component of those talks.  It doesn’t appear that it was, which would make somebody wonder exactly how much effort Gap Inc. put into keeping the store at North Point Mall open closer to the time the Avalon would open.  This situation resembles more of a closing, which it shouldn’t, than a relocation, which it actually is.  This situation also sends the wrong message to our loyal consumers who diligently frequent our location.  Many believed that the store is going out of business, and that their hard earned dollars didn’t amount to much for Gap Inc.’s bottom line, which is definitely not the case as store 1316 have been  consistently in the top two  for sales in the district.  That credit should go directly to Maureen Clark and her phenomenal ability to incorporate different personnel into the company’s departments; training and encouraging them so that they mesh well as a team to achieve company objectives as a store.  Perception is reality and there is a perception by the employees, the consumers and Maureen Clark that Gap Inc. knowingly botched leasing talks with GGP (General Growth Properties) knowing full well that Maureen Clark and other employees would simply be discarded as collateral damage.  The store should have been spared for the sake of Maureen Clark’s efforts alone and was not, which now lead to further inquiries of discrimination, retaliation or worse.  This seems to be a personal attack on Maureen Clark’s character which has been none other than valiant for the last ten years and in spite of this discrepancy.

Maureen Clark should be retained at all costs with Gap Inc. and allowed to keep her position and pay regardless of what capacity she’s working in.  It is only good business practice.  It’s the only right thing to do.  Maureen Clark shouldn’t have to suffer for anyone’s insecurities nor should she be placed in a position to cater to them.  A position should be found for her on one of Gap Inc.’s many sales floors in the Atlanta area without question, and if not, the only question that will be presented will be whether or not Maureen Clark has been a victim of discrimination, retaliation, or perhaps, both.

D. Francis Williams

[smartbears]

DIS-ease

This thing has mastered me, drunken reeling down the street.  

Belligerent at my children’s luncheon, stumbling uncertain steps and misguided feet.  

Insanity had me on the brink of utter disaster-the martinis making me weak  

Disease is progressing faster and faster.  

Family suggested that I take a seat.  

Head’s spinning like a bottled genie released wishing I could still my troubled spirit and think.  

I feel constitutionally incapable; to my wife I brought shame and scandal due to a wild night ending with a vague recollection of a holding cell.  

My co-defendant Jack Daniels.  My self-respect...Oh well.  

Constantly embedded in impossible situations; in my head there’s a stir of Echoes-Kevin Bacon.  

Surender to win, I don’t completely understand what you’re really saying.  

Last time I did something similar I was found bloody and beaten by my dog in the neighbor’s basement.  

I’ve just resigned to being alone in my misery, resentment the number one offender but what about the people with a penchant for offending me at the office waiting for the dentist?  

You’ve gotta be kidding.  

I don’t want to talk about how my best thinking invariably leading me back to the bar for more adventures in controlled drinking.

Recently drunk while babysitting, which proved to be a nice Segway into my career sinking.  

Escorted from the outlet mall drunk as hell sweating profusely and reeking of alcohol.  

So broke I couldn’t pay attention, so incompetent I couldn’t make a phone call to my lawyer; Jim Rosenthal, my date left me at dinner,  

while I made my ninth appearance in the bathroom stall for seven to eight minutes.  

Walking around dejected, curse you Dr. Bob and Bill Wilson doctrines playing in my head like a broken record.  

Maybe I need to take a different perspective, hell, nobody’s forcing me, and since they’re really only suggestions., I may be able to once and for all renew my perception.  

Ready to kick the bottle like Taebo.  Wait, attend treatment?  I don’t think so.  

I’d rather stay at home inebriated watching re-runs of Charmed or Deuce Bigalow.  I got it!  

I’ll move to Europe and become a full-time Gigolo.  

Liquor Store on high alert as I peruse the selections, camcorder fully functional, documenting the first stages of my third transgression.  

Judge finalized the court order in the second session announced my fate and slammed the gavel.  

Psychiatrist prescribed Paxil.  I made a decision alright; to fly away like the man of steel-Henry Cavil.  

My disease is vying for Last Blood-Rambo.  Alcoholism is in the genes... cunning, baffling, powerful!!!

[smartbears]

YOU NEED TO KNOW...

Meet Katie Mulligan, ventriloquist for hire.  She’s a savvy investor and doesn’t even watch Shark Tank; She has loads of confidence and loans it out to her friends in exchange for Koala Yummies.  She intimidates men while in the lady's room.  Her make-up team consists of Picaso, Gianni Versace and that guy from RuPaul's Drag Race. She teamed up with Bob Ross to paint her living room.  Katie turned down the lead for the Bachelorette. She’s a trained method actress and can jump into character at an alarming rate.  People look at Katie and say “Goddamn she’s incredible.”  Katie will never wear her pajamas to Wal-Mart or return an item she’d originally bought on sale. Her dentist makes appointments with her. Katie got banned last year from the Farmers Only.com dating site. She hates the Dallas Cowboys and the New York Yankees. Her phone ringtone is Baby Shark.  She drives a Subaru and imagines taking a trip to the African Safari to romp with the elephants.  She’s so good at her job she could do it without her lips.  Katie’s sort of famous, one time winning a talent show sponsored by Circuit City.  People know her name.  More charming than Anne Hathaway, smelling like lavender and limousines, Katie Mulligan can't’ be stopped, like the Ghetto Boys.  She volunteers at the animal shelter twice a month and she’s absolutely fed up with people who put things on the year like “Man fuck that shit its’ 2003.”  She vaguely remembers beating up her last boyfriend on the set of Cheaters. She led the search party for Joey Grecco.  Time is money to Katie and she'll only waste it for love, positive experiences and Cinnabon.  Katie Mulligan believes that her next-door neighbor stole her invitation to be on the Price is Right.

