smurfdemon - Tumblr blog

[smurfdemon]

illyria  didn’t  like  to  be  caged.      ⸻      to  be  caged  was  to  be  defeated  and  to  be  defeated?  weakness.  it  had  only  ever  happened  to  her  once  before.  twice,  if  including  angel  investigations  draining  her  power  with  gadgets  too  modern  for  her  rage.  to  exist  inside  the  mind  of  another  was  no  more  torture  than  essence  being  encased  in  jewels    &    sarcophagus’.  the  humanity  itched  from  within,  clawing  and  suffocating,  and  overwhelming.  or  at  least,  that’s  how  it  USED  to  be,  but  as  time  goes  on,  illyria  has  grown  almost  accustomed  to  being  a  pair.  she’ll  call  it  resignation  if  anyone  were  to  ask,  though  truthfully,  they’re  struggling  to  remember  a  life  without  the  cohabitation. 

rush  of  victory  eases  over  old  one  when  she  succeeds  in  pushing  through  to  surface,  more  comfortable  as  armour  graces  skin.  ＂  i  once  burnt  seven  kingdoms  to  the  ground  because  they  dared  to  defy  a  simple  order.  my  followers  would  bring  me  the  head  of  any  enemy  i  desired    …    and  now  you  wish  for  me  to  browse  grocery  store  aisles  for  ice  cream  that  sounds  like  a  cartoon.  ＂  she  sneers  response,  foot  kicking  the  abandoned  basket  for  good  measure.  that’ll  show  ‘em.  ＂  you  always  pick  the  wrong  flavour.  ＂  and  so  reveals  the  real  reason  behind  her  hijack.  illyria  never  cared  for  human  sustenance  when  she  first  returned.  hadn’t  needed  it  to  survive  either,  but  fred’s  tastes  are  now  her  tastes,  soul  introducing  a  variety  of  new  experiences.  one  she  was  currently  denying  human  counterpart  of  in  favour  of  a  craving  far  messier.  ＂  i  wish  to  kill  something.  we  will  go  hunt.  then  you  can  eat.  ＂  surely  vampires  used  such  spots  to  find  their  own  food.  this  was  still  los  angeles  after  all.

@smurfdemon gets a re-ensouled starter

The switch would begin like a headache -- a migraine aura with spots floating across her vision. Fred supposed it was a miracle she was alive to feel the discomfort in the first place.

She still wasn't exactly sure what had caused her soul to return to its body, but whatever had done it hadn't managed to exorcise Illyria completely from her core. Or maybe this cohabitation had been their plan all along. The scientist knew how Angel's condition had operated, given the bounds of a curse for its triggering incident. But with Illyria, there seemed to be little rhyme or reason -- predominantly either herself or the entity vying for control at any given moment.

Fred was good at keeping the Old One under control, mostly. But there were moments she slipped -- fear seemed to be the biggest catalyst, as did intoxication. But sometimes, the switches were random, like right now --

"Oh, no... no, not now," she muttered as she saw the blue-tinged aura creeping into the periphery of her vision. Fred quickly put down her grocery basket and braced herself against the ice cream freezer door at the local food mart. The woman shut her eyes tight, trying to push back the feeling of cold creeping up her extremities...

But when she reopened her eyes, it was like she was watching the world from inside herself. A private screening room of the grocery store she'd just been in. But Fred was no longer in control.

"Oh, damn it. Illyria, what could be so important that you pushed me out before I got my Ben and Jerry's?"

[smurfdemon]

i am truly mesmerized by the theme of your blog, and i have never met anyone who loves illyria as much as me! i didn’t care for fred until she became evil >< i really wish illyria had more screen time before the show ended

- 🍓

this  is  the  sweetest  message!  let  me  just  say    …    you  have  made  my  whole  day,  nonnie.  it’s  always  a  pleasure  when  somebody  uses  the  anonymous  option  to  spread  some  love.  illyria  is  a  relatively  new  muse  for  me  compared  to  others,  so  it  means  the  world  to  hear  someone  thinks  i’m  doing  a  good  job.  i  have  such  a  fondness  for  fred,  but  the  complexity  of  illyria    …    obsessed  always.  

[smurfdemon]

threats  from  a  vampire  are  no  more  than  empty,  meaningless  promises.  entertaining  even,  though  the  weary  exhale  of  breath  that  escapes  the  primordial  being  sounds  more  TIRED  than  amused.  when  will  they  learn  their  words    &    their  feelings  hurt  less  than  their  forged  weapons?  the  old  ones  weren’t  built  to  show  empathy.  they  were  made  to  rule,  by  any  means  necessary.  that  was  their  purpose.  ＂  you  would  try.  ＂  it’s  a  surprisingly  simple  response.  she  has  long  since  learnt  grand  words  are  lost  on  spike.  he  doesn’t  listen  nor  does  he  shudder.  the  lower  creatures  of  this  world  have  grown  bolder  in  her  absence,  even  the  ones  who  know  what  god  king  is  capable  of. 

