snailguy - Tumblr blog

[snailguy]

websites be like hold on you can’t exit our page until we’ve finished loading some ads for you lol

[snailguy]

a beautiful vision has just come to me….

A drag performance of They Both Reached for the Gun from Chicago. A drag king plays Billy Flinn and a drag queen plays Roxy.

peace and love this pride month

[snailguy]

I’m like if sisyphus had an audience

[snailguy]

me after 1 wine: this doesn’t taste very good actually

me after 2 wines: I’m gonna apply to jobs online now

[snailguy]

why is there always something wrong with the stupid little mortal form

[snailguy]

fucking crazy. mating ritual is just unwashed pussy and balls so potent you can smell it . we are freaks

[snailguy]

You’re still in “the good days” idiot. you’ll always be in “the good days”. your life will be filled with wonders up until the final moment dumbass.

[snailguy]

Target wants me to play with my pussyyyyyyyy

[snailguy]

why can I only ever do things in excess

[snailguy]

girls who look like anime boys 😍

[snailguy]

my taste in music?

oh yeah I like when it sounds like the drummer is on crack.

[snailguy]

the wife supporting me by coming to my work and telling me I’m doing great. me supporting the wife by emoji reacting like ‼️🔥👏 on her joke in the discord.

[snailguy]

[snailguy]

[snailguy]

trees really are angels don’t forget

[snailguy]

I hate making eye contact with people. however I love doing so with oncoming vehicle. I love to get a little insight into their minds. watcha gonna do little thing? turn right? turn left? or maybe you’re just signaling you’re in distress? shush shush it’ll be ok I whisper as the quivering Ford Escape lays her front bumper on my palm. she closes her headlights slowly and purrs a soft mechanical noise.

[snailguy]

soak me in scolding hot water, scrape at me with metal wool, then rinse me off in freezing water

need that shower head to boil me btw, sorry libs