smartbychance

[smartbychance]

A fat girl’s story

I remember always being the "Healthy" child of my class. When I look back at the photos from my school days, I can see the obvious difference in my height & width and that of the other girls of my class. For quite some time, my fat didn’t worry my mom and she supported me & taught me to say "tere baap ke paison ka nahi khati hoo" to all those who teased me in the school. But soon enough mom had to withdraw her support, because this girl had eaten too much from her baap ka paisa!

Things got so bad that when I was in 12th Std, I got a warning from my dad. Now those who know my dad will understand the gravity of the situation for him to say anything. Anyways, the warning was- either lose weight or forget wearing jeans. Now considering the fact that I wasn't fitting in those jeans anyways- the latter was obviously easier. Basically the whole thing was yet another failed attempt from my parents to make me lose weight.

When I went to hostel, my parents got hopeful that at least now they would see a thinner me. But to their disappointment I remained the same. It just didn't matter how bad the hostel food was or how many times I fell sick, my loyal fat didn't leave me. Then something happened that motivated me enough to fight all these years’ ka fat and loose straight 14kgs.

I bought these cute pair of capri pants from fashion-street. The shopkeeper said they were free size pants & would definitely fit me. However, all I could fit were 3/4th of my legs in those 3/4th pants; I just could not pull them any higher. As if that was not enough, my roommate wore them in front of me, over her clothes & they were so loose for her that they just dropped down!!! I don't know what hurt me more- that I just could not wear those pants & had to exchange them for a boring loose shirt next day or that they were dropping off my roommate's waist. Whatever it was, it triggered my first major fight against fat. I hardly ate, walked miles, exercised; most of all I cut down on my lifeline- chocolates.

And it paid off, I was no longer fat, golu- molu, motu but rather what the world calls as slim. I was wearing Size M rather than L or XL. I looked good & I felt good. I felt a lot more confident about myself & experimental about my clothes.

And then came relationship, break off, heartbreak & soon enough weight. Yes, it was back. After all, you cannot survive on 1 meal a day for your whole life. The heartbreak was bad & what better solace than food.

This time the old tricks did not work, the walking & exercise were there but somehow they did not help. Why, I even joined a scientific weight-loss program where they applied various packs & gadgets to my body and monitored every morsel I ate. But all I lost was 1kg & Rs.15k in 2months.

We know the world is a mean place to live in- but it is meaner for the fat people. There were heart stabbing jibes like- "it’s ok eat, in the ocean of weight that you are, few drops won't matter" "don't you think the car is tilted on your side" “if you move anymore, meri Innova  palat jayegi”. I got a nick name- Moti. Oh how I hate that word!! "Aye moti- kya kar rahi hai", "oye moti sun", "moti kya kha rahi hai".

With every jibe I got more desperate to lose weight & with every failed attempt I got more depressed and consoled myself with yet another chocolate. I remember after one such jibe in office, I had tears in my eyes. I looked at my friend & said- "I'm trying to lose weight, I really am- but it's not happening. I don't know what to do".

Then came Guru maiya- Bipasha Basu to my rescue. My friend suggested her exercise DVDs. They were excellent- could be done at home, took half an hour & soon enough gave results. The moon waned again. The sarcasms got replaced by compliments. I felt good again. But as Ramdhari Singh Dinkar has said in his poem- Krishna ki chetavani- "Soubhagya na sub din sohta hai, dekhein aage kya hota hai"… time changed again.

This time it was job. Nothing was going right; my salary & boss were competing at being more painful than the other, there was no job satisfaction & to top it all the performance reviews only shattered my confidence further. You can't control your job, your boss, or the fact that you are not getting a new job, but you can control what you eat. Glorious food was back to my rescue and so was my weight.

Now here is a thing about being fat- we put on weight, we don't lose our eye sight. We can see that we are fat, flabby, heavy, layered. The old clothes don’t fit & buying new ones is yet another challenge with the shop attendant asking you madam XL dikhaun ya XXL? We are constantly adjusting our t-shirt or kurta to hide that flab. We struggle every day to step out of bed, dress up & face the world in our ugly size. We really don't need your "tu bohot moti ho gayi hai" reminders, we really don’t!

And you know what, I'm right now the heaviest I've ever being in my life, but I also have realized that my weight has been bothering the world more than me. I recently saw my pics which were taken almost 10 years back. I guess that was the thinnest I’ve ever been- yet I remember not being really happy with myself. I remember finding myself fat, my thighs thunderous, my tummy bulging. When I was doing Guru maiya workouts I found myself more of muscular rather than thin n delicate as girls are supposed to be.

I’ve realized that I’ve never had the “Perfect Body”. That this perfect body has got more to do with what the world thinks about me and if I meet the standards set for perfect height, weight, boobs, butts, waist, thighs etc. And am so done with that! Done with all the sarcastic jibes, chasing the perfect size, being constantly unhappy with how I look, being envious of all the thin girls and most of all am done with feeling ugly all the time.