＂  am  i  to  be  held  responsible  for  the  consequences  of  actions  i  played  little  conscious  role  in?  ＂  head  turns  away  from  the  screen,  abandoning  their  mario  mission  to  observe  @insufferablemonsters.  ＂  i  did  not  hurt  this  shell  any  worse  than  humans  did.  ＂  it’s  difficult  to  say  WHY  she  challenges  the  accusation;    if  demon  is  simply  looking  to  ruffle  feathers,  or  if  she  truly  feels  compelled  to  justify  herself.  perhaps  the  morbid  curiosity  illyria  finds  herself  drawn  to  has  taken  over,  feeding  into  that  strange    &    unusual  desire  to  explore  this  world  more.  ＂  my  qwa’ha  xahn  chose  her.  he  was  weak.  blinded  by  his  own  infatuation.  ＂  with  winifred  burkle  as  much  as  the  power  he  thought  would  be  bestowed  upon  him.  memories  show  her  this.  ＂  and  charles,  blinded  by  his  own  greed  for  smarts  beyond  his  reach.  ＂  the  weight  of  his  guilt  grinds  her  gut  something  sick  whenever  he’s  near.  all  their  wretched  emotions  do.  ＂  you  and  your  so  -  called  champion.  vampires  with  souls.  ＂  words  twist  the  metaphorical  knife,  eyes  never  blinking.  ＂  choosing  to  spare  the  life  of  strangers  over  the  one  you  now  grieve  most.      ⸻      yet  MY  existence  is  seen  as  the  true  villain  in  this  story,  because  it  better  soothes  your  own  conscience.  ＂  there’s  a  pause  and  if  one  were  to  look  close  enough,  they  might  have  caught  it.  that  flicker  of  rage    (  or  is  it  hurt?  )    that  disappears  in  one  quick  blink,  finally  breaking  gaze.  ＂  i  grow  bored  of  your  misplaced  judgement.  i  may  have  consumed  this  vessel  from  within,  but  i  did  not  kill  it  alone.  i  could  not  have  spared  fred  from  this  fate  even  if  i  so  desired  to.  ＂

†  ――――       THERE  WASN'T  ONE  PART  OF  SPIKE  THAT  ACTUALLY  ENJOYED  ILLYRIA'S  COMPANY.  all  she  did  was  go  on  and  on  about  how  powerful  she  was  and  how  she  used  to  have  men  bow  down  at  her  feet.  newsflash,  lady,  new  world  and  you  need  to  get  on  with  how  things  are  around  here.  i  mean,  seriously,  for  how  smart  she  was,  how  did  she  not  realize  by  now  that  the  world  she  once  knew  wasn't  that  world  no  longer?  he  sighed  deeply  in  annoyance,        ❛      y'know,  i  wish  you  would  put  me  out  of  my  bleedin'  misery.  at  least  then  i  wouldn't  have  to  listen  t'you  prattle  on  about  how  self  -  important  you  are.  it  gets  tiresome       ❜      he  shot  back  at  her,  tempted  to  stick  his  tongue  out  at  her,  but  he  doesn't.  she  really  does  bring  the  child  out  of  him.  he  blows  his  lips  at  her  words,  ignoring  her,  but  he  knew  deep  down  she  was  right.  not  only  did  he  hesitate  to  hurt  her  because  he  knew  he'd  get  his  ass  handed  to  him,  but  it  was  also  because  of  the  simple  fact  of  the  face  she  wore   —   someone  that  cared  for  him  without  a  second  thought.  that  was  rare  for  the  vampire  nowadays,  and  it  was  gone   [   ....   ]   because  of  her.  and  that's  why  he  didn't  always  hesitate.

A  VICTORIOUS  LAUGH  EMITS  FROM  THE  VAMPIRE  WHEN  ILLYRIA  IS  DEFEATED  BY  A  SIMPLE  TURTLE  IN  THE  MARIO  GAME.        ❛      guess  you're  not  as  good  at  everything  as  you  think  you  are,  luv.  now,  if  you  don't  mind,  i'd  like  to  keep  playin'  my  game   —      ❜      he  starts,  but  she  starts  a  new  match  before  he  could  kick  her.  he  rolls  his  eyes  so  hard  he  could  see  the  back  of  his  head  if  it  was  possible.  he  continues  to  play  nonetheless.  he  glances  over  at  her,  noticing  the  pause  in  her  sentence,        ❛      don't  blame  the  bloke  too  much.  he  was  in  love  with  her,  after  all.  i'd  be  the  same  if  you  hurt  the  woman  i  loved.  actually,  i'd  kill  you      ❜      he  told  her  and  then  realized  how  much  of  a  big  mistake  that  was.  now  she  was  going  to  be  relentless  with  her  words  of  torture.  he  refused  to  look  at  her  when  she  questioned  him,  keeping  his  attention  on  the  game,        ❛       maybe.  what's  it  t'  you     ?      ❜    very  mature,  spike.

