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[snakehairedlady]

The foxes when they saw Neil after new year

[snakehairedlady]

very inspired by that one photo of sabrina carpenter & a guy we saw the other day on the sidewalk with a smoothie in one hand and a very confident pose 🥸

so neil josten. you know how it is

wips on patreon as always!

[snakehairedlady]

'I just want you to know who I am'

🎶 Iris | Goo Goo Dolls

Art credits : rottenbasil, sanexiah, @llstarcasterll , majordangerrr, lis_photoart, dshr_art

[snakehairedlady]

[snakehairedlady]

sometimes i suddenly remember that Andrew said "Kevin doesn't dance anymore and I never do". like. Kevin dancing. what did he mean by "anymore". what happened to dancing Kevin. would Kevin start dancing again after getting his Queen tattoo 'cause then he can be a dancing queen. a dancefloor queen. and the foxes can start betting on Kevin and Dan as in who would outdance whom

[snakehairedlady]

AFTG is a very good example of narrator bias, because if we didn’t get a book from Jean and Jeremy’s POVs we would have no way of knowing the world does not actually in fact revolve around one Andrew Minyard

[snakehairedlady]

Actually obsessed with the trojans (specifically Jeremy) calling out the weird ass language Jean and Kevin use. Like no it’s weird that Kevin casually talks about Jean submitting. It’s weird that a grown ass man insisted on being referred to as ‘the master’ by his team. Like we get used to it with the foxes bc they just talk Like That, but to any normal person it’s jarring as hell.

Like to me it really points out how everything, down to how the ravens talk, was a means of control and manipulation and how it’s so indicative of a the abusive culture of the nest

[snakehairedlady]

aaron watching andrew be forced to take a medication that will alter his mental state.

aaron seeing all andrew's nervous tics before he takes the first pill. aaron seeing how scared andrew is.

aaron sitting outside the bathroom door while andrew gets sick after trying to get off his meds the first time. when andrew finally comes out into the hall and sees aaron, he just walks right past him. "withdraw sucks doesn't it?" aaron says. "don't talk to me," andrew says back and aaron can't help but hate how tired and defeated andrew sounds.

[snakehairedlady]

How Nora wrote Jean and Jeremy puts into startling perspective how fucked up Neil's stay at Evermore was.

He would not and COULD NOT think about those eighteen days. It was so bad he can't even remember most of it.

I imagine that he only gets small flashbacks when something specific triggers him even later into his pro career.

[snakehairedlady]

jean saying this about Andrew I'm okay I'm okay I'm okay I'm not crying right now you are what the hell what the hell!??

[snakehairedlady]

jeremy “you’re my partner” knox and jean “if you tell him to submit, he will” yves moreau

[snakehairedlady]

we're all in agreement that one of the main reasons that riko is so continually brutal to jean is because he can't stand the idea of jean (owned property, worthless, pathetic, useless waste of space) ever being better than him at exy, right? like yeah he's a sadist who enjoys the torture & dehumanisation & pain at face value, but some tiny, furious part of riko moriyama must know that jean moreau is an exy prodigy. that if jean were ever allowed to play a game uninjured and free of pain, riko wouldn't stand an ice cube's chance in hell. right?

[snakehairedlady]

I've said it before and I'll say it again but Andrew going after Nicky for his rape jokes towards Neil was a response to his trauma not that he thought Neil was a babe

[snakehairedlady]

brat summer is over, let witch bitch autumn begin

[snakehairedlady]

"i want to end this"

Neil knew something was up with Andrew for the last few days. he was, a little off, he could say; he ate less, smoked more, and most importantly, left Neil more often.

Neil always respected Andrew's boundaries. hell, he acted, and felt, like Andrew's boundary are devine rules set by god,

but he also knew Andrew, so he was both surprised and not surprised when he heard him say "i want to end this"

𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵? that crossed Neil's mind.

𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘪 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘢 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵

𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘪 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘸𝘩𝘺.

Neil kept quiet. he wasn't exactly sure what was being ended. the sex? the night drives? it's not like he could end his feelings. if he could, he would do way before baltimore.

"ok" Neil said.

Andrew was quite for few second. Neil could swear he saw a flash of something near disappointed flash through Andrew's eyes.

"good" and with that he left a room.

Andrew woke up the next day on his own bed. well, he didn't fall sleep, but he was in his own bed, cold andlonely, because of a choice he made himself.

𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 he told himself. got out of bed and walk toward the kitchen.

if he hadn't woken up in his own bed, he would thing yesterday was all just an imagination, because everything was kinda, the same.

there was his coffee Neil usually made for him, and Neil himself sipping his own coffee and arguing with kevin over something Andrew didn't care enough to pay attention to. he felt like he was staring at his coffee too much to be normal. he considered not taking it, but he wasn't a fucking child, so he took his coffee and took a slow sip, like every other normal day.

they drove to the court, Neil sat in his usual seat next to Andrew.

he sat on the couch of the lobby in his usual place, again, next to Andrew.

another day passed, still the same.

his coffee was there.

Neil brought ice cream when he got back from his class, like he always did.

he showed him those stupid cat videos, like he always did.

turn the TV down and told everyone to shut up when Andrew was having a headache, like he always did.

days passed.