So here on, I’ll eat what I want, be it mangoes, ice creams, paneer kofta with garlic naan, coconut chuttney with hot crispy medu-vada. I’m no longer going to fret about the calories but going to enjoy the food I eat. I’ll exercise, not to lose weight but to stay healthy, to stay fit. I’ll challenge myself with different workouts only to know to my strength and not to fit in those skinny jeans. I don’t care if I get muscular and my biceps are more than Sunny Paji (yes have heard that as well!) I’m going to love myself for being what I’m- The Fat Girl!!      

[smartbychance]

Living the “What If” life...

I recently got an email from Tumblr saying “life as I goof it” turns 2! OK that was quick, I didn’t realize at all when these 2 years just zipped by. But what I do realize now from the email is that, in the last one year I have not posted a single blog. So here I’m, writing again & it’s straight from my heart… again (With the bottled up emotions of 1 whole year)

    Today when I sit down to write or rather type, I look back at my first post and realize how suddenly the time stops and I remain at the same point of confusion in my life that I was at back then. I recently switched my job (yes again & this time I switched the company as well!). During my farewell our CFO who was also our Function Head was sharing his thoughts about me. Though our interactions were limited to mostly the tiny presentations I gave at our department’s monthly meetings, he said quite a few lovely things about me. But what struck me the most was when he said “Kriti has everything in her to be successful in life; provided she realizes what she wants to do in her life”. Ohkay! So even he knows and Oh! the agony of not knowing what I DO want to do in my life…

     Earlier this month I went to one of my old time saloon girl for the monthly attempt to look civilized. I was meeting her after a year & she told me how this last 1 year has been really difficult for her. Her attempt of setting up a new beauty parlour broke her down financially, mentally & physically. She suffered losses at every front. She said- “madam my parlour was about to shut down. I had no money to pay for the loans I had taken or to run the business any further. I felt like dying”. She is a single mother who has sent her son to Kolkata at her mom’s place for education & care. She didn’t have money to send for her son’s monthly expenses as well.

     She said she felt like giving up but didn’t know what else to do. Her parlour job is all that she knows and she is good at. She loves it so much that she wants to do it all her life & wants to die doing it- though I feel the last bit will be a lil freaky for the customer!!! Anyways, so she continued her struggle to sustain her business & gradually the help poured in. Now after all the pain & hardship & a debt of almost Rs 20lacs, things have started stabilizing for her.

     After listening to her story I told her to hold on & not to give up on her dreams. Sometimes you need to hit the rock bottom to come up & succeed in life. That she was lucky to know her life’s calling and with that she had won half the battle. I guess the struggle of your path can be managed better when your ultimate goal is clear. I mean think of those who struggle everyday to help fulfill someone else’s dream!      

     But I know I’m not alone. That there are many like me who are struggling to understand what their heart wants. Some even though know it, are scared to pursue it. The fear of failure, the fear of losing a steady source of income – however torturous it maybe, the fear of taking a professional hit in the otherwise going well career, the fear of being mocked at by their loved ones or the society, the fear of “what if I give up my job for my dream & later on realize that it’s not what I want- what would happen then” is holding them back. That many sit dreaming that one day when they have earned sufficient money they will quit their jobs & do what they have always dreamt of doing…

     The passionate dreamer in me tells me that life is scaring-ly uncertain to sit and wait and worry. It tells me to shed my fears & do what I want to do- do everything that I want to do in my life. And the quotes like “everybody dies but not everybody lives”, ‘you only live once” & “live as if you are going to die tomorrow” further adds fuel to this fire. However the realistic side of me and my bank balance remind me how money is more vital to survive and so just shut-up & go to office. Still I can’t help but wonder, wouldn’t it be nice to earn and live rather than to earn, waiting to live…Happy B’day Life As I Goof It!

[smartbychance]

To Ketaki, with love...

There are lots of blogs & cartoons & videos online about sibling love; talking about how it’s a special bond & a cherished relationship etc etc. Even Baz Luhrmann in his song sunscreen says “Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past & the people most likely to stick with you in the future”. So when the whole world is expressing their love for their siblings, here I’m adding into that list on my precious’s b’day. Happy B’day Ketaki…

Your kid sis/bro will always be your first child. You’ve been with them since the day they were born. Looking after them comes naturally to you- even if they hate it! Mom still makes fun of my – “mumma maine Ketaki ki chiti se jaan bachai” n all other brave attempts to protect my chotu when she was only an infant and I the nayi-nayi badi didi. I still argue with Ketaki about what she should eat n what not n how she should take care of her health.

Having said that, you will always be there to give the younger ones some glorious gyan; even if they don’t want it. “Mujhe pata hai,tumse badi hoo main” being the closing statement. Ek baar Brahma galat ho sakte hai, but you as the elder one- nope-no chance!