[smartbears]

HEAT

I know I ain’t scared, threw a Molotov cocktail into the police station,  

lit a cigarette before I fled.  Standing off in the distance  

seeing the chaos and distressed countenances of detectives.  

I was glad cuz they violated my civil rights by intentionally placing me under surveillance.  

I’ve got a lot of pride but have never been prejudiced.  

Can you see the pain and remorse in my eyes?  And I never cry

I’m too busy taking things way too serious.  I seldom laugh in public, but when I do people  

think I’m delirious.  I know it’s important for you to keep up your many appearances.  

The informant was across the street posing as a eunuch wrapped in a pissy sheet holding a moldy tuna sandwich  

wearing pair of busted up ass Adidas- but could still captivate audiences like Kelly and Regis.  

However, most bums don’t smell like they shower every week,  

not to mention the fact that he blew his cover, soon as heard him speak...

about eternal damnation.  The vast majority of people don’t articulate, have inflection  

or know much about verb conjugation.  I went to college and know that proper grammar  

takes time and patience.  Cocaine habits and big booty bitches on drugs

landed me in interrogation because my appetite was insatiable for sex and excessive perspiration.  

Under duress from the Devil's rejects and  

questionable regrets of suspected jubilation.  Downloading torrents  

until I realized that assisted suicide was enough to substantiate a criminal warrant.  

So, I priced an international trip to Florence.  But was ratted out on a tip by Bones and David Boreanaz.  

Got hit with seven years Federal cuz my high-powered attorney was of little importance.

[smartbears]

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

Can’t we all just get along?  These infamous words spoken from the mouth of Reginald Dennehey gripped the hearts of whites who didn’t really give a damn about him.  They simply wrote Mr. D off as a martyr who gave new meaning to the term “taking one for the team.” Honestly, at that point in history, many whites almost felt guilty for their indifference to Jim Crow, Jerry Curls and the Underground Railroad; while Blacks marched around in T-shirts with a picture of the Isley Brothers holding cans of Old English Malt Liquor reading “Kill Whitey for Equality!”

The 90s were full of racial tensions that ran hotter than Michael Jackson’s head when it caught on fire during that Pepsi commercial.  Blacks and whites did intermingle during that decade; however, it became increasingly taboo.  Black kids were afraid to showcase their intellect in a classroom full of their peers for fear of “acting white.”  Whites were forbidden to wear Cross Colors or buy collard greens from the market and those that violated those orders were captured, taken into room 101 and forced to watch episodes of the Donna Reed Show while listening to Van Halen at a high volume, which didn’t go over so well.  Many detainees died.  Movies like Jungle Fever, Soul man and Whoopi Goldberg: An Act of Courage furthered the taboo that was interracial dating and cohabitation.  I’m not saying that it was unacceptable, it was just uncommon yet provided excellent dinner party fodder if you were aiming to make Peter and Kanesha uncomfortable for the evening.

Fast forward to 2021 and depending on which area of the US you’re in, it seems illegal to be Black or White.  Just seven years ago, Wilcox County High School in Georgia finally desegregated its prom.  School officials denied this was a progressive move adding that they just wanted the white students to have an equal opportunity at learning how to dance.  The KKK has given their sheets and hoods back to the Salvation Army in favor of judicial robes, shoes and suits.  The NAACP – Never Actually Advocating for Colored People- is still never actually advocating for colored people.   Awesome show great job guys!  The point I'm trying to make is that decades later, interracial dating and marriage is still more taboo than being gay or same sex marriage.  Racism is still present daily it’s just able to hide more efficiently in the era of political correctness.  Groups like Black Lives Matter are only creating a larger divide among blacks and whites, harming society more than ever.  Shows such as Black (ish) try to portray Blacks in a more positive light but seriously, Anthony Anderson seems more like Dick Van Dyke than Cliff Huxtable (The good wholesome Cliff, not the roofie concealing sexual deviant that we’ve come to loath). Blacks and Whites still seem to tip –toe around the issue of race and many are totally apprehensive about meaningful interactions in public; especially in the San Fernando Valley of California, which seems to operate like a level 4 prison yard at San Quentin.  There seems to be a stigma attached here that has been embedded in the psyche of society for a long time.  The South may fair better at Black and White relations because they are trying to shed their overall image of being a bunch of red-neck Confederate Civil War losing Honey Boo-Boo prostituting Duck Dynasty endorsing, forest preserve lynching Red Stagg drinking Kid Rock loving anarchists.  All for the love of your tourist dollars of course; yet they've still got their work cut out for them.  However, in the San Fernando Valley, people still seem to be irritated with Ebony and Ivory having intercourse.  

In the mall the other day, a White woman was in the same store as me and was glancing over like she was conspiring to make contact with a Black man in a public setting.  She walked by and whispered “Hi” like she didn’t want anybody to know she spoke.  I couldn’t tell if she wanted proposition me for a threesome with her husband or ask for my indentured servant papers.   Being Black in America has a totally different connotation than before.  Now, alliances must be formed, lines must be drawn and Kool Aid must be made.  Without love we’ll never make it to the promised land, where Blacks and Whites reproduce tiny little tan babies who will grow up to take the SATs only to identify as “other”, because terms like Mulato, mutt, Oreo and hybrid probably won't make the cut.  So, listen up.  All you Darkies with your dark problems engaging in dark tactics on dark streets wearing dark apparel.  And you too Whitey; rolling around in your white cars, washing up with white soap in your white society engaging in your white ways eating white chocolate.  Racism is a tool of division; keeping us fighting amongst ourselves so we are too distracted to fight the one true enemy of us all...