smileyerim

[smileyerim]

what’s mine is yours

if mark isn’t going to make a move on you himself, his friends will surely find a way to make one on his behalf. the opportunity arises after an evening of drinking at mark’s apartment that lands you tangled in mark’s sheets wondering if he feels the same chemistry that you do.

pairing: mark lee x reader

genre: fluff, suggestive !!MDNI!!

length: 4.9k

warnings: adults drinking alcohol and getting drunk, dialogue about sex, both reader and mark are drunk the entire time, mark is a pussy!

net tags: @kflixnet @k-labels

Drinking with the boys always led you into sketchy situations. There was the one time Haechan insisted on breaking into a waterpark to ‘visit the mermaids’. Or the time that Renjun ordered a cab for all of you to go over to his ex-girlfriends house to win her back. Jaemin once threw up in the kitchen sink and didn’t tell anyone until morning.

So, yeah, drinking with the boys always led you down odd roads and tonight wouldn’t be any different.

“Okay!” You exclaim drunkenly, head previously falling forward as you dozed in your spot.

“Which one of you gentlemen are going to drive me home?” Your eyes lazily trail across the room at the boys all scattered about in various positions.

“Uh, I’m not good to drive,” Mark says and shoves his thumb into Jeno’s shoulder to ask “you good to drive?” Which earns him a shake of his head.

The rest of the group reacts now, all to let you know that none of them were sober enough to be behind the wheel.

“Okay…” you drag out the word and pull out your phone to open the rideshare app and struggle to type in your apartment’s address.

“Uber is $65.” You say bluntly, again scanning your eyes around the room expectedly. When you don’t get a response, you speak up again.

“This is the part where you say ‘Oh, here Y/N, we’ve got it.’” You tease and Haechan just rolls his eyes and groans.

“Just stay over. It’s fine, you can take the couch.”

“I call dibs on the couch.” Chenle’s voice is muffled from where his nose is nuzzled in the cushions. You’re genuinely surprised that he’s still breathing. You’re not too sure how, though, he’s buried pretty deep. He’s clearly not about to move any time soon.

“Fine, you can sleep with Mark.” Haechan says, hand signaling to the boy who was too distracted by his phone to keep up with the conversation until his name was spoken.

“Wait, dude, what?” Mark exclaims, his wide and glossy eyes switching between you and Haechan quickly. His drunk brain can barely keep up.

You hear a snicker from over your shoulder, “That’s a good idea, Y/N, why don’t you sleep with Mark?” Jaemin’s hand sits lazily on your shoulder.

You frown, a little too drunk to pick up the pieces and put them together.

“Yeah, that’s a great idea.” Jeno says, his own giggle escaping his lips. The two aforementioned boys had smoked earlier, leading to a fit of giggles shared between the two.

“Why is this a better idea than walking her home?” Mark panics, watching you slowly absorb all that’s going on around you. It doesn’t seem like you’ve picked up on how obvious the boys are being and he’s thankful for that.

“It’s cold out and we’re all tired. Just take one for the team and let her sleep in your bed.” Haechan argues. He’s getting more and more frustrated by the minute. Mark has been complaining for weeks about his crush on you, and the moment that Haechan finally does something about it, Mark protests?

“Where will I sleep?” Mark stupidly asks and Haechan’s head falls back onto the couch when he rolls his eyes.

“With her, Mark.” He says with a frustrated tone, his eyes shut and squeezed.

Before Mark can object again, you finally put the pieces together and move to stand, nearly falling into Jaemin’s lap behind you in the process.

“Come on, Mark.” You say, your hand is out in offering for Mark to grab. His slow brain goes a bit numb, too focused on the gold ring on your middle finger. He hadn’t noticed you wear it before.

When he doesn’t move fast enough, Haechan groans and rolls his eyes, grabbing Mark’s arm by the wrist and placing his hand on yours.

“I have to do fucking everything around here, don’t I?” Haechan says to the group, excluding you two who have already begun your drunken trek to Mark’s bedroom.

The vibe is much different when you’re in his room behind a closed door. He keeps his room tidy usually, but his unmade bed and loose bath towel on the floor suggest he wasn’t anticipating company. You prefer it this way, it makes you feel less like a guest. Especially when you’re about to use his bedroom as a hotel, nonetheless.

It also helps when his ruffled sheets make his bed look all the more inviting and comfortable. You flop your belly down, snuggling into his pillow. It smells faintly of tea tree shampoo and musk. You wonder when the last time he washed his sheets was, but you aren’t sure you want to know the answer. It smells like it’s been quite a while but you’re too drunk to care.

“You want some clothes?” He says from his standing position. He wasn’t expecting to see you so… comfortable. You look as if you’re at home in his bed.

He can’t believe it. You’re here in his bed. Sure, you’ve been in his room a million times, you’ve sat on his bed a million times, you’ve even cuddled with Mark on his bed a million times. But this time is different. You’re sleeping here, you’re going to wake up here, you’re going to be lying side by side with Mark for a minimum of 8 hours and he’s not sure he’ll be able to hold it together that long.

“No,” you say looking down at your athletic shorts and crop top. You weren’t wearing a bra, anyways. “A toothbrush would be nice, though.”

He scurries off to the adjoined bathroom and rifles through his drawers quickly, praying that he’d have at least one clean spare toothbrush.

“Unless, of course, all your hoes have used all of them.” You tease. You aren’t quite sure where that comment came from or why you felt compelled to say it but it has an effect on Mark as he stills for a moment before continuing his search. He finds one and walks back over to where you’re still lying on the bed.

“My hoes don’t ask for toothbrushes.” He says in half-honesty. It’s true, no girls have ever asked him for a spare toothbrush. Sure, that’s due to the fact that he’s never had a girl stay over before, but it’s still the truth nonetheless.

“Ew. Good to know I don’t have much competition then. At least I have basic hygiene.” You say, already loading up the toothbrush with his toothpaste.

His brain goes haywire at the comment. Does what you said mean what he thinks it means? Why are you including yourself on the list of Mark’s “hoes”? Do you want to be one? His only one?

Once you’re done, Mark has already changed into his outfit for bed. He’s hesitant on whether or not to wear a shirt. For your comfortability he probably should, but you’ve never been bothered by his bare chest before in all the times you’ve been over. What would make this time any different?

He decides against it as he gets himself ready for bed, trading spots in the bathroom when you go back to bed. His heart is beating out of his chest, which is saying a lot for how much the alcohol still present in his system has relaxed him.

He’s equally thankful for and also angry at Haechan for the stunt he pulled to get you into his room. He’s wanted this for a long time, thats no surprise, but is this how he wanted it? He wants you to know that you’re special to him, is a drunken night sleeping in the same bed enough to tell you that? His head is spinning and it comes to a halt when he sees you lying in his bed on your phone waiting for him to come to bed.

You look natural there, like you’ve always belonged.

“I’ll be right back.” He panics and runs out of the room before you can acknowledge him.

He sulks out into the living room once his door is shut behind him where all the boys still remain. Only Haechan and Jeno are still awake, playing some video game on the TV.

He plops down on Haechan’s left, careful not to sit on Chenle’s knee which Haechan is resting his back against.

“How’s it going in there?” Jeno asks and Mark groans in response, pouring himself his final shot and downing it quickly. The burning sensation in his esophagus is a welcomed distraction from the flurry of thoughts in his head.

“I don’t know what you want, Mark, honestly.” Haechan says, eyes still trained on the TV in front of him.

“I know, I know. I just want her to know that she’s special to me and not just another girl.” Mark groans, playing with the idea of pouring himself a second nightcap shot.

“Did you tell her that?” Haechan says like it’s obvious.

“She’s drunk, Hyuck.” Mark counters, deciding finally to pour himself another shot of the room temperature liquor. Mark is drunk too, so he’s not too sure why that factor matters right now.

“Did you try telling her?” Haechan repeats himself, earning a shoulder check from Jeno.

“What he’s trying to say is that it’s in your hands at this point. You know what you want and you know how to do it. You just need to grow the balls and get it done.” Jeno says and Haechan leans his shoulder on Jeno’s shoulder to signify a quick hug in thanks.

Mark doesn’t move up from his position in an act of procrastination, and Chenle, who Mark previously thought was sleeping, kicks Mark swiftly in the lower back to force him to his feet.

“Go before she falls asleep and you lose your shot again.” Chenle says, head still buried deep in the cushions.

“How the fuck are you breathing, dude?” Mark asks dumbfounded.

“He has his ways.” Haechan responds, an arm wrapping around Mark’s hips to shove him out of the way of the TV screen.

Clearly, Mark is no longer welcomed out in the living room with his friends, so he moves back to his room with you, quietly opening the door in case you had fallen asleep.

You haven’t, of course. You’re far too concerned about Mark to relax long enough to fall asleep.

“If you want me to go home I can just get the Uber it’s fine.” You say the moment Mark walks through the door.

Fuck, he thinks to himself. He can’t even have one second to think.

“No, you can stay.” He says, heading back into the bathroom to brush his teeth again after the two shots he took.

“You just seem a little off, so I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. It’s no big deal, really.” You say, already moving to stand up out of his bed, moving at a much slower pace than normal due to the alcohol still in your system.

“No, please, stay.” He says, walking over to your spot, essentially blocking you from standing.

Your face still doesn’t seem convinced so he shares the truth in the best way he knows how, “I want you to stay.”

You still don’t seem fully convinced, but you lie back down anyways and wait for Mark to join you. He’s stalling at this point, moving around the room and unplugging every socket he can see.

“Big fire hazard guy?” You tease from your position in bed, his pillow parallel to your chest where your head lies. There’s something about the hopeful anticipation in your eyes that makes Mark’s head spin.

Or maybe it’s the alcohol. Probably the alcohol.

He laughs dryly, finally laying down next to you. His head is flat against the mattress, blocking your view of his face from your position atop the pillow beneath you.

“Oh, here, you want it?” You say, offering him the pillow. Mark chastises himself internally for only owning one pillow.

“Nah, you take it, you need one too.” Mark waves you off and adjusts to bend his arm behind his head, resting on his forearm.

You think for a moment before replying, “Well… you’re here aren’t you?”

“Wh-“ Mark’s question is cut short by you sitting up, placing the pillow beneath his head, and then laying your own head on his chest.

He hopes you can’t hear his heartbeat when you ask, “Is this ok?”

He, very boldly in his opinion, responds by wrapping his arms around your body. One over your shoulders and one around your waist. Thank you, alcohol!

“Just peachy.” He says, voice cracking.

His limbs are still stiff around you, but you don’t mention it as you sit up one final time to flip the light switch by the door.

You feel him jolt when you lie your head on his chest again. You feel like rolling your eyes at his dramatics.

“Seriously, Mark, I can go home.” You say, gauging his level of discomfort by the stiffness of his limbs and the sound of his breath that he’s clearly attempting to get under control.

“Nope.” Is all he says as he wraps his arms around you tighter and pulls you in. A beat passes as you feel his muscles relax beneath your head.

“You’re confusing, Mark Lee.” Is your message of acceptance as your fingers find his collarbone, tracing circles around it and scratching into the caverns gently.

He scoffs at your words, “I’m confusing?”

“Well, you say you want me here but you’re clearly uncomfortable.” You retort. He just wishes you would let the conversation settle. He’s trying his hardest.

“I’m not uncomfortable.” It’s a half truth and he knows it, but he’ll say anything to get you to shut up.

“When’s the last time you had a girl in your bed?” You ask and thankfully you can’t see him roll his eyes in the darkness.

“A while.” He swallows. He can tell where this is going and he doesn’t like it.

“You could’ve just said that!” You say with a soft, almost condescending, tone as you coo, digging your head further into his chest.

“It’s not that. You think you have me all figured out but you don’t, so just drop it please? Let’s go to sleep.” Mark pulls you even closer at that and it’s your turn to stiffen.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper into his pec and he sighs, the hand around your waist holding you tighter.

“It’s fine, just settle down.” He says and you try your best, but your mind is now running a mile a minute.

What the hell did that mean? If you aren’t making him uncomfortable, and if it isn’t that he’s just out of practice, then what is it? Why is your best friend acting so weird?

Your mind can’t help itself but say, “Are you drunk?”

“Very. You?” He says honestly. You smile against his bare chest.

“Very.” You giggle and he does too, his hand traveling down your body to grab at the back of your knee to hoist your leg to rest over his. The ice has been clearly broken as he relaxes into the new position.

You nuzzle in closer to his chest, your hands continuing to explore the dips and curves of his shoulder.

“Did you drink more when you went out there?” You ask, not really wanting to go to bed just yet. You have an odd feeling that your night isn’t over.

“Yep.” He pops the ‘p’ sound. He can’t tell if you’re prying to try and collect information or if your drunk brain is truly just curious, so he keeps his answers brief.

You giggle out your question, “Why?”

“You don’t usually have this many questions.” He deflects, but you catch him.

“You don’t usually avoid answering.” You retort and he sighs, chest rising and falling slowly below your head. It’s a nice feeling, you think.

You’re anticipating an answer, but he doesn’t give you one. Frowning, you move your head so that your chin rests on his chest, your eyes level with his cheek from where he’s lying back. He looks down at you in the dark of the room to notice your impatient stare.

“Just needed a little extra liquid courage, that’s it.” He shrugs and you frown deeper. That answer just gave you more questions than answers.

“But-“ he cuts you off.

“Just let it go, please.” He begs, his voice genuinely sounding desperate. Usually you have a free pass to tease Mark, but something is different about him tonight so you don’t pester him any further. You lie your head back down over his chest and continue to stroke his shoulder lazily. You seem to be getting more and more comfortable with each other here, which pleases you.

He appreciates the gesture, clearly, as the hand that was previously around your waist travels back down to your leg to grab a large handful softly, his thumb stroking over the side of your thigh near your knee gently.

It’s a nice moment, you think, and before your brain can tell you otherwise, your lips are puckering to leave a gentle kiss to his bare skin beneath your head. His breath hitches softly at that, so you move your head gently away from the spot to rest your forehead against his chin.

Truth be told, you aren’t quite sure why you did it. You and Mark have cuddled a million times before, but you’ve never kissed him. You’ve never even given him a cheek kiss as a greeting. Your lips have never touched Mark Lee, but for some reason tonight you felt compelled to. It was innocent and short enough that you could pretend it didn’t happen at all.

You can feel Mark slowly turning his head, your heart beating at a mile a minute at the sheer unknown of how he will react.

Just as your mind begins to conjure up rejection scenarios, you feel something.

His lips make contact with your forehead, his warm breath fanning over the top of your hair as he stays in his position, gentle lips kissing your forehead. You hold back a gasp, and your heart picks up pace. He still hasn’t moved, which you’re thankful for, as you absorb the feeling and attempt to process your emotions quickly.

That was a move.

That was a move.

Mark is making moves on you. Do you want him to? You can’t lie and say you haven’t thought about him romantically before. He’s your best friend, he’s seen your lowest and your highest and he’s stuck around through it all. He’s also undoubtedly attractive and your type. But you’ve never imagined him in this context.

But you wouldn’t want to take advantage of him. This is Mark you’re talking about here. There is no “casual fun” with him. Whatever is happening is already changing the course of your friendship, do you want to keep it going and take it further?

He doesn’t give you the opportunity to decide before his hand finds your chin, pulling up to signal that he wants you to look at him. You comply, of course, with probably too much ease.

His eyes dart between your two as he tries to read you. He wants this. He knows he wants this. What he doesn’t know, though, is whether or not you want this too.

“Are you too drunk to know what you’re doing?” He whispers and you can feel the air from his words hit your lips and it only makes you want him more.

“No.” You whisper back meekly, your eyes trained to his lips. He’s never looked so kissable. In fact, you’ve never even considered the idea of kissing Mark. Now that you’re here, though, you can’t believe it’s not crossed your mind before. You want him so bad that it feels like you’ve wanted him forever.

Your answer was clearly all he needed to brush his lips over yours. It feels like the wind is knocked out of you as you lie there, not even pursing your lips, just allowing him to adjust to the feeling of being so close with you.

The moment is beautifully intimate, you won’t lie, but you’re feeling a bit impatient and if Mark spends any more time cherishing the moment rather than seizing it you may combust. So you take the next step and officially slot your lips over his, your hand coming up to grab at his jaw to keep him steady on you. He reacts without hesitation, kissing you back with as much force as you’re giving him.

The kiss is remarkable in all the ways that it truly isn’t. There’s no sparks or fireworks, and it takes you a while to get into a rhythm. Your teeth knock his a few times and you both miss the opportunities to insert your tongues into each others mouths. It’s almost laughable how bad the kiss is from a black and white perspective, but you’re satisfied. Because, above all else, the kiss is natural and it feels right.

Once you’ve found your rhythm though, you’re fully emerged in the feeling. He’s a slower kisser than you thought he would be, clearly still attempting to savor the moment with everything in him, and you let him.

It’s nice, you think, being here like this. Every first kiss you’ve had has spurred an emotional rollercoaster inside of you. You’re typically too preoccupied with doing the right thing, looking hot enough, memorizing the other person’s likes and dislikes, and thinking about the future when you kiss someone. Kissing Mark is different. You aren’t full of worries, you’re simply enjoying it. A part of you tries to pin it on the comfortability that comes with being as close friends as you are, but another part of you that’s been hiding for a long time tells you otherwise.

