snakeysneakysnake - Tumblr blog

[snakeysneakysnake]

i will sexualise the horrifying and find the horror in the sexualised

[snakeysneakysnake]

[snakeysneakysnake]

As an adult you must cultivate the skill of “Gross! Oh, well. Not my business.”

[snakeysneakysnake]

nothing will make you think "i have got to get weirder" more than finally feeling comfortable enough around other people to admit to interests of yours that you think make you a freak and a weirdo only to realize with a combination of embarrassment and relief that you're like a normie to them

[snakeysneakysnake]

People talk about the surprise albums from people like Taylor Swift or Beyoncé that drop with zero warning but I have just been existing in this world where every album I've ever heard in my life has been a surprise album because I didn't know that musicians had schedules that we could see

[snakeysneakysnake]

the umbrella academy season 3/4 spoilers

i wanna talk about how dirty they did Luthers character in S4 (they were all done dirty but I wanna talk about him specially).

His entire plot was just "I'mma stripper! I'm bad at it! It's funny!"

I thought at the end of S3 when his wife Sloane blipped out of existence (which they didn't explain in S4 at all? If it was because she was a swallow then au Ben should have blipped too?) was going to be about Luther obsessively trying to find her by searching & asking around in different location marking them off as he goes for the past 6 years, not eating, sleeping, taking care of himself, shaving or showering and seeming crazy like:

and his whole arc would have been him having to let go and accept that she's gone (which could lead to a fight with Allison cus he could be like "you brought back you're daughter/ray why can't I have Sloane!" And yelling at au Ben like "why did we get this asshole but she disappeared?!").

would have also given him reason to go to the FBI hq with diego cus he'd be like "i can look in their files to see if they've seen sloane!"

Instead she was mentioned in passing like "Sloane would have loved these" and Luther had 0 plot

[snakeysneakysnake]

how did the Keepers even know about the Cleanse in the first place?

[snakeysneakysnake]

So in summary, after following deeply flawed but good-hearted characters during four seasons, after watching them struggle to overcome their traumas and become better people, the final message of Umbrella Academy is that if you're dysfunctional and your traumas affect those around you, the best thing you can do for them and the world is to never have been born.

Oh and also that your abusive asshole of a father was right to treat you like disposable trash your whole life.

Like wow, just wow… I'm honestly stunned right now cause I've seen plenty of shitty messages and show endings but I assure you that this is quite a performance.

[snakeysneakysnake]

apologies, i'm still angry abt TUA S4

so, if we take out all of the blatant issues with the season (character assassination, 'resolutions' that create more plotholes than they solve, rushed scenes that make no sense, side plots that go nowhere, raymond vanishing for no reason, etc etc), what are we left with? let's see:

fatphobia (multiple jokes made about 'chubby Diego', when David just looks hydrated and healthy)

SA played for jokes (it's clear that Klaus having sex while possessed is supposed to be funny, but he's being held hostage and forced to do this for money, when we already know he didn't even want his powers back??)

cheating

problematic / borderline problematic age gaps (either way you spin it, either Five is physically 20-26 while Lila is likely mid 40s, or Five is mentally 70s while Lila is mid 40s; Aidan was 19 while filming, and Ritu was 34)

waiting for the actor to come of age before introducing a romance (we already know what some fans can be like over Five/Aidan, this will not have helped; I would be horrified if I found out the show runners had planned a romance arc with a coworked 15 years older than me and then waited for me to turn legal age to execute it)

sexism (i was reluctant to call it that but i also don't know what else to call it - Lila basically had her agency stripped away to become the love interest two men fought over; Steve wanted Five to have a romance and didn't care who with - use Lila simply because she was there)

complete disregard of character trauma (klaus being buried alive despite it having been mentioned in every prior season that he was locked in a mausoleum by Reginald, including literally being left to die)

possible overstepping of an actor's boundaries (i've not been able to verify this, but i've seen it said that robert sheehan has requested not to do sex scenes?)

actors requests being ignored (David asked multiple times if the Lila cheating sideplot was required, but clearly it went ahead anyway)

bad cgi

that awful vomit montage

Reginald (im not quite calling it abuse forgiveness but uh. it's not far off tbh)

what did i miss? (im sure there's something)

[snakeysneakysnake]

For the first time in my life, I'm sober. And… happy. But most importantly, 100% poltergeist-free.

The Umbrella Academy: 1x04 | 2x07 | 3x07 | 4x01

[snakeysneakysnake]

I can't believe they specifically destroy what Five and Diego's relationship is based on: trust. They don't like each other that much, there are always disagreements between them, they don't have much in common... except when it comes to their fierce loyalty. They blindly trust each other for that reason alone. That's why when Diego tells Five: 'run, I'll cover for you.' Five has no doubts (except for his brother's safety) and when in S1 Five tells them that he will use his powers to get them out of there, Diego is the first to say: 'I'm in.'

