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There is room for both

There is room for both

Paris was my light at the end of the tunnel, anchored in time and space. It has come and gone. I have a follow up dr’s appointment on Friday to check blood counts after two weeks of travel and sipping on champagne. It had become so important for me to go to Paris. Presque comme une epreuve de mon identite, like some I had to prove in this health journey. But proving and showcasing is not what…

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Sacred space

uplifted-vibrations: get with this :: joseph campbell ::

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How the Farmer’s Market helped me let it all go

How the Farmer’s Market helped me let it all go

So it’s been a little while since my last post. April 15th ish was the one month marker for the so-called 3-month treatment plan. At that point, I found out that the, “3-month treatment plan” was a total misnomer. Apparently, the 3 months doesn’t start until they get your dosage correct, and then I subsequently found out that the 3 month frame simply refers to a period of time during which the…

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Inner Being

If your inner being changes, your whole outer life will be totally different. It will have a different fragrance, a different beauty, a different grace. And when your inner being is changed and becomes a flame of light, you will become a light unto others too. You will become a beckoning light, a great herald of a new dawn. Your very presence will trigger revolutions in other people’s…

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1-month Evaluation

As many of you know, last Friday was my 1-month evaluation appointment. Good news is that my red blood cells are slightly up. This is a first. yaaay! Discouraging news for my inner planner is that while I have been thinking of this as a 3-month treatment plan at the end of which I jet off to Paris pour le mariage, that, sadly, is not the case. Apparently, the clock does not start ticking for…

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Friends to the bone

Friends to the bone

When friendship history runs deep, like it does with these two, I can feel it warming my bones. We packed a lot of warmth into one Portland weekend. You reminded me of what I love about this city; the fresh woodsy fragrance, the grounded friendly people, the ease. Ease and home and grace and giggles. That’s what I experience when I’m around you both. You have enriched my life far beyond…

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No one else will do it for you

No one else will do it for you

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection Gautama Buddha  (via thatkindofwoman)

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How you can help

How you can help

This post is in response to all the lovely friends, family and dear ones in my life who have been saying, “Let me know what I can do to help” “We’re here for you” “What do you need?” “How can we support you?” This is how you can help. Send me text messages saying, “Sending Love” “Thinking of you”Send me text messages with quotes. That’s what my mom does. I love it.Send me flowers, chocolate or…

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Knotted and knit like branches

Knotted and knit like branches

4:37am This is what my apartment looks like at 4:37am with one candle lit in prayer, my knees to the yoga mat. I woke up in pain, terrible pain. My back knotted and knit like tangled branches. Can’t lay down. Can’t sit up. Tears flowing from my eyes, palms open toward the sky. God, Divine Love, Source Energy, Shiva, Eywa, Buddha, Christ. I surrender. I am open. I am listening. Shanti,…

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Flowers from my cowkers

Flowers from my cowkers

Today, I am grateful for flowers, sunshine and walking to work. Yes, I am still working. All blood counts are holding steady. This is week number 2 of immune suppression treatment. Originally, my doctors said that I’d likely have to take 1-2 months off of work to undergo treatment. No traveling. No work. Get on disability. Thankfully, all vitals are good to go and I have been cleared to keep…

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Wedding in Paris

Yes, I have been invited to a friend’s wedding in Paris in June. Swoon. Yes, they are actually Parisien. Double swoon. And yes, I spelled it the French way because c’est comme ça. From the emotional roller coaster that has made up the last three months of my life, Paris in June has become an anchor of possibility, anchored in time, anchored in space. From the two weeks when I waited to hear…

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No, really, how many more layers are there?

No, really, how many more layers are there?

The Artist Date Ah, the morning pages and the blasted artist dates. For those who are not familiar with Julia’s Cameron’s, The Artist’s Way, it is highly recommended. I think I’ve gone through the entire workbook, which takes a dedicated three months, at least 7 times in the past decade. I started in September 2004, four months after Orion died. I wrote through my grief, three hand-written…

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A love note

A love note to Hope. My dear friend Hope, thank god for you. Hope has an enormous, joyful spirit. She is a caretaker by nature, extremely generous, with a charming sense of humor. Hope is a veterinarian, and she practices Chinese medicine on pets. Learn more about her practice here. Hope came with me to the bone marrow biopsy and accompanied me to the follow up appointment with the bone marrow…

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LYTAT

I am still amazed and inspired by you, Orion. Your hair had fallen out and your body changed completely. I know you were in pain. Yet, you made jokes. You noticed the little things. We got gussied up for a dear friend’s bash at the Ritz Carleton in Half Moon Bay. You thanked me for holding you up when we danced. I chopped off my hair in solidarity. You hated it. I said we should hang out…

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Going Deep

I find myself once again sitting at the Chicago Midway airport after DFA’s Leadership Studio, full of reflections. This is the third year I’ve participated in Leadership Studio, an annual conference for Design for America studio leaders. Last year I spoke and facilitated break-out sessions about studio culture and vision. This year, I helped launch the DFA Alumni Network (@DFACollab) and…

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Beach Bonfires

For several years in my early twenties, I had a bonfire on the beach for my birthday. On Baker Beach, in San Francisco, in July.  Naturally, it felt like the frozen side of Siberia with bone-chilling wind. Friends and family alike donned ski parkas and winter hats to huddle around the fire, share food, exchange laughter. The beach bonfire tradition originated during my time in San Diego. It…