Your adrenaline spikes at the thought, and it spurs you to make the next move to straddle across his waist. He reacts instantly, his hands finding your hips as he kisses you harder.

You like Mark, you realize. Perhaps your heart is a little behind your head as you’re already kissing him, but the realization sparks something in you nonetheless.

“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time,” he admits when his lips leave yours to trail down your neck. You aren’t sure if Mark is intending to bring the heat up, but it’s working when he finds that one spot near your carotid.

You hum, hand threading in his hair to keep him close. You love this. You love this moment. You never want it to end.

As if he hates you, Mark’s mouth leaves your neck to look at you to do precisely that.

“Are we doing this?” He says and you’re startled by his honesty and boldness. Is this the same Mark who was too scared to even sleep in the same bed as you?

“Define this.” You ask. It’s a valid question, he has to say, but he’s not bold enough to say it by name. Sure, he can grow a pair when he absolutely needs to, but his natural instinct is to quietly observe the other person, not be observed himself.

He doesn’t respond with words, but with an action much more bold than he realizes when his hands find your hips again and move you down to rest over his crotch. He’s not hard yet, but you still get the gist of what he’s trying to say. A gasp escapes you, earning a coy smile from the man below you.

“I take that as a yes?” He teases and you aren’t given the opportunity to respond before he sits up fully, meeting you in your sitting position to wrap both his arms around you tightly as he kisses you again.

Now the kiss is hot. His hands are busy all over your body, lighting fire in its path. You moan encouragingly into his mouth when his hands graze the underside of your breast. He catches the message quickly and moves his hand higher to officially grab you, both of you moaning at the contact. Your mouths connect sloppily, and you begin to feel a poke from underneath you.

It takes all the self control in your body to slow things down, but you owe it to Mark to talk about this.

You say his name into his mouth quietly, which he interprets as a moan, and responds with his own groan right back.

“Mark,” you say a little more firmly this time, your hands finding his shoulders to signal that you have something to say.

“Are you sure?” You ask and his previously anxious eyes soften.

“Are you?” He retorts and you roll your eyes deliberately at him.

“I asked you first, idiot.” You say and he smiles, bringing you in for a hug, his nose finding the crevice between your neck and shoulder. You can feel him relax below your fingers when you hug him back, your hands threading into his hair. The moment from before is long gone, but you prefer this.

You smile from your position on his lap. This is easy, you think. Much easier than it ever has been. It almost scares you how natural this feels with him, but you don’t allow your brain to indulge in the anxiety of it all. You’ll happily wait as long as Mark needs to give you an answer if he’s holding you like he is now.

“I’m sure that I want you, if that’s what you’re asking.” He says and it makes you smile again. He’s trying to get you to say it first. Your best friend has never been very sly, although he likes to think of himself that way.

“That is what I asked, but that’s not what I meant.” You say, throwing the ball back into his court.

All this back and forth is giving you a headache. Under any other circumstance you’d have been fed up with all the pussyfooting and made an actual move, but you want to give Mark the chance to say what he needs to say. You have a feeling that he needs the floor more than you do.

“I want to fuck you, but I don’t think it would mean the same thing to you as it does to me.” He says finally and you melt at his indirect confession, holding him tighter and slightly swaying your bodies side to side.

“Then ask.” You say simply, still not taking the power he clearly wants you to. He’s used to you being the bolder one, he’s never had to fight with you to get you to offer your mind.

“You’re making this really difficult for me, aren’t you?” He jokes and you let out a genuine laugh, kissing the crown of his head once you’re done.

“You’d regret letting me take the lead.” You read him honestly and he scans his brain for a conflict, but you’re right. He would regret it.

“You know me so well.” He says, resigned acceptance on his voice as his hand rubs wide circles into your back.

“I know, that’s why you like me so much.” You snark and Mark leans back to look you in the face with a shocked expression of offense.

“You said you’d let me take the lead!” He whines and you giggle, hand coming to rest on his cheek.

“You’re taking too long.” You attempt to justify yourself.

“I wanted to tell you.” He pouts and you move to grab the other side of his face with your other hand.

“You still can.” You gently inform him, quieting down and looking deep into his eyes.

You had anticipated a confession right then and there, but he continues to stare back at you. You can see the wheels turning in his head and you roll your eyes once more in faux annoyance, a teasing smile on your lips.

“Now, Mark.” You taunt with a giggle and he breaks out into nervous laughter, leaning away from your hands and you let him go hesitantly, resting your hands back on his bare shoulders.

He clears his throat and averts his eyes to the bedpost as he gathers his thoughts. It’s cute, you think, how flustered he is. All of this drama for you? Mark is this nervous to confess to you? You’re not a self conscious girl by any means, but you feel a little out of bounds by the idea that Mark Lee is flustered over you.

He’s amazing. Why doesn’t he think that you would notice that about him? Why does he look like he’s preparing himself for rejection right now? Does he really think of you that highly? Or worse, does he think of himself that low?

He clears his throat once more, saying your name quietly and grabbing your hands in his. You feel as if a bit more distance has been put between you now as you’re no longer holding him, but you allow him to guide.

“I’ve been into you for a while,” He says, taking in a sharp breath after the phrase is out. Although you were expecting to hear it, actually being in the moment feels more intense than you thought it would be. Your toes curl in anxiety as you attempt to keep your cool.

“and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before I kissed you— that I genuinely blame on the alcohol—but this is all me.” He says with a sigh at the end. If the confession had been pretty, it wouldn’t have been Mark’s. But you love it all the same.

A smile slowly creeps over your face as you look at him through your eyelashes. You don’t want your reaction to influence him, you want him to fully own this moment.

“Say something please.” He says with a cute impatient lilt to his voice that makes you laugh.

Your poker face, if you even had one in the first place, slips when you open your mouth to respond.

“Mark, I’ve been into you for… well…. not that long,” you say and he laughs in response, hopeful eyes and expectant smile on his face.

“but this is all me, too. I swear if I had known before I would’ve done something before.” You draw an x with your finger over your heart and Mark grabs your hand and presses a gentle kiss to your fingertip. Your heart melts as he grabs your hand with his two and draw them down to his chest.

“I like that you let me.” Mark says, leaning in as if he was about to kiss you. You smile, tilting your chin to meet him.

“Thank you.” He whispers before meeting your lips together in a sweet kiss.

i wrote this all in one day and only proofread it twice so if it sucks…. uh….. yeah! if you did enjoy my little brain dump of a story, please reblog and send feedback! your engagement means waaayyy more to me than you realize.

[smileyerim]

i would also like to add…

i am now a freelance writer!!! i make money by writing full time!!

yippee!!!

thank you, y/n

a goodbye letter

i wrote my first fanfic on an all nighter in late october 2021. i wasn’t getting much sleep around that time, being kept awake by my own suffocating cough.

i was lonely, bored, and ashamed of how my new illness made me look and feel. so i wrote a story about a girl smoking weed and hooking up with a frat boy. something i could never do again since covid blanketed my first 2 years of college.

it was fun to create her— Y/N. i loved putting her on. and it was especially fun to invite all of you to also put her on and experience her perfectly palatable life. i loved her and i know you all did too.

as i continued to create her, she became my confidant. she had a life that mirrored mine—always dating but never committed. noticed for her understated beauty. heartbroken at every turn.

but she wasn’t entirely like me— she had her health. she could pursue her dreams. she was never stalled. she was everything that i could’ve been.

but back to me for a second though.

my lowest and my highest days of my illness were within one week of another. i went from disabled and worsening day by day to having my first full day of relief after 2 years of chronic symptoms.

it was a cause for celebration! but not long after my first unassisted breath of fresh air, a wave of consciousness knocked me out cold. the funny thing about living in survival mode is that you don’t realize you’re in it until it’s over.

sadly, Y/N couldn’t help me process this time, she didn’t get it. she was just another pretty and fortunate girl who got to live out her 20’s that were stolen from me. suddenly, i was envious of her. ironic, isn’t it?

it’s been one year since i had that first day of relief, and i’ve been managing that health since. last summer i was up to my throat in quick sand, and i decided to dedicate everything i had to crawling out.

and shit, i did it!

i had to grow up a lot during those 2 years. i’m so grateful that i got to do it with you all by my side. i’m so glad that Y/N got to have my happy endings. but now, i have happy endings of my own.

thank you for sharing her with me over these few years. her stories will remain, and so will i, but not as a writer.

with love,

autumn <3

[smileyerim]

thank you, y/n

a goodbye letter

i wrote my first fanfic on an all nighter in late october 2021. i wasn’t getting much sleep around that time, being kept awake by my own suffocating cough.

i was lonely, bored, and ashamed of how my new illness made me look and feel. so i wrote a story about a girl smoking weed and hooking up with a frat boy. something i could never do again since covid blanketed my first 2 years of college.

it was fun to create her— Y/N. i loved putting her on. and it was especially fun to invite all of you to also put her on and experience her perfectly palatable life. i loved her and i know you all did too.

as i continued to create her, she became my confidant. she had a life that mirrored mine—always dating but never committed. noticed for her understated beauty. heartbroken at every turn.

but she wasn’t entirely like me— she had her health. she could pursue her dreams. she was never stalled. she was everything that i could’ve been.

but back to me for a second though.

my lowest and my highest days of my illness were within one week of another. i went from disabled and worsening day by day to having my first full day of relief after 2 years of chronic symptoms.

it was a cause for celebration! but not long after my first unassisted breath of fresh air, a wave of consciousness knocked me out cold. the funny thing about living in survival mode is that you don’t realize you’re in it until it’s over.

sadly, Y/N couldn’t help me process this time, she didn’t get it. she was just another pretty and fortunate girl who got to live out her 20’s that were stolen from me. suddenly, i was envious of her. ironic, isn’t it?

it’s been one year since i had that first day of relief, and i’ve been managing that health since. last summer i was up to my throat in quick sand, and i decided to dedicate everything i had to crawling out.

and shit, i did it!

i had to grow up a lot during those 2 years. i’m so grateful that i got to do it with you all by my side. i’m so glad that Y/N got to have my happy endings. but now, i have happy endings of my own.

thank you for sharing her with me over these few years. her stories will remain, and so will i, but not as a writer.

with love,

autumn <3

[smileyerim]

thank you, y/n

a goodbye letter

i wrote my first fanfic on an all nighter in late october 2021. i wasn’t getting much sleep around that time, being kept awake by my own suffocating cough.

i was lonely, bored, and ashamed of how my new illness made me look and feel. so i wrote a story about a girl smoking weed and hooking up with a frat boy. something i could never do again since covid blanketed my first 2 years of college.

it was fun to create her— Y/N. i loved putting her on. and it was especially fun to invite all of you to also put her on and experience her perfectly palatable life. i loved her and i know you all did too.

as i continued to create her, she became my confidant. she had a life that mirrored mine—always dating but never committed. noticed for her understated beauty. heartbroken at every turn.

but she wasn’t entirely like me— she had her health. she could pursue her dreams. she was never stalled. she was everything that i could’ve been.

but back to me for a second though.

my lowest and my highest days of my illness were within one week of another. i went from disabled and worsening day by day to having my first full day of relief after 2 years of chronic symptoms.

it was a cause for celebration! but not long after my first unassisted breath of fresh air, a wave of consciousness knocked me out cold. the funny thing about living in survival mode is that you don’t realize you’re in it until it’s over.

sadly, Y/N couldn’t help me process this time, she didn’t get it. she was just another pretty and fortunate girl who got to live out her 20’s that were stolen from me. suddenly, i was envious of her. ironic, isn’t it?

it’s been one year since i had that first day of relief, and i’ve been managing that health since. last summer i was up to my throat in quick sand, and i decided to dedicate everything i had to crawling out.

and shit, i did it!

i had to grow up a lot during those 2 years. i’m so grateful that i got to do it with you all by my side. i’m so glad that Y/N got to have my happy endings. but now, i have happy endings of my own.

thank you for sharing her with me over these few years. her stories will remain, and so will i, but not as a writer.

with love,

autumn <3

[smileyerim]

Made this for u 💝

[smileyerim]

episode one: champagne problems

summer of love: an interactive nct series

Welcome to Villa Rosa, the home for this summer’s hottest singles to come together to compete to find their true love. Through a series of compatibility competitions and tempting newcomers joining the mix, our couples will be put to the test to evaluate if they really belong together. Join us in the summer of love, where anything could happen. (reality show concept based off of perfect match)

chapter content:

(bold indicates a major pairing with the reader in this chapter)

the boys: mark lee, jung jaehyun, na jaemin, lee haechan, kim jungwoo, kim doyoung (the host)

the girls: model!reader, huh yunjin, karina, shin ryujin

genre: fluff, sorta angsty

word count: 9.9k

warnings: love triangle, adults drinking, dialogue about sex, dialogue about heartbreak, SHIT MOVES FAAAAST (comes with the territory tbh), visual and personality comparisons between all the boys (this is a major theme, so if it offends you please don’t read further)

net tags: @kflixnet @k-labels

for information on the full series, check out the series masterlist linked below the title!

“On my cue.” The producer dressed in black says next to you. You give him a nod and a smile before quickly readjusting your bikini top for the millionth time today.

Your nerves are starting to build in an exciting way, you swipe your sweaty palms on your sheer wrap that’s covering truly nothing on your body.

My reality television debut, you ponder the event as you stand silently. You can hear the roar of laughter and the telltale squeal of a girl that just got cheekily flirted with from down the hallway. You will join the bunch next.

“Go.” The producer says and you let out a final sigh before strutting with as much confidence and power that you can muster down the hallway. The only noise is your heels clicking the marble, the group outside clearly having been told to anticipate your arrival.

The moment you spot the group, they all erupt in enthusiastic hellos, even earning you a wolf whistle from a tall man in tropical print shorts. You’re the second girl here, with only two more to follow after you. There’s three boys already waiting. The one girl, Karina, runs up to you first, complimenting your outfit and makeup. You’re too smart to fall for it, knowing that she’s only doing so to scope you out quickly. Hell, you’ll be doing the same thing once more girls join in.

This is a competition, after all.

“Wow, it’s lovely to meet you.” A shorter guy with a sexy undercut approaches you with a shy side hug. He’s handsome and youthful, you note.

Your eyes meet once you exchange names. Mark, he had said. His name doesn’t match how sexy he is, but you bite your tongue on telling him that. He’s staring pretty intensely into your eyes and you feel locked in, but you remind yourself of the circumstance you’re in and hesitantly break away to meet the other guys.

They all greet you with hugs, but none of them leave an impression quite like Mark does. You learn that the man who gave you a wolf whistle is a tall man named Jungwoo. He interests you right off the bat, but the moment you’re done saying hello he’s back to talking to Karina.

He seems to be hitching his wagon early, so you do the same and travel back over to Mark’s side.

“Can I get you a drink?” He says, hand already reaching for the champagne bottle in the ice bucket. You laugh at his initiative, finding him quite endearing and nod your head yes.

“Where are you from?” He says as he fills the flute with with the bubbles.

“Take a guess,” you tease him with a smile on your face, leaning your elbows onto the high top table between you two. Your cleavage is certainly on display, an intentional move on your part.

“Aw, dude, don’t do that to me!” He whines cutely with animated eyes. You laugh again and answer him.

“Fine, fine. I’m from New York. Well, not originally but that’s where I live now.” You answer him as he hands you your flute. You want to tease him again for his heavy pour, but you bite your tongue.

“Oh, cool! I’m from Toronto originally but I’ve been living in Seoul for a few years to work on music.” You nod, eye being caught by the producers shushing you all in anticipation of a new person.

It’s a girl dressed in a neon green bikini, and Jungwoo graces her with the same wolf whistle he did for you. You mentally note his affinity for pulling the same moves on different women and join Karina in greeting her with over the top enthusiasm.

She introduces herself as Ryujin. You observe Mark give her the same awkward side hug that he did you, but just as quickly as he’s greeting her he’s back at your side. You smile, noting his apparent loyalty to you already.

“So, what do you do?” Mark asks you. You typically hate small talk, but appreciate that he’s keeping the conversation PG unlike the group adjacent to you two.

(“What’s your body count?” A loud, young guy asks Ryujin, and she gasps, slapping his shoulder in an obvious flirt.)

“I’m a stylist. I do freelance work for magazines and things like that.” You explain, and it’s cute how he pretends to find it interesting.

“Rate my outfit then.” He asks with a smirk. You take the opportunity to scan his body down to the shorts he’s wearing, but letting your eyes linger on his toned skin. He’s not muscular by any means, potentially skinny even, but the muscle definition that he does have suits him well.

You smile, about to answer them when Ryujin approaches the table again, “Care to pour me a drink, Mark?” She says and you smile politely at her as he sends you a quick glance before reaching for the bottle.

Ouch, but you get it. There’s a lot of people to get to know here, and Mark is currently only one of three guys. There’s still two more to arrive, and if Mark is the only one that’s interesting to her from the selection then so be it.

Thankfully, Mark doesn’t allow you to third wheel for long as he includes you in the conversation quickly.

“Y/N is from New York, too!” Mark exclaims and you smile in her direction to nod in confirmation. You have to remind yourself to stay calm as you speak to them. Two more boys are coming, and loyalties are as strong as tissue paper in the wind on shows like these.

You have to remember to stay focused and open minded. Thankfully, Mark and Ryujin are both exciting conversationalists so you’re able to stay engaged in the conversation until the producers quiet you all down again.

