smarties-03

[smarties-03]

My one friend really likes "yo mama" jokes, but she feels bad for saying them to me because my mama's dead, and lately she's been circumventing this by adding "in heaven" to them, a concept I was introduced to with zero warning via a text that said, "Yo mama's so stupid she's in heaven pre-heating the microwave."

[smarties-03]

we need to bring back vintage swimsuits but specifically mens swimsuits

make 👏 men 👏 wear 👏 hotpants 👏 and 👏 onesies👏 again 👏👏👏

[smarties-03]

i know her heart was in the right place but my mom wrote this in the funniest way possible

[smarties-03]

BORN TO BE HUMAN

OCEAN IS A FUCK

Bring Back The Devonian Period

410, 757, 864, 530 DEAD WIZARDS

[smarties-03]

i don’t know how to explain to you people that no matter what a country’s government is like i do not and will not support the US indiscriminately bombing that country’s civilians and i don’t know why that’s a controversial take tbh

[smarties-03]

Spin this wheel first and then this wheel second to generate the title of a YA fantasy novel!

(If the second wheel lands on an option ending with a plus sign, spin it again)

Share what you got!

[smarties-03]

[smarties-03]

i love sluts i love perverts i love dykes i love faggots i love aromantics i love freaks i love librarians i love ibuprofen

[smarties-03]

[smarties-03]

[smarties-03]

I bet it feels good as fuck to be the guy in a band who says one, two, one two three four

[smarties-03]

drinking water is awesome i love #mywater

[smarties-03]

Sputnik 2, launched on November 3, 1957, carried the dog Laika, the first living creature to be shot into space and orbit Earth. Laika was a stray dog found on the streets of Moscow. There were no plans to return her to Earth, and she lived only a few hours in orbit. …

taken from @gallivantsofgillis on tiktok

[smarties-03]

so i wore a pride flag pin to work the other day and the kids were all interested (obviously) (find me a classroom of preschoolers who are not obsessed with rainbows) (i'll wait) so they crowded around to see.

"aww!" they said, "it's a flag!!"

but the thing is: they're little. a lot of them don't really have a handle on all their mouth sounds yet.

such as, notably, that tricky tricky "L" sound.

[smarties-03]

Happy 10th birthday to the best tweet of all time.

[smarties-03]

big fan of how there are parts in the beta pilot where you can tell its very obviously just dan povenmire making noises

[smarties-03]