It doesn’t matter how bad your fight with them was, you know you have them with you when it comes to fighting either the whole world or simply your mom! Actually that might be the time when you forget your differences n come together for a higher purpose in life.

You might have a bff, a confidant, a soul sister but nobody better than your own sister to share secrets. Right since kiddihood she has been your partner in crime… from ”mom dad ke bahar jaane ke baad we’ll watch TV- woh aayein toh batana mat” & “let’s have some ice cream kept in the fridge, mom ko batana mat” to “I met that cute guy I told you about, kisiko batana mat”; she has always been your secret keeper.

Time for soul talk? Look for your sis-One of the best ranges of conversation is the one that I & Ketaki have had. From the irritation of PMS to the pain of periods; from the trass of dealing with your boyfriend or the whole purush prajaati for that matter to the damn pimples & weight dimples; from where is my career going to where the hell am I going; from your painful boss to the bitchy colleagues; from that wonderful movie to that awesome restaurant & its super awesome food; from having faith in God & religion to believing in mankind & humanity.  We have covered everything under the sun during our mini soulful conversations.

A day in office- My friend- “Hey Kriti, nice kurta”

                           Me- “Thanks Ketaki ka hai”.

                          My friend- “thought as much” (me confused- now what does she mean by that?!?!)  

I remember as a kid I wanted a brother as i didn’t want to share my collection of hair clips. We did have our sharing issues till mom decided to buy 2 of everything n prevent the wars at home. Her attempt to divide a chocolate between both of us would fail every time as she would be blamed for giving the bigger piece to the other one- by both of us. For a long time it seemed that except our genes & parents we won’t share anything. Damn even dad was divided in two sides with me having his left side n Ketaki the right side. It took us years of companionship n also turning the same size, for us to learn to share. Now even though few things like mobile phone passwords etc are still confidential a load of other stuff like clothes, accessories, shoes, chocolates, books, makeup are shared aaram se. On the contrary it’s easier now as we don’t have to buy the same thing twice.

Your lil sis is your own lil precious doll. I remember as kids I would dress up Ketaki in various outfits n click her pics. Sometimes she was gaon ki gori at others daku Mangal Singh or a Rajasthani doll. She would act as the buyer when I would set up my shop; or better, caught other buyers at home for our shop. When we played ghar-ghar, she helped me build the ghar on our bed by hanging the bed-sheets to make the walls. I guess that used to be the only time we would not fight. And yes I still love decorating my doll by occasionally doing her nail-art or attempting a new hair styles for her (now only that’s allowed).

You have learnt your responsibilities with them or “coz” of them. It started with your mom looking at a child you n saying “agar tum aise karogi toh what will Keatki learn”? Now Ketaki might grow up learning nothing from me & doing anything she wants anyways; but the child me starts trying to be a good influence on her. The moral influence is not your only worry. Khud ki Math could be completely Rub bharose or Math teacher ki daya ke bharose but you will work hard to teach her Math sums correctly. Her studies n her exams are as much of your responsibility as of her own. Anything in her habits/ lifestyle that you feel needs to be changed can be done only when you have it right. So watch what you doing, even if your kid sis/bro is not.

Want to know what’s new in the market-check with your kid sis/bro. They are updated with the latest knowledge of everything. With Ketaki I’m updated about the new books n movies, latest kajals n lip gloss-the only cosmetics we both love, new apps or software, the new slangs or abbreviations. “ROFL didi- rolls on the floor laughing-gosh itna bhi nahi pata”. You can even get the comparative analysis of a product of your interest from her n her friends; her friends being more than happy to share their knowledge with you. Oh btw you are never just her didi- you will always be didi of other cute lil sisters, she calls friends.

My bada wala chotu- it’s not very uncommon for people to tell me Ketaki looks more mature than you do. Who jyada shant aur gambheer lagati hai. Now even though I know the devil Ketaki is; it still feels good to hear that. When your chotu sits listening to your problems n gives you excellent suggestions or solutions, when your chotu tries to protect you from others coz she knows you trust people easily, when you are feeling low n your chotu cheers you up, when your chotu shares yours responsibilities it feels great to have your bada wala chotu by your side.

The one you trouble the most & pamper the most- I confess I do this- I purposely irritate Ketaki, trouble her when she is talking on the phone, call her by her nick name in a crowded mall, pull her cheeks, tickle on her tummy, do dadagiri n not feel guilty at all about any of these. But I also pamper her most; pick up things for her I know she would like, the nail-art kit, Ben 10 or skull stuff, once I had even tried to get Harry Potter poster for her from the movie theater, hug her dearly, be ready to fight for her & not just with her, be her cover for her sneaky plans.

Most importantly I want to say that the bond we share as siblings is the most unique one. We have argued like crazy for reasons as simple as your quilt ka kona is on my side on bed; called each other names n wrestled like WWE Raw wrestlers n driven mom crazy with our fights. She would get bugged n say “dono ko ek-ek talwar de deti hoo- jub kat-mar jao toh bata dena- hospital mein daal dungi”. I’ve Ketaki writing on my b’day card about how she wants to kill me by first torturing me, getting me bitten from dogs, wrapping me up in a carpet with snakes inside, hitting me with a laathi n what not & yet how much she loves me to not actually do  any of these- thank God for that.