[smurfdemon]

she  can  smell  it  again.      ⸻      the  sickly  stench  of  GRIEF  that  never  seems  to  leave.  it  lingered  around  every  corner  of  wolfram  &  hart  when  she  passed,  and  it  lingers  stale  in  the  air  around  them  right  now.  illyria  doesn’t  understand  it.  doesn’t  try  to  either.  their  mourning  is  an  insult  to  her  very  existence;    a  blatant  acknowledgement  that  they  see  her  as  less  than  the  human  this  vessel  used  to  be.  winifred  burkle  was  no  one  remarkable.  not  by  a  god’s  high  expectations  at  least,  but  the  worship  she  seems  to  still  garner  from  her  peers  even  in  death?    …    illyria  confesses  they  find  themselves  curious.  perhaps  even  envious.  the  world  used  to  hold  her  in  the  highest  regard.  now,  she  finds  herself  here,  boxed  inside  a  diner  with  a  human  who  did  nothing  to  hide  his  contempt  for  her  presence. 

armour  creeks  as  fists  clench,  lifeless  eyes  narrowing  further  when  wesley  challenges  the  question  rather  than  providing  an  explanation.  ＂  i  wish  nothing  from  you.  ＂  statement  contradicts  the  primordial  being’s  previous  accusation,  pride  interfering  with  suspicion  and  head  tilts  higher  in  defiance.  let  him  have  his  secrets.  they  were  of  little  to  no  threat  to  illyria  the  merciless.  ＂  i  am  here  because  i  choose  to  be  here.  ＂  it’s  a  petulant  counter,  spoken  with  venom.  there  was  a  time  when  god  king  had  the  power  to  rule  armies  far  greater  than  mankind  could  even  begin  to  fanthom.  they  waged  wars  together,  sometimes  multiple  at  once.  now,  she  finds  herself  treated  as  no  more  than  a  puppet    /    his  spare  pair  of  hands.  she  would  remove  his  as  punishment,  if  she  thought  he’d  care.  @insufferablemonsters  is  different  from  the  others  though.  he  is  cold  and  distant,  not  too  dissimilar  from  the  shell  illyria  now  resides  in.  sometimes  she  wondered  if  his  soul  died  during  her  resurrection  too.  ＂  i  would  slaughter  you    &    bathe  in  your  entrails,  but  to  end  your  misery  would  be  a  MERCY  i  do  not  care  to  show.  ＂  if  he  can  get  personal,  so  can  she.

♱  ――――       IT  FELT  LIKE  A  KNIFE  IN  THE  HEART  WHEN  ILLYRIA  TRANSFORMS  INTO  HIS  FORMER  LOVER   —   a  sight  he  did  not  desire  to  see  when  it  wasn't  truly  her.  all  this  ever  did  for  wesley  was  remind  him  that  she  was  gone,  lost  in  the  echoes  of  souls,  and  he  was  left  with  this  demon  he  didn't  quite  know  anything  about.  it  left  a  horrible  pit  in  his  stomach,  and  he  was  eager  to  get  this  journey  over  with.  he  was  ready  to  get  to  their  destination  to  be  informed  as  much  as  possible  about  her;  possibly  even  a  way  of  bringing  winifred  back  into  her  former  body.  this  was  why  he  kept  their  mission  a  secret  from  her  because  he  knew  if  she  were  to  find  out  what  this  was  truly  about,  she  would  have  his  head.  he  hoped  it  wouldn't  come  to  that,  but  he  wouldn't  be  entirely  disappointed  if  he  were  to  be  vanquished.  at  least  then  he  would  have  some  semblance  of  peace,  finally.  he  avoided  all  possible  eye  contact  with  her,  afraid  of  what  he  might  feel  if  he  were  to.  would  it  be  longing?  anger?  despair?  all  things  illyria  has  already  managed  to  invoke  from  him.  but  when  she  speaks,  using  a  cold  sullen  tone,  he  sighs  greatly.  he  was  hoping  it  wouldn't  come  to  this.

HE  FINALLY  LOOKS  UP  FROM  HIS  COFFEE,  PALMS  WRAPPED  AROUND  THE  CERAMIC  MUG  TO  GATHER  ITS  WARMTH.  he  cocks  his  head  to  the  side,  completely  unsurprised  by  her  question,      ❛      i  don't  entirely  see  the  point  of  having  a  conversation.  was  there  something  you'd  like  to  discuss     ?       ❜     he  asked  her,  averting  the  subject  to  her  to  avoid  speaking  about  his  own  emotions,  something  he's  learned  to  do  over  the  course  of  this  tragic  several  years.  angel  warned  wesley  not  to  go  on  this  expedition,  to  not  get  his  hopes  up  for  any  positive  outcome,  but  he  needed  to  know.  he  needed  to  know  if  there  was  any  way  he  could  bring  winifred  back.  the  well  was  a  bust,  and  he  was  well  aware  of  that,  but  he  refused  to  believe  that  nothing  else  could  be  done.        ❛      having  you  here  with  me  is  a  means  to  end,  illyria.  you're  purely  here  for  an  extra  pair  of  hands.  did  you  have  something  better  to  do  with  your  time  here  on  this  earth     ?      ❜

