smccaster-blog

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Refusing to see the space

Refusing to complete

Refusing to see myself

Refusing to live

Refusing to take up space

Refusing to cooperate

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Continuing ON

Practice Post #8

The refusal to look directly:

To deny the green light

To not look at the path right in front of me

To refuse everything that impacts my sight

To deny over and over again

To simply avoid eye contact within myself and my body

To not complete the line

To don’t do

To close your eyes without them being closed

To ignore

To not care with care

To just exist without details and time as a factor

Consistency

Onward

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There is effort in trying to keep a structure that I want to break. What if I choose to run instead or cross my legs as I walk? Thoughts...

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Finding some pathways to get aligned

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I even organize in a game, but please notice how I had to create chaos to get to the finished product.

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All week I focused my attention on how I organize

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Practice Post #7

“Dismantle _______”

Dismantled structure

Let’s piece the puzzle together piece by piece

But wait, halfway I begin to dislike it

Restart, reset, go

Pieces are everywhere

But I know the pieces

Abc, cba, acb, bac

Organized chaos

Can’t settle for completeness

Won’t settle to be whole

Let’s try again

Hate it, of course

Starting to stop to continue even when I wanna leave as is

Confusion

Depression

Settling to just settle

Disconnected

Take apart

Incomplete

Done

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I see a blur that has an impossible maze within it. What do you see?

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I see a 3D effect. What do you see?

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Trying to resonate with seeing myself but seeing the brown within my eyes that is hard to see without a light shining.

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Attempting to really feel the floor and give weight within my feet. I feel articulation but I see just normal walking.

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Practice Post #6

What’s visible to us, may not be visible to others.

Something that is easily seen

An eye catcher

To be observant

To pinpoint the details of someone or something

To find the unknown within the known

To find joy in someone’s sadness

To find sadness within someone’s joy

To be the light that shines on your darkness

To live instead of exist

To see

To be

[smccaster-blog]

Searched through a gallery of birthday images and these seemed close enough to what I was trying to look like or portraying a positive message.

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This weekend I was searching for validation from others on whether or not I looked pretty for my birthday. I was trying to find pictures of me that didn’t have as many flaws, but I ended up staring too long and would find something I didn’t like...

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Practice Post #5

A search for the indefinite.

An everyday battle

Trying to figure out what’s misunderstood

Trying to add clarity within confusion

Always feeling the need to be observant

Wanting to know but can’t know

Trying to stay alert

To always wonder

To open my eyes

To lift my head

To open eyes

Don’t let a single tear shed

To open my eyes

Chest up high

To open my eyes

The search for the indefinite, will lead to my flight

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Each day I wrote something as a reflection

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Practice Post #4

Communication between things that are different simply because they are different.

I observed

You acted

I listened

You spoke

You called

I answered

I messaged

You didn’t reply

Frustration

Disappointment

Neglect

Regret

To be tired…

Finished…

Over it…

Moving forward

You did

I reacted

You pushed

I pulled

You started

I completed

You ran

I walked

Deep thoughts

I dislike

Maybe I overreacted

And you…

You just didn’t react at all