There are times when you just don’t understand each other n talk of generation gap n at others a mere smile or look is enough for the other to understand what’s on our mind. We have laughed n joked about the funny relatives n friends n colleagues n imitated them. Spoken about our crushes n heart breaks. We have had our own low volume talks with mom looking at us suspiciously n saying- pata nahi kya fuss-fussati hai dono aur fir hansti hai. We have grown up from fighting for the bigger piece of chocolate to now giving a complete chocolate bar to the other one.

Ketaki is my movie partner, trying the new restaurant partner, attending the comic-thon partner, simply lying on the bed n lazing like buffaloes in a pond partner, plotting murder plans for “you know who” partner, cribbing about life partner, making khayali pulao partner. She is my doppelganger who makes all these things fun.

And now when I sit to write this blog there are so many memories that come to my mind n yet the one that’s always been the dearest to me is the one when I saw you for the first time, on this very day. My tiny lil angel carefully wrapped up in a white sheet in the hospital. My baby whose first words were Didi. Adore you loads chotu n I hope n I pray from the depths of my heart that you get the best of everything in your life (the best didi part you have already covered). And as you hate it- here is some PDA- love you chotu, muuuuuuuaaah, XOXOXOXO, didi ka chota wala baby kaun hai, pyara wala bacha kaun hai…

Will always be there to love you n irritate you

                                                                                                 - Your Didi

[smartbychance]

Woh Hostel ke din…

As a kid I’d get regular dhamakies from my folks- “hostel mein daal denge tumhe- apne aap sudhar jaogi”. On top of it there would always be a supporting story of some Mr. Falh-falh whose child went to hostel n from a monster turned into this perfect kid. All of a sudden he was like Onida TV “neighbor's envy & owner’s pride”.

My Bapu believes firmly that every child should go to hostel- the lallu ones become shanas n the shana ones –“line pe aajate hai”( believe it or not I was d lallu one). Finally when the time came for me to go to hostel I knew there was no escaping it- that it was time to face the inevitable.

So I stayed at the hostel, PG with friends, rental with friends and even rental alone- coz let’s face it; 10 guys can stay in a room with no worries but even 2 girls in a room will have their own set of disagreements. Today I’ll say, like all the other golden statements spoken by my dad- this too was right- every child should stay in a hostel. Hostel taught me things in 5yrs which my parents couldn’t in 17. Here’s a few...

Survival- nobody teaches you survival better than the humble hostel. You think it’s easy as a fresher to escape your seniors n their raging attempts, that too when you are staying with them.  You learn to survive with minimum of everything- minimum comfort, minimum hygiene, minimum space, minimum privacy, minimum garam pani to have a bath, minimum TV or at least TV channels (we had only Doordarshan on our hostel ka common TV n we still watched it!). Remember what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger- and this goes for all the germs, viruses, bacteria n all the nature’s cruelty you learn to live with.

You learn Stuff- yes you do- every kind of stuff. That a matchbox could cost only 50paise!!! I swear I was so happy to know that, that I bought 4 boxes for no reason. That you can eat really green vegetables of unidentified origin & still be alive; that you can cook Maggi using tiffin box, quilt & hot water! That even if you are going all Hooo chee- there are girls having sex n getting abortions done at 17!  

You learn about yourself too- like u can wash your clothes & iron them so well that you can put every dhobi in the world to shame. That “boys” can be friends too n not just your natural enemies or bhaiyas! That at any given point of time you are not the worst cook of the world- your canteen wala has already won that title. And yes that you are an absolute angel- much contrary to your mother’s belief-“itna shaitaan bachha mujhe hi hona tha”.

Money Management- dude I challenge the best of the financial courses/ colleges/ syllabus to teach money management as well as the hostel does. You learn budgeting, money allocation, cost cutting, cost analysis, saving vs. expenditure analysis, maintaining bahikhata of your monthly expenditure, surviving with minimum or even with no money at all. You learn to get along with everybody in your group coz every head counts when you are sharing money for a rick or a movie or a dinner at even the tiny campus restaurant.

People Management - the course structure of MBA in HR was developed in a hostel for sure. Where else do you manage your seniors ka attitude, get your work done from the aaj kal k snobby juniors, manage your hostel warden when you come late or miss the daily attendance, get the garam roti first in the crowd waiting for it from d canteen wala, get your floor wali mausi to do a lil extra stuff for you, maintain cordial relationship with your roommates even if you hate them. Name the person n one learns to manage them n get the work done from them.