Ryujin leans over to whisper in your ear, “Do you think it’s a girl or a guy?” She asks excitedly. You giggle at her and shrug, squinting your eyes to attempt to spot the next figure through the palm tree leaves blocking a clear view of the door.

It’s a girl this time wearing a cut out one piece. It’s in a deep fuchsia to compliment her skin tone and light brown hair and you nearly gasp at her beauty once she smiles excitedly as she approaches.

She’s the last in and for good reason, she’s gorgeous. You’re the first to move in to introduce yourself.

“Hello, beautiful!” You announce and pull her into a hug. It’s a little difficult as she’s significantly taller than you, but you manage. She smiles genuinely as she returns your compliment, nearly forcing a blush on your cheeks. Her name is Yunjin, she shares with the girls.

Just like before, Mark gives her a side hug. It’s much more awkward and surely embarrassing on his part as she’s slightly taller than him with the help of her stilettos.

In fact, the only person tall enough for Yunjin is Jungwoo, so they quickly begin chatting, leaving you to Mark and Ryujin.

“Where’s the rest of the eye candy, huh?” Ryujin jokes and knocks your shoulder softly.

Ah, you think, she’s not into Mark. You smile at the realization and stare him right in the eye when you jokingly respond.

“Shit, I don’t know. It’s getting a little boring.” You challenge him silently and he raises one eyebrow while maintaining eye contact with you. You say nothing, only breaking the eye contact to bring your champagne flute back to your lips.

You had planned to play the field a bit more, but the pickings are slim with 4 girls and 3 boys so far, and Mark is far more interesting than Jungwoo and Haechan.

That is, until the producers quiet you once more to introduce the last 2 attendees. Ryujin perks up, standing on her tippy toes and leaning her body to try and sneak a glance. You’re hopeful for her sake, these are the last two guys who will be joining you for quite some time. For you, though, you feel as if you could hold your own with Mark, but the inkling curiosity still strikes as you wait for the last two boys.

Your jaw drops once you spot them. You have to blink your eyes once to clear your vision to absorb every detail.

Two men with bodies to die for and faces that seem painted by God himself emerge from the entrance.

One of them is a certified pretty boy, you can say that much, with his big eyes and charming smile. His blonde hair is styled perfectly and if he couldn’t get any hotter, he goofily greets the group with a squeal and wide arms. He seems young, but in all fairness most of the guys here are, too. He begins by greeting the table adjacent to yours, naturally so as they reacted just as enthusiastically as he had.

The other boy, though, is making a beeline for your table.

Wait, not just your table. He’s making his way towards you.

His lipped smile grows as he approaches slowly, dimples peeking out in his cheeks. You’re enraptured by his visuals immediately, meeting his eyes as he walks up to wrap both arms around you in a hug.

It takes you by surprise, but just as quickly as it’s begun it’s ended.

“My name is Jaehyun.” He introduces himself after he lets go, sticking his hand out for you to shake. You giggle and tilt your head at his hand, finding it odd that he’s choosing to give you a handshake after he’s already hugged you, but he’s so hot that you barely can think.

You shake his hand back, noting how big his is compared to yours as you give him your name.

“Mm,” he hums in satisfaction, “pretty name for a pretty girl.” he winks down at you and you genuinely giggle at that, turning your head bashfully to look at the ice bucket in the center of your table.

It’s nothing spectacular to look at, unlike Jaehyun, but it’s the ending the moment needed so he could go and make his rounds.

You watch him as he approaches the other table of people. He doesn’t give any other girls the same encapsulating hug that he gave you, it’s intentional and you know it. He makes it all the more obvious as he catches your eye after side hugging the two girls, clearly watching for your reaction.

Unsure of how you feel about the silent message, you turn back to Mark and Ryujin who have now begun talking about the villa.

“I’m really excited to see what the bedroom situation will be like.” You chime in, and Mark enthusiastically agrees and steps closer to you. He isn’t showing any signs that the greeting with Jaehyun irked him, which you find unbelievably sexy of him.

“I bet the bathroom is plush.” A voice from behind you says and you jump, turning to see Jaehyun cheekily smile down at you.

“You did that on purpose!” You hit his shoulder and he just laughs and stands in the empty spot opposite to Mark at the high top.

He shrugs, smirking, “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. You’ll just have to get to know me better to see.” He flirts and you smile back.

“I guess so.” You trail off, returning your attention to Mark and Ryujin. Now Mark is showing his true feelings, but only slightly with his attentive eyes already on you when you look at him.

He was watching you and Jaehyun. Interesting.

“Alright, lovers! How’re we feeling?” A voice over a megaphone startles you once more to steal your attention.

Your brain short circuits as you’re slightly star struck by the host in view. Doyoung, a jazz singer known for meeting his wife on the Bachelor, stands proudly on a small stage before you as the group whoops and hollers. You were warned that he’d be here, but seeing him in person makes it all the more real.

“Let me be the first to say welcome to the Summer of Love villa!” He lowers the megaphone this time, much to your gratitude, and you applaud with the rest.

“You’re all here because you have one thing in common— you’re too hot to be single!” The group erupts in laughter at that and Jaehyun sneakily leans in to your side to whisper,

“Especially you.”

You blush and turn your gaze back to Doyoung, doing your best to keep your cool. It’s already hot outside, but you feel yourself warming up a few extra degrees at his forwardness.

“Hey, you’ll have enough time to flirt later.” Doyoung teases Jaehyun and points his finger, and Jaehyun brings his arms up in surrender much to the amusement of the others. You blush even harder, staring straight ahead at Doyoung. Looking at either Jaehyun or Mark could be dangerous for you right now.

“You also all share another attribute, you all want something real.” Doyoung says and the crowd nods in agreement. Admittedly, you had no idea that was a part of the criteria to join the show, but you nod along with them anyways. It’s true, you suppose.

“To create an environment for real connections, at the end of each week you will pair up with another person here to dedicate your attention towards.”

“As you know, though, not all that glitters is gold. To put your relationships to the test, each week a new man or woman will join you here to search for their own perfect pair.” The group oohs and feigns shock. That, at least, you know is an act as you were told about the scope of the show before you even signed on.

“At the end of each coupling, anyone without a match will leave here alone. As you’ve already noticed, there’s four girls and five guys. So gentlemen, be aware that one of you will be the first to go home.” You glance around the group, looking for any obvious pairings forming already. There are none, which excites you. It’s open season, and there’s five cute guys here all needing to find a girl for tonight.

“To really bring up the heat in the summer of love, our first coupling will be tonight.” You gasp at that announcement, looking over to Mark and Jaehyun who are both already looking at you. Your palms begin sweating again.

“Now, are you ready to begin the Summer Of Love?” Doyoung says, speaking into the megaphone again. The group erupts in cheers, although you’re sure the rest of the group is feeling the same anxiety that you are.

After Doyoung released the group to go inside and explore the villa, the producers instruct you to gather by gender to discuss the others. The girls have gathered, much to your gratitude, at the infinity pool at the edge of the property. The heat is oppressive, so you stand near the edge of the pool where Yunjin has her feet dipped.

“He’s pretty cute and was flirting with me really hard,” Yunjin shares, “but Jaemin is really cute too and much more my type.”

You nod adding, “Jungwoo is from the same city as you, though.”

She pouts in consideration before nodding herself.

“Good point. I don’t know who I’m most interested in, then. Karina you go.” Yunjin passes the torch with a fake frustrated sigh. You laugh at her antics, scrunching your nose and directing your attention to the blonde lounging out on the tanning chair.

She looks as if she’s posing with the way her arms and legs are positioned, but you can’t blame her. The producers constantly meddling and the right black band around your waist make it impossible to forget that you’re on camera.

“I don’t know, honestly. Jaemin is cute, but we look too similar.” You and Yunjin share a look of confusion before she giggles in realization.

“Wait, because you’re both tall, hot blondes?” Yunjin giggles and Karina swipes the sunglasses off of her face.

“Well, yeah!” She says like it’s obvious and the three of you erupt in laughter at her statement.

“I’m not too sure that any of that matters.” Ryujin reassures her, to which you vocalize your agreement.

“Whatever. What I’m most interested in is Y/N’s thoughts.” Karina eyes you with a smirk and you look down at your intertwined hands leaning on the pool’s edge as the girls excitedly agree with her and urge you to speak up.

When you take too long to answer, Yunjin kicks your side and Ryujin tacks on to your other, smiling at you in anticipation.

“Okay, fine!” You cave in and the girls lean in, Karina moving to lay on her stomach backwards on the chair to be closer to you all.

“I honestly don’t know what to think.” You say with honesty. You truly do not know who you are more interested in.

“Oh, come on, Jaehyun had you blushing like a little schoolgirl!” Yunjin teases to attempt to get a confession out of you. Before you can say anything else, though, Ryujin pipes up.

“Yes, but did you see her and Mark? She was obviously feeling him, too.” You groan, head falling into your hands in embarrassment.

“Haechan wouldn’t stop checking her out either…” Karina adds.

“Oh, Jaemin too!” Yunjin piles on and you cringe at yourself. You had known about Mark and Jaehyun, but Haechan and Jaemin too?

You’ll admit, you’ve always known that you’re beautiful, but this is a whole new level of attention.

“There’s no way.” You say with your head still hidden.

“Damn, girl, you’re popular.” Ryujin says next to you and you roll your eyes.

“Helpful.” You snark at her and she wraps a sympathetic arm around you to pull you in to a fake hug.

“Champagne problems.” She coos and pets your hair teasingly, to which you playfully wiggle her off of you. The girls laugh and you sigh, settling down a bit to give them a true answer.

“It’s still early days, so I don’t know yet. I like that Mark is boyish, but Jaehyun is really charming.”

“Really charming.” Ryujin adds and you nod at her.

“Yeah, sure, he had me blushing, but cockiness can be disguised by confidence and I don’t know if that’s a risk I want to take.” The girls nod in understanding, and before Ryujin can share her answer, a voice booms out from the house.

“Round up!” An unfamiliar voice calls, most likely another producer, and you roll your eyes at the intrusion. It’s going to be hard to get used to.

The boys are the last to arrive to the patio where you’re sat with the girls. The cameras are blocking a clear view, but you can see Jaehyun and Mark chatting away as they approach. You smile, thankful that the competition over you didn’t place any walls between them.

“This seat taken?” Mark says and you smile, shaking your head no to allow him to sit on the loveseat with you. There’s barely enough room for you both, not that you’re complaining. To make more room, Mark leans his arm on the back of the loveseat and pulls you back to lean into his chest a bit.

Under other circumstances you’d push him off, but time moves quickly in the villa, especially for the boys who risk going home after tonight. Plus, you really really want to be here against him right now, so you’ll take the justifications.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, is sitting next to Jungwoo on the sofa. You know that the only girl that he spoke to earlier was you, but you’re still surprised to see him single.

“Are you ready for your first challenge?” Doyoung says once he’s found his spot standing before you all. You all cheer in response, and once Mark’s done clapping, his free hand finds your knee. You blush even deeper, the butterflies in your belly erupting at the contact.

“In your first challenge, we will put your discernment abilities to the test in a game of first impressions.” The crowd oohs, Mark included, but you wait and listen.

“Each of you will be faced with real secrets about other people in this villa. You will then have to match the secret with the person that you think it belongs to.” You gulp, adjusting nervously. You didn’t know that this would come up so early in the show.

“You ok?” Mark whispers in your ear which startles you, but you quickly nod with a curt smile. He’s going to find out soon anyways.

“The person who guesses the most secrets correctly will be rewarded with a date with any other person of their choosing.” You’d have it in you to be excited along with the rest of the group if you weren’t so nervous.

You seriously weren’t expecting it to come up, not so soon at least. Not without you sharing it first. You feel as if the rug has been ripped out from underneath you, as if your story is no longer your own.

“Ladies first, Yunjin.” Doyoung calls her up dismiss her to the selection room. She gasps and shoots up quickly, blowing you all kisses goodbye as she retreats. The producers have instructed you all to stay silent to avoid cheating, so all you can do is sit with your thoughts as Mark’s thumb slowly rubs circles into your knee. It’s a comforting move, one that you’re needing quite a bit right now.

If you weren’t so preoccupied with your own thoughts, you’d notice Jaehyun staring daggers into Mark’s hand on your leg. You don’t, though, but Mark certainly does.

Mark had picked up on what was going on during the introductions earlier, but his fears were made real when Jaehyun expressed his interest in you to the guys as they all sat in the bedroom earlier that day. Mark felt small in that moment when faced with the reality of his competition, but he did his best to not let it get to him.

The mindset shift worked in his favor, clearly, as you were now here sitting with him, not Jaehyun.

All of the girls had left and returned by the time it was your turn. You sighed once your name was called, using Mark’s leg as a rest to help you up. Unlike the others, you don’t give any dramatic or cute goodbyes and simply walk to the room.

It’s exactly as you expected with the white walls lit up by LED lights displaying a wave of sunset colors. In the center of the room is a large touchscreen table currently displaying five photos and five digital envelopes to open.

You sigh as you approach, expressing your nerves to the camera up above the table. Hesitantly, you tap the first envelope to spark an animation of it opening to reveal the first secret.

Lost his virginity during seven minutes in heaven.

You scoff a laughter, shaking your head and clicking on the next. You want all of your options before you make pairings.

Said “I love you” 4 days in

You cringe at that one, but move on quickly so as to not embarrass the boy this secret belongs to.

Said the wrong name during sex.

You roll your eyes at that one. It’s clear what type of show the producers are trying to make. Too bad your secret doesn’t fit into the mold. You tap the next.

Got left at the altar.

Your heart drops to your stomach when you read that one. You tap on the card a few times to see if it’s real, and it is. You pause for a few seconds, but will yourself to move on. You’re wasting too much time.

Has moved in with 4 out of 5 of his past girlfriends.

With all the secrets revealed, you take a deep breath and laugh to yourself.

“These boys are such a mess.” You say half to yourself, half to the camera.

Your first instinct is to match Haechan with “said the wrong name during sex”, so you do just that.

Your eye is caught on “has moved in with 4 out of 5 past girlfriends” as another easy match. Jaehyun, obviously. Not only does he have the charisma to make 4 girls fall in love with him, he’s also the oldest boy which makes for more time in adulthood than the rest.

“Lost his virginity during seven minutes in heaven” is given to Jungwoo.

Purposefully avoiding the most intense secret, you pair Mark with “Said ‘I love you’ after four days”.

By default, you match Jaemin with “Got left at the altar.” You know your guess is wrong, but you’re not attracted to the idea of winning. If you win you then have to choose, which is the last thing you want to do right now.

Once you return happily to the waiting crew, you swap glances with Yunjin who has to look away quickly before bursting into giggles. Clearly, she found the challenge to be more amusing than you had.

The boys are called up next, and you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t bounce your leg in anxiety when both Mark and Jaehyun left and returned respectively. Neither of them seem affected, so they clearly didn’t match you correctly.

“Results are in.” Doyoung emerges and you all burst in scandalous “ooh”‘s.

“Before we reveal the true answers, we must crown our winner.” Doyoung announces and the group leans in in excited anticipation.

“Jungwoo, you have won our first challenge.” Doyoung can barely finish his sentence over the loud cheers of the group congratulating him. He celebrates himself, but ends his celebration by grabbing Yunjin’s hand and kissing the back. She giggles bashfully and smiles ahead of her.

Well, you think, that’s that. With a proud smile for your new friend.

“Do you all want to know the true matches?” Doyoung eggs you all on, earning exasperated ‘yes’’s from the group.

Uh oh, here we go.

The boys go first, much to the excitement of the girls, you included. First, Doyoung reveals your score as a 1, much to your disappointment. Mark laughs at you and offers you a comforting shoulder pat which you accept happily. Whatever you have to do to get him to keep touching you, you think.

The rest of the girls didn’t do much better, with Karina scoring the highest at a pathetic 2.

Doyoung first reveals that Jungwoo is the one who has moved in with four girlfriends before. The group, although surprised, aren’t too shocked by the news. He even earned a few remarks of how that fits him. All that you care about, though, is that Jaehyun could now be any of the other four secrets.

Next Jaemin is exposed for having said the wrong name during sex, which earns him a chorus of boos that he humbly accepts with his head hung low. It’s all in lighthearted fun, though, as laughter soon follows and excited requests for the story. Jaemin declines to your collective dissatisfaction, and Doyoung moves on.

The only answer you got correct was Mark, expectedly. Oddly enough, though, what you found cringey in the selection room is now endearing when paired with the boy sitting next to you. He buries his head in embarrassment at the teasing coo’s of the group, groaning through his smile.

“I think it’s cute.” You whisper into his hair to attempt to force him out of hiding.

“Really?” His shining eyes meet yours and your heart glows at his hopeful look. You nod with a soft smile on your face before drawing attention back to Doyoung to break the moment. You don’t want to put all your eggs into one basket just yet.

Mark’s secret had distracted you, but now the reality of what’s left has hit you like a ton of bricks.

The only two boys left are Haechan and Jaehyun, two boys who couldn’t be any more different. The only two secrets couldn’t be any more opposite either.

The answer is obvious, right in front of your nose, but you want to make sure before you allow yourself to freak out. You stiffen against Mark’s chest again, and you pray that he doesn’t comment on it.

With sweaty palms, you pretend to be intrigued when Haechan is revealed to have lost his virginity during seven minutes in heaven. You even put on a pretend entertained face when he proudly tells the play by play — entirely unprompted.