[smurfdemon]

PROMPTS FOR COMMANDS AND DEMANDS *  adjust as necessary

stop following me!

get out of here.

get some rest.

kiss me.

cool it.

shut your mouth.

get off the computer.

walk back out the way you came.

stay low to the ground.

hold this for me.

stop doing that!

hang this up.

fill this up.

don't you dare.

don't look at me.

make your bed.

say something!

keep it clean.

go find someone else to bother.

get back or i'll shoot!

quit doing that.

go to bed.

turn around.

tell me the truth.

trust me on this.

stay here.

get your hands off me.

eat this.

try this and tell me if you like it.

hold me.

get lost!

don't ever speak to me again.

head down this road.

stop the car!

don't say that to me.

stop it right now.

get over yourself.

quit talking.

hide with me.

throw this away.

be here by nine.

get this to me as soon as possible.

don't delay.

tell me how you feel.

talk to me.

touch me.

clean that up.

go date someone else.

hold my drink.

tie this for me.

go take a shower.

wrap yourself up with this.

be here early.

tell me you're lying.

pour me another one.

take my hand.

put your phone down.

go to hell.

stay close to me.

get back here.

shut the door behind you.

stay away from me.

go cool off.

talk to me.

turn left here.

stay the night.

don't do this to me.

leave and never come back.

don't say another word.

pick that up.

speak to me!

clean yourself up.

sleep if you need to.

turn that off.

put that back.

get back in the house.

[smurfdemon]

PROMPTS FOR ANGSTY CONVERSATIONS *  a collection of things you never want to hear

you never told me that. i can't believe you never told me.

what difference does it make?

no, no, no, don't leave me! please!

i failed you. is that what you want me to say?

was it all a lie? all this time?

so... when do you leave? what time? so i can be ready.

why did it take you so long to tell me? how long have you been holding this in?

i was wrong.

is this it? is this all there is?

at least give me one last dance.

all the exits are blocked. we're trapped.

there's too much blood.

you're the worst person i've ever met.

you're just as broken as i am.

i really thought we could work things out.

so stupid of me to think you actually cared.

you're just going to carry on and pretend like everything's fine when it's not fine.

go on without me. i can handle this.

don't tell me i'm too late.

i told you to leave me alone.

there's no use in trying anymore. it's over.

i should have known. i should have known all along.

i need you to be honest with me. tell me the truth. i deserve the truth.

you failed me.

i wish i never met you.

it's over. go home.

i feel something broken inside me. you can't fix it. no one can.

just take some deep breaths. in and out. you're gonna be fine.

you used to be better than this.

there's no way out.

what the hell was that for?

if you stay here, you'll die. do you understand?

how dare you speak to me like that!

am i too late?

you have to believe me. i didn't mean for this to happen.

i used to think you were perfect. i guess i was wrong.

so this is how it ends? just like that?

we're running out of time.

when were you going to tell me the truth?

how long has it been since we spoke? feels like years.

when did this start? how long has this been going on?

you never really loved me. it was all fake.

who was that? why were they here? why did you let them in?

i came as fast as i could.

what the hell did you think would happen?

can i even trust you?

i don't know who i am anymore.

i can't lose you again.

you are my biggest regret.

what good will it do?

just keep pressure on the wound, okay?

how could you do this to me?

i said get out! get out of here!

i'm never speaking to you again.

i tried to stop it!

you're so fucking stupid.

it's never been okay.

good riddance.

get out of here! i'll handle this!

i can't believe you. i can't believe you did this to me.

you were a good person once. i looked up to you.

i never should have listened to you. i'm such a fool.

don't lie to me! i know when you're lying!

why the hell did you do that?

i've never been wanted. not really. not by anyone.

i never loved you.

i've been dealing with this my whole life.

it was all a lie.

you forgot my birthday.

i'm a monster.

you actually believed that shit?

you think i would just stick around and let you treat me like that?

are you actually leaving?

can i kiss you one last time?

i can't believe i gave up my life for you. i gave up everything for you.

i can't lose you, too!

for what it's worth, there's no one i would rather fight alongside.

hang on for me, all right? don't leave me. please don't go.

i deserve better than this. i deserve better than you.

good! get out of here! i didn't want you here anyway!

i made it up as i went along.

things are going to get worse before they get better.

i don't think we're getting out of this alive.

we're not gonna make it.

get the fuck out of my face.

i don't think i'm meant to be loved.