Food Habit- all the mommies in the house do you want your child to give up his food tantrums? Send him to a hostel! He will learn to love everything you cook- even karela & kaddu. I’ve survived on poha as breakfast, every single day for a year. I was never a fan of potatoes, yet I’ve eaten various kinds of aloo ki sabjies, twice every day for 4.5yrs. Damn they were usually the only palatable & identifiable option in the menu. You understand that one eats food to satisfy hunger n not the taste buds. You break free from the shackles of senses- all 5 of them!

Travel- travelling back home during vacation is super fun. And travelling without proper reservations – super adventure! I’ve traveled by every possible mode – overnight buses which leave your feet all swollen n back all screwed up.  Or by the scary ladies compartment of Punjab Mail (where women are only looking for a chance to start slapping, abusing and pulling each other’s hair!). Or if you are lucky n your mom is missing you a lot n sponsors your trip- then my friend by flight!! Where you try to flirt with that realllly cute steward (me sighs thoughtfully).

Now leave me anywhere in the world n I know how to find my way back home. Mind you it’s not just travelling its researching the options available, selecting the most economical yet fastest n safest option n preparing a plan B if the research fails. So tomorrow if you are bored of your job you can be an adventure trip planner for others.    

Fighting Fears- one of the most important learning is of fighting your fears. Be it of cockroaches n lizards or that of darkness, of crowded places or of being alone, of germs, lightening, ghosts… you face them all and many a times you face them alone. Though am still not very comfortable with lizards I do can survive their presence in the same room without screaming. I just stare at them now- constant stare- monitor every movements for theirs stare n I quietly run before the lizard turns towards me. You see am a lot braver now!

Discover Freedom n Discover Self- Uncle Ben keh gaye Spidy se “with great power comes great responsibility” N so when you are on own, with no parents to keep an eye on you, when the temptations are many n the restrictions are few, when ID is winning the years long battle over ego n superego (line meant for my psychology friends) it is then that you discover your own good self. When you say no to smoking, drugs, alcohol, mindless sex you might be the looser or boring or the fattu one; still you feel great. When you make it a point to enjoy your freedom responsibly  you know you have made your folks proud. That you too are your parent’s ka Onida TV. That feeling my dear friends is the high that no weed or booze can ever give you.

Friends- I kept the best for the last. Friends- yes you make friends for life- you have cried together missing your home, laughed together playing  pranks, told ghost stories when the lights went out, shared secrets, spoke about your crushes, gave one another nick names, studied together, did the countdown for vacations, partied together when exams got over  n cried together when you flunked some subject.

Maybe today I'm not in touch with many of my hostel ke time ke friends. We landed up having our own disagreements or misunderstandings which we didn't even bother clearing up, but when I think of them n all the great times we have spent together, I do miss them. Someone once told me that it doesn't matter how bad was the fight which caused you to separate from your friend, but years down the line when you will look back n remember that friend, it will be the good times that you spent with them that you will remember the most. I know he was right. So here's me saying pattu, chabbo, nammo, richu, titu, pinku thanks for being my roomies n making my first year at hostel d most memorable one! I miss you all n how I wish we could spend another day at B wing TT room!

At the end I’ll say hostel taught me to value my folks a lil more, value the innumerable things they do for you every day, specially my mom- gosh you miss your mom the most at hostel. I learnt not to take even small things for granted, value relationships n people around me. Helped me to know myself better, made me a lill more independent n lil more fearless. Gave me memories to cherish n lessons to remember my whole life. And even though I would never imagine myself saying this when I was at the hostel- those were the most memorable 5.5yrs of my life n I thank my  friends n folks for that.

[smartbychance]

Jub-Jub Jo-Jo hona hai, tab-tab so-so hota hai!!

Okay, so nobody said life would be easy; but nobody said it would be an open invitation for god to crack his PJs (painfully practical jokes) on you either. And boy can he be mean!!! So while I deal with these jokes, here’s my list of “must happen- will happen” for everybody. Hope you can connect with them too!

The day you are early at the bus stop (a rare event) your bus is late-kyo bhagwan kyo?!?!  Why bus no late on those so-so many days when I’m late? When I sprint, crush, push, punch and destroy everything on way just to reach the bus stop??

You don't get sleep at night if you’ve to get up early next day morn, at least not till 10mins before the alarm rings- yes, that’s when you get the most comatose sleep ever!!!

The more you want to reach somewhere on time , the more you keep getting late-your lenses will irritate your eyes, you won’t find a rick, there will be an awenhi ka traffic jam, damn each n every signal on the road will be red that day!!!

You get the fattest, reddest, ugliest pimple  on d day you want to look your best- so now it’s you n your pimple both attending your best friend’s wedding-awesome!

You discover the most mysterious origin wala alien stain on your favorite dress, on the day you really were planning to wear it – now you wonder, what to wonder about- how did this stain happen or what to on earth to wear now?!?!

You waited 45mins for that stupid bus at that stupid bus stop and it comes immediately after you take a cab! So what, like was the bus waiting round the corner for me to take the cab???