The moment Haechan sits down, you allow yourself to stare Jaehyun down. He looks calm, but he can’t possibly be. Not when you know what you know and the entire world is about to, too. He must be feeling exactly as you are.

“That means that our poor Jaehyun here was left at the altar.” Doyoung announces and the crowd falls eerily solemn for a moment to read his response to the announcement.

But he shrugs. He just… shrugs? It lightens the mood enough to let the crowd offer half sincere condolences to him as he pretends as if it’s not a big deal. You’re flabbergasted, choosing to look onward at him blankly until he looks at you. He doesn’t.

The girls are due to be announced next, and you choose acceptance. It’s all coming out anyways.

Firstly, Karina is exposed to have split custody over a dog with her ex. You giggle at her reveal, seeing it as absolutely fitting.

Next, it’s revealed that Ryujin once went on three dates with a guy without knowing his name. That one surprises you, but you can’t say you don’t sympathize.

“Y/N,” Doyoung pauses and the group begins slapping their knees and cushions in a drumroll. All participate except Jaehyun, who just looks on with an odd warmness behind his eyes. You maintain your stare with him for a second or so before Doyoung speaks again.

“was left stranded on her honeymoon.” You sigh, the nerves settling now that your secret has been revealed. You don’t move a muscle until the girls begin to shout out confused exclaims.

“Wait, girl, seriously?” Yunjin asks and you meet her eyes with a sad look that confirms it all.

The girls then shout in unison again, but this time with dumbfounded half-compliments. The only one you catch is Ryujin’s, “He left a girl like you?”

You scoff, laughing a bit and looking at her, “Well, yeah.” with gentle eyes.

You refuse to turn to look at Mark, but you can feel his hand grip your leg tighter from beside you. Still, your head remains forward when Doyoung moves on.

Through the laughter at Yunjin’s secret revealed, you spot another blank face. Jaehyun, and he’s staring right at you.

Once the director calls cut on the cameras brought in specifically for the challenge, Jaehyun is up and making a beeline towards where you’re sitting with Mark.

“Let’s talk.” He says, hand extending out to you to grab.

“Hold on a sec,” Mark says, not letting go of your leg. You meet his eyes for the first time since before your secret was revealed and find nothing but concern on his face.

Great, you think, exactly what I didn’t want.

You look up at Jaehyun and see no panic, confusion, or concern. He looks… neutral.

“I’ll talk to you before the party, okay?” You say to Mark and he sighs, letting go of your leg to allow you to stand. You don’t take Jaehyun’s hand out of respect for Mark.

That is, until you’re out of Mark’s sight.

“Let’s go to the daybed.” Jaehyun says, moving your grasped hands to intertwine your fingers. You smile down at your feet at the gesture.

Once you’re settled, you sitting criss crossed and Jaehyun laying on his side in a relaxed lounge, he breaks the silence.

“Welcome to pathetic losers anonymous, my name is Jaehyun.” He says and urges you with his hand to continue the act. His attempt to lighten the situation makes you smile, a charmed look on your face when you reply, “Hi Jaehyun.” in a drawn out bored voice.

He cracks a genuine smile at that before he continues, “Two years ago my fiancée—ex fiancée— ran away with her ex boyfriend the night before our wedding.”

The gasp you let out at his confession makes you embarrassed, so you quickly apologize for your reaction. He smiles, shaking his head in a graceful dismissal of your apology as he continues, “They got married on April 6th and on April 8th, I accepted the offer to be on this show.” You nod in understanding. He doesn’t break eye contact with you as you look between his two eyes. Is this what you look like? Do you also look this unamused when talking about what happened to you?

“Unfortunately due to shrinking populations during the apocalypse,” you laugh at his joke, lightening the mood just a bit.

“there are only two members of Pathetic Losers Anonymous so participation is mandatory if you want to enjoy the amenities.” You choose to play along to his game once more, but with some snark.

“What amenities?” You ask with sass and he just smirks.

“Well, we have the lounge area,” he says while rubbing his hand on the daybed cushion between you. You nod and let out a false interested tone, urging him on with a smile.

“State of the art soundproofing,” he says while cheekily drawing the sheer curtain closed behind him. You cock your head with a suspicious smile on your face and he continues.

“Last but not least,” he grabs blindly behind the back board of the bed, “the pool!” He throws a chilled water bottle in your direction. You squeal, barely catching the flying object before it hits your face.

He breaks character for a moment to apologize, clearly not indenting to throw the bottle that hard. You can’t stop laughing, even when you meet his half concerned, half amused look.

“You dick.” You tease between giggles and he rolls his eyes playfully, laying back down and grabbing your arm to pull you down with him.

You don’t give in, still feeling the pressure.

“I’m scared for everyone to know.” You admit quietly, drawing meaningless patterns in the condensation that’s collected on the bottle in your hands.

“Duh, that’s why we have the state of the art soundproofing!” He jokes, although he knows exactly what you meant.

You meet his eyes before lying down on your back with your hands folded over your stomach.

“We got into a fight on our wedding night because he—“ you stop, reminding yourself that this is on camera.

“It doesn’t matter what we fought about, but we did.” You finally say and Jaehyun nods from where he’s sitting up on his elbow looking down at you. There’s a considerable ten inches between your bodies, but he feels uncomfortably close still.

“When we landed in Cancun I thought we were fine, but he had booked himself a different hotel.” Jaehyun sits patiently for you to reveal the last part of your story.

“I thought he just wanted some time to cool off, so I let him have it. I thought he would check in on me, or call me, or something but he didn’t for that entire week. I spent my honeymoon alone.” You sigh and close your eyes, refusing to let your emotions bubble.

“When I got to the airport at the end of the trip I found out he had gone home the same day that we got there. He left me all alone in Cancun by myself for a week waiting for him.” You pause once again.

“He put his wedding band and annulment papers into an envelope and slid it under my office door for me to find a week later.” You finish your story, looking over at Jaehyun.

He’s unreadable, which is frustrating, but almost welcomed with how overwhelming your own feelings are.

“When did this happen?” He asks.

“A year ago.”

He sighs, not too sure what to say to you. You can’t blame him, you didn’t know what to say to him either.

After a few more uncomfortable moments, you lift your hand up in a fist leaned slightly towards him.

“We’re even now.” You say, inviting him to fist bump you. He chuckles through his nose and fist bumps you.

You sit there for a few more moments just staring at each other basking in the intimacy.

Then you remember the last time you felt this way and turn your logical brain back on.

“I don’t even know where you live.” You say flatly and he laughs at that.

“I guess you don’t, huh?” He says through a smile and you shake your head with a neutral expression.

“I guess you should since you know everything else.” He says before telling you about how he was born in South Korea but moved to London as a kid. More questions down the line and you discover that he’s a doctor, an optometrist to be exact, and ‘That’s how I know you have pretty eyes, I see them all day long.’

Once you share your own lot of fun facts, you decide it’s finally time to join the group again, much to Jaehyun’s disappointment.

“Can you just promise me that you’ll consider me to couple with tonight?” He asks before you round the corner back to the main living space and back to the group.

You smile and with the assistance of your intertwined hands, elevate to your tippy toes to plant a gentle kiss on his cheek.

It’s all the answers he needed.

Mark finds you while you’re washing your hands in the plush bathroom.

“Hey, can we talk?” He says with the same concerned eyes as before. You look at him through the mirror and sigh, taking your time turning off the faucet and drying your hands. You turn on your heel to rest your ass against the counter and extend your arms out to Mark, he quickly obliges and steps into your space where you wrap your arms around his shoulders. His hands find your hips easily.

“Can I be honest?” You ask and he nods quickly.

“Of course.”

You pout and shake your head, “I don’t really want to talk about it anymore, if that’s alright.”

Mark’s face falls a bit but he nods in understanding, repeating the same sentiment from before.

“It just worried me and—“ He begins to ramble but you cut him off.

“Mark, I’ve only know you for a day. I want to know your favorite color first before you know all the skeletons in my closet.” You attempt to reason, but he replies quickly,

“Blue.”

“Mark,” you drag out his name in a whine and his brain seems to catch up to his mouth as he giggles at himself and apologizes, a faint tint of pink rising on his cheeks.

“Can we go swimming or something?” You ask after a moment of laughter.

He nods with a smile, stepping away from you to allow you to stand.

The pool is even nicer now that the sun has nearly set, falling behind the house to give you some much needed shade. The sky is a beautiful orange, and in the moments that both you and Mark are still enough, you can hear the rolling waves from the beach.

Mark is an even nicer view from where you are with your head half dipped in the water as you float on your back. He’s looking down at you with those boyish eyes with a soft smile.

“What?” You ask after a long moment of his stare.

He chuckles and shakes his head, “nothing,”

You groan, breaking your float to stand and look up from Mark’s seated position on the thin infinity edge of the pool.

“Mark,” you say bluntly.

“Nothing!” He giggles out a whine, the same pink blush from before sitting on his cheeks.

You don’t let up though, and he just sighs and laughs before admitting, “I was just thinking how I’m really enjoying getting to know you.”

You almost aww at him, your heart melting at the comment. He’s special, you think. Gentle spirited, sweet, and genuine.

“I’m having fun getting to know you, too.”

You hadn’t realized what you said before he asked you, “Does that mean we’re coupling up tonight?”

You can feel your heart wrench at the hope in his voice. You hadn’t decided yet, you couldn’t tell him yes.

“Mark, I just meant… I don’t know what I meant.” You admit and he dejects a little.

“I want to get to know you, but I also want to get to know someone else. I need time to figure out what I’ll decide.” You say finally and he nods in understanding.

“Can I enjoy getting to know you right now, then?” He asks with the same boyish smile from before and you giggle at him, grabbing his arms and tugging as hard as you can to hopefully send him barreling towards the water.

“Amateur.” He playfully scoffs before jumping in himself, grabbing your legs from underwater and quickly flipping you around to pull you in by your waist to his back and hoist you up. Before you knew it, you were midair about to splash into the water below you.

Once you emerge from the warm water, the first sound you hear is Mark’s bellowing cackle in your direction. You find it just as hilarious, but choose to take the game further instead.

“You dick!” You squeal when you jump in his direction, barely grabbing onto his shoulders as you push down with all your weight to attempt to force him underwater.

When he doesn’t budge you exclaim, “Oh, come on!” which makes him laugh out again. In a moment of boldness, he turns around to face you from where you stand unbelievably close.

“I’ll go under if, and only if,” he pauses and you roll your eyes, poking his shoulder to push him back to swivel a bit.

“Dumbass,” you mutter under your breath and his eyes widen as well as his smile.

“Hey, be nice!” He giggles out and you playfully roll your eyes once more, waving him to continue his sentence.

“I’ll go under if you kiss me.”

Your eyes widen in surprise at his boldness, searching for anything but sincerity between his two eyes. You see nothing of the sort, in fact, you see only desire.

Glancing down at his lips once, you find his proposition all the more tempting. When you place your hands back on his shoulders, no push to send him down this time, he takes it as all the sign he needs to grab you by the hips and place his lips on yours.

He’s gentle for a moment, but picks up the pace a bit once he feels you respond. You smile into the kiss, pulling him closer by the neck as he kisses you harder, his hands gripping the skin at your waist roughly. You grab the back of his head when you switch positions and he hums gratefully into the softness of your lips together. It’s passionate, that’s for damn sure, and you’re loving every moment.

When you feel his tongue prod at your lips, you detach from him and stare up at him with a bashful smile. He looks down at you wonderstruck, but his face morphs quickly after into a devious smirk.

The moment that connect the dots between his face and his hands current position on your body, he’s jumping into the air as you squeal, flopping you both down into the water to make do on his side of the deal.

Thank God for separate dressing rooms. There’s a lot of pressure on you tonight, and both Jaehyun and Mark are distracting as hell. You had read about the crazy time warp you go into when you’re filming a reality show, but you hadn’t believed it until now. Today has felt like a lifetime and it’s not even over yet. On top of that, you still have to break someone’s heart tonight.

You groan at the thought, head thumping down on the table in front of you in frustration. You’ve been doing that a lot recently.

“What did I tell you? Champagne problems.” Ryujin sing songs from her spot at the vanity next to yours.

“My brain can’t work if all you’re doing is telling it that it can’t work!” You exclaim and she laughs sympathetically.

“Well, tell me about it then.” She urges and you huff while you pump your foundation onto the back of your hand.

“Jaehyun is mature, goofy, and confident as all hell. He is also hot as fuck with those cute ass dimples. He’s tall, and he���s got a fucking six pack dude,” she laughs in disbelief and you continue.

“And he gets me, you know?” Ryujin listens with an attentive nod.

“He knows what to say because he gets it. He just… he gets me.” You finish off.

“What about Mark?” She asks and you scoff.

“What not about Mark, you mean? He’s just this precious little thing. He’s genuinely sweet and super open hearted. He’s being nice without even realizing that he’s being nice.” You say finally.

“Wow, girl.” Ryujin says after you have a moment in silence.

“What do I do?” You ask her, genuinely seeking an answer.

“I dunno, flip a coin, I guess.” She suggests and you roll your eyes and let out an exasperated laugh.

You sigh as you return to doing your makeup, you’ll just have to figure this out on your own.

The party is, as you find out, an open bar with restaurant volume royalty free hip hop music playing from a speaker behind the bar.

“Impressive set up, huh?” Jaehyun says from over your shoulder. He’s cleaned up nicely in an all black outfit, jeans on bottom and a satin dress shirt up top. He’s refreshed his cologne as well, and the warm and woodsy scent is almost as intoxicating as your drink is.

“Get 3 more of these in me and I’ll turn it into Vegas.” You joke and he laughs genuinely, hand coming into contact with the exposed skin of your lower back as he steps closer to you.

“I love this song.” He says as he bounces to the beat. You laugh at his nerdy attempt to mouth the lyrics he most certainly does not know.

“Oh, do you now?” You call him out with a teasing lilt in his voice and he stops dancing.

“No, of course not, does anyone for that matter?” He jokes and you laugh again with a shrug. After a moment he excuses himself to grab his own drink and you promise to hold his spot on your dance card.

You know Mark’s watching you because before Jaehyun came up to you, you were watching him. All you can do is pray that he doesn’t approach you now as you wait for Jaehyun to come back.

You want to see Mark tonight too, but not now. You need to figure your shit out about Jaehyun first.

Thankfully, Mark stays in his place standing with Jungwoo and Yunjin who had just returned from their date with stories to share. Mark’s not mad to see you with Jaehyun. Jealous, maybe, but he understands the process.

“God, you’re seriously the most beautiful girl.” Jaehyun says after he’s by you again, hand coming back to your lower back.

“There’s only four girls here.” You tease and take another sip. He responds by stepping in closer to you with a soft smile on his face. You can feel his palm press into your back to pull you closer. It’s so gentle that you aren’t sure that he even knows that he’s doing it.

“I wasn’t talking about the other girls here.” He says softly and you can feel his whisper breath on your face.

He’s so close he could kiss you right now, but you’re reminded of your audience out near the crowded bar and decide to take a small step back from him. Just enough to kill the moment, but not enough to draw his hands off of you.

He notices your retreat but doesn’t say anything, which you’re grateful for.

The moment is over as soon as it began when the producers usher you all to the same covered patio as earlier in the day. This time, though, you’re sat next to Jaehyun on the sofa. His hands don’t wander like Mark’s do.

“Okay, lovers!” Doyoung shouts out as he walks up to where you’re waiting for him. You applaud entirely out of obligation.

“How was your first day?” He asks and the group whoops and hollers in response. You don’t share the same excitement after your first day. You feel like you need another drink.

“Now, as you all know, at the end of the night, one of you will be leaving the villa.” You want to roll your eyes, he keeps on rubbing it in. You get it.

“You have four hours to couple up and make your way inside.” He says with a nod before walking off. You heave out a sigh when he disappears. You’re annoyed that he brought you all the way over here for such an unnecessary announcement. You have decisions to make, dammit! You’re already completely over this reality TV thing.

“Try not to look so discouraged, Twitter might actually see you as a person.” Jaehyun jokes from beside you, earning him a giggle and a nudge on the shoulder.

“Twitter already knows my deepest darkest secret.” You reply and he hums with a knowing smile.

“Can we get away from here?” He says gesturing to the overwhelming amount of cameras observing you.

They’re everywhere, you’ve discovered, and typically expertly hidden. Regardless of where you go the cameras will follow, but there’s something intimidating about seeing them so explicitly.

“Sure.” You reply and allow him to help you stand, not letting go of your hand once you’re stable.

Jaehyun leads you to the fire pit on the side of the house. It’s not lit, but the edison bulbs strung above your heads make for a cozy environment regardless. You adjacent to one another in the beach chairs set to surround the circle.

Once settled, you lean your head into the palm of your hand as you watch him closely. He’s manspreading in an attractive way, limbs stretched out and loose. His head resting against the back of the chair with his eyes closed tell you that he’s completely relaxed.

One of us should be, you figure.

“I’m really sorry about what happened to you.” He says quietly, eyes open but not looking at you.

You sigh, slouching your shoulders forward a bit, “I’m sorry about what happened to you, too.”

This time he does look over to you with a gentle smile and a look of fondness in his eyes.

“We didn’t deserve that, did we?” He asks, and you hope it’s rhetorical. You answer anyways.

“Not at all.”