[smurfdemon]

"NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME" PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue for expressing frustration, adjust as necessary

this is what happens when you don't listen to me.

i told you the truth, and you ignored me.

no one ever listens to what i have to say.

i could be a valuable asset, you know. i could help. but no one ever wants my help.

no one ever seems to take me seriously.

it turns out some of my ideas are good after all!

i'll tell you the truth, but it's going to cost you.

will somebody please just listen to me?

i feel like i'm talking to a wall.

you're not listening to me, are you?

would you just stop for a second and listen?

i'm telling you everything i know.

you're the first person who ever took me seriously.

thank you for actually listening to me.

i'm not used to people actually caring about what i have to say.

i don't know anything beyond that.

you could have asked me, and i would have told you the truth.

they wouldn't hear me out, but maybe you will.

no one understands me. no one ever tries to understand me.

they think i'm lying, but i'm not.

if you would just listen to me for a second, we could fix this.

i was right, wasn't i?

and you thought i was making shit up. who's the fool now?

i don't want to say "i told you so" but... i told you so.

this could have all been prevented if you'd just listen to me.

they won't answer my calls.

i can't get through to anyone.

they told me they have it under control.

they're going to regret not listening to what i have to say.

would you just let me explain to you what's going on?

i have all the answers you need.

i'm actually an expert at this, believe it or not.

why don't you just ask me how to do it?

i know how to do it.

they didn't believe a word i said.

you'll hear me out, right?

give me a chance to explain everything.

i can't help you if you won't listen.

you're going to regret not hearing me out.

i have a lot of things i need to say.

listen to me for two seconds.

i had all the answers right here the whole time.

you wasted a lot of time not listening to me.

do you want my advice?

you're the one who refused to listen to me. i was trying to help.

i thought you said you could handle this all by yourself?

i know more than you do.

if you want to survive this, heed my warning.

i've done this before. i know how to do it.

you'll thank me later.

what's it going to take for you to listen to me?

i know what i'm doing! back off!

this is the thanks i get?

[smurfdemon]

There is no perfect day for me, Illyria. There is no sunset or painting or finely-aged scotch that’s going to sum up my life and make tonight any…There is nothing that I want.  You want to be with Fred.

[smurfdemon]

i  lived  seven  lives  at  once.      ⸻      i  was  POWER  in  the  ecstasy  of  death.      𝐢  𝐰𝐚𝐬  𝐠𝐨𝐝  𝐭𝐨  𝐚  𝐠𝐨𝐝    .  .  .    now?      i’m  trapped  on  a  roof,    just  one  roof,    in  this  time    &    this  place  with  an  𝚞𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎  𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗  who  drinks  too  much  whiskey,    and  called  me  a  𝘀𝗺𝘂𝗿𝗳.

[smurfdemon]

#smurfdemon      :      independent,  selective    &    mutuals  only  writing  blog  for  illyria  the  merciless  from  the  angel  the  series  fandom.  their  character  has  been  created  around  both  canon  and  personal  headcanons.  tortured  regularly  by  hope.  est.  may  2023.  temporary  rules  can  be  found  here  while  i  work  on  a  more  illyria  specific  carrd.  important  note:  illyria  is  a  powerful  purebred  demon  that  ruled  earth  during  the  primordium  age.  they  are  not  your  regular  demon  and  not  to  be  underestimated.

a  character  exploration  into      →      the  world  you  once  knew  (and  ruled)  is  gone    /    conqueror    /    reincarnation    /    legendary    /    to  be  loved  and  feared    /    humanity  seeping  through    /    a  fate  worse  than  death    /    adaptable.

[ i. CARRD.] ﾠ [ ii. HEADCANONS. ] ﾠ [ iii. MEMES. ] ﾠ [ iv. BLOGROLL. ]

[smurfdemon]

@thatslayer  sent    :    think  i'll  sleep  for  two  days  straight  after  a  fight  like  that.      prompts  for  after  the  battle.

"    i  thought  the slayer  was  supposed  to  be  an  extraoridnary  power.    ⸻    does  this  world  do  anything  but  disappoint?    "    it’s  perhaps  an  𝚞𝚗𝚏𝚊𝚒𝚛  judgement,  given  the  skills  illyria  has  just  seen  faith  display,  but  compliments  do  not  come  easy  to  primordial  being.  if  ever.  the  concept  of  rest    &    recharging  is  𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭  on  creature  as  old  as  they,  and  that  which  was  beyond  her  comprehension  was  automatically  deemed  UNWORTHY  by  oversized  ego.  sorry,  faith.  eyes  scan  over  the  trail  of  bodies  they’ve  left  behind,  top  lip  lifting  in  sneer.    "    this  was  not  a  fight.  this  was  sport.  in  my  time,  our  wars  waged  for  𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚜.  we  did  not  stop  until  every  wall  hung  with  entrails,  and  our  bodies  bathed  in  blood  like  rainfall.  your  battles  here  are    .  .  .    petty.  and  dull.    "    but  here  she  is,  still  fighting  them.  the  irony  is  not  lost  on  old  one.  where  else  was  she  going  to  go?  this  world  didn’t  belong  to  her  anymore.  such  revelations  had  been  made  painfully  clear.