Your mom gives you some work n tells you a million times to not to forget it- you even snap back saying “haan kar dongi maa, aap piche mat pado”- guess what, you forget - now behold your mom’s golden words- “pata tha mujhe, isliye bol rahi thi... par meri baat sunta kaun hai”

Not very uncommon for you to have your headphones on n after  5mins or so, realizing that the music is off

Your crush appears out of nowhere when you are with your boyfriend-oops! Stay poker faced-stay poker faced, stay poker faced!

Your crush is either married or is in a damn serious relationship (with someone else off course) or is gay. N you are not- N you are single- N you are bugged- N you are heartbroken… n no the “there are other fishes in the pond thing” does not work every time okay!

You resisted all your chocolate temptations, you worked your ass off at gym n managed to loose few inches but nobody said anything. You got a wee bit lazy n indulged in those super tempting sweets (basically you enjoyed a festival) n whole world tells you, oh my god-you’ve put on!!- Thank you for screwing up my Diwali fun.

The person you are trying to avoid will run into you at least 20times in an hour- bhag sako toh bhag lo!!!

You are out on a much awaited vacation n your periods pre-pone-by a week, by a fortnight –doesn’t matter-it’s there. Now all you can do is take deep breaths n try n relax…

Here’s another bus one-can’t help after all the travelling I do every day- the bus you usually take will have a much-much better frequency on the day you are not taking it!

You realize which mobile handset to buy immediately after buying some other one…

You meet a great guy, u click with him, he is sarvagun sampann n then guess what- he is dating a horrible witch!!! Ok god really?? I can get horrible too!!!

You are already late-(I very often am) n your bus/rick/ cab moves with a speed that can be overtaken by a man on a bicycle or even on foot, for all you know…

The night before your exam you will study triple of what you studied the whole year and you will have the dedication n concentration that can even challenge Arjuna!

You promised yourself every day that once your exams are over, you'll sleep till the world comes to an end. But you are sleepless as hell the day they end

After a thorough research of the menu for 15mins you finally place an order but then somebody else orders better food (at least better looking food) and you keep wondering- ab woh kya hai yaar...

The person you are trying to reach finally calls you when you are either in the elevator or in the loo. The call gets disconnected n then your struggle to reach them starts all over again

A cute looking, decent guy sitting next to you in a flight happens only in the movies. In real life its only uncle ji’es or monster kids sitting next to you when you are traveling alone

You know what to say during an argument only once it’s over. Then the classic “I should’ve said that” thought haunts you for forever...

You get the most intolerable itch at the most awkward location at the most crowded public place

Here's another itchy one, You get the most intolerable itch when you’ve applied heena on your hand or have painted your nails

You know you like someone when you are speechless in front of them or make an absolute fool of yourself in front of them

 A dress becomes your favorite simply coz that special someone said  you look good in it- now let it be ages old, worn out t-shirt;- you still will proudly wear it

 If you have a tattoo, you have an affinity for others with tattoo- it’s an automatic connection which requires nothing but just visible ink on your body

Another tattoo one- you are either into it or you are not- if you are not, they will simply never make sense to you & you will always find people with them weird (PS: we think the same about you)

[smartbychance]

Mumbaikar’s thoughts on metro

P.S: before saying anything I would like to clarify that I myself have metro ka pass (sorry smart-card) and until recent had mono-rail ka smart card as well.

I remember the first day mono rail ran here in mumbai, it was on every news channel. The reporters were gasping n running around in their attempts to air the comparative analysis of “the quick & comfortable mono-rail” Vs “the gone for a toss to construct the mono-rail wala road”. Soon came the metro and solved the plight of central se western line pe travel karne wali public. All you andheri ke snobby rickshaw walas- here ends your reign.

The world finally seemed a better place; the painful travelling started seeming not so bad. There’s even WiFi for the metro travellers! Though off-course it’s not fokat. The best part about the whole metro–mono deal was the AC dude! Even if for 15mins (the max travel time), we welcome it with an open heart & sweat drenched, sticking clothes- thankfully the doors open after every few mins!!  You cut down our travel time, you give us AC, you make our lives simple, you advertise it everywhere and you still loose elections??? Time to find out why….

Let’s talk about the metro train first- yes we absolutely love you. We still haven’t stopped clicking selfies & shooting videos at the station-of the station, with metro approaching, inside the metro, outside the metro, the departing metro; post them, tag them, we just can’t get enough of you. But here’s a lil problem. Dude all your stations look the same- monotonous n boring. We have known our local train stations by the shops outside & the stalls inside them. In-case of metro station am so clueless that I’ve to actually read names.

I know you’ve announced thrice when I left the last station & thrice again before I reached this one- but I’m still puzzled as to main kahan hoo. Besides no 10rs ki bhelpuri or no wada-pav on platform is just so unfair. I’m not happy with your decent eateries at the floor below. Hath mein bhelpuri le ke train ke intzaar ka maza, tum kya jano ambani babu.