He hums, taking a moment to pause and take you all in. After a long quiet moment, he speaks, “I like you.”

A smile spreads across your lips in tandem with the butterflies in your belly rising up your chest to make your heart beat faster.

You pause for a moment, scanning your brain for any reason why this may be wrong, but you find nothing.

“Thank you.” Is all you say and he scoffs out a disbelieving chuckle.

“You’re welcome, I guess… Weirdo.” He teases you with the insult and his over exaggerated side eye. You laugh at his faux offended attitude, a common pattern for you today.

“I want to play fair.” You say, feeling quite swayed.

He shrugs, pout coming onto his face when he protests, “Be a little naughty.”

You gasp and he looks over to you with a flirty smirk on his face, the same that he first approached you with. It makes you blush embarrassingly quickly.

“I will do no such thing!” You exclaim and he laughs at you this time, flirting back easily.

“Yawn, but okay.” He sighs before standing, lifting the chair by the armrests behind his back to sit his chair right next to yours, the arm of his chair nearly overlapping yours.

Once he’s sat again, he grabs your hand and, without breaking eye contact, kisses the back of your hand from where it’s intertwined with his.

You feel far too shy to say anything about the contact, so he speaks again.

“I meant it, though.” He says with a serious look behind his eyes. You’ve had enough of the intensity today, so you detour the conversation.

“Which part? The part where you called me a weirdo, or when you called me boring for not wanting to be, quote, naughty?” By the end of your exaggerated recollection of events, Jaehyun is shaking with laughter from the seat next to you, urging on your own fit of giggles.

It takes a while, but you two finally settle down after your laughter fit. He’s still smiling wide when he shares what he truly meant.

“I like you.”

You gulp, nodding in understanding and looking down at your intertwined hands.

“The only way I’m staying here is if I’m here with you.” He says after a moment of silence. You had figured as much, but it feels even more real once he says it out loud. You aren’t quite sure what to say, you don’t have an answer for him. You’re still deeply invested in Mark, too.

“You don’t need to have an answer for me now, I know you have other stuff going on,” you relax a bit once he sympathetically lifts the pressure off of you.

“There’s no other girl for me here, I’m all in to see where this can go.” He admits and your heart jumps up to your throat. His understanding makes him all the more attractive to you.

“I won’t leave you hanging, that’s all I can promise you.” You say, looking up at him meekly. From how close he’s sitting, you can see the tiniest reflection of the lights above in his dark eyes.

He doesn’t respond verbally, having said all that he could, instead choosing to grab your jaw to pull you closer to him.

You gasp and squint your eyes shut, but nothing happens for a moment. Only once you’re noticed this you begin to feel his lips make gentle contact with your forehead.

Your heart lurches. Fuck.

Mark greets you with a bear hug once you’re back in the lounge having left Jaehyun at the fire pit.

(“You coming?”

“I’ll wait for you here.”)

“Don’t scare me like that again!” He let’s out into your hair, squeezing you to emphasize his words.

“What did I do?” You whine, acting very poorly to hide that you love the moment.

“I thought you were going to couple up with him.” He admits and the pieces finally fall into place.

He lets you go then to pull back and look at you, his hands on your biceps to keep you in place.

“Thank you for not doing that to me.” He says and you giggle, nodding politely.

“Let’s talk?” You say after a moment and he nods with enthusiasm. It seems as if one couple has already gone to bed as well as a few members of the camera crew.

He leads you further down the path than you thought he would, stopping to sit on the wooden stairs leading down to the beach. It’s dark out, but you can make out his features well still.

“Gonna murder me, Mark?” You joke with a fake uncomfortable laughter and he chuckles and grabs your thigh.

“I like the sound of the ocean.” He answers truthfully without being asked. You nod, resting your head on his shoulder. There’s something about physical intimacy with this boy that you just can’t get enough.

“Tell me about the girl.” You prompt him without much hesitation. You’re not known for being nosy, but something about imagining Mark telling a girl he loves her irks you slightly. So you dig.

He groans, leaning his head to rest on top of yours, “Nah,” he shuts you down.

“Did you mean it at least?” You ask, still not relenting.

“Oh, absolutely.” He affirms and you hum.

“How long ago?” You ask, treading very lightly.

“About a year ago.” He answers. He’s being extremely cautious, which you understand.

“Do you still love her?” You boldly ask and he shakes his head against yours.

“Would I be here with you if I did?”

You scoff out a laugh, “I would hope not!”

He just chuckles in response and leaves a kiss to your forehead.

“I’m really glad I met you.” He says after a quiet moment. You smile, a warm feeling spreading across your chest.

“Stop,” you whine in embarrassment and sit up, turning your back to him and he giggles.

“It’s true!” He exclaims and pulls your shoulder back to face front once more.

“You just,” you hang your head low to try and conceal your blush, “you keep on saying all these sweet things to me.”

He smiles at that, grabbing your chin to make you face up and look at him. His soft eyes shining in the moonlight stare deep into yours.

He kisses you, just a simple peck, but it affects you all the same.

“There’s nobody else here for me.” He says and you’re immediately reminded of how Jaehyun just shared the same sentiment with you only a few minutes ago.

You nod in response. When you first signed up for this show you hadn’t anticipated so much pressure lying on your shoulders.

“I need some time to think.” You say and he nods in agreement and understanding, but there’s a disappointed look in his eye.

“I know.” He smiles at you, and this time you make the first move.

The stubble on his jaw is rough beneath your fingertips when you gently grab him to pull him in for a kiss. It’s gentle, slow, and beautifully intimate. He kisses you on the forehead once you’ve pulled away.

“Do you want me to go?” He asks and the true answer is no, but you know that you need some alone time to make up your mind.

“Want isn’t the word I would use.” You say and he chuckles and nods in understanding.

“I’ll be inside. Come find me once you’re ready.” He says with one final squeeze to your thigh before standing and retreating back indoors.

Once you can no longer hear the sound of his feet on the rickety boardwalk, you heave out a breath, head falling into your hands.

You haven’t been this conflicted since, well, ever, and it’s tearing you apart inside.

Your desire for both is shocking to you, especially how you’ve managed to become so connected to both of them in such a short period of time. It’s devastating to imagine losing either of them. Your mind is perfectly split down the middle for both.

The crashing waves in the distance do little to calm your wild heart. In 30 minutes you’ll need to make your decision and send one of them home.

Who will you choose?

Ok, your turn!

vote for which boy to couple with!

voting ENDS 7/5

taglist:

@rum-gone-why @asteriaskingdom @feltednettles

[smileyerim]

what’s mine is yours

if mark isn’t going to make a move on you himself, his friends will surely find a way to make one on his behalf. the opportunity arises after an evening of drinking at mark’s apartment that lands you tangled in mark’s sheets wondering if he feels the same chemistry that you do.

pairing: mark lee x reader

genre: fluff, suggestive !!MDNI!!

length: 4.9k

warnings: adults drinking alcohol and getting drunk, dialogue about sex, both reader and mark are drunk the entire time, mark is a pussy!

net tags: @kflixnet @k-labels

Drinking with the boys always led you into sketchy situations. There was the one time Haechan insisted on breaking into a waterpark to ‘visit the mermaids’. Or the time that Renjun ordered a cab for all of you to go over to his ex-girlfriends house to win her back. Jaemin once threw up in the kitchen sink and didn’t tell anyone until morning.

So, yeah, drinking with the boys always led you down odd roads and tonight wouldn’t be any different.

“Okay!” You exclaim drunkenly, head previously falling forward as you dozed in your spot.

“Which one of you gentlemen are going to drive me home?” Your eyes lazily trail across the room at the boys all scattered about in various positions.

“Uh, I’m not good to drive,” Mark says and shoves his thumb into Jeno’s shoulder to ask “you good to drive?” Which earns him a shake of his head.

The rest of the group reacts now, all to let you know that none of them were sober enough to be behind the wheel.

“Okay…” you drag out the word and pull out your phone to open the rideshare app and struggle to type in your apartment’s address.

“Uber is $65.” You say bluntly, again scanning your eyes around the room expectedly. When you don’t get a response, you speak up again.

“This is the part where you say ‘Oh, here Y/N, we’ve got it.’” You tease and Haechan just rolls his eyes and groans.

“Just stay over. It’s fine, you can take the couch.”

“I call dibs on the couch.” Chenle’s voice is muffled from where his nose is nuzzled in the cushions. You’re genuinely surprised that he’s still breathing. You’re not too sure how, though, he’s buried pretty deep. He’s clearly not about to move any time soon.

“Fine, you can sleep with Mark.” Haechan says, hand signaling to the boy who was too distracted by his phone to keep up with the conversation until his name was spoken.

“Wait, dude, what?” Mark exclaims, his wide and glossy eyes switching between you and Haechan quickly. His drunk brain can barely keep up.

You hear a snicker from over your shoulder, “That’s a good idea, Y/N, why don’t you sleep with Mark?” Jaemin’s hand sits lazily on your shoulder.

You frown, a little too drunk to pick up the pieces and put them together.

“Yeah, that’s a great idea.” Jeno says, his own giggle escaping his lips. The two aforementioned boys had smoked earlier, leading to a fit of giggles shared between the two.

“Why is this a better idea than walking her home?” Mark panics, watching you slowly absorb all that’s going on around you. It doesn’t seem like you’ve picked up on how obvious the boys are being and he’s thankful for that.

“It’s cold out and we’re all tired. Just take one for the team and let her sleep in your bed.” Haechan argues. He’s getting more and more frustrated by the minute. Mark has been complaining for weeks about his crush on you, and the moment that Haechan finally does something about it, Mark protests?

“Where will I sleep?” Mark stupidly asks and Haechan’s head falls back onto the couch when he rolls his eyes.

“With her, Mark.” He says with a frustrated tone, his eyes shut and squeezed.

Before Mark can object again, you finally put the pieces together and move to stand, nearly falling into Jaemin’s lap behind you in the process.

“Come on, Mark.” You say, your hand is out in offering for Mark to grab. His slow brain goes a bit numb, too focused on the gold ring on your middle finger. He hadn’t noticed you wear it before.

When he doesn’t move fast enough, Haechan groans and rolls his eyes, grabbing Mark’s arm by the wrist and placing his hand on yours.

“I have to do fucking everything around here, don’t I?” Haechan says to the group, excluding you two who have already begun your drunken trek to Mark’s bedroom.

The vibe is much different when you’re in his room behind a closed door. He keeps his room tidy usually, but his unmade bed and loose bath towel on the floor suggest he wasn’t anticipating company. You prefer it this way, it makes you feel less like a guest. Especially when you’re about to use his bedroom as a hotel, nonetheless.

It also helps when his ruffled sheets make his bed look all the more inviting and comfortable. You flop your belly down, snuggling into his pillow. It smells faintly of tea tree shampoo and musk. You wonder when the last time he washed his sheets was, but you aren’t sure you want to know the answer. It smells like it’s been quite a while but you’re too drunk to care.

“You want some clothes?” He says from his standing position. He wasn’t expecting to see you so… comfortable. You look as if you’re at home in his bed.

He can’t believe it. You’re here in his bed. Sure, you’ve been in his room a million times, you’ve sat on his bed a million times, you’ve even cuddled with Mark on his bed a million times. But this time is different. You’re sleeping here, you’re going to wake up here, you’re going to be lying side by side with Mark for a minimum of 8 hours and he’s not sure he’ll be able to hold it together that long.

“No,” you say looking down at your athletic shorts and crop top. You weren’t wearing a bra, anyways. “A toothbrush would be nice, though.”

He scurries off to the adjoined bathroom and rifles through his drawers quickly, praying that he’d have at least one clean spare toothbrush.

“Unless, of course, all your hoes have used all of them.” You tease. You aren’t quite sure where that comment came from or why you felt compelled to say it but it has an effect on Mark as he stills for a moment before continuing his search. He finds one and walks back over to where you’re still lying on the bed.

“My hoes don’t ask for toothbrushes.” He says in half-honesty. It’s true, no girls have ever asked him for a spare toothbrush. Sure, that’s due to the fact that he’s never had a girl stay over before, but it’s still the truth nonetheless.

“Ew. Good to know I don’t have much competition then. At least I have basic hygiene.” You say, already loading up the toothbrush with his toothpaste.

His brain goes haywire at the comment. Does what you said mean what he thinks it means? Why are you including yourself on the list of Mark’s “hoes”? Do you want to be one? His only one?

Once you’re done, Mark has already changed into his outfit for bed. He’s hesitant on whether or not to wear a shirt. For your comfortability he probably should, but you’ve never been bothered by his bare chest before in all the times you’ve been over. What would make this time any different?

He decides against it as he gets himself ready for bed, trading spots in the bathroom when you go back to bed. His heart is beating out of his chest, which is saying a lot for how much the alcohol still present in his system has relaxed him.

He’s equally thankful for and also angry at Haechan for the stunt he pulled to get you into his room. He’s wanted this for a long time, thats no surprise, but is this how he wanted it? He wants you to know that you’re special to him, is a drunken night sleeping in the same bed enough to tell you that? His head is spinning and it comes to a halt when he sees you lying in his bed on your phone waiting for him to come to bed.

You look natural there, like you’ve always belonged.

“I’ll be right back.” He panics and runs out of the room before you can acknowledge him.

He sulks out into the living room once his door is shut behind him where all the boys still remain. Only Haechan and Jeno are still awake, playing some video game on the TV.

He plops down on Haechan’s left, careful not to sit on Chenle’s knee which Haechan is resting his back against.

“How’s it going in there?” Jeno asks and Mark groans in response, pouring himself his final shot and downing it quickly. The burning sensation in his esophagus is a welcomed distraction from the flurry of thoughts in his head.

“I don’t know what you want, Mark, honestly.” Haechan says, eyes still trained on the TV in front of him.

“I know, I know. I just want her to know that she’s special to me and not just another girl.” Mark groans, playing with the idea of pouring himself a second nightcap shot.

“Did you tell her that?” Haechan says like it’s obvious.

“She’s drunk, Hyuck.” Mark counters, deciding finally to pour himself another shot of the room temperature liquor. Mark is drunk too, so he’s not too sure why that factor matters right now.

“Did you try telling her?” Haechan repeats himself, earning a shoulder check from Jeno.

“What he’s trying to say is that it’s in your hands at this point. You know what you want and you know how to do it. You just need to grow the balls and get it done.” Jeno says and Haechan leans his shoulder on Jeno’s shoulder to signify a quick hug in thanks.

Mark doesn’t move up from his position in an act of procrastination, and Chenle, who Mark previously thought was sleeping, kicks Mark swiftly in the lower back to force him to his feet.

“Go before she falls asleep and you lose your shot again.” Chenle says, head still buried deep in the cushions.

“How the fuck are you breathing, dude?” Mark asks dumbfounded.

“He has his ways.” Haechan responds, an arm wrapping around Mark’s hips to shove him out of the way of the TV screen.

Clearly, Mark is no longer welcomed out in the living room with his friends, so he moves back to his room with you, quietly opening the door in case you had fallen asleep.

You haven’t, of course. You’re far too concerned about Mark to relax long enough to fall asleep.

“If you want me to go home I can just get the Uber it’s fine.” You say the moment Mark walks through the door.

Fuck, he thinks to himself. He can’t even have one second to think.

“No, you can stay.” He says, heading back into the bathroom to brush his teeth again after the two shots he took.

“You just seem a little off, so I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. It’s no big deal, really.” You say, already moving to stand up out of his bed, moving at a much slower pace than normal due to the alcohol still in your system.

“No, please, stay.” He says, walking over to your spot, essentially blocking you from standing.

Your face still doesn’t seem convinced so he shares the truth in the best way he knows how, “I want you to stay.”

You still don’t seem fully convinced, but you lie back down anyways and wait for Mark to join you. He’s stalling at this point, moving around the room and unplugging every socket he can see.

“Big fire hazard guy?” You tease from your position in bed, his pillow parallel to your chest where your head lies. There’s something about the hopeful anticipation in your eyes that makes Mark’s head spin.

Or maybe it’s the alcohol. Probably the alcohol.

He laughs dryly, finally laying down next to you. His head is flat against the mattress, blocking your view of his face from your position atop the pillow beneath you.

“Oh, here, you want it?” You say, offering him the pillow. Mark chastises himself internally for only owning one pillow.

“Nah, you take it, you need one too.” Mark waves you off and adjusts to bend his arm behind his head, resting on his forearm.

You think for a moment before replying, “Well… you’re here aren’t you?”

“Wh-“ Mark’s question is cut short by you sitting up, placing the pillow beneath his head, and then laying your own head on his chest.

He hopes you can’t hear his heartbeat when you ask, “Is this ok?”

He, very boldly in his opinion, responds by wrapping his arms around your body. One over your shoulders and one around your waist. Thank you, alcohol!

“Just peachy.” He says, voice cracking.

His limbs are still stiff around you, but you don’t mention it as you sit up one final time to flip the light switch by the door.

You feel him jolt when you lie your head on his chest again. You feel like rolling your eyes at his dramatics.

“Seriously, Mark, I can go home.” You say, gauging his level of discomfort by the stiffness of his limbs and the sound of his breath that he’s clearly attempting to get under control.

“Nope.” Is all he says as he wraps his arms around you tighter and pulls you in. A beat passes as you feel his muscles relax beneath your head.

