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When you sleep you're actually just staring at your eyelids
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Need mint chocolate in a hurry? No problem! Just slather the chocolate in minty fresh toothpaste and enjoy the benefits of fresh breath and clean teeth while eating a delicious treat!
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I wish the hair on my head could grow as fast as the hair on my legs
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I wanna find someone who will look at me like my dog looks at this Dorito
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Ok, so I woke up this morning and decided to put lotion on my face before going back to sleep. My face felt a little dry, but now it felt as dry and constricting as the desert. Wondering what the hell was going on, I went to the bathroom to see that I had smeared blood all over my face that was pouring from my lip.
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This is money cat. He only appears every 1,383,986,917,198,001 posts. If you repost this in 30 seconds he will bring u good wealth and fortune.
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The FBI should just ask U2 how to get into someone’s iPhone without permission
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When your friend tells you something you already know about and you have to act surprised
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That one person who can’t finish a joke without laughing really hard the whole time
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What if there is someone that controls us and judges us for what we do
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When life gives you lemons, throw them at people and show no mercy.” ~SmittenKitten 2016
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Advertising is going to become so extreme someday that there will be people that come into your house at night and place speakers that blare out messages like "BUY OUR FUCKING BIG MACS ONLY AT MCDONALDS!!!" While a flash mob dressed as Big Macs carries you to the nearest McDonald's.
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This is so cute
Dog is excited to meet his new buddy
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