smutslutonao3

[smutslutonao3]

tbf he does get mixed up with cass a lot lol

Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)

[smutslutonao3]

Clark: 0

Robin: 1

[smutslutonao3]

Darcy’s introduction in Pride and Prejudice is really ‘what if you had just had the worst month of your life because your ex-bestie tried to lover boy scam your baby sister out of her share of your dad’s life insurance and your friend dragged you to a shitty party in a dive bar in the neighbourhood where he’d just signed a short term lease, and you decided to let your bad mood show because you were never going to see any of the assholes in this stupid shitty bar EVER again. And your friend ended up making out with a girl he’d just met there while you were stuck talking to her sister who was less cute and then her mother appeared and started trying to matchmake and started saying how if she was twenty years younger she’d clime you like a redwood and ooooh is that a black Amex, guess the next round is on you hahhahahahaha, while her other sister (how many fucking sisters does she have?!) flashed an obviously fake ID at the bar and ordered six vodka-diet red bulls and no one in her family except the less-cute sister even tried to stop her. And you went home and consoled yourself that you would never see any of these people again but then you met them over and over again because they live next door and your friend and the cute sister keep meeting up to make out but not actually date and then. You fall in love with the less-cute sister because it turns out she’s really witty and charismatic but she already knows and remembers and resents the fact that on a day when you were in a shitty mood you called her mid out loud in a dive bar.’

[smutslutonao3]

💫 TEASER PREVIEW 💫

A billionaire playboy in his most natural state of existence... dolled up and relaxing. How did @kartsie even manage to snap a picture like this?

[ Carrd || Twitter || BlueSky || Instagram ]

[smutslutonao3]

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED

YOU KNOW THE HAIKU BOT???

OFC YOU DO

YOU KNOW THAT MESSAGE HE PUTS AT THE END OF EVERY POST????

"Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up."

YEAH???????

WELL THATS A HAIKU TOO

Beep boop! I look for

accidental haiku posts.

Sometimes I mess up.

NOW YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THATS NOT THE CUTEST THNIG YOUVE EVER HEARD

[smutslutonao3]

I had a vision. Also the idea that Bruce is in Tim’s phone as “Bruce Landlord” made me laugh very hard.

[smutslutonao3]

Bruce: This is my boyfriend, Kal.

Babs: This is my girlfriend, Kara.

Tim: This is my boyfriend, Kon.

Damian: This is my boyfriend-

Tim, cutting him off: Kjon

[smutslutonao3]

“There will always be someone who can’t see your worth. Don’t let it be you.”

— Unknown

[smutslutonao3]

Sirius: Oh my god, Prongs! You made a Valentine’s card? Who is it for?

James: Wait, Pads, no—

Sirius: “Be my Valentine, Black”

Sirius: Holy fuck! I mean, I’m flattered, Prongs! But you know I’m already Moony’s Valentine this year

James: I know, it’s not you, it’s Reg

Sirius: IT’S WHO?

[smutslutonao3]

Jason: Are you a newspaper?

Tim: No, why?

Jason: Because there’s a new issue with you every fucking day.

[smutslutonao3]

Bruce: Has anyone seen Jason and Damian?

Tim: That went out

Bruce: For what?

Dick: Something about Jason breaking a whetstone- don't ask- and Damian demanding he replace that

Bruce: We already have a whetstone for the batarang

Tim: Yeah, but Damian said and I quote "My katana was forged by greatest bladesmiths the League of Assassins has to offer, that cheap rock will not go anywhere near it"

Bruce: ...That does sound like Damian

Dick: Yep. So now we're just waiting on them

[5 minutes later]

Tim: [looks at his phone and starts laughing]

Tim: You guys are not gonna believe this

Dick: What?

[Shows a trending video of Jason walking across a parking lot with a bag in one hand and a screaming Damian under his arm, before noticing the camera and saying, "don't worry, he's mine I'm not stealing him." *pause* "if I was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn't be this asshole"]

Bruce: [tired sigh] Sadly, I can believe it...