“You’re confusing, Mark Lee.” Is your message of acceptance as your fingers find his collarbone, tracing circles around it and scratching into the caverns gently.

He scoffs at your words, “I’m confusing?”

“Well, you say you want me here but you’re clearly uncomfortable.” You retort. He just wishes you would let the conversation settle. He’s trying his hardest.

“I’m not uncomfortable.” It’s a half truth and he knows it, but he’ll say anything to get you to shut up.

“When’s the last time you had a girl in your bed?” You ask and thankfully you can’t see him roll his eyes in the darkness.

“A while.” He swallows. He can tell where this is going and he doesn’t like it.

“You could’ve just said that!” You say with a soft, almost condescending, tone as you coo, digging your head further into his chest.

“It’s not that. You think you have me all figured out but you don’t, so just drop it please? Let’s go to sleep.” Mark pulls you even closer at that and it’s your turn to stiffen.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper into his pec and he sighs, the hand around your waist holding you tighter.

“It’s fine, just settle down.” He says and you try your best, but your mind is now running a mile a minute.

What the hell did that mean? If you aren’t making him uncomfortable, and if it isn’t that he’s just out of practice, then what is it? Why is your best friend acting so weird?

Your mind can’t help itself but say, “Are you drunk?”

“Very. You?” He says honestly. You smile against his bare chest.

“Very.” You giggle and he does too, his hand traveling down your body to grab at the back of your knee to hoist your leg to rest over his. The ice has been clearly broken as he relaxes into the new position.

You nuzzle in closer to his chest, your hands continuing to explore the dips and curves of his shoulder.

“Did you drink more when you went out there?” You ask, not really wanting to go to bed just yet. You have an odd feeling that your night isn’t over.

“Yep.” He pops the ‘p’ sound. He can’t tell if you’re prying to try and collect information or if your drunk brain is truly just curious, so he keeps his answers brief.

You giggle out your question, “Why?”

“You don’t usually have this many questions.” He deflects, but you catch him.

“You don’t usually avoid answering.” You retort and he sighs, chest rising and falling slowly below your head. It’s a nice feeling, you think.

You’re anticipating an answer, but he doesn’t give you one. Frowning, you move your head so that your chin rests on his chest, your eyes level with his cheek from where he’s lying back. He looks down at you in the dark of the room to notice your impatient stare.

“Just needed a little extra liquid courage, that’s it.” He shrugs and you frown deeper. That answer just gave you more questions than answers.

“But-“ he cuts you off.

“Just let it go, please.” He begs, his voice genuinely sounding desperate. Usually you have a free pass to tease Mark, but something is different about him tonight so you don’t pester him any further. You lie your head back down over his chest and continue to stroke his shoulder lazily. You seem to be getting more and more comfortable with each other here, which pleases you.

He appreciates the gesture, clearly, as the hand that was previously around your waist travels back down to your leg to grab a large handful softly, his thumb stroking over the side of your thigh near your knee gently.

It’s a nice moment, you think, and before your brain can tell you otherwise, your lips are puckering to leave a gentle kiss to his bare skin beneath your head. His breath hitches softly at that, so you move your head gently away from the spot to rest your forehead against his chin.

Truth be told, you aren’t quite sure why you did it. You and Mark have cuddled a million times before, but you’ve never kissed him. You’ve never even given him a cheek kiss as a greeting. Your lips have never touched Mark Lee, but for some reason tonight you felt compelled to. It was innocent and short enough that you could pretend it didn’t happen at all.

You can feel Mark slowly turning his head, your heart beating at a mile a minute at the sheer unknown of how he will react.

Just as your mind begins to conjure up rejection scenarios, you feel something.

His lips make contact with your forehead, his warm breath fanning over the top of your hair as he stays in his position, gentle lips kissing your forehead. You hold back a gasp, and your heart picks up pace. He still hasn’t moved, which you’re thankful for, as you absorb the feeling and attempt to process your emotions quickly.

That was a move.

That was a move.

Mark is making moves on you. Do you want him to? You can’t lie and say you haven’t thought about him romantically before. He’s your best friend, he’s seen your lowest and your highest and he’s stuck around through it all. He’s also undoubtedly attractive and your type. But you’ve never imagined him in this context.

But you wouldn’t want to take advantage of him. This is Mark you’re talking about here. There is no “casual fun” with him. Whatever is happening is already changing the course of your friendship, do you want to keep it going and take it further?

He doesn’t give you the opportunity to decide before his hand finds your chin, pulling up to signal that he wants you to look at him. You comply, of course, with probably too much ease.

His eyes dart between your two as he tries to read you. He wants this. He knows he wants this. What he doesn’t know, though, is whether or not you want this too.

“Are you too drunk to know what you’re doing?” He whispers and you can feel the air from his words hit your lips and it only makes you want him more.

“No.” You whisper back meekly, your eyes trained to his lips. He’s never looked so kissable. In fact, you’ve never even considered the idea of kissing Mark. Now that you’re here, though, you can’t believe it’s not crossed your mind before. You want him so bad that it feels like you’ve wanted him forever.

Your answer was clearly all he needed to brush his lips over yours. It feels like the wind is knocked out of you as you lie there, not even pursing your lips, just allowing him to adjust to the feeling of being so close with you.

The moment is beautifully intimate, you won’t lie, but you’re feeling a bit impatient and if Mark spends any more time cherishing the moment rather than seizing it you may combust. So you take the next step and officially slot your lips over his, your hand coming up to grab at his jaw to keep him steady on you. He reacts without hesitation, kissing you back with as much force as you’re giving him.

The kiss is remarkable in all the ways that it truly isn’t. There’s no sparks or fireworks, and it takes you a while to get into a rhythm. Your teeth knock his a few times and you both miss the opportunities to insert your tongues into each others mouths. It’s almost laughable how bad the kiss is from a black and white perspective, but you’re satisfied. Because, above all else, the kiss is natural and it feels right.

Once you’ve found your rhythm though, you’re fully emerged in the feeling. He’s a slower kisser than you thought he would be, clearly still attempting to savor the moment with everything in him, and you let him.

It’s nice, you think, being here like this. Every first kiss you’ve had has spurred an emotional rollercoaster inside of you. You’re typically too preoccupied with doing the right thing, looking hot enough, memorizing the other person’s likes and dislikes, and thinking about the future when you kiss someone. Kissing Mark is different. You aren’t full of worries, you’re simply enjoying it. A part of you tries to pin it on the comfortability that comes with being as close friends as you are, but another part of you that’s been hiding for a long time tells you otherwise.

Your adrenaline spikes at the thought, and it spurs you to make the next move to straddle across his waist. He reacts instantly, his hands finding your hips as he kisses you harder.

You like Mark, you realize. Perhaps your heart is a little behind your head as you’re already kissing him, but the realization sparks something in you nonetheless.

“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time,” he admits when his lips leave yours to trail down your neck. You aren’t sure if Mark is intending to bring the heat up, but it’s working when he finds that one spot near your carotid.

You hum, hand threading in his hair to keep him close. You love this. You love this moment. You never want it to end.

As if he hates you, Mark’s mouth leaves your neck to look at you to do precisely that.

“Are we doing this?” He says and you’re startled by his honesty and boldness. Is this the same Mark who was too scared to even sleep in the same bed as you?

“Define this.” You ask. It’s a valid question, he has to say, but he’s not bold enough to say it by name. Sure, he can grow a pair when he absolutely needs to, but his natural instinct is to quietly observe the other person, not be observed himself.

He doesn’t respond with words, but with an action much more bold than he realizes when his hands find your hips again and move you down to rest over his crotch. He’s not hard yet, but you still get the gist of what he’s trying to say. A gasp escapes you, earning a coy smile from the man below you.

“I take that as a yes?” He teases and you aren’t given the opportunity to respond before he sits up fully, meeting you in your sitting position to wrap both his arms around you tightly as he kisses you again.

Now the kiss is hot. His hands are busy all over your body, lighting fire in its path. You moan encouragingly into his mouth when his hands graze the underside of your breast. He catches the message quickly and moves his hand higher to officially grab you, both of you moaning at the contact. Your mouths connect sloppily, and you begin to feel a poke from underneath you.

It takes all the self control in your body to slow things down, but you owe it to Mark to talk about this.

You say his name into his mouth quietly, which he interprets as a moan, and responds with his own groan right back.

“Mark,” you say a little more firmly this time, your hands finding his shoulders to signal that you have something to say.

“Are you sure?” You ask and his previously anxious eyes soften.

“Are you?” He retorts and you roll your eyes deliberately at him.

“I asked you first, idiot.” You say and he smiles, bringing you in for a hug, his nose finding the crevice between your neck and shoulder. You can feel him relax below your fingers when you hug him back, your hands threading into his hair. The moment from before is long gone, but you prefer this.

You smile from your position on his lap. This is easy, you think. Much easier than it ever has been. It almost scares you how natural this feels with him, but you don’t allow your brain to indulge in the anxiety of it all. You’ll happily wait as long as Mark needs to give you an answer if he’s holding you like he is now.

“I’m sure that I want you, if that’s what you’re asking.” He says and it makes you smile again. He’s trying to get you to say it first. Your best friend has never been very sly, although he likes to think of himself that way.

“That is what I asked, but that’s not what I meant.” You say, throwing the ball back into his court.

All this back and forth is giving you a headache. Under any other circumstance you’d have been fed up with all the pussyfooting and made an actual move, but you want to give Mark the chance to say what he needs to say. You have a feeling that he needs the floor more than you do.

“I want to fuck you, but I don’t think it would mean the same thing to you as it does to me.” He says finally and you melt at his indirect confession, holding him tighter and slightly swaying your bodies side to side.

“Then ask.” You say simply, still not taking the power he clearly wants you to. He’s used to you being the bolder one, he’s never had to fight with you to get you to offer your mind.

“You’re making this really difficult for me, aren’t you?” He jokes and you let out a genuine laugh, kissing the crown of his head once you’re done.

“You’d regret letting me take the lead.” You read him honestly and he scans his brain for a conflict, but you’re right. He would regret it.

“You know me so well.” He says, resigned acceptance on his voice as his hand rubs wide circles into your back.

“I know, that’s why you like me so much.” You snark and Mark leans back to look you in the face with a shocked expression of offense.

“You said you’d let me take the lead!” He whines and you giggle, hand coming to rest on his cheek.

“You’re taking too long.” You attempt to justify yourself.

“I wanted to tell you.” He pouts and you move to grab the other side of his face with your other hand.

“You still can.” You gently inform him, quieting down and looking deep into his eyes.

You had anticipated a confession right then and there, but he continues to stare back at you. You can see the wheels turning in his head and you roll your eyes once more in faux annoyance, a teasing smile on your lips.

“Now, Mark.” You taunt with a giggle and he breaks out into nervous laughter, leaning away from your hands and you let him go hesitantly, resting your hands back on his bare shoulders.

He clears his throat and averts his eyes to the bedpost as he gathers his thoughts. It’s cute, you think, how flustered he is. All of this drama for you? Mark is this nervous to confess to you? You’re not a self conscious girl by any means, but you feel a little out of bounds by the idea that Mark Lee is flustered over you.

He’s amazing. Why doesn’t he think that you would notice that about him? Why does he look like he’s preparing himself for rejection right now? Does he really think of you that highly? Or worse, does he think of himself that low?

He clears his throat once more, saying your name quietly and grabbing your hands in his. You feel as if a bit more distance has been put between you now as you’re no longer holding him, but you allow him to guide.

“I’ve been into you for a while,” He says, taking in a sharp breath after the phrase is out. Although you were expecting to hear it, actually being in the moment feels more intense than you thought it would be. Your toes curl in anxiety as you attempt to keep your cool.

“and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before I kissed you— that I genuinely blame on the alcohol—but this is all me.” He says with a sigh at the end. If the confession had been pretty, it wouldn’t have been Mark’s. But you love it all the same.

A smile slowly creeps over your face as you look at him through your eyelashes. You don’t want your reaction to influence him, you want him to fully own this moment.

“Say something please.” He says with a cute impatient lilt to his voice that makes you laugh.

Your poker face, if you even had one in the first place, slips when you open your mouth to respond.

“Mark, I’ve been into you for… well…. not that long,” you say and he laughs in response, hopeful eyes and expectant smile on his face.

“but this is all me, too. I swear if I had known before I would’ve done something before.” You draw an x with your finger over your heart and Mark grabs your hand and presses a gentle kiss to your fingertip. Your heart melts as he grabs your hand with his two and draw them down to his chest.

“I like that you let me.” Mark says, leaning in as if he was about to kiss you. You smile, tilting your chin to meet him.

“Thank you.” He whispers before meeting your lips together in a sweet kiss.

i wrote this all in one day and only proofread it twice so if it sucks…. uh….. yeah! if you did enjoy my little brain dump of a story, please reblog and send feedback! your engagement means waaayyy more to me than you realize.

[smileyerim]

lifestyles of the rich and famous

Your coworkers are really tired of hearing you pine over a guy who doesn’t want you, so they decide it’s finally time to do something about it. Thankfully the hot young son of the country club’s owner just walked in the door and sat at your bar.

main pairing: rich boy!johnny suh x bartender!reader

minor pairing: fuckboy!jaehyun x reader

genre: fluff, suggestive, slight angst !!MDNI!!

length: 8k

warnings: adults having sex, smoking weed, drinking alcohol, vaping, jaehyun is a lying fuckboy

net tags: @kflixnet @neowritingsnet

if you repost or translate my work i’ll feed you to the metaphorical sharks (aka angry tumblr writers)

You’re a simple girl with simple desires, you like to think. You’re not demanding, nor are your dating requirements long or difficult to meet.

So when the guy you’ve been seeing for a couple of weeks decides that now of all times is the most appropriate time to begin speaking to you with short responses and leave you on read for hours on end, you’re pissed.

So much so that you feel validated enough in your desire to tell him off to your friends/coworkers but they seem to have differing opinions.

“I mean, he’s not your boyfriend Y/N.” Doyoung, always too blunt for his own good, says and it makes a groan escape your chest as you let your head fall onto Yerim’s shoulder in a painful thud.

“Thanks, Doyoung.” You say, speech mumbled against Yerim’s cotton polo uniform.

“You need a rebound. Let this inconsistent and slimy motherfucker go.” Yerim says and you hum in response, still leaning into her shoulder from your position behind her back.

“I don’t want another guy, I want Jaehyun.”

You’re startled into standing up straight by the reverberating banging sound of a hand coming into contact with the metal table separating you two from Doyoung.

“Too bad,” Doyoung says, looking directly into your eyes “He’s not yours so just let it go!”

You stare back with wide eyes and Yerim interjects, turning to lean against the table behind her and face you.

“He’s right, babe. It’s time to let him go. You don’t deserve to be led on like this.” Yerim says with her usual gentle tone of voice and you frown, looking down at the ugly shoes your boss forces you to wear behind the bar.

“You’re right. You’re both right.” You say, turning to give Doyoung your scariest look, “You’re incredibly cruel about it, but you’re right.”

—

Sure, your friends may have been right about your need to leave Jaehyun in the dust and move on to bigger and better things but you’re weak and never claimed not to be.

That’s why you choose to spend the last five minutes of your thirty minute break in the corner of the staff restroom taking and then deleting what feels like fifty Snapchat pictures.

Emerging from the restroom you’re immediately faced with Yerim with her arms crossed across her chest, staring you down in the way that communicates that she knows exactly what you were just getting up to.

“Either you just took the fattest shit of your life, or you were just texting Jaehyun.”

You don’t respond, brushing your shoulder on hers to pass her and clock back in.

—

With your last customer served her jack and coke, you decide it’s finally time to check your phone again. Forty five minutes is enough time for a man to come to his senses, open your Snapchat, and respond with an overly enthusiastic compliment and apology for being so unavailable, right?

Before you can even allow your phone to scan your face, it’s being snatched out of your hand.

“What the fuck!” You exclaim, hand chasing Yerim’s in an unattractive and unsuccessful flail.

“No, you aren’t doing this.” She chastises with one finger pointing at you. She’s somehow slipped your phone to somewhere you can’t spot it with a quick scan of your eyes up and down her now apron-clad body.

“You can have it back after your shift.” She says and you roll your eyes at her, leaning your hip uncomfortably into the short fridge behind the bar.

“Come on Yerim, that’s in three hours. What if he responds and asks me to hangout? That won’t be nearly enough time to get ready and by then he will have made other plans and-“ you ramble your embarrassing train of thought.

“Hush, you’re embarrassing yourself in front of a cute guy.”

You frown, arms crossing your chest as you follow Yerim’s line of sight to a bar stool behind you currently taken by oh- an extremely attractive guy with long brown hair tucked behind his ears. He’s waiting patiently for... well, you.

“Go serve him.” She says once you whip your head back over to face her again.

“Fuck.” You groan, grabbing your sanitizing towel and pretending to wipe down the bar in an act of stubborn defiance to Yerim and procrastination.

You know him, you’d be a fool if you didn’t. He’s what some would call a country club celebrity with how he’s gained recognition for being the best singles tennis player and for his last name being on the front of the building. His family photos are littering the hallways, a particularly precious photo of him as a kid with a half melted ice cream cone is situated on the front door of the child care center.

His father owns the country club, and he is much cuter in person than he is in his old family photos. He doesn’t visit your bar ever, so you’re intrigued to know why he’s here.