[snakeysneakysnake]

cause wtf was that

[snakeysneakysnake]

And I'm playing Enderal again

Now I'm plaing for a phasmalist again, this is my third prophet

They are from left to right: a psychologically unstable young scientist, a widow-huntress with the character of a caring mom and a rabid werewolf pirate

It's funny that I'm writing a little fan fiction on Enderal not about Tarael and the prophet-scientist, whom I ship, but with a huntress, because who but a wonderful woman with a big heart will help rehabilitate after such a shit

it's clearly not worth waiting for help from a dude with addictions and depression:/

[snakeysneakysnake]

Useless rpgs recs. Videogames (not dating sims) where you play or you CAN play as a character who is wlw or mlm

Names and characters/explanations under cut (might contain minor spoilers):

Just a note, when I say romance I mean that there is actual story and plot related to it. Otehrwise for games like Fable or Skyrim (no romance) I will just write "Marry". For the romance games, a more detailed list of characters and romances can be found here.

Dragon Age Origins: You can romance Leliana (f) or Zevran (m) even with a character of their same gender

Dragon Age 2: You can romance all your companions (but Sebastian) indipendently from gender

Dragon Age Inquisition: You can romance Josephine (f) and Iron Bull (m) with any gender, and you can romance a lesbian character (Sera) or a gay character (Dorian)

Greedfall: You can romance Vasco (m) or Siora (f) with any gender

Dragon's Dogma: You can romance any character with any gender

Jade Empire: Sky (m) and Silk Fox (f) are romancable by any gender

Fable series: You can marry a character of your same gender

Skyrim: You can marry a character of your same gender

Enderal: You can romance Jasper (m) or Calia (f) as any gender

Pillars of Eternity: Deadfire: You can romance all your companions with any gender

Pendula Swing: The protagonist is canonically wlw, and you can romance male and female characetrs

Hero-U: The male protagonist can romance male characters too

Cyberpunk 2077: There are different flirts (female characters) that can be romanced by any gender, plus two full fledged romances a wlw and mlm one.

Expeditions: Viking: There is a female character (Roskva) and a male character (Ketill) who can be romanced by any gender.

Expeditions: Rome: There is a female character (Daianeira) and a male character (Caeso) who can be romanced by any gender.

Pathfinder Kingmaker: This game has multiple romances that can be romanced by characters of the same gender, mainly for wlw. Regongar is the one male character who can be romanced by any gender and also in a poly relationship with Octavia. Octavia, Kanerah, Kalikke, Nyrissa are the female characters romancable by any gender.

Pathfinder Wrath of the Righteous: Similar to Kingmaker, there are multiple characters romancable by male or female protagonists.

Rogue Trader: One male character and two female characters can be romanced by any gender.

Gamedec: Ken Zhou is the only romance option in game and can be romanced by any gender.#

Black Geyser: The romances are minimal, but there are multiple female and female characters romancable by any gender.

Always sometimes monsters (and sequel): you choose both the gender of the protagonist and the one of the romance.

Divinity Original Sin: If you play alone you control two characters who can end up in a romance (not fully written, almost subtle) indipendently from their gender.

Divinity Original Sin 2: All the companions can be romanced by any gender.

Disco Elysium: If you choose specific dialogue choices it is revealed that the protagonist (Harry) is attracted to men.

Baldur's Gate 1 and 2, enhanced edition: The enhanced edition adds Dorn and Hexxat who can be romanced by the same gender.

Baldur's Gate Siege of Dragonspear: Two romance options are not gender locked.

Baldur's Gate 3: All the companions are romancable by any gender, plus there are some more flirts/less developed romances.

Assassin's Creed Odyssey: Multiple characters through the game are not gender locked for romance.

Eternal Home Floristry: You play as a gay man.

80 Days: The protagonist (a man) is clearly in love with a man, you can also romance a male character.

The Technomancer: You play as a male character, one of your romance option is mlm.

Sorcery!: If you play as a male character you can still romance Flanker, who is also a man and is the one romance option in the game. If you play as a female character there are some dialogue choices that can establish your character as wlw.

Knight Bewitched: The protagonists are two women in love.

Dreamfall The Longest Journey: One of the protagonists (Kian) is a gay man.

Dreamfall Chapters: Kian and Saga are respectively a gay man and a pansexual woman.

Newfound Courage: The protagonist is a gay boy, but also the whole game is about being queer.

Haven: You play as a couple of lovers, who can be two women or two men.

Fallout 4: Some of the romance options are not gender locked.

Morrowind: There is a mod to romance (links of all mods here).

Solstice: Visual novel but not dating sim, you play as two characters and one of them is a gay man.

Mass Effect Trilogy: multiple companions (nb, f or m) can be romanced with any gender.

Mass Effect Andromeda: multiple companions can be romanced wtih any gender.

Hades: The protagonist (the son of Hades) can romance a male character (and enter into a poly relationship).

Icewind Dale II: mods

Icewind Dale: mod (one male character who can be romanced by a male protagonist).

GAMES I FORGOT (EDIT):

The Red String Club: you play as two gay men who are a couple.

Please keep in mind that this is the post I constantly update:

[snakeysneakysnake]

the autism creature

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jesus in the hades art style

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Fortune