Dick: Well, at least he got the whetstone

[smutslutonao3]

If you don’t think Bruce Wayne’s greatest nemesis isn’t the Joker, but the fakest housewife in the Batkids PTA chapter, I don’t know what to tell you.

“Master Wayne, why are you baking cookies at 3 a.m.?” “Because I’ll be damned before I bring *bakery* goods in front of *Sharon*.”

“Prom should have a strict dress code for tradition: girls in dresses, boys in suits.” “Well, *Sharon* I’d sooner make my kids leave the house wearing wet garbage bags before I told them to listen to your narrow-minded idiocy.”

Edit: pls feel free to add more.

[smutslutonao3]

[Caught by Penguin's goons and tied to chairs in a warehouse, waiting for the cavalry]

Red Robin: I'm gonna say it. Shakespeare is overrated.

Red Hood: Ok, first of all: how dare you. Second of all: how DARE you?

Red Robin: He's boring and Romeo and Juliet is ridiculous bullshit.

Red Hood: Counterpoint. Romeo and Juliet was always meant to be satire and if you read it with the knowledge that teenagers are idiots it's actually a fantastic, mean commentary on teenage romance.

Red Robin: The only way I'll accept that argument is if he was purposefully making fun of a particular pair of teenagers that he knew in real life and "Romeo and Juliet" was really Shakespeare being petty and mocking his cousin or something.

Red Hood: You- yeah that would be great actually.

Red Robin: Right? Still, my original point stands: Shakespeare is given way too much credit. So he invented some words. big whoop.

Red Hood: He basically invented the English language!

Red Robin: He better have considering the lenght of some of the monologues.

Red Hood: Look, thanks to Shakespeare we get to study dick jokes in school. There are so many dick jokes! How can you NOT like him?

Red Robin: One would think you'd be over Dick jokes, growing up in our family.

Red Hood: Well where do you think I get most of my material??

Red Robin: I'll concede that Macbeth is okay, but the rest of his tragedies? I mean, Hamlet? More like Ham-let-me-out-of-this-AP-English-class

Red Hood: One, that was sub-par and I expect better from you. Two; are you seriously going after HAMLET?

Red Robin: [snorts] Of COURSE you would enjoy a play about a death-obsessed dude with daddy issues and a thirst for revenge.

Red Hood: OK, POINT! But I'm still HELLA insulted. And Shakespeare is a master at exploring the human condition!

Red Robin: [rolls his eyes]

Red Hood: [to one of the Henchmen guarding them] Hey, you! With the ski-mask and bad enough judgement to wear sneakers to a gunfight!

Henchman: Uh... yea?

Red Hood: Back me up here. Shakespeare is a cultural icon.

Henchman: well, uh, he always kinda bored me in school

Red Robin: A-HA!

Red Hood: Oh shut up. Since when are Penguin's goons the go-to authority on literature

Red Robin: Since Shakespeare gets way too much credit because of fanboys like you.

Red Hood: Says the man who CRIED about the Hobbit movies. Several times.

Red Robin: THEY RUINED IT. EXCELLENT PRECEDENCE, EXCELLENT SOURCE MATERIAL AND THEY-

Boss Henchman: [barges in] what the fuck is going on in here? Who's making so much fucking noise?

Red Hood: [inclines his head towards Red Robin] Red Robin here thinks Shakespeare is overrated.

Boss Henchman: [immidiately involved] YOU'RE INSULTING THE BARD? HE BASICALLY INVENTED THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Red Hood: [mimicking Red Robin] A-HA!

Red Robin: Look, if you want to stan an author who made a comedy about gaslighting and subjugating a woman through marriage be my guest but I'm different

Boss Henchman: That's a bullshit argument

Henchman #2 -a woman: Nah, he's got a legit point.

Red Robin: Thank you!

Red Hood: One bad play doesn't mean you can diminish the impact of his work as a whole

Red Robin: Oh CAN'T I?

Boss Henchman: I will not stand here and see the Bard slighted in my own house- warehouse- whatever!

