smfisher2013

[smfisher2013]

Remember that time I thought you gave a fuck about me? Lolol silly me 😅

[smfisher2013]

yo does anyone else feel CONSTANTLY guilty? like you’ve always done something wrong but you don’t know what it is?

[smfisher2013]

me: *knows exactly what i have to say*

me: *stutters and fucks up a 5 word sentence*

[smfisher2013]

I'd do anything to bring you back #suicideprevention

[smfisher2013]

College is a joke I’m so fucking done

[smfisher2013]

I'm supposed to be strong. On the inside I'm literally falling apart.

[smfisher2013]

me: *still has feelings after waking up* me: what the fuck

[smfisher2013]

Raise your hand if you started off as an overachiever and now you’re fighting off crippling anxiety and depression as you watch people catch up and surpass you while you watch your own grades slowly slip

[smfisher2013]

Is this not the cutest little pup you’ve ever seen 😋

[smfisher2013]

Anxiety isn’t cute. Don’t act like you have it because if you want it, here. Have mine. Because it’s not fucking cute and I don’t want it.

[smfisher2013]

I hate you.

[smfisher2013]

The Morning After I Killed Myself

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.

The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

[smfisher2013]

Clap your hands if you’re actually low key mentally ill as fuck and can hardly handle anything and you feeling like no one actually likes you at all and all you wanna do is sleep your life away

[smfisher2013]

To Everyone Who Once Said...

“Your better off dead” , “Your a waste of a person” , “Go kill yourself” , “Nobody would care” 

One day I will fight these monsters that have been living in my head. I WILL find my purpose in life and I WILL be stronger and successful. And I WILL be better than any of you assholes will ever be. I refuse to let anyone bring me down anymore. From now on I live for myself - not for anyone else.

[smfisher2013]

Also very attractive~ so if I accidentally spoon you sorry :x

Accidentally?? Haha okay. And thank you.

[smfisher2013]

Then I shall hug you so tightly c:

😍😍😍

[smfisher2013]

I'd like to hug you

Aww. I like hugs. 😍☺️