snarkicorn - Tumblr blog

[snarkicorn]

"Not all here is monstrous." Blackfern Girls is now available on #Kindle #BlackfernGirlsBook #GhostStories http://thndr.it/11D982B

[snarkicorn]

Snarkicorn finds his awkward gingery baldness and even awkwarder parenting humor hilariously attractive.

How to parent. [via]

[snarkicorn]

An insensitive rant about excessive sharing and lists and humble-bragging:

If you're not going to kick one at the end of the summer? Guess what you DON'T FUCKING NEED?

<hearts and flowers and pink scripty font>My Summer Bucket List</hearts and flowers and pink scripty font>

The whole name "BUCKET LIST" from the expression "to kick the bucket," which (thank you internet rabbit hole of wheredidmytimego) has unclear origins which ALL POINT TO DEATH. My favorite is from Wikipedia:

That is some grim shit, friends.

So when you Facebook about catching fireflies and going to pie-eating contests and putting glow sticks in mason jars and lighting voodoo dolls on fire on the beach with your besties and how it's "so on my Summer Bucket List," I assume you are dying.

Which makes me cry in my beer.

Seriously? Who needs a list for having fun in the summer? Get off Instagram and Tumblr (...wait...) and swing in a hammock.

Speaking of, I'm going to make a giant cocktail and hit my deck, leaving you with my bucket list.

[snarkicorn]

I started to write about this:

The rain, pouring like a waterfall. Me in the yard, wearing nothing but a red sweater, sodden and heavy, leaving one shoulder bare and me naked below the waist. You on the porch, dry hands on the wooden railing, unable to look away. I’m cold in the wet sweater, but...

[snarkicorn]

“I don’t say homosexuality is an abomination, Sir, the bible does.”

[snarkicorn]

#whenever i see a pic of dany and jorah together i like to pretend they’re judging people’s outfits

[snarkicorn]

More quotes which rock the pants off this article:

"Careless, indeed, to overlook a giganta-craze bubbling up from the gates of hell."

"My human sources on this topic — the 20- and 30-somethings who would still answer questions after I grabbed their shoulders and screamed, “What is the MATTER with your COHORT?!” — tell me that it appears the Gender Reveal Party is here to stay."

and this, which is the Snarkicorn's favorite, because YES:

"And while I’m in the neighborhood, the party also lives next door to Sloppy Vocabulary Lane. Because what we actually are revealing here is sex. Not gender, but sex. Biological and physiological characteristics, not a social construct. Sorry, but some of us are picky that way even if you are too squeamish to have a Sex Party. Hey, it wasn’t me deciding to make a big public event out of a sweet private joy and then slapping a misnomer on the whole shebang."

[snarkicorn]

I have the most amazing news, you guys! But I can't tell you 'til the first Thursday of the full moon— Oh, fuck it. I'm just going to tell you.

Here's a novel idea: when you are ready to share your exciting secret, just freaking share it. The build up you think you're creating on Twitter and Facebook? It's only going to make your amazing announcement anticlimactic and awkward.

[snarkicorn]

I am tired of the Shaming of Innocents, Moms, Babies, Pets... Let's start shaming people who deserve it. Like Politicians and Mean Girls and Gym Grunters.

[snarkicorn]

Snarkicorn's Banned Words List

The following words are hereby banned from Snarkicorn (Because when we're psyched for you? It's 100% vodka-and-high-fives time. None of your gushing here.)

beautiful, lovely, beyond, thrilled, incredible, wonderful, grateful, honored, magic, adore

[snarkicorn]

Nature Box just sounds like bad porn.