Neil would still let him know when he was gonna take longer runs so Andrew wouldn't get worried ( "I'm not dead, just running a bit more" Neil texted him right when he was ready to take his keys and go search for him."idgf" he replied, of course he didn't give a fuck. )

that was stupid. everything was stupid. Andrew ended this cause Neil is stupid and tolerates things he shouldn't. so why didn't he get the fuck away from Andrew when he had the chance? it sure as fuck wasn't for the convenience. Andrew is farr from being convenience, if not difficult as fuck to deal with. so why is he still hovering around, when there's nothing to hold him obligated? when he didn't have to and more importantly when no one was expecting him to. Andrew was eating himself alive with the thought of Neil forcing himself to handle Andrew.but because of what? he didn't know. they didn't have any deal, so it must be the obligation of whatever they had, right? Andrew knew the only form of emotional bound Neil had with anybody else beside the foxes, was his mother. he knew Neil would tolerate anything when he had to.

they went for night drives, like they always did. Andrew wanted to say no when Neil asked if they could go for a drive, but his yes was a reflex. Andrew knew he still had a heart because it sure as hell wasn't his brain that was dancing with the thought of night drive with Neil.

like it always did.

he heard footsteps when he was on the roof smoking.

Neil sat beside him. he didn't ask. he knew when it would be a no, and it was both humiliating and stupid that he knew today was not a no. and they days before. and every single day after the day when they finished their this.

"what the fuck is wrong with you."

"hm?" Neil looked at him, and he had the audacity to actually look confused.

"are you really this stupid, or you're just playing dumb? "

"you have to be more specific cause i do both of this on daily routine."

"Neil." wasn't it a nice day to murder the love of your life?

who u just ended things with and should act on it.

"are you talking about the movie night? i didn't-"

"Neil, why the fuck are you here."

"to smoke?"

he was hundred percent playing dumb.

"what the fuck is your game? trying to, what, exactly? are you fooling yourself into believing you know what's better for me, or did you assume i didn't mean it when i said this is over.

so much for your 𝘪 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘯."

"what the fuck. of course i know u meant it Andrew. and i said ok. i don't understand what is the problem you're referring to. do you want me to stay away from you? cause you didn't mention that part."

"are you so stupid you couldn't make that out yourself?"

"you know i don't assume things, Andrew. do you want me to stay away from you?"

Andrew couldn't believe this man.

"what I'm asking is how do you fucking not."

"why should i."

"you're so stupid."

"ok but you still didn't answer my question. if you want me to stay away from you, i will. you didn't say anything, you just said it's over and i said ok."

"and then you use your brain and find out that when something is over between you and someone else, then nothing holds you responsible for spending time with them."

"i know that."

"then why the fuck are you still here"

Neil didn't Answer.

𝘩𝘶𝘩

when Neil was quite for too long, Andrew turned to look at him.

𝘰𝘩 𝘪 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 that's the first thing that came to his mind when seeing the look on Neil's face.

he hated that look. that looked always meant Neil was about to say something that would make Andrew want to throw him off the building.

"Andrew, hey, look at me"

He sat on his Knees and scoot closer to Andrew

"i am, you blind"

"no, no, look at me, i am long, 𝘓𝘰𝘯𝘨 past the point of doing things i don't want to. i am long past just surviving, long past doing everything for a reason. I'm not here right now because , i don't fucking know, because i think i have to, or because i want something or because I'm expecting anything or any fucking other reason.

ask me why I'm here, and i say i don't fucking know. the closest reason i have is because it's you. because why shouldn't i. how could i not. you said let's end this, i said ok. i don't need to be in a relationship with you in order for you to know i care about you. or for myself to value my feelings for you. labeled or not, i like spending time with you, i like everything about you, actually, whether there's something between us or not. if you tell me you don't want me spending time with you, I'll accept it, doesnt matter how difficult it is for me, but you know i will. I'm happy right now. I'm happy just by being with you. you make me happ and you don't even have to do anything.

you underestimate my ability to leave. if i was unhappy, I'd be gone long ago, and you, you of all people know that. yeah yeah everytime i look at you i wish i could trade my soul for a kiss, but I'll still be happy to be by yourside even if we don't get to touch for the rest of our lives."

Neil thinks for a second then frowns a bit

"ok i don't know if I'd still be happy in a situation where you're with someone else, like, when someone else get to have this. i mean, you know I'm like, I'll never get in the way... wow that's so heavy to imagine give me a second i forgot what i was saying"

Andrew was not gonna give him a second. he would throw him off the building.

Andrew was ruined for everyone else the moment Neil said "if it means losing you, then no". he has fallen long long ago, and was willing to live with the burnt mark on his heart for the rest of his life.

how stupid,

of both of them, to not know.

Andrew was not gonna give him a second.

trade his soul, he said?

sure. Andrew was not gonn give him a second. he was gonna kiss his soul out of his body.

[snakehairedlady]

my cat is incredibly sweet and wants nothing more than to be within a 5 ft radius of a person at all times, gently chilling in your orbit. he is also VERY, VERY DUMB 

it’s a slow morning so husband and I are reading, not making much noise. meanwhile, Barold goes downstairs to use his box and when he comes out, he starts yowling like his lil heart done broke. husband goes to to the top of the stairs all worried like, “Barold, what’s wrong?”

kitty zips back up the stairs and just oozes onto husband’s feet, purring high-powered lawnmower style. the realization hit us both at the same time…

this. boy. this itty bitty kitty boy. 

he couldn’t see or hear us for ten continuous seconds, forgot. we. were. home. and immediately burst into tears !!!!