“Oh,” Yerim says stepping into your bubble and combing her fingers through your knotted hair, “go fix your hair first.” She says and you roll your eyes, hand blindly grasping at your back pocket in search of your cell phone.

“Here,” she says, handing you her bulky iPhone with some Sanrio phone case, “go in the back.” You roll your eyes again at her mistrust of you before following her orders, quickly rushing into the kitchen and pulling up her front camera to inspect your appearance.

Emerging from the kitchen, you feel a pair of eyes on you immediately and you look right back, making unexpected eye contact with the handsome man who’s been waiting. You flash him your brightest customer service smile before rushing over to stand across from him at the bar.

“Hey, sorry about that,” he waves you off in dismissal of your apology before smiling at you, “what can I get for you?”

He’s still smiling a very polite smile, his eyes shining with kindness and it makes you weak in the knees. Working at a country club comes with a lot of perks, but those perks were bought with a price. The price being dealing with the type of people that belong to a country club, the rudest and most stuck up wealthy people in your town. You don’t meet people like him so often, genuinely kind people.

“I’ll take a vodka soda with extra lime whenever you find the time.” He smiles at you again and you actually feel your knees buckling at his kindness.

“Premium or well?” You respond out of habit, your brain fogging with his presence. He shoots you an unbelievable look that makes you both laugh. Forgoing an immediate response, you shake your head and scoff at yourself when you grab a glass to pour ice into.

“Top shelf, duh, sorry again.” You apologize as you press the sparkling water button on your soda gun.

“Stop apologizing so much!” He says and you look up from his drink to catch his kind eyes staring back at you in a way that makes you want to blush.

“I-I don’t know what to say.” You say, now in front of him situating the lime wedge on the side of his glass.

He takes a sip before responding. “I just know how understaffed you are.”

You lean an elbow up on the bar, “I didn’t know it was that obvious.” Your cheeks flare up with another blush.

“It isn’t!” He clarifies, hand coming down to grab at your forearm in reassurance. You ignore sparks that shoot from his contact with your skin.

“I just-“ He says, removing his hand to play with the branded cocktail napkin under his glass, “sometimes they actually put me to work around here and I know how small your staff is.”

You hum, pensive frown on your face as you look around. You are short staffed.

“So what work do they make you do?” You tease, not really wanting this conversation to end.

“Dad tries to put my accounting degree to work by making me do our books every once in a while, but more recently he’s got me planning for the new garden. As if I would know anything about landscaping.”

You laugh at his charming joke, taking a moment just to steal a quick once over his appearance. He’s wearing a blue polo with some brands insignia stitched onto the breast pocket, a watch you’re assuming is very expensive from a luxury brand on his right wrist, and a tennis racket cover placed on the barstool next to him. He’s handsome, of course, with his kind eyes and long brown hair tucked behind his surprisingly pierced ears.

“Well I’ve been a bartender since college. So I wish I could be of more assistance, but I can’t offer any help.” You quip with a sigh and he smiles back.

“You have your degree, huh? What’re you doing here?” You find it charming that he’s actually engaging you in conversation.

“All I said was that I was in college, not that I finished.” You say, slight embarrassment lacing your voice.

“Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t finish.” He says and you shoot him a look urging him on to explain further.

He smirks at your offense before continuing, “We wouldn’t have met if you didn’t work here, and I don’t know about you, but I’m quite enjoying your company.”

A blush creeps it’s way up your neck, a coy expression on your face as your head drops down to stare at the sanitization bucket behind the bar.

“Gotta go, I have a tennis lesson in fifteen.” He says, standing and taking another sip of his drink.

“See you around.” He says with a final look and you nod, waving him off.

No more than 30 seconds after you watch his tall figure leave the restaurant, you see him slowly jogging back towards the bar.

“What’s your name?” He says, wrist resting on the back of the barstool opposite of you.

With a grin you tell him your name and he replies with a warm smile.

“I’m Johnny.”

“Nice to meet you, Johnny.” Your voice light with affection.

He nods at you, reaching into his wallet and digging out a five dollar bill, throwing it on the bar and ignoring your shouts of protest as he leaves the restaurant for the final time.

Later that evening when you check your phone after Yerim slides it at you from across the bar, you notice that Jaehyun still hasn’t opened your photo.

Surprisingly, though, you don’t care nearly as much as you expected to; with the thoughts of a very tall and handsome tennis player in the back of your mind.

—

Johnny comes by a lot more often after your first interaction, and you’re just a little too aware to pretend like you don’t know what for. He comes in, same bashful smile on his face as always, sits down, waits patiently for your attention, spends at least an hour or two chatting with you, and then leaving a five dollar bill on the bar.

Today’s no different, except that it’s been 98 hours since Jaehyun last spoke to you and you’re feeling antsy for attention.

“Johnny, hi!” You chirp out, leaping up out of your stool to walk over to the same section of the bar he always sits at.

“Someone’s a happy girl.” He snickers as he sits down.

“Yes she is, how did you know?” You tease, teeth sinking into your top lip.

“So what’s the good news? What’s got you so happy?” He says, smile painting his face. He thinks you’re cute.

“My favorite customer walked in.” You say, cheeky smile on your face as you look dead into his eyes from beneath your eyelashes.

He pretends to be touched, as his hand flies up to press against his chest in an overly dramatic way that makes you laugh and drop your flirty act.

“I have a proposal for you.” He leans in, eyes sparkling.

“What is it?” You blush.

“Let’s go swimming tonight!” He whisper shouts.

You tilt your head in confusion when you look up at him, “the pool closed at 4.”

“Not when you fucking own the pool, Y/N!” He leans in, eyes anticipating.

He’s so cute this way, and it feels really nice to be wanted when you’ve been getting ignored so obviously by the man you think you want.

It’s a no brainer.

“Let’s go!” You say after rolling your eyes and Johnny stands up on the foot bar of the stool, hands up in the air in victory.

You giggle as you swat a dry towel at his now exposed lower torso to encourage him to sit back down. Once he’s sat, he clears his throat and looks around with wide eyes in fake suspicion, and it just makes you laugh harder. For a moment your eyes meet as you two laugh, and it forces the butterflies in your belly to awaken and flutter in their cage.

He seems to have felt the moment shift too, as his smile falters for a second before going back to his wide grin.

“I’ll be back when you’re done.” Johnny says, grabbing his drink, tossing a five dollar bill on the bar, winking, and then quickly exiting the bar.

Two hours later, the bar is absolutely dead with zero customers in sight. You still have ten minutes to go of your shift, yet you’ve already completed all of your closing duties, just sitting by and waiting.

“Damn, what did you do to everyone?” The familiar voice shouts from the entrance of the bar and you smile. Finally, you think.

“You’re early, I still have a couple minutes to go.” You pout as he approaches the bar.

“Seriously? But nobody’s here. Let’s just go.” He draws out the ‘o’ sound, leaning his tall body over the bar to get in your face.

“Johnny, I’m not breaking two staff rules tonight.” You wave him off and he lets out a humph sound as he sits.

A mischievous smile then moves over his face as he opens a wallet, and hands you a twenty dollar bill.

You grab it between your pointer and middle finger and eye him suspiciously, “What’s this for?”

He smiles even wider, he’d wanted you to ask. “I wanna buy my favorite bartender a drink on the last ten minutes of her shift. Is that okay?”

You smile, waltzing over to the cash register and opening a tab. If Johnny wants you to enjoy your evening, who are you to stop him from making that happen?

Forty minutes and two more drinks downed, the two of you are finally tip toeing down the cobblestone path to the pool deck.

Johnny looks over his shoulder at you with a playful glint in his eyes as he hushes you.

“Whatever happened to ‘there is no closing time, I own the place!’?” You chastise, weak fists coming in contact to the back of his shoulder.

“I- oh shit,” he says, arm flying out to stop you in your tracks, but of course you drunkenly stumble right into his arm anyways.

He’s got a focused look on his face, and his chin is tilted up as if he’s listening out for someone. The coast is clear, obviously, when Johnny begins walking now with you two side by side.

“I may have fibbed about the no rules thing.” You roll your eyes at him in the dark. Of course he lied about it, you wouldn’t be here sneaking around after sundown if he wasn’t.

“No fucking shit.” you snap, but quickly dissolve into drunk giggles when he makes an offended face at you. He’s been doing that a lot lately, making you laugh uncontrollably and feel giddy like a little girl with a crush.

“Gimme your jacket.” Johnny says and you frown, immediately shaking your head no. The evening breeze is just a little too cold for your liking.

“Come on, I gotta get the gate open.” He whines, gesturing towards the locked gate in front of you.

With another frown on your drunk face, you shimmy your athletic jacket off your shoulders and hand it to Johnny, who quickly grabs the jacket by the two arm holes creating a makeshift hook. He uses his height to his advantage (and frankly, for your visual enjoyment) to lean over the gate and Macgyver the door to open with one swift pull of the jacket over the stem of the door handle.

The view is great, you must add. His t-shirt has ridden up a bit exposing a small sliver of his midriff and seeing him use his height so smoothly is making you feel weak in the knees. You can’t help it, you’re drunk and a very attractive man is being just so manly in front of your eyes.

When the door pops open, you let out a squeal of excitement and he laughs, pushing the door open for you to step in before him.

“So that tiny fib about no rules really was a big fib, huh?” You tease as you strip off the oversized tee shirt you were using as a coverup.

It takes him a moment to respond, he’s a little distracted by the sight of your body to have heard your teasing remark.

“I— uh, sorry?” He says, bashful smile on his face as he strips out of his own tank top, and approaches you with a flirty smile on his face.

He’s close enough to touch you, but he doesn’t, and that makes your breath catch in your throat. He’s got a look on his face that you don’t recognize, and that bothers you a bit, but you brush it off.

You’re the first to run away and plunge into the deep end of the pool, your ears filling with the roaring sound of your body splitting the previously still water. Before you even have the chance to notice the cool water causing goosebumps to rise on your skin, Johnny’s jumping in after you, sending suffocating waves in your direction.

You squeal again, swatting the water towards him when he resurfaces, and running away towards the shallow end so you can stand on your flat feet.

He follows you, of course he does, and soon enough he’s standing in front of you with his whole upper body exposed above the water. You aren’t sure how you’ve never taken long enough to notice his height before, but it’s definitely on your radar now.

“Hey.” He smiles down at you, droplets of water dripping down from where they had collected on the end of his long dark hair.

“Hi,” you whisper up at him. The tension from before is here again as you stare up at him. Like before, he’s close enough to touch you, and you desperately want to feel his hands on your waist, but he doesn’t. Too afraid of what this would mean, of where you are now and where things may be going.

Fuck, you think, you might like Johnny.

You’re a simple girl with simple emotions and simple responses to those emotions. So what do you do at this realization?

Well, you splash him right in his stupid handsome face, of course.

He retaliates almost immediately by stepping back and splashing you with far more aggression than you did with him.

“Hey, you’re not playing fair!” You scream as you swat blindly at the water, too afraid to open your eyes and get water in them. You’ve already got a mouth full of chlorine from the laughing you’re doing, you don’t want the stinging feeling in your eyes too.

“You started it!” He shouts from the other side of the pool, not letting up, even for a moment, for you to breathe.

“Truce! Truce!” You call out over the noise, stumbling over your own feet below the water, gently floating back until your upper back is resting against the cold and hard concrete edge of the pool.

He begins to laugh when he sees your panicked face, moving in closer to you to tease you up close.

“Man, you fucking destroyed me. How can someone be good at splashing water?” You exclaim, defeated.

A smile is still on his face as he slowly takes a couple extra steps into your space.

“Tennis, baby.” He says, exaggerating his point by mimicking a down swing, hand dipping below the water and splashing up at you again.

You let out a screech, “I called a truce!”

He just chuckles, hands coming up in defense as he steps in closer with a playful look on his face. His eyes dip down to the cleavage exposed by your bikini top, only for a moment, before flicking up to look into your (still panicked) eyes.

He doesn’t say anything as he reaches his destination, toes almost touching below the water. His hands come up on either side of you to rest on the edge of the pool, your faces nearly inches apart. If the cold water of the pool hadn’t cooled you off so much, you’d be blushing like crazy. Your heartbeat does pick up again as he looks down at you.

Is he about to kiss you? He looks like he wants to, and you aren’t sure if you’d have the willpower to stop him if he tried.

Jaehyun crosses your mind at that moment. Sure, you aren’t official, but you think you'd like to be. How would he feel knowing you’re having a late night crime date with the wealthy son of your boss?

With the unmistakable look of want that flashes across Johnny’s eyes, you feel yourself begin to crumble. If you had wanted your brain to go back to Jaehyun in this moment you aren’t sure you’d be able to, too entranced under Johnny's spell. How can you still smell his woody cologne even after he got wet? Maybe that’s just his natural scent. The prospect of that being true sparks a fire of desire in your belly.

He’s leaning in now, figuring he had given you enough opportunities to push him off and away from you.

Of course, as if the universe is sending you a message, you hear another voice pierce through and pop the bubble you’ve created with Johnny.

“Hey, what’s going on in there!”

—

You haven’t been able to get last night off your mind, pulling all of your best distraction techniques out.

You tried to speak to Doyoung, but he had told you that your credits for emotional support friend had run out for the month, so that was a bust. You had tried to focus on work, but today was slow with the weekend just around the corner. You had even resorted to scrolling on Instagram, but then an ad for a pool cleaning company had come up, and your brain went straight back to the almost-kiss that you and Johnny nearly shared.

You hadn’t tried one thing though, but you think it would be a pretty shitty method.

Fuck it, you think, Johnny had left you wanting the company of a warm body and you know just the person to text.

Y/N: hey

Y/N: its been a min

You sit anxiously, biting at your freshly done manicure. This was one way to get your mind off of him, overwhelming anxiety and anticipation.

Jaehyun: ik lol sorry. u kno how work gets

Thank God, you think as you type out your next message.

Y/N: can i come over tn? i wanna hang out.

He responds almost immediately. He knew exactly what you were asking him for.

Jaehyun: ya. see u then ;)

Having the plans solidified with Jaehyun doesn’t feel the way you had originally thought they would, a sneaking feeling of guilt coming up over you.

What’s gotten into you? It’s almost as if you’ve forgotten who you’re pursuing.

It’s still Jaehyun, right?

It must be, since he’s the guy who you’ve been going out with for weeks, and have cried endless tears over. Johnny is just a friend. A friend who almost kissed you last night, but ultimately just a friend. You shouldn’t feel guilty for continuing to pursue Jaehyun, he’s the guy you want.

At least that’s what you tell yourself.

—

The sky is dark when you finally pull up to parallel park in front of Jaehyun’s house. You’re nervous for some reason, your palms slick against your steering wheel. It’s even more embarrassing that you didn’t have time after work to change, so you’re sitting in your usual white tennis skirt and club branded polo shirt.

You can hear shouts when you first approach the door, the noise startling you so bad you question if going inside is even the right choice. You decide the best call is to just text him that you’ve arrived.

Almost immediately after you hit send, you hear a loud hushing sound and a voice whisper-shout, “Shut the fuck up! Haechan, shut the fuck up. I have someone at the door.” and then a chorus of teasing “ooh”’s from the other voices.

It makes you smile at the boyish charm of Jaehyun caring, and that’s how he finds you when he opens the door. He’s barefoot and wearing grey sweatpants and a white tee shirt with a stretched out neckline from years of wear. His hair is wet, and his eyes are drooping like he had been smoking.

“Hey, babe.” He says and invites you into the now quiet home. You follow him down the dark hallway until you finally see on your left is a living room full of 6 men, all splayed out on different mismatched pieces of furniture, some MMA fight playing on the TV. The stale scent of marijuana lingers in the air, reinforced by the big blue and green water marble design bong on the coffee table.

“We’ll be in my room.” Jaehyun addresses the crowd, and a loud response of ooh’s and laughter get thrown in your direction. Jaehyun pushes you gently towards the hallway to the right of you, and you hear snickering from Jaehyun and more hushed whispers.

“Ignore them, they’re fucking weird.” Jaehyun whispers in your ear from behind. You can’t help but agree, but wonder if he has the self awareness to know that he’s acting just as weird as they are.

His room looks exactly how you expected it to, with a king sized mattress sitting atop a tall box spring on the floor directly adjacent to the door, a dresser across from the bed with some Netflix show quietly playing on the large TV. There’s purple LED lights stuck unevenly to the perimeter of the walls.

From the moment that the door is shut and locked, his hands are low on your hips. Your heartbeat picks up in speed at the contact, turning around to face him.

“Hi.” He says, smug smile on his face as he leans down to kiss you. It’s a gentle peck, and it makes a blush creep up and land on your cheeks. You hope the dim lighting hides your color.

“Hey, it’s been a while huh?” You jab, hands coming up to rest the palms of your hands against his firm pecs. You can feel his heartbeat through your left hand, it’s steady and slow cadence contrasting to your fast and hard heartbeat.

He raises one eyebrow at you, his hand trailing down to grab at your ass, “Come on baby,” he growls out before nudging his way into your neck to press a warm kiss to the space next to your carotid artery. “Don’t be like that. You know I’m busy.”

You melt at the feeling of his tongue poking out and licking a small stripe up your neck, sucking in the skin immediately after.

Confusingly, Johnny crosses your mind, and the idea of him seeing you with a hickey on your neck embarrasses you so bad that you tell Jaehyun not to mark you.