[smurfdemon]

the  silence  in  which  they  travel  doesn’t  necessarily  arouse  cause  for  suspicion.    ⸻    if  anything,  illyria  welcomes  the  quiet.  it’s  the  first  semblance  of  𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚎  offered  in  weeks.  the  humans    (  amongst  other  lower  beings  )    all  make  noise,  but  nothing  or  nobody  ever  says  anything  truly  worth  listening  to.  their  words  are  𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀  𝗻𝗼𝗶𝘀𝗲  in  a  meaningless  world,  and  she  grows  tired  of  the  incessant  echoes  that  plague  every  hallway.  the  momentary  reprieve  is  welcomed,  as  well  as  𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐝.  however,  the  further  they  travel,  the  more  aware  of  wesley’s  DISCOMFORT  she  becomes.  the  air  that  hovers  around  them  is  thick  with  tension  and  while  his  inattentiveness  neither  bothers  nor  upsets  her,  it  does  have  the  demon  king  questioning  what  inspired  him  to  take  this  journey  together  if  their  presence  caused  him  such  𝚞𝚗𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚝  unrest.  that  was  suspicious.  there’s  a  lot  about  modern  -  day  humans  illyria  didn’t  understand,  but  their  emotions?    .  .  .    far  easier  to  read  than  any  book.  fools  wore  them  as  much  as  they  wore  clothes,  out  in  the  open  for  all  to  see,  especially  those  with  𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐥  observation.  he’s  keeping  something  from  her.   

"    i  don’t  care.    "    response  to  his  explanation  is  immediate  and  yet,  despite  claim,  illyria  follows  regardless.  by  the  time  they’ve  entered  roadside  dinner,  hard  -  armoured  skin  has  been  temporarily  shedded  in  favour  of  looking  more  𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗.  the  familiar  sight  of  long  lost  winifred  burkle  stands  instead,  𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲    &    𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝,  as  if  she  never  died.  wesley  doesn’t  like  it  when  she  does  this;    looks  like  her.  he’s  said  as  much  in  the  past,  but  how  else  do  they  expect  to  blend?  blue  -  tinted  skin  attracts  𝚞𝚗𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍  attention.  that  will  be  her  excuse  if  asked  anyway,  though  truthfully?  perhaps  the  primordial  being  has  an  ulterior  motive.  perhaps  she  seeks  a  𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧  from  him.  illyria  might  not  mind  the  silence,  but  the  ignoring  of  her  very  existence,  by  a  human  of  all  creatures    .  .  .    insulting.  ego  doesn’t  have  time    (  or  rather,  𝗿𝗲𝗳𝘂𝘀𝗲𝘀  )    to  decipher  that  puzzle  right  this  second.  body  slides  into  chair  opposite  former  watcher  and  for  a  long,  𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎  moment,  all  illyria  does  is  stare.  it’s  purposeful.  𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠  more  than  questioning,  accusing  even,  without  using  words.  when  she  does  speak,  it  becomes  painfully  obvious  appearances  are  no  more  than  deception,  voice  cold    &    monotone,  so  very  far  from  the  soft,  southern  lull  her  shell  used  to  speak  in.    "    you  request  i  join  you  on  this  expedition,  and  yet  you  sit  in  quietude,  like  a  bug  on  the  wall.  why?    "

IT WAS STILL HARD FOR WESLEY [ .... ] TO LOOK AT HER, SPEAK TO HER, EVEN HEAR HER VOICE. this creature, higher being, was disguising as the love of his life, someone he had too little time with but he was assigned to mentor her and retrain her to be a contribution to society in a way where she didn't harm or bring fatality to anyone. he didn't like it and he made that quite evident to illyria. she questioned him constantly on his methods and ways of emotional thinking but something he wouldn't admit is that he admired her vastly, she was fascinating. he couldn't tear himself away from her no matter how much he tried to talk himself into it. it was all because she wore fred's face and he had to remind himself of that.

WESLEY TOOK HER ALONG ON A MISSION OF HIS. he wanted to visit some expertise to help him better understand who she was, where came from, and potentially what she could be capable of. she didn't know that yet, though. he kept his knowledge mission in the dark; slightly afraid how she would react or if she would be compliant. he didn't want to risk that. it was important he knew her history and how to defuse her if something were to trigger in her. sure, her power is limited and restricted but for how long? he didn't want to find out.

HE DROVE DOWN THE SEEMINGLY ENDLESS DARK ROAD IN THE MIDDLE OF NIGHT WITH HOURS AHEAD OF THEM. their ride had been mostly quiet but that was pretty typical from wesley's end. he didn't have much to say to her except questions about where she came from which is what he'd like to limit their conversation to as much as possible. anything else just reminded him of his beloved. it was obvious that wesley was growing tired; every now and then his eyes would shut but only for a brief moment and he adjusted himself frequently to keep his body moving and mind awake. he spotted a coffee shop that was open in one of the nearby exists and he points briefly to signal to her, “ i must grab a coffee ” he told her, taking the exit and once arriving, parking. he led her inside where he ordered his black coffee and found a table for them to rest at. she might not need it but he sure did. he avoided eye contact with @smurfdemon, hoping she wouldn't notice or shine a light on that. he just wanted this trip to be as minimal contact as possible.