Your automatically closing doors are another problem. So there’s this lady or gentleman flaunting the latest smartphone, tablet etc etc or maybe the latest iphone which has a cover specifically flaunting the apple sign. All engrossed as these 10mins are all one has to show off, when the station arrives. Now obviously he was too busy yapping on the phone or listening to music on his skullcandy headphones, to hear your announcement.  Your stations aren't very helpful either. So as the doors are about to shut it dawns to him- oh shit!!! I was supposed to be getting off at this station!!!! And then he performs the most amazing jump which can put all the cars of Rohit Shetty movie to shame. Or he might simply go n stand at those closing doors to stop them. My advice to all you people- I know you have the coolest gadget in town but please don’t break the doors- they are still more expensive than your phone. I have already paid for them with my taxes once n I really can’t afford new ones so soon.

And to top it all there’s no first class?!?! OMG! So like everybody travels in the same dabba is it??? Until recently there was no separate ladies dabba as well. That created too much anxiety in ladies n their gents – I guess even metro realised that n akhiri dabbe ka aadha hissa got reserved for ladies. I love what they printed on their pink partition “we know you are special so exclusive zone for you”. What I find amusing is how the maximum rush of gentlemen is always next to the partition of the ladies dabba. So while the guys are checking out girls n girls are checking out guys- I stand n check out all the budding love stories n aankh micholies.

Talking about the mono-rail- it does not discriminate between men & women, between 1st class n general class public- it’s one for all n all for one. I and I know many others, started travelling by mono-rail coz the people who made it, made travelling by road impossible.  They started repairing huge patches of road (yeah the road was left in patches only) underneath the mono rail at one go, causing horrible traffic jams. I mean talk about creating need in the market for your failed product.

Nobody to care for your heart more than your own government- hence there are no escalators but only sky rocket high staircases. Only the elderly & physically challenged have the privilege of elevators. Every morning as I ran up those stairs I felt I was going to land into either one of the categories soon. But don’t you worry; sarkar ke ghar der hai, andher nahi- the escalators are coming soon at the stations near you.

Actually the complete feel of mono-rail is typical sarkari - sasta sundar tikao as compared to the private ka sophisticated kinds. You have coming soon escalators instead of already there ones, rude n bhandan karti hui aunties at ticket counters instead of calm uncles of metro, metal detectors n peeping in & palpating the bag wale security staff rather than luggage scanner, heck even the train trembles n turns giving you chills in the middle of air rather than the smooth ride of metro. The station names hardly give any clues of the location- Chembur camp is Fertilizer Township, Chembur naka is VNP marg junction and Chembur station is Chembur- really- so where was I all this while? Bandra?? But yes you helped us- reaching Chembur station in 10mins from vasinaka was never possible- even when the roads were fine.

All said n done – yes we do miss the train vendors selling everything from clothes n accessories to vegetable n fruits, we miss the classy lines “yeh first class hai, aage jao” “arre andar chalo” “aap kahan utarne wale ho” “arre dhakka kyo mar rahe ho”, we miss the adventure of traveling without tickets, we miss hanging & performing stunts at the door, yet we are happy. We are happy to have you M&Ms. Thank you for making our travel short n sweet n for letting us reach our homes earlier- office no matter what we just can’t make it on time! So here’s a big thumbs up from all of us to you! And dear ex-government- sorry u lost elections in-spite of all the advertisements, next time try working…

#metro #monorail  #mumbaitravelling

[smartbychance]

the "Pun" of being single

‘Yes I’m single, you’re gonna have to be amazing to change that’

 I love this quote n I love my single life. I love the fact that I can come home late from office n say “maa, solid bhook lagi hai” n I’ll have garma-garam khaana in front of me. That i can wake up late to my folks, smiling n saying - “uth gaya mera bacha!” That cooking for me is a hobby and an occasional display of talent rather than a daily routine. That when am running late (which I often do) n I shout “maa mera clip kahan hai?” mum tells me exactly where I can look for it- “shelf pe jo kachra ikattha kiya hai usme dekho” (yeah most of my stuff is kachra for mum). That I can still ask dad for money with a complete shameless grin on my face (yup my dad is still my ATM). But being single is not all fun you see. The world is filled with jealous people- they are called ‘The Married Ones’!!!!

The married ones (MO) have one important mission in their life; get the single ones married ASAP. So there I’m all dressed up, enjoying a wedding when some aunty ji appears out of no-where, poking her elbow in my ribs- “toh tum kub khush-khabri de rahi ho?” now even though I’m tempted to poke my elbow right back at her n say “aunty ji, bus nau mahine ruk jaiye!” i just smile- quietly, just smile….

I’ve been lucky enough to attend various wedding gyan sessions conducted by these MO. Listed below are few of them. The fact that I’m still single shows how useful they have been for me. :)

* The Permission talk- these are the MO, who for some funny reason believe that I’ve been waiting for their permission to get married. Thus they waste no time in obliging me with the same-“ab tum shaadi kar hi lo, no point delaying”, “i want your wedding invite next” “ab tumhari bari hai” “it’s high time you take your marriage seriously” - thank you guys, i can now ‘marry in peace’!!