“Boring, but okay.” Is all he says before grabbing you by your hand and leading you to lie down on his bed.

You’re putty in his hands the moment he has you both naked. His skillful hands, mouth, and dick take you down like you’ve never been taken before. You’ve never moaned that loud or experienced such pleasure at the hands of a man. It’s so good, it makes you wonder why you didn’t do this earlier, but then you remember that he’s never invited you over before.

He’s never wanted you here before now. That must mean something, right? That he waited until after you had already gotten to know one another before having sex with you?

That means he likes you and wants to take you seriously, right?

In the afterglow of your orgasm, your head lies uncomfortably on Jaehyun’s bare chest. You make quiet and unfamiliar chit chat with Jaehyun until you’ve both caught your breaths.

Although you just had the best orgasm of your life, the post-nut clarity is hitting you like a bus, his hands feeling too foreign around your body, now suddenly hyper aware of the smeared remains of cum on your back drying down.

“Hey, uh, I hate to be that guy but I have a really early meeting at work tomorrow so,” he says, cold hands tucking your hair behind your ear.

“Oh,” is all you say, suddenly feeling far too embarrassed of your naked body in front of the man, “do you want me to leave?”

He just frowns and takes a moment to read the look between your eyes before sighing loudly and looking away, his focus now taken by Money Heist playing on the TV near the foot of his bed.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he lies and you can see right through it with the way his arms are slowly letting go of you, and how he won’t look you in the eyes.

“I just have work, baby. You get it right?” He says, and you have no choice but to nod silently, ignoring the deep sting in your chest and the tightness in your throat. It’s odd that although the one thing you want to do is run, him asking you to leave makes it hurt.

You get dressed quickly and awkwardly as he lies on the bed, fishing a vape out from his bedside table drawer and taking a few big hits, eyes staring straight ahead at the TV.

“I’m gonna go now.” You whisper, one hand on the door in a silent beg that he would hurry up and get dressed to walk you to the door.

He looks over at you, charming smile on his face as he sits up and awkwardly crawls across his bed to sit on the edge in front of you, his soft dick on display. You’d find him pathetic if you weren’t under him five minutes ago.

He leans in and places a hard and emotionless kiss to your lips. His kisses now feel nothing like they did earlier today, and you wonder if post-nut clarity could really be this powerful.

“I’ll see you.” He says, eyes scanning your body up and down.

You roll your eyes the moment you’re not facing him, and walk straight out his front door, ignoring the whoops and hollers from his roommates who definitely heard you and Jaehyun.

None of them seem to mind that you’re unaccompanied, or as if they were expecting anything different. Then again, why should they care? Jaehyun never introduced you to them.

When you finally slide into the drivers side of your car, and your cold and wet panties make uncomfortable contact with the inside of your upper left thigh, the sensation alone is enough to make you burst into hot tears.

Later that evening when you’re lying in bed after a long, hot shower and a motivational phone call with Yerim, you send him a text.

Y/N: we shouldn’t see each other anymore.

Read: 2:46AM

—

Johnny finds you the next day crouching behind the bar with your forehead in your hands. You didn’t get nearly enough sleep last night, and you’re feeling hungover after the whirlwind of confusing emotions you’ve felt over the last couple of days.

“Tough shift?” He says, eyes glimmering with amusement as he looks down at you hiding behind the bar.

“The worst.” You say, standing up straight and grabbing a glass to make him his usual drink.

“Wait,” he says, hand grabbing your wrist as you go to pour the soda in the iced glass.

“I have something that might chill you out. Wanna join me when your shift is up?” He says and you smile, reading right through his invitation and nodding with an appreciative smile on your face.

The “thing”, of course, is a perfectly rolled joint. You can’t help yourself but smile at his playful look as he presents it to you as you both sit in the front seat of some random golf cart overlooking the sunset as it falls down over the man-made lake that is central to the entire property.

He sparks it up for you in the way only a gentleman does, laughing at your antics when you pinch your fingers in a silly way to urge him to pass the joint onto you.

After a couple of passes back and forth in silence, only the whooshing sound of the breeze and the occasional tapping sound in the background as golfers across the way tee off, Johnny opens the conversation.

“So, miss Y/N,” you ignore the butterflies that erupt when he says your name in that way, “what made today so difficult?”

Ah, that. Your fuzzy brain thinks. You aren’t quite sure yet if you’re ready to divulge the details of your failed fling to your blooming crush, but you know what they say, intoxicated words are sober thoughts. And he’s right here offering to listen in a way that your friends are too fed up with you to listen to anymore, so you decide to tell him.

“I broke things off with a guy I’ve been seeing for a while.” You decide to keep it short and leave out all the embarrassing details.

“Ah,” he says as he stretches out, his arm coming to rest on the seat back behind you, deciding to let the joint die out. His arm is not around your shoulder, but a part of you really wishes it was.

“He sounds like an idiot.” He says, eyes drooping as he gives you a silly high smile.

You scoff, “He’s not an idiot for not wanting me.” He’s an idiot for other reasons, but you aren’t willing to share that just yet.

Johnny looks away from you and back out to the sunset, “Nah, he really really is. You’re a catch.”

The butterflies in your belly erupt as you swallow, staring at the side of his face with no thoughts of what to say next crossing your mind.

“Thanks.” Is what you finally croak out, reaching for the dead joint sitting on the short dashboard in front of you. When you lean back to light the joint, there’s something blocking your back from hitting the seat.

You look over at Johnny, your shoulders brushing his elbow and forearm from behind you. He smirks and gives you a side eye before snaking his arm up so that it rests across your shoulder. You don’t say anything at the new warmth and weight of his arm on you, so you just smile into the joint as you bring the lighter up to the end.

Johnny clearly isn’t reconciled with your conversation, so he continues with his compliments. He's hoping with everything in him that you pick up on his hints so he doesn’t need to continue to be so bold.

“You deserve a guy that’s gonna stick around.” He says, grabbing the newly lit joint from your fingers.

You scoff once more, scooting over to be a little closer to him on the seat as he takes a long drag, letting the slight spring breeze carry the smoke away out of his lips as he exhales.

“Try just a guy to stick.” You say with a dry chuckle, “we weren’t even official.”

Johnny hums and nods his head in understanding, passing the joint back to you.

“You fuck him?” He asks, and you choke on your hit. Coughing out the smoke in an unattractive spittle.

“What did you say?” You ask, now facing Johnny fully in the seat, staring between his pink and spacey eyes.

“I asked if you had slept with him.” Johnny nods, speaking slower than before. He looks as if this comment is no big deal to him, like this is casual conversation between you two.

Before you even think about it, you feel the flirty words leave your lips, “And if I did?”

His eyebrows raise as he grins at you, suppressing a laugh. He had gotten exactly what he wanted, “Was it good?”

You break eye contact this time, looking over the lake, “Maybe.” You shrug.

“See that explains why a stunning girl like you would stay with a loser like him.”

You say nothing in response, choosing to stare ahead at the golfers across the lake, the oldest gentleman of the pack teeing up his very poor shot.

Johnny takes a pause before speaking an unwelcome comment, “You need a guy that’ll stick around and dick you down.”

You scoff out another laugh, looking at him again with a disbelieving stare.

“Oh yeah? Where would I find that.” You spit the last word with bitterness, head falling to look at the hangnail you had been picking at between passes of the joint.

“Here, actually.” You stare at him in shock before he clarifies further,

“Like... me. I’m offering myself up. Only if you want, I mean.”

It takes you a minute to process what he says before it finally hits you, and it hits you hard.

You’re usually the overthinking type, if that wasn’t obvious enough, but for the first time in your life you decide to finally make an impulsive decision. You owe it to yourself and your vagina, you figure.

When your lips hit his, it takes him a moment to process what you had just done, but soon enough he’s kissing you back with a passion that makes you moan embarrassingly against his lips. He’s a soft, yet passionate kisser, allowing you to show him the ropes before taking the lead and kissing you exactly how he likes.

He’s also a surprisingly dry kisser, choosing to wait longer than you usually would to use his tongue on you. Even after a couple of flirty swipes of your tongue across his bottom lip he doesn’t give in, choosing to show you his softer side first with the slow and meaningful passes of his lips over yours.

It’s like a switch gets flipped when he does finally decide to allow your tongue to enter his mouth. He grabs you instantly by the back of your neck and waist, and pull you closer into him as your tongues dance. You moan, feeling like putty already in his hold. You’re far too overwhelmed by the feeling of the best kiss you’ve ever been given to be even tempted to touch him yet, your hands sitting prettily around his neck, allowing the pressure and the closeness to be decided by him.

His hands fumble a moment before they find your hips, moving gently over your ass to grab a hold of the back of your upper thighs to situate you on his lap. The change in position gives you an opportunity to lean back and steal a look at the man beneath you.

When you had first met Johnny you had initially only recognized his handsomeness and not much else. That’s how it began, attraction and nothing more. Overtime, however, you’ve gotten to actually know more about Johnny than his regular drink order at the bar, and what began as a simple attraction slowly grew into genuine interest. So by being here, in the lap of the man that you’re interested in, aren’t you repeating same old mistakes?

Are you repeating the same mistakes you made with Jaehyun?

“Baby,” Johnny says, reading your expression after you had stared at him for a little too long.

You hum in response, still a bit caught up in your head.

“I’m not just trying to hook up here. Do you know that?” He says, hands leaving your ass to rest gently on your waist. You frown in response, shaking your head ‘no’ to his question.

“I told you before, you need a guy who can dick you down and stick around. I wanna stick around.” He says, an embarrassed smile resting on his pink cheeks.

“What?” You say in response, and he just lets his head fall back against the seat in frustration.

“I like you, okay?” Your jaw drops, “and I also want to fuck you right now. So can we do that?” You laugh in response, fingers threading to hold him by the back of his neck, leaning him slightly into you.

“We can definitely go do that.” You giggle and he quickly smiles, leaning up to press a quick peck to your lips before swiftly (and awkwardly) moving you off of him so he can start up the golf cart and drive you both, as quickly as possible, back to the lobby of the country club.

—

Johnny doesn't give you long to take in the sight of his luxury apartment before his lips are on yours again. He has the same passion from before, but slightly elevated. Like he had worked himself up on the drive over.

When he picks you up, and tosses you lightly down on his plush leather sofa, you notice something. The absence of purple lights. When Johnny later picks you up and carries you to his bedroom, you make another note. A bed with a bed frame and headboard.

When you both reach your peaks of pleasure, you don't feel regretful and dirty, you feel alive. When you step into the granite tiled shower, you don't feel gross, you feel giddy when he joins you. When you fall asleep with your head on his chest, you don't dream of Jaehyun, you see flashes of Johnny.

—

The next morning when Johnny walks you out to your car, kisses you on the forehead, and tells you to text him when you get home, an unmistakable feeling washes over you. 

The overwhelming feeling of something very big, and important beginning. 

Jaehyun’s reaction to finding out about Johnny and Y/N

a/n: sorry there’s no actual smut, I decided at the last minute to drop both sex scenes for the overall plot and flow. if you’d like me to post the sex scenes as one shots lmk and I’ll get on it! Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated :)

taglist: @dazzlingsya @oopstoshi @neolovely @hopefulchick @thysrs @oimqrks @lydinews @xiaomeilovespizza @got-sum-badhabits @inbluehour @shiningnono @soonnypeach @onlyrosyjohnny @reader221 @matchahyuck @9763vill @svntdream @johnbananaa-blogg @multifandombtvhh @jeonwonuniverse @justineasian

[smileyerim]

this weekend i heard 2 songs live that i wrote fan fictions based off of and it was trippy

[smileyerim]

tomorrow is my 23rd birthday 😵‍💫

[smileyerim]

[smileyerim]

wait wtf 😭😭😭😭 i didn’t realize it was at 1k either!!

ily!!!!!!!! 🫶❤️ ur so sweet

in hell there’s heaven

half baked stories series. angst. 2nd person but jaehyun centric. warnings: cheating, weed smoking. inspired by solo by frank ocean

If Jaehyun could do anything in the world right now, he would go back to 3 days ago, slap himself in the face, and call you. He wants that more than he’s ever wanted anything in your relationship, but he didn’t do that.

3 days ago Jaehyun cheated on you. 3 hours ago the guilt hit him so hard he wanted to cry, an emotion he wasn’t particularly comfortable with expressing in front of you, when you told him you were so happy he was yours. Because, yes, that’s technically true, but 2 days and 21 hours ago Jaehyun was kissing the neck of another woman, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, and entering into her with far too much ease.

So 3 minutes ago he decided to tell you about his infidelity. Jaehyun never believed the “eyes are the window to the soul” bullshit until that exact moment when he saw in your eyes your heart breaking.

“I-I need a minute.” You say, walking away. You did that a lot. Insecurity built up from relationships past left you uneasy with the idea of expressing anger towards a partner. Even when you and Jaehyun fought you always conceded first, letting him win even if you were still hurt. Jaehyun knew this, and he always tried his hardest not to take advantage of it and you, always letting you know you had the space to be upset.

He didn’t say that this time, though. He knew he didn’t need to, that damn look in your eyes communicated it enough.

3 seconds of sitting alone on the couch, eyes glued to his shut bedroom door that you just locked yourself into to think, Jaehyun decides he can’t sit with these feelings.

So he doesn’t, in a manner that is just so him, he decides on taking the fresh pre-roll he bought from the dispensary earlier to share with you out to the balcony alone.

The old and derelict lawn chair squeaked concerningly as he sat down, but he doesn’t care. He takes the white lighter he bought himself as a bad luck charm out of his pocket and the joint up to his lips, flicking the lighter and burning his eyes at the flame. He takes a few puffs in, not inhaling, just to start the sweet burn. He blows softly on the cherry end to prevent it from canoeing before taking his first real drag, eyebrows scowling at the peppery taste. He hates this strain, but it was the only one that seemed to calm your anxiety, like truly mellow you out. So he sacrificed.

Jaehyun was famous at ignoring his emotions, bottling them up until they burst. No matter what he was truly feeling, he always expressed anger when he exploded. He lost a lot of relationships because of that, but you stayed, you always did. It takes a lot out of him to admit to himself that earlier today when he felt so upset he wanted to cry, he scared himself. Jaehyun doesn’t care about many things enough to want to cry over them, but suddenly at the prospect of hurting you his tear ducts sprung to life again. He thought they had shriveled up and died.

That’s one of the many things he guesses he gained from you, emotional freedom, assurance that he isn’t a waste of space and time, unconditional support in his dreams, and the gift of what he suspects is the love of his life.

He guesses that’s all gone now.

He’s torn away from his thoughts when the screen door to the balcony opens and you step out to join him. There’s a second chair out here but you don’t sit, standing and staring at your bare feet. He wants to tell you to go back inside and put on shoes before the ants bite you, but it feels like the wrong time so he doesn’t.

He chooses to just stare at you, your hair partially blocking your face as you look down still. He’s pretty stoned at this point, halfway through the joint.

He doesn’t know what to do, and time feels so very slow so he offers you the joint by moving his hand below your line of sight. He doesn’t imagine there’s a way you’ll say no to it, you know the scent. You must know it’s your favorite. You must know he bought it for you.

Unbeknownst to him, though, nothing can calm the anxiety you have right now.

“Jaehyun, I can’t do this.” You finally look at him, and the look in your eyes, those damn eyes and that damn look break his heart again. He doesn’t show it though, just pursing his lips and letting a frown settle.

“I-I can’t be with you anymore.”

He watches the tear roll down your cheek. He wants to scoff, but his heart is too broken. An unmistakable feeling of emptiness and regret fills him, a stinging pain that he tries to swallow down stays burning behind his sternum.

He’s broken. Fully, entirely, all encompassingly broken.

“Are you going to say anything?” You say.

And no, he wasn’t particularly planning on it. What is there to say? He fucked up, he knew it right after it happened and even a small part of him during it too, but there’s no going back.

He knows that not one word he could say that would convince you that he loves you more than he loves the freedom to do whatever he wants.

Now, though, he’s questioning which is a bigger priority to him.

You shake your head and scoff at him before turning, opening the screen door and leaving for the last time.

He’s full of too many emotions he doesn’t know how to name, so he screams. To the owls hooting in the trees, to the moon, to God if He was listening.

For the first time ever in his 25 years of living, Jaehyun had to come to terms with his emotions.

He fucking hated it, and he still loves you. That was the worst part.

[smileyerim]

omg your jaehyun fic literally satisfied me so much ...

i love the way you didn't make y/n go back to jaehyun like in most cases. she knows she's not supposed to and that she deserves more !! that stood out to me the most, and i was sososo satisfied to see that ending. such good execution, i loved it :)

ahh! i’m assuming you’re talking about in hell there’s heaven/right where i left you.

thank you so much! i knew i wanted to write an ending that would make everyone proud, so not even for a moment did i consider her going back to him. he’s not ready for her, she DOES deserve better than a man who only tries to get her back after seeing her with another man.

[smileyerim]

girlll i miss u sm come back pick me choose me love me 💔

I NEED U TO RUN RIGHT BACK TO ME!!!!!

fr tho i miss you too :(( i’ve been much more active on my side blog recently tho! i’ll message you so you can follow :)

[smileyerim]

sister in christ

he looks so manly i’m losing my fucking mind

[smileyerim]

a girl is nothing without her tumblr blog actually

[smileyerim]

hi fren

AHHHH HI!!

miss u 🫶 i hope you’re doing well!