-----20 minutes later-----

Boss Henchman: -HISTORICAL CONTEXT

Red Robin: SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING A SEXIST APOLOGIST WOULD SAY

Red Hood: THAT'S NOT EVEN-

-----40 minutes later-----

Boss Henchman: SHAKESPEARE SHOWED ME THAT WORDS CAN BE BEAUTIFUL

Henchman #1: I WENT TO AN ALL BOYS SCHOOL!! THEY MADE ME PLAY JULIET DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT I GOT ON THE STREETS

-----70 minutes later-----

Red Hood: YOUNG LEONARDO DI CAPRIO WAS A LEGIT SNACC AND IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE YOU'RE LYING

Red Robin: SO WATCH GANGS OF NEW YORK AT LEAST THAT'S INTERESTING

-----90 minutes later-----

Red Robin: THE FUCKING BARREL SCENE!! WHAT EVEN WAS THAT?!!

-----2 hours later-----

Red Hood: HE TAUGHT HISTORY TO THE MASSES!

Red Robin: HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO SLEEP IN CLASS WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT IS WHAT HE DID

-----2,5 hours later-----

Boss Henchman: [pointing a gun at Henchman #1] HOW DARE YOU CALL OTHELLO A LI'L BITCH-

Henchman #2: [Hits Boss Henchman over the head with a chair] JUSTICE FOR KATHERINA

Red Robin: [Cheering] GET HIM, SUSAN

-----4 hours later-----

------The Batcave------

Bruce: [tiredly, rubbing the bridge of his nose] Ok, tell me again how you managed to escape.

Tim and Jason: [glancing at each other]

Tim: First off, I'd like to state for the record that we had everything perfectly under control.

[smutslutonao3]

I don't know why so few people draw Kingdom Come superbat🥹I think they are really hot!!!!!! Please support our old fashion lover🥰

[smutslutonao3]

Damian: Good morning! I hope you slept well Father. It sure is a lovely day outside. 

Bruce: *Eyes his son suspiciously*

*News anchors voice from a tv in the background*: “Last night four unidentified males were seen loading puppies from a popular pet store into a Uhaul on Grant Street. The door was broken off the hinges and red spray paint was used to write the phrases “stop supporting puppy mills” and “spay and neuter duder” onto the front of the building.”

Bruce: *Sighs* Where are your brothers, Damian?

*5 minutes later*

Damian: *Opens the back of the Uhaul. Dick, Jason and Tim are sleeping with the puppies* Father, please listen to me. They need our help…

Bruce: You have a good heart Damian, but how are you planning to care for all of them?

Damian: Titus will adopt them and become their father figure.

Bruce: Titus cannot take in a herd of puppies Damian, that just wont work. 

Tim: Says the man currently speaking to his own herd.

Jason: *Fist bumps Tim* 

Dick: *Holds up a puppy to Bruce’s face* This one’s name is R. Kelly cause he peed on Jason. He’s my favorite. 

[smutslutonao3]

Damian: Good morning! I hope you slept well Father. It sure is a lovely day outside. 

Bruce: *Eyes his son suspiciously*

*News anchors voice from a tv in the background*: “Last night four unidentified males were seen loading puppies from a popular pet store into a Uhaul on Grant Street. The door was broken off the hinges and red spray paint was used to write the phrases “stop supporting puppy mills” and “spay and neuter duder” onto the front of the building.”

Bruce: *Sighs* Where are your brothers, Damian?

*5 minutes later*

Damian: *Opens the back of the Uhaul. Dick, Jason and Tim are sleeping with the puppies* Father, please listen to me. They need our help…

Bruce: You have a good heart Damian, but how are you planning to care for all of them?

Damian: Titus will adopt them and become their father figure.

Bruce: Titus cannot take in a herd of puppies Damian, that just wont work. 

Tim: Says the man currently speaking to his own herd.

Jason: *Fist bumps Tim* 

Dick: *Holds up a puppy to Bruce’s face* This one’s name is R. Kelly cause he peed on Jason. He’s my favorite. 

[smutslutonao3]

Sirius: Trust fall.

Remus, from across the room: I'm not gonna catch you.

Sirius: Trust. Fall!

Remus: I said no-

Sirius: I'm falling!!!

Remus, diving over two beds to catch Sirius: MERLIN FUCK!