* The Blame talk- these MO feel they know you so well, that they have the right to blame you for being single.

MO: “so why you don’t want to get married??”

Me: “huh?!?! Who said that??”

MO: “nobody has to tell me, i know. Just tell me why you don’t want to get married?”

Me: “why not use your psychic power to find out that as well.”

* The Fertility talk- these MO are your close friends or relatives who are really worried about your body clock ticking. 

MO: “baba, when will you get married & when will you have kids. After 30 it’s so difficult to have them. You know that Shakuntala, (name changed awenhi) had to spend a lot of money for her fertility treatment”

Me: “hmm... how old is she?”

MO: “must be around 24-25, but how does that matter?”

Me: “OK considering it’s already late for marriage; I think I’ll skip straight to having babies!”

Guys trust me; human race is already over populating the world n it won’t extinct without my off-springs. So thank you for your concern but relax, you are not motivating me in the name of son.

* The Samadhaan talk- Jiska koi nahi hota, uska upar-wala hota hai- based on this principle, this bunch of MO offer many solutions to my mum. Me being the cruel me, shun all of them almost immediately. “ask her to do Mon ka fast” ” wear yellow, do banana tree puja n keep a fast on Thus” “probable Shani dosh- Sat fast” “Mangal bhari hai -Tue fast will help” “Devi ji ki puja” “Shankar ji ki puja” “kaal-sarp ki puja” “kundli dosh ki puja” “surya dev ki puja” “chanda mama ki puja” - damn after all these pujas n fast I’m dead sure I’ll leave this mooh-maya n take sanyas. Waise not a bad idea, could be another career option eh?!?! Kriti mata ki- Jai ho!!!

* The Age talk- the most painful of all. These MO are mean and cruel and everything bad. They make me wonder if it’s even legal to be so mean.

MO: “so what if he is a lil fat n has more hair on his eyebrows than his scalp. He is only a lil short n looks a lil old n no his specs can’t be used as magnifying glass. Besides you shouldn’t pay attention to these things. Who else are you expecting to get at your age??”  

Whoa, dude that was below the belt!!! Now be careful when you step out in the street, if you are hit by meteorite or drowned by Tsunami or kidnapped by aliens, its pure n simple Karma. 

Summary of the story - I know you guys love me & I love you all too (except the last ones- thou shalt pay for thy sins). I’m happy with my extra comfortable, less responsible, less stress wala life. As shocking as it might sound being single isn’t bothering me at all. And yes whenever the globally awaited day of my marriage arrives, you all will know. Till then, live n let us single ones live! - Suchana janhit mein jari!!!

#singlelife  #married  #parentslove  #marriagetalks

[smartbychance]

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

my cell phone :)

[smartbychance]

here I am, this is me...

my mum says i'm pretty much like my uncle. my uncle (may his soul rest in peace) was an interesting, impressive & lively man. so when my mom said that, i took it as one of those few, occasional, slip of the tongue compliments that i receive from my mum - only to realize later that she meant i was as confused about my career as he was! my uncle started his career with Army, went on to become an IAS officer, resigned as a home secretory to make movies. he not just wrote the script for the movies but also acted a bit, directed, wrote songs. yet would tell my folks- "i'm not sure if i would continue this work"

so now why am i similar. well as a kid i wanted to be a doctor- during our times (gosh that line really makes u feel ooold) doctors & engineers were the "In thing" & the only known career options to my parents, except laa (law in north) n IAS (kind of my family profession). after 10th i took science but when my friends were preparing for medical entrance test, i was trying to build up my oh so dead general knowledge to be an income tax officer. i don't know what happened but the next thing i knew i was a doctor. after studying for 5.5 yrs n still not being happy, like every med school grad i wanted to do my Masters next. but thanks to our exploding jansankhya n limited seats, didn't get my choice of subject. again i don't know what happened but i was a medical underwriter with one of the biggest Pvt insurance companies in India. happy with the good starting salary (coz maintain-g salary wasn't so good) n the corporate life i stayed in this field for 4yrs. then i felt this isn't me - i want to do something different- left my job- studied counselling (oh btw this was after attempting GMAT in between to do MBA for my then so favorite corporate life). currently i'm a part time underwriter/ guest lecturer/ counselor & oh of-course a ghar-ghutti doctor for my folks! if you ask me i still don't know what i want to do with my life.

i think i could have been an artist as i sketch well, or a singer as i sing well (subjective facts stated by my loving friends & family members), an actress as i'm a nautanki, a teacher as i love to give gyan...but then when i think about all these i realize its basically me just trying to express myself n connect with people through those expressions. so here i'm, writing this blog, expressing my thoughts & hoping to connect with people...

#career #confusion #doctor #express