[smurfdemon]

They're Called "Personal Issues" for a Reason starters

"You don't need to dig into my past; some things are better left buried." "I appreciate your curiosity, but I'm not ready to share that part of my life." "There's a reason I keep certain things to myself. Let's just focus on the present." "Curiosity killed the cat, you know? Let's not go there." "I value our friendship, but some doors are meant to stay closed." "Don't pry, please. I've dealt with it on my own, and that's how I prefer it." "I've got personal demons I'm wrestling with. No need for you to join the fight." "Not every scar has a story I want to share. Let's drop the subject." "I've learned to live with my secrets; let's not disturb the peace." "We all have our shadows. Mine's not something I want in the spotlight." "Some chapters of my life are best left unread. Respect my privacy, okay?" "I'd rather not revisit the past. Can we focus on the here and now?" "It's not about trust; it's about protecting both of us from unnecessary pain." "Let sleeping dogs lie. Some things are better off undisturbed." "I've closed that chapter of my life. No need to reopen wounds." "You're a good friend, but not every story has a happy ending." "I've chosen not to share. Let's leave it at that." "I've got my reasons for silence. It's not about you; it's about me."

[smurfdemon]

Angel the Series | 5x16 "Shells"

[smurfdemon]

"    feelings  are  worthless  to  me.    "    or  at  least,  they  used  to  be.  still  are  too,  for  the  most  part,  but taking  over  a  𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗  body  with  𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗  memories  complicated  such  a  situation.  illyria  is  not  fred.  that  part  of  this  shell  is  long  gone,  but  pieces  remain  enough  to  occasionally  cause  confusion.  the  𝐥𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐲  felt  to  friends,  the  𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲  shown  to  a  certain  watcher.  images  are  clear  in  mind  and  as  much  as  primordial  being  dismisses  emotions,  she  also  cannot  shake  them.  they  are  embedded  into  this  body  just  as  much  as  old  one  is.    "    to  feel  𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚋𝚝𝚎𝚍  to  someone  is  to  give  them  power  over  you.  i  offer  no  such  compromise.    ⸻    i  go  where  i  please,  not  where  i  am  needed.    "    which  begs  the  question;    why  does  she  stay  here?  angel  investigations  can  pretend  they  keep  her  within  sight  to  prevent  the  threat  she  poses,  but  the  reality  is,  they  could  not  box  her  inside  these  walls  if  illyria  TRULY  desired  to  break  free.  her  power  far  𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬  anything  they,  or  their  modern  technologies,  can  use  against  it.  it  is  a  reality  she  tries  not  to  question  too  often,  unsure  how  to  find  the  answer.  instead,  attention  returns  to  another  comment  previously  made,  head  snapping  to  left  side.    "    you  have  not  met  another  me.  i  am  the  last  of  my  kind.    "    the  others  linger  in  prisons,  𝚞𝚗𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎  even  by  her.  for  now.    "    who  is  foolish  enough  to  make  such  a  claim?  i  will  wear their tongues around my neck.    "

"Well,   yeah.   Slayer,   The.   Hi.   .   .your   mighty   goddess,   met   one   of   you,   I   think."   Did   Glory   counted   as   a   goddess   demon?   Not   sure,   probably   from   another   world   really.   But   the   power   is   almost   as   unsettling   as   that   of   the   Master,   and   that   man   was   simple   just   that,   an   old   old   vampire.   Perhaps   the   First   Evil,   that   fateful   night   she   almost   lost   Angel   again.   "It's   not   like   I   feel   that   for   every   vampire   I   come   across.   I'm   very   proficient,   trust   me."   Buffy   points   out,   almost   feeling   called   out   by   her   previous   relationship   with   Angel.   The   topic   always   brings   some   sore   wounds,   things   that   never   closed   because   he   still   is   cursed,   and   they   still   can't   be   together.   "Angel   was   different.   He   never   hurted   me.   .   .until   his   curse.   He   loved   me   and   I   love   him."   And   the   Slayer   uses   the   present   tense   because   that   love   never   fades   away.   "He   was   never   my   enemy.   Because   he   always   comes   when   I   need   him.   And   I   do   the   same."   And   the   Slayer   props   her   Scythe   with   ease   in   one   hand,   the   weapon   of   her   ancestors.   "He   needed   me,   I   called.   But   I'm   sure   feelings   are   weird   for   you."

[smurfdemon]

the  threat  of  physical  attack  doesn’t  unnerve  her.    ⸻    in  fact,  it  barely  elicits  a  response  at  all.  the  only  reaction  is  a  slight  curve  at  left  mouth  corner,  𝚜𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌  𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚛𝚔  making  it  clear  they’re  neither  afraid  nor  concerned.  simply  amused.    "    you  can  try.  you  will  𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗹,  but  i  enjoy  this.    "    and  perhaps  that’s  why  he  doesn’t,  much  to  her  slight  𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭.    battle  was  at  least  EASY  for  the  primordial  being  to  comprehend.  combat,  winning.  these  are  𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚛,  unlike  everything  else  surrounding  her.  head  tilts  in  observation  as  eyes  purposely  focus  on  him,  reading  every  little  reaction.    "    you  hesitate  to  hurt  me.    "    it  isn’t  a  question  as  much  as  a  𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁.  old  one  sees  everything  and  even  if  she  doesn’t,  she  senses,  smells.  she  doesn’t  pry  further  though.  not  yet  anyway.

instead,  gaze  drops  down  to  the  controller  now  in  hand,  turning  it  over  in  an  attempt  to  learn  each  little  angle.  the  human  world  had  created  such  𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍  devices  to  entertain  themselves.  finger  presses  one  button,  nothing  more  and  luigi  jumps,  only  to  be  instantly  taken  out  a  minute  later.  outrage  flashes  over  blue  -  shaded  features.    "    the  turtle  killed  me.  how  is  that  possible?    "    attention  immediately  snaps  in  spike’s  direction,  as  if  her  character’s  fate  is  his  fault,  but  whatever  accusation  might’ve  been  about  to  escape  seems  to  fall  𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭  at  his  own  question.  it's illyria's turn to hesitate,  turning  to  look  back  at  television  as  game  re  -  starts.    "    .  .  .    wesley  does  not  wish  to  spend  time  with  me.  𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦  𝘪  𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬  𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦  𝘩𝘦𝘳.    "    there’s  a  pause,  surprisingly  𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚏𝚞𝚕  for  someone  who  claims  the  opinions  of  others  mean  NOTHING  to  her,  before  she  pushes  on.    "    is  that  why  you  don't kick?  because  i  look  like  her.    "

† ―――― “ THE HELL I DON'T !! i have rights just as much as the next bloody person. y'know, i've half a mind to drop kick you ” he responded, eyes narrowing at the blue-haired demon. as much as he was tempted to grab her and quite literally throw her out, he knew he didn't stand a chance against her and her immense, ancient strength. he knew that from all the times she's successfully kicked his ass. so, he didn't and just gave up as he always did against her. as much as spike always said it was because of how strong she was compared to him, some of those times was because of the body she was inhabiting. it hurt to watch fred's body be possessed by some demon that forced its way inside of her. fred deserved so much more than that. he rolled his eyes at her next comment and scoffs, “ yea, right, like i'd let you but i don't really fancy gettin' into 'nother one of yer tussels, luv. i was hopin' t' have some peace 'nd quiet t'night but looks like that dream's died ” he responded, sighing deeply in disappointment. he went to his bedroom and changed into some clothing quickly before heading into the fridge, grabbing a beer. he slowly turns when she speaks and notices she's already invited herself to his games as well as his television. there goes the telly, he thought to himself. he saunters over and plops himself into the sofa next to her, grabbing a remote and handing her one. “ fiiine but don't screw it up. i jus' got my high score ” he threatened but, of course, it was an empty one just as they all were. as he starts up the game for two players, the music chimes on the television and they begin their screen slider game. “ you care t' clue me in as to why you decided t' bother me tonight ? thought you'd be out with the ex-watcher [ .... ] ”

[smurfdemon]

it  isn’t  often  illyria  dones  this human  appearance.    ⸻    tapping  into  the  shell  they  𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎  in,  as  well  as  the  memories  that  come  with  her,  triggers  what’s  slowly  becoming  the  old  one’s  𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭  𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬.  humanity.  since  breaking  free  from  the  prison  world,  nothing  has  been  how  it  used  to  be.  true  form  is  𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚝,  now  forced  to  remain  in  the  body  of  a  former  librarian  slash  demon  hunter,  and  while  currently hidden skin  -  clad  armour  usually  at  least  𝘀𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀  primordial  being  from  the  ordinary,  tonight  she  looks  no  different  than  any  other  human  sat  at  the  bar.  it’s  curiosity  more  than  anything.  a  need  to  UNDERSTAND  how  this  dimension  works,  despite  claiming  to  hold  no  respect  for  it.  no  wonder  it  killed  the  cat  if  this  is  what  such  longing  leads  to.    "    i  know  no  songs.  your  music  is  𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬  to  me.    "    the  response  doesn’t  match  soft  features,  and  illyria  catches  herself  a  beat  later.  wasn’t  the  point  of  this  𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝  supposed  to  be  about  blending?  back  straightens  then  and  smile  is  forced,  accent  slipping  from  well  -  spoken  monotone  to  strong, southern accent  with  complete  ease.    "    i  mean,  i’m  a first  timer.  i  don’t  know  what  ya’ll  like  to  sing  around  here,  but  i  have  always  been  fond  of  that  song  about  𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘦  and  grey  skies.    "

@smurfdemon ♡’d for a starter (still accepting) !

"got anything in particular you want me to sing tonight?" it was all the more fun singing when she knew there was someone out there that actually wanted to hear that one out of her repertoire. "name a song, any song. i bet i can give it a good go."